Omg 2020! The Best Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts Ever!

Omg 2020! The Best Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts Ever!

The Power Of Positive Thoughts

We all know what change is, but how does one go about changing their own life? Many people just do not realize that there is a power to change your life to change your thoughts. If they are spoken to with strong conviction at times, their behavior, thoughts, and beliefs can change dramatically. If used in the right way, they will help you work towards your successes.

The first thing you will need to do is to find a method that will use positive affirmations and visualization techniques. This gets you out of your comfort zone and changes your thinking. These methods have proved to be effective and can give you wisdom and encouraging results.

A powerful tool is known as positive thinking and the way it works is that you use positive statements to replace negative ones and overall mindset. It doesn’t matter what it is that you are saying, it just has to sound positive.

Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts - What is the best way?
Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts

Can Changing Your Thoughts Change Your Life?

One of the most powerful ways to use positive words is to visualize moments of something positive happening. It can be anything from losing weight to getting a new job. Once you do this, you will begin to notice the positive things in your life.

To visualize the things that are important to you, take a walk in nature, or take a trip around your city. It is important to be able to look and see yourself reaching your goals with confidence. This simple visualization will get the mind into the right frame of mind to believe the positive things that you want to see in everything.

These spiritual mental images are also called affirmations. You can start visualizing your goals in your mind and then write them down. Creative visualization will keep you in situations where you are motivated to work towards your goals. Once you get a good grasp on your goal, you can move onto the next step.

Change Your Mind Change Your Thinking - Will I ever get it?
Change Your Mind Change Your Thinking

How Can I Change My Thought Process?

Affirmations can be written down anywhere, in the form of a sentence or a phrase. This helps to focus your mind when you are writing the words down. Your mind will become more aware of your goals and you will begin to see how much you are progressing towards your goals.

Once you have started to apply these techniques to your life you will find that using these techniques gives you the power to change your own life. You can easily do so. Just remember to use positive thinking techniques to get you to your goals.

The first step is to think of something that you want to change and the second is to think of a way to achieve that goal. Now that you know your goal, start thinking about how you can change it. Your goal will not be reached overnight, but you can have a very positive effect on your life.

Change Your Thoughts Change Your World - Save us!
Change Your Thoughts Change Your World

Once you begin to think positively, you will notice how your thoughts will become more positive, and then you think. You will be able to visualize your goals much easier than before. As a result, you will begin to feel much more positive about the situation.

Don’t give up if you don’t think you can accomplish your goal immediately. It may take a while for you to get used to the idea of thinking positively and believe in your abilities. Take some time to learn all of the tools available and practice the techniques over again.

The thing to remember is to always believe in the power of positive thoughts, they can turn your negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Positive thinking is the key to success in many aspects of life.

To change your life, use positive thinking and positive thoughts. This will lead to a new and better you.

Positive Psychology – What Is It?

Positive psychology may be dismissed as mere happy talk. However, many psychotherapists say that their techniques offer an essential balance to the traditional focus on illness and trauma as primary components of the medical picture. The term "positive" is wide, covering a spectrum of methods that promote individuals to explore and understand their own personal positive emotions, feelings, and traits.

In short, they are a comprehensive approach to treatment that incorporates both psychological and physiological treatments to help individuals overcome negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

While it’s difficult to quantify and scientifically validate the positive psychologists, there’s ample anecdotal evidence that they are indeed providing valuable assistance to patients who have been unable to overcome depression and other psychological difficulties. The majority of these professionals are trained in the mental health field and can be found throughout the country.

How Thoughts Can Change Your Life - Set the timeframe
How Thoughts Can Change Your Life

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your World

Several sites offer reviews, ratings, and ratings of individual practitioners as well as overall positive psychology. Most of these review sites are maintained by individuals who have had positive experiences with a particular practitioner.

Many people assume that being a positive psychologist means that someone has to be highly motivated, optimistic, and patient. These aren’t the only characteristics that constitute a successful practitioner, though. Psychologists who practice positive psychology recognize that not everyone will respond to therapy in the same way and that some individuals will benefit from therapy more than others.

Positive psychologists recognize that they have to understand the unique needs of their clients to ensure that they are offering them the most beneficial therapies possible.

How To Change The Way You Think And Act
How To Change The Way You Think And Act

Change Your Mind Change Your Thinking

For instance, while many people might assume that positive psychology simply means encouraging patients to smile and take pride in their appearances, positive psychology also includes a greater commitment to understanding. Negative behaviors may stem from poor self-image, negative beliefs about themselves, and/or low self-esteem. While it’s important to address these issues, it’s also important to acknowledge and recognize that there are underlying emotional issues that often go hand-in-hand with them.

A positive psychologist may also work to understand the patient’s problems at an emotional level, which allows the therapist to better respond to the patient and give effective therapy. While it may be true that a patient should expect to be treated as a whole, a therapist should also treat the patient as a whole.

For those interested in positive psychology, it’s worth noting that although it has been around for quite some time, there are still no standardized criteria for diagnosing positive disorders or illnesses. When positive psychology first started to catch on, it was viewed with some skepticism and controversy.

How To Change Your Thinking Habits - Do it now.
How To Change Your Thinking Habits

How To Change The Way You Think And Act

However, over the years, many psychiatrists and psychotherapists have realized that the practice is not just a quirk of one group or another and that patients can exhibit all of the characteristics of this disorder even if they don’t have a mental illness.

