Bible Verse About Marriage Between Man And Woman – 10 Bible Verses About Marriage

Bible Verse About Marriage Between Man And Woman – 10 Bible Verses About Marriage
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Video Transcript

welcome to intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective podcast where we meet experts from all walks of life to learn their intrinsic motivation so that they can share it with the world what do we have in store today stay tuned to find out more good morning good evening good everybody out there in podcast land you are in tune to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I am David and today I’m doubly excited to speak with this couple when I first had come across them it made me think of freshman year and people get a lot of Flyers on their wall and it’s every topic and in between and this couple has just written a book about radical sex gods foundation for a healthy marriage and I’m like oh man this is some fraternity that’s trying to get over on some freshmen girls and then when I dug a little deeper I was like wow they have over 40 years they’ve been married for over 40 years they’ve been married for 48 years actually and they’ve been in the ministry the Christian ministry for over 40 years and so this is something that was goes way beyond just the surface of the topic of sex it’s actually what what is God’s foundation for a healthy marriage and what can you do to make that happen for you and your loved one for your partner and then the other part that made me really excited because I thought this would never happen but this couple has the same name as my mom and dad that is so phenomenal for me I can’t wait to speak with this wonderful guests we have Rene and Gloria Valliere and they’re going to talk about radical sex gods foundation for a healthy marriage welcome to the podcast thank you thanks for having us yeah thanks for being there can’t believe I can’t believe it we are we have the same name as your parents like right Oh Rene a Gloria Wow who do I’ve never heard that before no David laughing well I think David’s laughing a little bit because our first one of our first podcast we talked about God winks and there’s the school of no accidents and so for this to happen on the surface it’s like oh yeah of course it was supposed to happen on our podcast yeah I actually I think that God was saying does black be said for it I don’t believe there are coincidences absolutely and that’s a perfect segue to to jump right in with both feet because we’re talking about a subject matter that usually is talked about behind closed doors and it could be one of the major reasons why there is such a high rate of divorce but I’m going to defer to the experts to talk a little bit about your backgrounds and what made you want to write this book in the first place well background we we we were high school sweethearts back way back way back in the day and we got married right after college we’ve been married or you said 48 years going on 49 pretty soon and basically we were I was a teacher I was an English high school English teacher for a number of years went into the ministry full time pastor started a couple churches then left the ministry and became an IT manager and but always stayed involved in in ministry working with particularly young couples young men particularly for me and we basically wanted to share what the Lord has taught us over forty eight years of marriage things that he’s shown us that could be a help to to young couples out there particularly but all couples who want to go from a good marriage to even better marriage and so we that’s why I wrote the book my husband his background is that he has been a Bible teacher for over 40 years so he’s been instructing couples and groups on various topics for a long time um probably maybe around eight years ago we had our own personal metamorphosis if you want to call it in our marriage although we had a very very good marriage but we really um came to the place will realize how important sex was in our own personal marriage and learned a lot from what God says what he’s taught us and his word about what that looks like and we wanted to share what we’ve learned with other people so the book is not really a personal story as such although there’s a little bit of our story in there it’s mostly what God says a marriage should be in in the the pivotal place of sex in a marriage and I have to tip my hat off to you because you guys were highschool sweethearts and then got married after college which is which was once upon a time the standard way of meeting your lifelong partner and in 2019 and over the past decade a lot of people have actually ruined their marriages because they had gotten back on social media wondering what happened to that high school sweetheart and kind of lit the fire which was inappropriate at that time and I want to get your take on on that because you guys were pretty linear and you knew the direction that you wanted to go and on the other side with the social media is that you have people that thought that they were going to ride out to sunset together but they or maybe not on the same page anymore yeah that’s a good point I really thought about that but social community has a lot of good and a lot of not so good so there is a when you get married there is a there’s a commitment and a understanding and there’s a giving and a taking in a in a sharing of rights and responsibilities which we maybe could get into later but you make a good point that just about everybody in their marriage at one point or another feel unsatisfied or dissatisfied I guess is the word and therefore they we all tend to maybe look elsewhere and that what that will get us get us in trouble for sure as far as our marriage is so that’s that’s a good point but the feeling of unfulfillment in a marriage is pretty common and what we say in our book is that we have you have to fight through that it’s it takes a tremendous amount of effort it takes commitment but most of all it takes love and so we are feeling for those those people who who feel unsatisfied and we’ve written our book for those for those couples particularly so that