Future studies will likely provide concrete evidence that positive psychology has helped thousands of people overcome all types of mental disorders and ailments. While no one factor has been found to be responsible for the success rate of positive psychology, some researchers agree that the combination of therapies offered by positive psychologists has been shown to help those suffering from depression, anxiety, phobias, panic disorders, substance abuse, and other related conditions.

Positive psychologists have begun to open up a new era in mental health care, as they have begun to recognize that not every case of depression, anxiety, phobias, or addiction is caused by a mental disorder and that other factors could be the cause of their problems.

Thoughts Can Change Your Life - Are you sure?
Thoughts Can Change Your Life

What Is Self-Care?

Most people hear their internal voices in their heads; it may not be out of habit, but at least it is their thoughts that form a mental conversation with themselves. The most effective form of the internal dialog is one that supports the positive characteristics of lives. This is where balanced thinking comes into play.

The importance of internal dialogue is that it allows your thinking habits to create, develop yourself, and get peace of mind. It helps you gain control of yourself so you have a better understanding of who you are and how you can benefit from being yourself. When you have a strong mental attitude and the way the mind works, you have better control over your life.

This also limits self-sabotaging behavior. You can use your thinking to take control of your was with destiny, which is good for you and everyone else around you.

Until You Change Your Thinking - Nothing will change.
Until You Change Your Thinking

When You Change The Way You Think

The second part of self-care is self-care for your body. You don’t have to wait until you get sick, because there are ways of handling this on your own. For example, exercise. There are several forms of exercise to fit every lifestyle. Yoga has been shown to help reduce stress levels and helps the body to release chemicals that help you relax and stay calm. Yoga also has been shown to help with stress management and physical balance.

When you start doing some type of exercise, it makes your life more enjoyable and you feel better overall. There is research that shows that if you exercise regularly, then you will stay healthier and have a better chance of living a longer and better life. By exercising regularly, you will keep your body’s weight in check, which is a factor that helps you with depression and other health problems. Most physicians recommend exercise as one of the best things that you can do for your mental health.

The final aspect of self-care is making sure that your mental and physical needs are met. It is important that when you are stressed out by external factors or feeling unbalanced, you take care of yourself physically as well. Having a healthy diet and drinking plenty of water is a good way to begin.

When You Change The Way You Think - things will change
When You Change The Way You Think

Having an adequate amount of sleep and getting enough rest is also another way to keep your body healthy and strong. It is also important that you make sure that you have enough time to yourself to enjoy the things that make you happy so that you can continue to take care of others as well.

Getting good self-care is something that can help you do many things and help make a big difference in your life. It is a matter of making choices that will allow you to take control of your mind and your life. It is also a matter of setting goals that will keep you focused on what matters most to you. Make sure that your self-care includes all three elements. By taking care of yourself mentally and physically, you will have a better chance of becoming a high achiever in life.

Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts The right Way
Change Your Life Change Your Thoughts

How to Use Affirmations to Change Your Life? – CEOWORLD magazine (ceoworld.biz)

Summary:

  • Positive affirmations are statements that change your thought process positively.
  • Life becomes truly great when we can think positively and contribute constructively to make a difference in the lives of others.
  • When you want to grow as a leader, you must create a positive and healthy thought process to build your confidence.
  • To build your confidence, you must be equipped with positive affirmations.
  • Hence, follow the tips, tools, and techniques to acquire, equip, and apply positive affirmations effectively to grow as a leader and achieve greatness in the world.

River to Ocean: Living in the Flow of Wakefulness With Katherine Jansen-Byrkit [Interview]

00:03

Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land, you are in tune to another episode of Intrinsic Motivation from a Homie’s Perspective. This is Hamza and I’m really excited about speaking with our guests today. She is the author of River to Ocean: Living in the Flow of Wakefulness, what does that mean? Let me give you a little history. So at 16 she was with our author was suicidal and weighing almost 200 pounds. She was far from feeling or living expansively. The journey of waking up for her began with her suicide attempt and a long hard passage between despair and hope. After healing from the inside out, she shares her message, meaning from the inner world to the outer, Katherine provides insights practices and inspirational stories, as she explores nine aspects of wakefulness nine, wow, then hours gonna fly by. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome the author Katherine Jansen-Byrkit to the podcast. Welcome, Katherine.

01:09

Thank you so much for having

01:10

me. Absolutely. Living in the form of wakefulness is kind of tongue in cheek to me because we had a lot of hiccups trying to get into the flow just to get on and I’m glad that it feels like we have started the beginning of a flow.

01:27

Yeah, exactly. Such a metaphor and such as life, such as life to find the flow and the challenge and adversity of even figuring out a podcast interview.

01:41

Yeah, it’s really interesting, just the folks that I’ve spoken with over the year over this past year, or past seven months, that you know, they were living one life, and then there were a lot of adjustments. And depending on what state you’re in, it’s so interesting here in the United States, it’s not a uniform handling of what’s happening in 2020. It seems like each state has different instances of how they’re dealing with things. And in your neck of the woods. How is life in I believe you’re an Oregon?

02:17

Yeah, we are well, as of this day, and last week, kind of back in a surge, like many states, wason the lower end of the spectrum. So we’ve done a fairly good job. But I think it’s that perpetual sense of the movie Groundhog Day like we’re in what’s called state phase one. And we all you know, I’m now doing my private practice as a psychotherapist on zoom, thank you, and we’re just flattening that curve. And by summer, I’ll be seeing all my people again. And when I getting out of phase one, probably anytime soon. So it’s been this, you know, adjustment to what was temporary is not so temporary, and how to navigate that professionally for me, with my clients, how they’re working. All the different things, whether it’s like now we’re starting the school year, maybe the whole school year will be teaching my child at home kind of thing. So yeah, we’re, we’re in for the long haul, I think like everybody else, and it’s difficult without a sense of leadership, I think for many, for sure.