they can understand that sex is really the foundation not just an added element to it all the other elements of a marriage but what sex is the foundational part of America I know I love it good Danza well I love the fact that you said it’s a foundation because there is a really ugly joke that I’d like to share and get your point because the the joke goes why is a woman smiling while she’s walking down the aisle because she doesn’t have to have sex with her husband anymore we’ve had that discussion and maintain many times and it is kind of a joke we chuckle at a week just a couple young people that we know just got married and and we love them but it’s if they were in for you know a lifelong commitment and effort and working through those those rough times in you have no idea when you first get married um what really is going to come your way and you think that you’re putting the tour and you’re madly in love and you can handle anything but you will soon find out that it’s not quite that way and what we discovered is that sexual intimacy just has a way of canceling out some of the immaturity that comes with being newly married or even later on for that matter it’s a process of growth and you need that sexual intimacy to um get rid of the problems so why would you say this is the only God says that this is the one reason to get married why I guess you know again this is from a Christian perspective but the only reason to get married is that we can do the big message to youth groups I don’t know if you grew up in a church but if you grew up in the church there’s these youth groups and they just major on preaching abstinence before marriage and saving yourself for marriage and and all that and that you know we’re all for that but what’s what that does is gives young people this negative view of sex and so they bring this this attitude of sex which is negative into the into the marriage and they don’t know what to do with it after that and so so as far as a Christian is concerned you’re supposed to keep yourself towards to marriage which we think it’s a good thing but but but what we don’t understand is that you can do anything as a Christian you can do anything you can have shared interest you can have great conversations you can you can you can even be roommates you can live together you can even adopt kids these days you can do everything that’s that you could do outside of marriage now in this in this world but have sex as a Christian and in God’s under God’s God’s direction so you can do and so therefore we said it’s the only reason God says it the only reason to get married is there’s only one reason you we should put it this way the only there’s only one reason you need to get married as a Christian if you’re going to save yourself or your spouse is sex that is the only reason there is no other reason you could do everything else without getting married gotcha thanks for that clarification because a the question that comes to mind now is that like you said you’re doing everything else but it I was just watching the TV show last night Operation Blue Book that had just started and it’s set in the 1950s where you had a traditional household nuclear family where the husband went off to work and the wife kind of waited at home and in 2019 you fast forward and those roles obviously have metamorph tremendously and so when you’re looking at a foundation of sex and intimacy and you’re also competing against the 24 hours in a day that seems to get shorter and shorter especially for a new marriage so how would you navigate through those through that landline what I would say is that you have to have the priority of facts as being in your marriage has got to be number one so in other words you can have you can actually have sex they timed it and you can have sex in like 13 minutes so it’s really not all that time-consuming but people kind of make it like it’s such a big deal oh I don’t have time for that but they have time to watch their favorite next licks or they have time to go to the gym go to the gym which is a big priority these days and they will say that because of two working spouses they don’t have the time for sex but in reality 30 minutes is really a small amount of time to give to the most important thing you can do for your marriage it’s it’s like a 13mm I mean we looked up on the internet what’s the average time per Section some random number came up 13 minutes but so let’s say let’s be generous and say it’s 30 minutes I mean so we have this thing called Netflix and chill now and so it says we’re going to watch Netflix in in place of sex and we’re saying that’s the the investment in your marriage and the long-term commitment and that thing that is going to stick you together for life is not going to be the next Netflix show it’s going to be investing in each other in in intimacy that’s going to be the investment that’s going to help your marriage and give it a solid foundation it’ll because it will produce security and love and commitment and and a bonding and an understanding it will give you a caring for one another that nothing else can give you so that you can overlook those little things that annoy you that you can’t because you have these you have these annoyances and if you haven’t had sex for a while those annoyances seem a lot bigger than if you’ve had sex frequently so it means really an investment in your marriage what’s more important that Netflix show going to the gym or investing in marriage and that’s that’s that’s a big part of our book actually oh well let me have to give you some pushback with the gym because when yang first hit when you first get married you braids you guys are let’s just say your optimum his physique let’s say and then I mean you guys that’s why I love talking to you guys I mean you’ve been married and congratulations to you going on 49 years which is phenomenal and you may not look the way you did when you graduated from high school so there is the argument that both couple I mean that the couple should go to the gym that works out together they stay together because they still find themselves each other desirable yeah I’m totally for going to the gym I’m totally for taking care of yourself physically Renee and I spend a lot of time make sure he runs I walk we lift weight by sex is first and if you do that first it’s just amazing you’ll help each other make sure you get your exercise in because you do need to look as best you can for your spouse and also it makes you healthier to take care of your body so I’m totally for that awesome repitch mmm so let me ask a question here based on everything that you’ve been saying so it is there any room for just I mean as human beings you know or and just living in the world is there any room for you no I’m just not in the mood tonight but and not making that as any kind of problem because some might say hey you know I like ice cream but I don’t want to necessarily eat it every day okay thank you yeah that yeah you know we we totally agree in fact the book we make it a big point that illness aging travel and so many other circumstances getting away we’re just saying make it a priority do the best you can realize it’s the priority and basically the Bible the entire the entire book is based on four verses of the Bible first Corinthians 7:2 through five and basically says it’s really what we’re saying be ready for sex it’s really it’s a it’s an attitude of love and compassion toward your spouse and being ready when your spouse is ready so therefore if you’re both not ready that’s okay that’s okay we’re saying that’s fine okay but don’t let it be consistently and don’t let excuses get in a way because it is so important to the to the busy health of the marriage going forward but yes it’s fine if we’re good actually it’s more you don’t have to have sex every day but you need to be ready for sex every day just just in case your spouse is really desiring it at that particular time the norm today is that people give in to I don’t really feel like it today more than they say let’s do it and I hate to pin this just on women but I think at least for myself there was there were a lot of years when I was selfish in that regard and you know I was just tired but actually if you take time to have sex it will actually you you won’t be tired after you have sex you will be invigorated so I think we use a lot of excuses because we’re just kind of selfish people you said it glory I did not record it I wouldn’t have said it I’m actually I’m gonna play devil’s advocate for a second I’m going to stand in your corner for a second Gloria because you were mentioning early on that was the case now from a biology standpoint I’d love to get you guys feedback and that when women really come into their own as far as sexually it’s not until when they reach their sexual peak it’s not into the the low to mid-30s whereas a guy is at his prime in his early 20s so sometimes but there is that trade-off where one person may be more into it than the other it’s not necessarily I’m being selfish it’s just by a biological issue potentially yeah totally totally true we we understand that there’s seasons in marriage or one the seasons every day in marriage I mean it’s a daily thing because if somebody is not feeling right a little bit off a little depressed you know and the other one the other spouse if they’re we believe they’re having sex and communicating about sex frequently they’ll pick up on these cues and they’ll know when to back off to maybe they need some comfort you know these these are things that just dance to go through through life so it’s going to be a given a take on both sides throughout your marriage and there are seasons big seasons yeah I mean we read men reach their sexual peak at 18 so it’s all downhill from 18 so so there’s there is a that give and take in different seasons but that’s a daily thing also yes we’re totally agree I would say for me it was more getting an understanding of what God really called me to and marriage when I was you know dating my husband and first married I really had no idea what God called me to what the commitment really involved I just kind of thought oh nice house picket fence and eventually a couple kids but there are actually responsibilities in marriage and facts is the primary responsibility if you want to have a healthy marriage and if you truly want to stay together now we have throwaway marriages being married in fact the average time for marriage is about eight years and things aren’t going well time to throw that person away and start over again and yeah that’s interesting and it seems like your approach is a very mature approach Rene and Gloria and so and being married for forty eight years you have you know a body of work there so to speak and so what do you what is your take on you know we’re growing and maturing throughout our life so what is your take on two people and I’m obviously in your case you were high school sweethearts so how do you feel about when people should get married you think it’s all right for them to get married because me personally I’m thinking people should wait a little bit and maybe get to the late latter of 20s before they should get married every time I see people that are like 21 and 22 getting married to each other I always want to know just later with a way to you grow and mature a little bit then you know go ahead and get married so what is it up on that well one of the problems we have we can address I think in our culture in the church and we dress we just would both in our books is the problem is that a lot of young men particularly and so now the young whimpering into pornography pretty early on and they develop certain patterns and and you know whatever your moral stance on pornography of course as a Christian we we have we have a definite stance on that but the anecdotal evidence is clear that pornography is not good for a marriage in it so if a guy is into habitual porn over a long period of time before they get married and then they get married there is a a habit that has been developed that and I can’t imagine me as I haven’t been there that has to be incredibly hard to overcome so we’re actually in favor of throwing early marriage in the sense that that you get married when you’re immature and mature together is better than perhaps maturing I think it’s a faster maturing when you