03:21

Now, one thing I missed, everyone’s life has been affected. And one area that was affected that I’d like to share is family reunions. And so like, many our family was going to have one. And if we didn’t, so we’re like, Okay, 2021. Well, I was speaking to a third-generation cousin. And they were scheduled to have a family reunion as well. And they didn’t. And instead of having it next year, they’re planning on having it in 2022. Because when they when we have the pandemic in 1918, are roughly lasted about two years. Do you think that it’s better to have a worst case scenario of two years versus being disappointed every month? Because we think we’re going back to a sense of normalcy?

04:15

Thank you. That’s an insightful question. And I think every person needs to kind of know themselves to find them their best answer to that. You know, we a lot of times fear disappointment, not that this has not been an incredibly disappointing time. And I would go further and say, a time of grieving a time of big losses for folks and not just at a health level, but like you say, family relationships, potentially jobs, loss of just a sense of normalcy. So is it better for you to plan something in 21 and look forward to it, which then has some good juice some great energy and be willing to risk I may have to let it go. Versus do postpone that. That that That becomes pretty important for people more than they may have realized, which is connection to others. traditions, rituals, contact. And can they wait that out and do okay without waiting? So I don’t know that there’s a formula answer for so much of this, which is part of what can be difficult. It’s experimental. I’m more of a mindset, personally of like, throw it out far enough so that it’s not just a hassle factor. So monthly, no, let’s not plan it for I’m not going anywhere in January or February in terms of trying to imagine an out of the country trip by 2022 might feel pretty far off. But yes, it’s about how am I What is my greatest wellness in this emotionally? Well, I try to, at some point, imagine a life we returned to normal where we can see our people.

05:54

One thing in a recent blog post that you link to you were highlighting recent research done with astronauts and prolonged isolation. And once upon a time, there was a stronger family unit where everyone lives miles apart. And now where states apart or even countries apart, what did you find in that article where they were comparing astronauts who many of us are not related to prolonged isolation?

06:25

Well, it was nice because it was so much not about a pandemic. And it was just this idea that third-quarter isolation produces something that just is gonna, it’s just a part of the process kind of thing. So so there’s the first, the first part of it is, you know, laced with anxiety and uncertainty. Then there’s like this grieving period, which is more about depression and loss potentially. And then this third stage was about feeling deeply restless, if not rebellious, and somewhat rowdy. And also having all these ideas about things going on. From my understanding of I read the article a couple of times, between the astronauts, they were like in this, like, you’re mad at me, and this has happened to their minds, we’re just making up all these stories, which just seemed to be what are our summer and fall was starting to represent a people regardless of whether it’s wise from a public health standpoint to re-enter or re engage or push the envelope. There was this angsty feeling of like having like wild horses in a corral? So that’s what I related to in that article that this is a human phenomenon, not just a phenomenon around a pandemic.

07:42

And the other side of that is like you had mentioned every month it seemed you know, Lucy and Charlie Brown where she pulls the football up and you know, but now right we’re a week or less than a week away and before it was all for kid but I know more adults here in Georgia that celebrate Halloween and in our homeowners associations adult that net not nasty letter, but to us it was nasty because there’s no Halloween festivities, there’s no parade, there’s nothing. And so after is usually the start of holiday season. And so what does that look like now for Thanksgiving and Christmas? And all the holidays people celebrate Celebrate these last two months? What does that mean to you as far as adjustments?

08:37

Well, I‘m

08:39

optimistic in the sense that I think every difficulty and this is what I have dealt with in my human journey, personal and human journey. The opportunities within the hardship and so I think the opportunity for this holiday season is and is probably not in very much, hopefully not the permanent new reality. But what can it look like creatively that is going to be different than before, different is a loss, but but ultimately, also can be a game. And so I think if we just have to keep going into, okay, we have this restriction and kind of I’ve been saying the words, not just think outside the box, but live outside the box. So maybe we have a different educational level pot. So maybe we have a different little Halloween party, we have a Halloween party. We don’t go trick or treating. We don’t do something and mass, but keeping it safe. But using the capacity we have creatively is so important. And then the question around the holidays, I think pushes a really important but hard thing for people in families and not in families about how do we collaborate and how do we make collaborative decisions or respect We’re not always on the same page. And people have to do what they have to do. So starting with a sense of transparency, what have you been doing? What have I been doing? Would it be safe for either of us to spend these holidays together? Are we willing to do something different, some families are just like they’re canceling larger family gatherings. Others are saying, you know, let’s just quarantine for the 14 days ahead of Thanksgiving, and the Christmas holiday, whatever you celebrate in that, or take a test. So I just think there are a lot of ways to do it. So rather than just it’s on full board or canceled, but it does require communication, a lot of non-judgment because what’s good for me might not work for you. So we have to just live with that reality of my choices mean that you won’t want to see me at Thanksgiving, and still keep an eye are kind of a loving connection. around those differences. bridging differences is always tough for human beings. Personally, these days, it seems. But now this is really about having diversity of perspective, and choice, and still staying in conscious relationship with one another as family members.

11:11

Now one of the fun things I’m sure you’ve seen your share, to have all of the funny means highlighting New Year’s Eve 2019. And then the reality of 2020. And some of the conversations thus far have been some projecting, so I apologize for some of it, but woody feel as far as since we’re still in the middle of this. And it’s New Year’s Eve 2020 my favorite meme has been the watching the clock strike midnight, and then at 1201 the date becomes December 32nd. So we never leave 2020

12:01

Yeah.

12:04

Well, I guess, um, you know, again, I take an I kind of zoom in and zoom out in a way in life. And I have appreciated is those who have stated, this isn’t just this really awful year, it’s an awful year for sure. But some of these things like the social unrest, the injustices, you know, the anti racism stuff that needs to be so front burner, this is not 2020 this is, you know, pandemics have happened. So, it all came to a head certainly in the in our part of the world, the wild wildfires a month ago, really took it over the edge for people because they physically could not go outside this was this was like COVID was gonna be freedom once we could go outside and breathe because we couldn’t breathe in Portland safely. So I think of it as ultimately things are in a process of resolving and this has just been all the things at the same time, which we you know, most of us have not had the capacity for because we’ve not been in a pandemic, this kind of political, these kinds of politics. And certainly the again, the the social unrest and the important social unrest that’s happening. So

13:23

we’ll get out of the year.

13:26

I promise like,

13:29

find your feet, find your feet, those solid ground. Yeah, one way or another. You know, that’s been the journey for a lot of people is they can’t depend on the things they have been used to depending upon to feel well to feel good to have hope. And so that doesn’t mean this is easy, but we have to go to maybe even more core and foundational pieces of life or parts of life in existence, to remain buoyant. And to and again, to feel kind of our own feet in a year like this in a whirlwind like we’ve been in.

14:07

Sure in we were the biggest I mean, for everyone that’s watched everything on streaming platforms, Amazon, Netflix, there’s a lot of documentaries recently just talking about the cons and the downfall of social media. And but one thing that I find that’s interesting, and I want to ask you with someone that’s I guess, quote boots on the ground. There’s there seems to be like these corridors are just like two blocks, three blocks of where there may be some social unrest. But from a national standpoint, you would think that the whole city was on fire and burning and leading and what have you. And we’ve seen that in Portland and then people responding like, no, this is me walking my dog and you know, here that little duckies by the pond, it’s over there on the other side. other towns? So what’s it like to be important in his or other news? They are they giving us fake news by an agenda of fear and disarray?

15:14

Yeah, I would lean way more toward that. I’m, you know, personally fairly liberal, but have been concerned and saddened by the destruction and you know, just a city that I really choose, I feel like I always choose in where I live and, and, and all parts of my wife and it’s, it’s such a special city. So it’s sad to see it getting a kind of reputation that’s amplified to exaggeration, because that, so so both are true. It’s kind of that duality of Yes, there’s been destruction, there have been protests that have turned into riots, and it is not felt safe in those places. And there’s a whole bigger city. That has been Portland and all the other ways that Portland is cool and weird. And we had a show named after us. And we’re not just on a debate stage. So yeah, it’s, it’s been a, you know, a walk to, to be a Portland er right now and have that, that fame, that notoriety. Question from some friends of like, are you? Are you okay? to ask Canada, if you can come live with us here?

16:31

Say thank you.

16:34

I go outside. I can go downtown. Yeah, yeah, me for asking that question. Because it’s such a special city, and we need to reclaim it for all of it. Oh, that it is?

16:46

Absolutely. That brings me to my second part of the question. It was tongue in cheek about your friend asking about Canada. But we are seeing these migrations happen this year in the state of California, in New York, in droves. And so I was just wondering if there was that feeling in the state of Oregon? Is it nowhere in Atlanta, as we say that there’s Atlanta, and then there’s Georgia? So in Oregon, is it Portland? And then Oregon? Are you all together? How does that work?

17:20

Oh, it’s a pretty conservative state in the rural areas, but it’s a liberal-leaning in other ways. So yeah, it’s we’re definitely a mixed bag. And I would never go as far as to speak for even other Portlanders at this point. Because there is, I think, assumptions. That’s what I’ve learned in 2020. I can’t make even some of the assumptions. I thought I was pretty grounded in. But yeah, I would say those that contrast of well Oregonians and and some of those mindsets and, and urban areas, in particular, Portland puts us some say La, and Eugene. But yeah, yeah. Similar to what you described for sure. I don’t know that people are leaving. I haven’t heard that statistic I have for California and New York. In Oregon, I think some people are like, I would never want to be anyplace else. And others are like, this is not what I’m interested in. And so I think there’s movement, I was telling you before this interview and a little pre chat, that my editor and good friend decided to live in Costa Rica. And I’m not going to move there permanently. But I’m kind of thinking because of zoom and I can take my practice on the road, be kind of cool the life in another country three to four months a year, just to do something different. And if I’m not happy with the state of affairs in my home country, so I think we’re all thinking again, and maybe even gonna live a little bit outside the box and that that’s a good thing.

18:54

That’s not a bad thing. Interestingly, you know, I think this is a growing conversation. And I was watching a video recently on the Robert Kiyosaki channel. And they were having the same conversation of you know, whether we spend half of the year or you know, it gets worse. And I love the pyramid of folks I’ve personally served from what have you. And I know that it’s overrun with people from the states in Costa Rica, Mao’s Panama

19:31

cousin, or something. I think it also is this fantasy of like, there is a place where and you know, certainly there’s a place though it goes where it goes, no military and a third of the country is my understanding as a preserve, and I’m an environmentalist. So I love that. And I’m sure they have dynamics and difficulties. And you know, I think I remember somebody said to me, it was as, as kind of an Eastern spiritual person, it was like, I gotta get to India because that’s, that’s the place, you know, that’s the that’s the end game. And somebody says, like, you know, go, but you know, India is inside of us, it’s around us. It’s about just the wildness. And certainly I’ve been to India that exists at some, in some form there that I’m sure I would love to see an experience. But that that idea that there’s another place rather than let’s be here. And then that’s the premise of my book, let’s be in my life, finding the wakefulness within it and myself, rather than I have to move away from what’s happening to be okay to be happy, to be free.