get together thoroughly also also I think that the point I think born is a real we listened to your podcast on that gentleman who talked about has a privacy policy problem yeah and and it was really revealing to us and it was really moving and you know so we we definitely addressed that in a book and and it’s it’s an issue I think it’s an issue no matter where you take a stand on on pornography so that everybody might have some response I keep waiting to get married and that’s another one consideration another good reason for daily sex or for having sex more in your marriage would be the issue of pornography would be the issue of infidelity in any way if the spouse knows they’re going to be able to have sex with their spouse whenever they need or want to then some of those other drives like pornography or another person are not going to be such a draw because you know that your spouse is going to have sex with you yeah when we get into problems is when we particularly if either the husband or otherwise they if they haven’t had sex in a while and there’s no prospect for sex in the near future there is this causes attention and then it actually can result often an anger or frustration and this is this is a dangerous place to be and opens up the individuals for emotional Affairs physical Affairs and pornography and satisfying the sexual urges come farther than with their spouse if we believe God has called us to you I’m sure and you had that’s why I’ll just letting you guys go on with your stream of consciousness those are some of the questions I was going to ask you and but the other side is is let’s say there was that dry spot in the in the relationship and either the spouse the wife or the husband did turn and met down that road what are some ways that you could pull them back so that you guys are back on the same page after you know we are you know our marriage we’ve been married nearly 49 years now and it’s been it’s been up and down it hasn’t been one smooth sailing thing we don’t want to give that impression at all it it took us 40 years to figure this thing out a little better than we did previously so it takes a long time so we have nothing but compassion and understanding and totally understand dry spells we get that first we have to t-shirt so both areas there is a process that that the commitment keeps you going and then the christian marries you have a commitment a contrast and a covenant relationship so it’s a three tiered commitment and you keep on relying and and falling back on that covenant relationship that you have under under God and and that is the thing that drew us back when we had some rough rough spots forgiveness is key committing ourselves to God’s care committing our marriage to God’s care I’m trying to live out the gospel as best we could those things kind of brought us back to Center and helped us navigate those those difficult times and there certainly is not already answer for someone who has already been in pornography and this is okay in common right now they’ve been into pornography before they even got married and then they get married and they have to navigate from you know on the progress to an actual person and there’s problems with this but I believe that if there’s a real commitment in the marriage and they start having daily sex if that partner who has the prerogative problem knows that their spouse is always wedding to have sex with them it’s going to help keep them away from the porn and if your insane ideas that just good cause that also goes through you know multiple partners or whatever going to marry but marriage you when you get married is from our viewpoint if you’re making a commitment to someone to live this life together and how are we going to live this life together it’s an important step yes what your thoughts your thoughts on the pendulum because it sounds like the pendulum had come to the other end of the spectrum decades ago generations ago like you said you had that foundation and and there was an understanding that maybe not having sex every day but it was going to be very frequent and then it seemed like you know the 60s and 70s there may have been an awareness or just a resentment that this other person may have taken advantage of me and they’re having sex and I’m not really enjoying it it’s one-sided and then you know we go to the other end of the spectrum where you’re talking about pornography and such and then you have a book that has just come out that’s kind of saying hey let’s go back to the original amande remember the tenants that that helped the healthy marriage in the first place yeah yeah that’s as a husband and wife starting off and being on the same page and all the different elements in marriage particularly on intimacy that’s that’s difficult if you’re hardly ever on the same page that’s why we really and truly feel after all these years and after basically 40 years of trying to figure this out this marriage thing out we have come to the realization that the thing that centers us the thing that keeps us grounded the thing that reminds us of our covenant relationship and the thing that that holds us together during the storms and when we’re not on the same page is that frequent and reciprocal sex that’s the sexy foundation if if we can get that right than these other parts of marriages that we may disagree in how to raise their kids we may disagree on jobs it moves or holidays or money or we have all these different disagreements about all these different issues in life but if we can maintain and realize that intimacy is is going to be that thing which centers us and gives us a reason to be together and a purpose to be of it we can work out those other things you really believe that and that’s been our experience really every time you come together sexually you are three committed you are you’re sane I commit to you again and it’s just a beautiful thing and what we try to emphasize is God is very sex positive he starts the Bible with the wedding Yemeni he ends the Bible with a wedding and the in Revelation 19 he Jesus’s first miracle was at a wedding he’s very wedding positive he’s very sex positive the first commandment Adam and Eve was to