20:46

Wherever you go, that’s where you

20:48

are. There you are.

20:51

That’s it. Since you’re environmentalists, I do want to get your take. Since you did mention India. Earlier this year, I want to say it was around to my attention. late March, early April with again, a ton of means and videos, and specifically for this conversation India, which it has, which has a ton of bad pollution you can’t see in front of you. But in late March, early April, it was clear as day, and there have been tons of videos of animals coming back out. And I want to get your take as a human because it seems like they tolerate us. And if we can’t get our stuff together, they’ll still be around.

21:33

That’s Yes. And you know, I want to be so respectful of those who have been affected, or impacted or affected directly by COVID. Or even indirectly. And afterward self-involved wake-up, call that so dramatically, Italy, you could see in Venice, you could you could see the water. You can like challenge, like that’s not fake, like those are pictures, hopefully, you know, we can trust those at some at some point, we have to decide there is something to trust, that how dramatically can change how quickly and so because a lot of people with higher mentalism and the climate crisis feel so hopeless, like no matter what we do, it’s just now you know, kind of a lost cause. So I think when there can be dramatic and visual, visceral kind of impact of change, of course, we didn’t want to stop traveling, we didn’t want to have to do life differently, because of COVID. Hopefully, it’s inspirational about how we can, you know, protect the environment coming back online, as a species, in different relationship to the planet. In a way, it’s funny, because I live on the rivers, you may know if you’ve read any of the book. And so in the summer, the animals go away, because all the people are out on the river. And I try to set every day if it’s not too cold, or rainy on my deck, looking at the river, and then when the people go away, then the animals come out. There’s eagles, and there’s a sea lion that hangs out getting salmon even though it’s you know, miles from the ocean, and it’s this dance almost. Yeah, we need to be good dancers, with the nature and in the animal world.

23:23

What’s the best way to improve that relationship with the animal kingdom? In your opinion, because I’m immediately sent back to I think it was Thailand, where they had the monsoon, and all those people died. And so afterwards, there was the conversation of the humans like, Oh, this is so peculiar, the water keeps going farther and farther out into the oceans not coming back. And at the same time, all the animals were seeking higher ground. And there was a time where we were all in tune, the animals go to higher ground, and we’d go to higher ground. And that’s not the case today. So how can we fix that relationship?

24:04

Well, I that’s not always a question I get on a podcast. So I appreciate that. You know, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of AI now. So I think until we understand ourselves, and that’s kind of the spiritual premise in the book, is we are that the we? The intelligence is even that we’re finding in the animal kingdom, there’s a new movie. My octopus teacher, I don’t know if you’ve heard of that one. I believe we scratched the surface of really understanding the intelligence and wisdom, the penguin movie that came out like eight years ago or something where I think those penguins take better care of their babies than some humans do. We have a lot to learn, but we don’t we come from a hierarchical superiority kind of place. So I allow is not only Are we equal, but I am you and you are me. We are sourced by the same waters, which is the energy of life, when we have that relationship rather than just like, Oh, that’s a pretty sunset, or I’m going to go to Zion, and what a great national park to appreciate nature. But still, I am its master. It changes everything. Because when we love something, and when it’s equal to us, we protect it. We do. There’s just a natural living in a harmony kind of of like, Oh, you need this great. And I need this and how can we figure out working together? So to me, it’s not just about like giving, you know, funding, you know, environmentalists cost us great, or trying to recycle and doing your part to protect the environment. It is relational. And it’s a fundamental shift in how we experience nature. So my the title of that aspect is nature as you and then as soon as we identify as part of nature, not superior to it, then we’re so self involved, almost taking care of it in a different way. So that’s, that’s what I would offer.

26:07

Sure. And the times that you just mentioned, you’re on your, on your deck, and you’re just absorbing nature, and really appreciating that moment, you had to get to that moment. And so it seems like on earth or third dimension is nothing but contrast. And traditionally, we would all think that our best years are in high school or college, but at 16. That wasn’t the case for you, was it?

26:36

Um, no, actually, a therapist told me something so helpful. It was he said, you’re just having a midlife crisis now. And it was such a big reframe, not that 40 years old, felt close, like 40 years old, I can relate to human being at that. But at 16 it was one of several pieces that gave me a leg up to go, this too shall pass. And, you know, I I’m always saddened by I had a father in law, who’s passed his, like best days were in the war. And he obviously experienced something really profound, through I think, ultimately, male intimacy that felt safe for him as a heterosexual male, that he could just be so connected and be so purposeful. But what does that mean if our Boston happiest times are behind us? But that question of how do I find my deep joy and contentment and fulfillment in life is dynamic. So what, you know, made me happier 25, or what was right for me at 35 is going to be different at 57. So not lowering that bar that like, as long as you know, just as it’s just okay enough now, but man was a great then I couldn’t live under that paradigm myself. I’m married, I’m married 30 years. And when I say that about marriage, like yeah, oh, yeah, we’re gonna keep getting better. There’s no like, Okay, that was great. Like, that doesn’t mean that, you know, there’s not contentment, and just relaxing into 30 years, and we have six children, a blended family, we feel really proud of what we’ve done. But I don’t really ever lower the bar.

28:20

And it works.