be fruitful and multiply number one commandment that was the first commandment he says I had lots of sex they have a lot to get and the first institution he instituted in Genesis 2 was a man shall leave his mother and father cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh and the definition of the Institute of marriage one flesh that he didn’t say one soul one soul mate one mind he said one flesh and so it’s it’s really his definition and I believe his is is the thing that sustains us so I have a I deal with some I do marketing and so I work with a local health food store and the other day we were looking at this company out of Germany they are introducing insect protein bars which is weird right because we’re not used to it here in States and then we were looking at the meat based protein bars as well and in both companies they were the argument was the the population boom that’s happened globally and can we sustain it and you were mentioning at the beginning of time it was be fruitful and multiply argue or you given the position that yes you should have sex with your life but you should also procreate as much as you want to or are you saying you should do it just for the activity and intimacy what’s your take on the our population boom that we’re having wow I guess I never thought about that be honest yeah so this is right off the cuff I mean I don’t know I we have no problem with birth control or anything like that we always know they have no problem whatsoever we limiting family size but so that’s that’s that’s no problem whatsoever yeah that is something outside of my expertise for sure as far as how what size population can the earth actually sustain in population I have no idea where that’s at be honest with you we didn’t actually start to have children until we were married seven years and then we had three back to back and then and we now also have six grandchildren I don’t think we thought about that or maybe planned it out that way but as my husband says we have no problem with people limiting their size of their family or if they choose to have a large family I mean I really kind of think that’s pretty individual well in that same token with with like I like my family we were all together as well and so when you said that seven years I think it kind of leads to what David was asking initially it’s that seven years not that it has to be for everyone but you really got to learn about your spouse as opposed to having children right away and that’s that’s what I hear as far as the in frequency of sex happening because the children are there now yeah in fact we were just talking about this today that we we were really glad that we waited seven years before we had kids to get to know each other even though we were highschool sweethearts and knew each other a long time before we got married actually waiting those seven years really gave us an opportunity to to to mature and and we just talked about that today and said boy it’s a good thing you didn’t have kids when we were when we were younger so yeah and then when kids come that just complicates things for sure there’s no doubt about it but at the same time we have friends and even family members who got married very young and had children right away and you know it worked out for them so I can’t really say that every person should wait as we did in our case it was the right thing to do I hit a career at that point I was a teacher and I wanted to teach at the end of that seven-year period I had come to the place where I really wanted to teach my own children and that’s somebody else’s that goes to my next question can I fall into this category and a lot of my colleagues do we were more of the growing in the corporate environment right and then you know these artificial years past and then there was like this huge rush before the women turned 30 or 40 and so they you know they wanted to get married but they also had their ties to their job and so where do they spend their time and then if they if they are you know older then do they actually have that time at 7 hour or a 7 year window like you two had because we’re dealing with nature as well and the probability of having a healthy child yeah yeah that those are those are individual decisions that each couple has to make and how they how they navigate through childcare which is a huge concern versus career those are those are the decisions we made but the decisions we made are not for everybody now sure like scoria says she worked as a teacher for ten years or so there’s seven years before we asked kids and and we had a bunch of kids and she she stayed home and then she went back to teach for a while so yeah so everybody has to make their own decisions and it’s difficult it’s difficult it’s difficult time for sure I think you I personally I personally had I got my master’s in education and in the thought process behind it was one was positioning but the other one was you know if my wife wanted to travel because of her job and those type of deal I just knew the difference that my my mother was home during our formative years and when I when I was teaching I could look at taught second grade and just looking across the classroom you can see who was getting the attention and who wasn’t so you know it’s important that you guys are in the same page with me when you open it Lee you want to have the intimacy but when the children come the the Rubik’s Cube keeps turning yeah yeah we had glory was a kindergarten first grade teacher primarily so she saw the same thing yeah and um I did really I was fortunate in the sense that I did really love my career but I really couldn’t mix pain teacher and taking care of my own kids I had a short period of time where I went back to work because Rene was in school to get more education for a better job basically and I had to go back for about a year and a half so I was juggling kind of being a mom of three kids and teaching and for me personally it wasn’t a happy situation I was glad when that year and a half was up and I could go back to just being a full-time mom I was fortunate I liked staying home I liked being a mom I like doing household things some women don’t they