28:23

No, that was great. Especially you bring up a really good point about this year. I mean, there’s a lot that we reflect on, I guess that’s why it’s called 2020. Right? perfect vision. And one of which is the traditional or the standard relationships. So there are marriages that are going to be stronger because of this. And then there’s others that, you know, this is where I draw that line in the sand. And so as a blended family of six and 30 plus years, where there are principles that you got you to hold together that makes the marriage stronger, that can go through anything, even a pandemic.

29:03

Yes, and I think that we have those resources, I do probably have my practice as couples work and I do couples retreats. And this is certainly been what I would call a time of reckoning and lifting of the veil. So for those couples that hadn’t done a lot of work around how, you know, just you know, they, they, you know, one can get overconfident if it’s like you have a solid relationship, you feel in love, you’re attracted, you’ve got 10 years behind you, and not even know that you’re going to need resources. My husband, I happen to be a really intense people. So there we are passionately and have always been in love with some depth so that we had to reckon with. We also were pretty unconscious. So from the gecko, we before long before I became a therapist, because this is a second career. We really had to have resources of how to communicate, and I have a temper so I had to learn really learn to regulate my anger, how to repair injuries with each other how to collaborate. And those practices became tools I use, and we teach now. So I, you know, there is no one thing, although communication, solid communication conscious communication would probably be if there’s one thing or repair those two things together. Again, thank goodness, we had that front loaded going into this time, so the pandemic was not a threat to us. And having extra time together and how to figure out, we weren’t raising children. So we didn’t have to do the I mean, they’re grown, so we didn’t have to deal with the homeschooling part. But that’s what is happening. But you know, is it the Is it the pandemic? Or is it the circumstance that lifts the veil, where we can start seeing the truth of a situation that we no longer are compatible, this has been not any longer of right relationship, which doesn’t mean it’s a failure, or it’s time to really have a next iteration of this relationship manifest through some hard work to undo some of what we’re seeing,

31:10

you’re talking about, at a certain period of time being pretty unconscious. And what I’ve also found over the years is that when we when couples get together, myself included, I’m not on the cloud at all. But you know, we’re on the same page, but over time, right, like, especially from our conscious, unconscious standpoint, we grow at different paces. And so how do you how does it how do you? Or how does one, reach back? And that might be judgment? But how do you keep that flame going where you guys were on two separate pages?

31:49

Well, that’s that’s also a really insightful question. Because the part of the conscious relationship is it does not kind of organically or neatly feel threatened by change. But of course, and I’m his third marriage, the second marriage was about there was so much autonomy and support of differentiating from each other, that they literally grew apart, it’s that thing of growing apart. So it’s kind of this wonderful, but important way to know how to have enough autonomy and a sense of growth and bringing, always bringing our most to date, authentic self to the table, but also practices of togetherness and boundedness. So that that attachment stays strong. And so I you know, for example, I think I really dropped into some long meditation practice, like, you know, 10 day silent retreats. And I really wanted Gary to do that with me. And what I actually really wanted was just to make sure he was on the same path of dropping into living from more, you know, just experiencing being present and calm. And, and then if we want to call it that, that was actually what I wanted less a, you have to go to this retreat with me and you have to be comfortable sitting for seven hours or 10 hours in silence, like that just wasn’t his thing. To the extent it was mine. So I think it’s really important to get clear on Is it the activity? Or is it not wanting to be alone? Or are there even other forms on the same path that I might meditate, but you might decide to experience something through, maybe it’s an a passionate activity, like surfing or something where you just get into a zone, that is your zone, that would be the same for me on a meditation mat. So you know, the the path to sustaining and loveliness which is can be a fairy tale and a smart romanticism. People will ask me, is that really real? It’s like what wasn’t real for me because I almost had an affair. 15 years and and that was a wake up call for me. I wasn’t in love anymore. So doing the things that keep us connected and excited about each other. And I would use the word inspired things like staying curious with one another. Which is almost like I wish the guy had put Gary Chapman that is a love language, because that’s often why people stray. It’s that we start acting very interested in each other, much less sometimes acting like we don’t like each other. And I think those are, sadly slippery slopes that all of a sudden we find ourselves like, really not in a great place. So inspiration, curiosity, making sure there’s autonomy, but making sure there’s enough togetherness kind of my long answer to your great question.

34:48

No, I like it in the timeliness is great. Just the other day I was watching the bill maher show and they had Matthew McConaughey on and he mentioned that he and his wife Both of them their parents were married three times. And it’s a reminder to me of you know, long ago, I heard Abraham saying that, from a Hollywood standpoint, we ride off into the sunset for eight year marriages. And that’s okay. That’s one paradigm. But there’s others where we learn from each person. And from a 2020 hindsight standpoint, you’re like, Okay, that relationship built me up, or prepared me for my new relationship. So it’s not like I’m living in the past of Oh, yeah, those were the good my golden days.

35:35

Exactly, exactly. And if we have ideas of what we want out of a relationship, to me, premarital counseling is not about now you guys have a good financial plan? If you figured out your sexual health? Are you okay? If you’re politically different? To me, the real question is, well, you and will your partner do the work when the work shows up? Whether it’s a personal piece, like for me, it was about my temper, or for him, it was maybe about a relational way of kind of being collaborative and kind of working with his defenses such that we could communicate differently, like, Is somebody willing to do the work now you and I might have different ideas about what that means. But that’s, that’s the determinant to me. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen five minutes from now, much less five years from now how dynamic life can be or what things will impact us as at an individual level. But if we’re willing to do the work, and if we have certain standards by which we want an invite relationship to occur, as long as your partner is on that same page, things like conscious communication, emotional and physical intimacy, Authenticity, repair, just some basic foundational pieces. I think that that carries the ball, it really does, for at least for some of us, like my parents were divorced. So I was very surprised that I’m able to be mean to maintain a marriage for, you know, 25 years in a relationship for for close to 30. Like, wow, it can really I really, I at the 25 year mark, there was a, I guess a part of me really, really wondering, even I work so hard at it, that this is truly something with a lot of high standards can be sustained over decades. So so far, so good.