really want to be out of the home it’s a very individual thing if I if you don’t mind if I can ask a personal question every day did you know if she could cook before you decided to get married because the professional women either don’t have time or like Gloria said they don’t have the desire to be that play that role yeah in fact I always tease Gloria that’s a reason I married her is because she our first date she took me to her grandmother’s house for New Year’s dinner and then a big Italian family and I can’t I came from from this french-canadian family that that was our meals were meat potatoes and vegetable and here I had his steak and pasta and oil and all these things I didn’t know anything about and when I finished that meal I said I’m going to marry this woman if she the grandmother and that’s what happened and she’s a great cook but I knew that before we get married I have to laugh as Klingon cheek because we’re talking about the two ends of the spectrum the traditional husband and wife right and we’ve gone to the other side Borman like I had a full day of work to do you mean so these delivery service can only do but so much blue ribbon here we come exactly that’s that’s a big deal today for a lot of couples especially morning women again they they do find it really difficult to come home and cook and because I did do my career and my children at the same time and so I went through the process of working and having to come home too and it’s done it’s exhausting but again you got to decide what your priorities are yep and do it when you’re young well I think Renee said something that I definitely want to hone in on because I do believe and this was brought to my attention by a family member my twin sister actually she has mentioned that you don’t really know anyone and she spend the holidays with him so right the fact that you were there you met the family and all and you saw that okay she she’s also being groomed as to you know maybe taking care of him in or even had that capability where as though he’s population that doesn’t go through that traditional upbringing anymore yes true I remember I my father took me aside I when we met I was 15 years old Gloria was 14 years old and and so my father took me inside the son you know how to how to tell what your wife is going to be like when when they get older is look at their mother one of the glories I looked at Gloria’s mother I said wow she’s beautiful yes I said I’m definitely a good that turned out to be true so yeah the true we can’t we went the tradition over we totally and we totally have compassion for those who try to navigate dating online dating these days and we were out of that that that we don’t we understand because we’ve walked through some young people in our ministry to help them navigate some of these things but it’s a whole different world where people are meeting and they don’t have the context of a home now we had a home town that you know large Italian population in our home town there was a lot of tradition growing up in the 50s a dating in the early 60s so we had that context we came from the same part of the city we went to Catholic schools and she Laurie went to call girls school I went to an all-boys school it was a different world where we had a context so that we could relate to one another we knew basically where each one was coming from now people meet online coming from totally different cultures and when they talk even though it’s English they may not be talking the same language because of and very difficult totally get it mm-hmm absolutely is that’s where I have to ask the next question as far as preference for small town versus large city because the tradition as you mentioned if it’s in the large city you had used the I think it was a stat of marriage less than eight years whereas generations ago like no we’re going to do this forever and the other side was I you could tell that they resented each other even though they were married for 80 years and so you have people now saying I you know what I’m just going to try my look again and hopefully I’ll find the right mats this time so I guess that was two parts as far as you know what’s your take on dealing with the social media apps and does that take away some of the intimacy because of the readiness of meeting new part potential partners yeah I think we’ve had people who have been successful with online dating and we’ve known people haven’t we have yeah the traditional we’re going to stick together you know each other I’m not going to talk together we’ve seen that too and I and in our journey here what we would say is that if both people are have the same values and for us it would be putting Christ at the center of our lives as both people have the same core value that it makes it a lot easier so when when we advise people if if your core value is your relationship with with Christ and both of you have that core value you’re going to probably have a better chance of getting through the rough spots than those who have values that are different from one another hmm so when you talk about like say for example having sex on a daily basis you know it people’s ideas every has maybe a definition the definition for sex so are you talking about having intercourse or just some kind of form of intimacy we’re really talking about we’re talking about intercourse if possible yeah we have a lot of older friends or aging and they always ask this question the same question and you know these people are in their 60s 70s 80s you know so obviously we’re going to say well it may look a little different the galangal area um that’s that’s true um we’re advocating on facts you know full-on intimacy but as my husband says sometimes that isn’t possible sometimes people reach a point where that isn’t so possible anymore particularly every single day so we’re advocating um touching caressing as far as you can go in the physical it’s possible we’re saying when you get to be our ages don’t stop which often is the case as people grow older sometimes they have attitudes I don’t need that anymore well you need it and you need it a lot so we’re advocating as much as possible yeah I would add I would add