37:27

I’m so confused right now, Katherine, you’re saying that we don’t have to repeat our characters of our parents.

37:34

Let me help you with that confusion. You can leave and that’s not to you, you can stay. And it’s not just a fairy tale, and white knuckled.

37:48

Now, you you glossed over it. So I do want to go back for a second because we have a place here a retreat here where you can do those silent retreats. And there’s couples. And usually there’s the steps to it. So you can do like a three day weekend by yourself or with your significant other, and then build up to seven and then build up to 10. And you kept talking about lifting the veil. I wanted to get your take on lifting the veil with regards to silence. because on one hand, when everything’s everything’s in upheaval of this year, you could get a lot of insight through meditation or through silence. But there was an initial generalization, but the tendency is to fill up that space. If it’s quiet like a deafening silence is a phrase that most people are familiar with. So how do you get to that Zen to just casually throw out a 10 day Silent Retreat?

38:54

Well, I did build up to it. I think that’s actually a neurological reality, because it’s really hellish the first few days for most of us in the beginning,

39:05

the second day.

39:13

Now, I think if we have so even like, I mean, I’m kind of old school in certain ways of the idea of delaying gratification and patience as a virtue like, we can slow down. But we’ve a little bit forgotten how life is moving ever more quickly enough kind of reality of the world. But we don’t have to be on that treadmill. We get to decide what speed that treadmill goes or doesn’t go. But we forget that it takes no development to create and over time, and yet our brain without plasticity responds pretty quickly. So it wasn’t like I’d wait 10 years to be able to attend a Silent Retreat. I did a three day and then I did a session. One day, and then I could do and want it to do that was what was transformative for me, it was like, it wasn’t just like, Oh, this is gonna be good. And then I’ll just be so much calmer and so much happier in my life like, I didn’t want to leave. And I would never have thought that could happen in the beginning, because my mind was so restless, and my body was so restless. So it’s training ourselves to in the slowing down. So I have a little mindfulness practice I do before each session, and I close my eyes with a client, I just kind of we do breathing, deep breathing, and then I drop them into the present moment, just let the mind rest in this moment, there’s no past, there’s no future, turn towards yourself. That’s really different for people like not with an agenda, just experience yourself right now, inside as loving company. And then I wait. And I say whenever you’re ready, go ahead and open your eyes. And we’ll begin and it’s two to three minutes, that you should see there’s, I can’t see it because I’m on zoom, but the the shift for somebody, and they changed nothing in their circumstance, we have not even done our counseling our that’s how powerful it is. And that’s how immediate is and that’s a taste of I mean, my gosh, what it when you can drop into deep silence, which is amazing as an experience of love and calm and insight and and truly transformation. For some of us some of the healing of our trauma, at least partially is deeply served by being with our pain, and then finding the love within us. And I don’t mean this in a woowoo way, in a really direct way, is so much available to us because we’re not in distraction to heal that pain.

41:51

So it’s not an advertising phrase that silence is golden.

41:58

No, but you have to get to the golden, it’s kind of like really rough at first, but temporarily for sure. And that’s an interesting. So going back to what when I say to couples, or any dyad this could be any two people is golden, it means you got to be direct and talk about stuff that’s going on. So if you and I in friendship, silence is golden, the nine year to trust that you’re not mad at me for something for any of us that run anxious and I tend to have run that run anxious in my life and think people are mad when they’re not silence as golden between two people is a an incredible reality because in my whole system can relax. But that means I need to be approachable, if something bothers you that you will actually approach and that I’m not going to be reactive, I can be open and receptive when you do approach me. So silence as a meditator is golden silence between two people is golden. But it isn’t as simple as that just that sentiment, or that mantra, got to do the work.

43:03

Absolutely. Which kind of leads me back to River to the ocean living in the flow of wakefulness. During your journey, you established nine aspects of wakefulness. So I like for you to talk a little bit about what you uncovered. And did you uncover that during your silence?

43:24

You know, it’s through both massages, which are silent moments, because you’re, you’re, you know, silent for an hour or two hours and meditation retreat. This book came to me 10 years ago, just like this new on I’m 20 years into this profession, but I was 39 when it was like Oh, it was in public health. And I literally got the call from the universe year to be a therapist. So the book came in that same way. And it already I knew the framework I knew it was it was basically it’s not a memoir, but it was wanting to help those I serve and also actually my children because obviously I can’t be their therapist, I wanted to give what I been given along the way through a lot of teachers and and and sages and therapists and such animal direct experience, I really wanted to lay that out the groundwork. But I really had to start with what are the initial steps the first aspect is relationship to self that includes intrinsic worth and self love, and working with the ego. People don’t understand the ego. The second is freedom from the mind because the hardest thing like sitting in 10 days silence is about the mind and that if I believe my thoughts, and they are in true, I am at the mercy of the content of my thoughts. So I have meditation in there as well as kind of a practice of challenging thought. And then it’s cherishing the body, practicing mindfulness, embracing death and dying because that’s another thing that our culture really avoids. And then that becomes over time. A source of anxiety though it’s pretty under under surface we don’t know that’s there. So making peace with that doesn’t mean I’m going to die soon, it means I’m going to live differently. And then I pivot to the outer world, which is nature’s you, which is this connection to the outer world conscious relationship, finding our way in a troubled world, which is interesting, I had no idea 2020 was going to happen when I wrote that. And then finding your own spiritual path, because so many of us aren’t really identified with organized religion, but feel called to have our own spiritual path as part of our wakefulness.