that that yeah because of Aging particularly illness obviously people go through some horrific illnesses cancer and such obviously that’s going to change their sexual habits and frequency but generally speaking all things being equal touch is very important right to the very end there’s been lots of research on touch a lot of studies done on the benefits of touch we had a friend who whose ministry was to nursing homes and they would go in and hold people’s hands and pray with them and read them the Bible or sing songs to them and it was a it was a it was the wonderful ministry because some of these people never got touched you know except for occasionally by a caregiver yeah I want to I want to go to the opposite end of that spectrum because at the beginning of this podcast I had mentioned college and there are some parts some people that are living in their second go through of college and I’m talking about at the senior citizen centers where they are the growing numbers of STDs continue to grow and it on one level it just seems like like you were saying they weren’t getting that touch of intimacy and they’re in their initial marriage and now they’re I guess reselling their Wild Oats yeah that’s interesting we looked at we looked into retirement community in Arizona 55 and older retirement community I just turned 70 last month and so you know we’re looking into you know where we’re gonna we’re going to retire so we think an Arizona believe we have a daughter down there and it’s warm which appeals to and the this particular which go unnamed retirement community has the highest STD levels of the entire state per capita fight it was shocked it was shocking to us I mean we’re kind of naive to begin with but that was that was pretty shocking to us so you totally right that I think viagra and all those drugs have given some people a second second wind I guess second wings if your Wizard spouse is to be with your side with your spouse we’re saying have as much sex as you can possibly have but if you’re going around spreading STDs and that’s sexist that’s an entirely different matter that’s it we’re not promoting it I remember when my uh my grandparents were thinking of retirement community and my Grandmama’s like no you’re not gonna live with those hussies because right I mean to be honest girls live a lot girls are smarter than guys from elementary and as we get older girls live longer than guys and so the bad another bad joke is that you know we we both have dementia and I have viagra and you have plastic surgery and we don’t even know what to do with it yeah yeah it was surprising yeah yeah it’s um shocking it’s shocking yeah we yeah we have stories but we won’t we won’t share so I mean you’re advocates and obviously you you definitely walk the walk and talk to talk with the forty-nine years let’s just say a family or a couple did try and they met ask you know they only were able to get to that 25 year mark and for whatever reason it just didn’t work and it was they record they just realized they went their separate ways how would they you know some people just write it off then other people get married right right away is there a correct approach or how would they look at it in that do I look for another partner and the other maybe just the mortality like I don’t want to grow over long unfortunately on the statistics don’t prove to be very good for second and third marriages there are often more divorces in second and third and I think the reason for that is they never really grew and got past issues that they had and they bring those same issues into the second and third marriages and therefore those marriages don’t make it and particularly for in their and their sex like a lot of we’ve read different people’s meditations reflections on first marriages failure and a lot of it is due to lack of sex in the first marriage and so they want to do in fact on the back cover a book I’m looking at it now it says this book is for you if and I list we list a bunch of stuff and last one is if you want to do married sex gods away the second time around so I think from what we’ve read that people it kind of a wake-up call after the first marriage fails and a lot of people realize lis sex was an important part of marriage but it wasn’t an important important part of their first marriage and they want to do it differently in the in the second and so we we think that don’t do it God’s Way and and we believe the results will be different what is the argument devil’s advocate for that last answer is what if both the couple they definitely thought that sex was important but it was manipulated right so oh you didn’t you left the toilet seat up or you didn’t take the trash out or you didn’t wear makeup today you know one of those I’m not going to have sex with here and so it became more of a power play which obviously their divorce now was your take on people using that the is godly act for manipulation we’re against it the worst things you can do dad calls it you know that’s bad sacred and will unify you so the worst thing you can do is to try to manipulate your spouse with sex one of the worst things you can possibly do and the whole point of the pole pointing of getting married and making commitment to one another is to grow in love I mean if there’s one message in the Bible that we take from from from from God’s Word is that love is the only thing in the end that really matters and so as you commit to one another with God’s help you move together hopefully kind on the same page you’re mostly on the same page or try to get on the same page but it’s always towards the idea that that that we’re going to try to love and love is basically unselfishness and since we’re all selfish people unselfishness is easy to say but extremely hard to do and so the being unselfish and giving is is is essential in order to do the things that we’re saying in our book to have a healthy marriage one thing we haven’t mentioned is that we pray about our marriage daily and specifically about our sex life in other words we go to God every day and ask him to give us the strength to do what we need to do because it’d be real easy for me to say well I just rather watch that Netflix or I’d rather do something else and so I need God’s grace to do what is best for me so I’m saying that prayer is an integral part of a Christian marriage you don’t do it on your own right and that’s that’s that’s essential but you know we advocate sex I really think say more sex is better than less sex right I mean we all kind of agree with that statement but the thing is it’s hard it is not easy and the older you get the harder it gets it takes effort it takes preparation it takes it takes a commitment it’s easy to say well you know tomorrow is okay right yeah okay yeah tomorrow and we both who easily agree and so it’s it takes it it’s hard work but it’s worth it oh it’s definitely it’s definitely worth it I would we’re not trying to we’re not trying to say to everybody this is really just going to go this way it’s gonna be romantic it’s not a cialis moment every single day you know and turns romantic no no if you wait for the moment to turn romantic you know wait a long time yes they’re not you know what I just took it as a double entendre because you said the older you get the harder it gets so I just total with the person the devil it’s under there unfortunately as naturally go let me let me have Gloria this because she mentioned it twice the N word had the Netflix right and so are you saying that some of these you know social media Netflix and chill and all that these are the directions and maybe some of those should be taken out of the home so you can spend more time with your spouse well I think that if you’re majoring than them instead of your spouse then yeah maybe you need to turn the phone off or whatever you need to do I know Renee and I are always trying to work we’ll run our phones a lot we’re not going to lie about that we are but we also sometimes take time periods rolling say well return on our phones off all morning today and we’ll catch up with our phones after lunch because social media does have a way of eating away at your life and so yeah you need to you need to put up some stats to make the minute begin more important than the object your phone or your computer or whatever TV shows or TV show right and I think you both found out that even though you turned it off all that stuff was still there when you turned it back on so you’re not missing anything no no no miss it we always complain around our phones too much still even doing now yeah even though we were we put him down a lot it just they’ve taken over our life 7 they these phones it’s weird because we’ve been around long enough and to remember before the phone that smart phone yeah there is outside you phone I think that’s what I’ll think of for Netflix because you usually bench instead of bending on Netflix you can binge on your spouse exactly yeah but there’s so many distractions and today is the world I mean in an you know we say daily section oh and we qualify it like we have in this conversation qualified with age travel illness and all kinds of other circumstances but a hundred years ago 150 years ago in an agrarian society and you know the not to romanticize that or obviously was a hard life but they didn’t have a whole bunch entertainment and distractions they their entertainment was a getting embedded a long day and heaven arrived in a so we roll in the hate so it was like that was their entertainment that was their connection that was their their their way of life it was a rhythm as part of the rhythm we call a book radical sex but actually it’s normal sex 150 years ago it was normal my uncle grew up on a farm and owned a farm and his brother worked on it and it was up in northern Vermont and kind of a rough rough place and and my uncle and his wife had lived that life with farm life that they didn’t have a TV they lived in a house had 11 kids who were madly in love with each other and and lived that farm life that rhythm of life work were daily sex was was part of that rhythm and it was just normal it wasn’t radical it wasn’t unusual it was just the normal life that they lived one one thing we haven’t said is that sex is fun it’s playtime every day let’s not look at this as some arduous thing you have to do you know it’s actually a wonderful gift when I tell people they have to you know cut off the right arm and sacrifice their firstborn or anything this is this is which it’s encouraging people more it’s more it’s better I think more is better so you’re also encouraging people to bring back afternoon delight song from the 70s good awesome and I loved reading your blog as well I’d like for you to highlight your blog and also radical sex gods foundation for a healthy marriage if you can highlight the locations where people can pick up that book as well that’d be great our website is the Bible sex devotional calm and everything’s right there all the links to to our books that we have a new book actually it’s called the 40 day Bible sucks devotional for Christian couples and we just put that up we took the blog post from April to September of last year put them in the book form for its kind of convenient for them for people would be interested in that nice nice awesome well it says I’ve learned a lot and you definitely congratulations again on the forty eight and a half so congratulations on forty nine years of marriage it was definitely a pleasure speaking with people that have the same names as my mom and dad that was Lama I don’t can’t get over that that’s incredible thank you absolutely well you have just been in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I’m David Rene and glory it was a pleasure let’s definitely stay in touch very much thank you for having us it was great it was great fun thank you very thank you okay low blow listen to intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective on radio public it’s a free easy-to-use app that helps listeners like you find and support shows like ours when you listen to our show on radio public we receive direct financial support every time you hear in episode experience our show and radio public today by listening to the show link in our episode notes and thank you for listening you [Music]


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