45:32

So very nice. Thank you for that. And yeah, you’re welcome. I do want to ask you another marriage question. Since this was my old world as to public health, we my old world where we design a lot of public health labs around the country. And usually, as you were mentioning, your nine aspects that they’re outside of those nine, there’s a lot of segmentation or siloing, where we isolate things, and they’re not holistic. And so my marriage question to you, especially in 2020, since we are dealing with a public health issue, how are you able to bridge those two worlds? Or marry those two worlds? from the traditional science of public health? To the inner work?

46:23

That’s a good question. I would say that we are not one thing. And to your point, I, I am deeply committed to public health practices and, and the sense of community that we all have that mindset of the collective. And I also understand that that’s not the only priority is our health. The suicide rate is up the addiction rate as our marriages are struggling children are struggling. So I just think the idea of middle path is one that’s very real, how do how can we chew gum and walk at the same time and attend to this priority? While we creatively imagine how we can also attend to the others, we get so black and white, it’s this or that? And I just find that to be unnecessary and a lack of creativity? And I know that can sound simplistic, but I don’t actually think it is. And so that’s how I marry those things. And it kind of goes back to the question you asked a while ago, do we make plans and then cancel them? Or do we just wait till 2022, the inner world is where we have our navigation tool, our you know, the captain of the ship of our well being, our inner guide is going to let us know, if we listen deeply and understand how we are cued toward our own personal best practices, it will tell us what’s best for Katherine or best for you. So it’s about having a relationship to the inner world, as we are in this outer circumstance. And so the idea of self awareness is actually pretty huge. Because I can, I can try to do what you do, or you do what I do. But if it’s not really gonna be right for us, we’re probably not going to be able to sustain that you won’t like, you know, those disappointments, you know, and I won’t like waiting until 2022 to four, you know, family events. So I think bridging again, we do this, like, it’s one or the other, a lot of people live in a very external way about just what’s happening in the world. Some people just, you know, huddle up, and they’re all about the inner world. But the marriage between the both is how we are, I mean, we’re really have capacity to do this. And maybe we’ll have, we have to push the capacity on one side or the other depending upon what we bring to this year. But our capacity is huge. Our capacities.

48:48

And I

48:49

did in my second part of it kind of goes back to your Silent Retreat. And it’s a relationship question with the inner self. Because on that first day, there’s a lot of back and forth. But I found that the relationship is they don’t force anything on you. And usually if you’re out of water so loud, like we’ve been trying to get in touch with you. And sometimes we get that spiritual four by four, which seems a lot like 2020. Like it was a time to actually sit back and reflect because there’s too much noise.

49:24

So well, and that’s absolutely you know, what if everybody came out of this with a different relationship to the news with having a pace that’s different and maybe different work life balance like that, we we will not be the same and that’s a good thing. And so that’s what we have to harvest right now. Well, we also have to sustain losses, some sense of uncertainty and just the patience it’s going to take to continue to try to flatten the next curve and come together as a whole and so Yeah, I think that what one can learn from this time and the fact that it just there was nowhere to go. And again, especially with the forest fires, we even couldn’t leave our house like, it just turns you toward maybe something you’ve been avoiding for far too long. And this is kind of the case where I plug get a therapist, if it becomes too much, if you’ve never really sat with your pain, if you have never contended with your mind, because you’re always just active, you know, thinking and doing and not really understanding that part of your existence. Get help with that if you need, we don’t have to do this stuff alone.

50:42

That’s the biggest takeaway that we are not alone. And if I want to learn more about River to the ocean, living in the flow wakefulness, and you have a private practice, how could people get their hands on the book? And how can they get in touch with you for your professional services?

51:02

Well, harbor glow holistic is the overall website where my husband and I have had a number of different practices. So energy counseling, is my private practice. harbor glow publishing is where people can learn more about the book and get it from me directly. If they want it just from me, or an autographed copy with a little note inside. I’m happy to do that. But the book itself is also on all the major it’s on Amazon, it’s on Barnes and Noble. It’s on new leaf, which is a more New Age distributing company. And it’s ebook, audible and print book. We just did the audible a month ago with a woman named Leslie Howard and she’s a phenomenal narrator. And it was cool to hear my own words, Leslie’s voice and was very trippy at the same time. And to realize she was able to do take take over the ocean to even another level, I think of just like really letting the word sink in. And you know, the book is about ideas. But I was so about neuroplasticity, and making sure people had the, you know, self-worth intrinsic worth. But how can I get that there’s no pill you can take so we have to put things into practice. And then I really wanted people through stories, not just my own to be inspired that regular people experience wakefulness and transformation. So with every section, there’s a story about somebody who has experienced that thing in their own 

52:34

So no,

52:36

that’s great. And all of my show, audio files are so happy that you’re on Audible. So

52:45

yes, yes.

52:47

Yes, indeed. And so with that, it’s been a pleasure. And we’d love to have you on again as time goes on. And you reach out from your livers to other oceans, for sure.

53:01

And I would be happy to come back. Awesome. And with that,

53:04

you’ve been in tune with another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective. This is Hamza and Katherine Jansen Byrkit.

53:13

Let’s stay in touch. It was a pleasure. Thank you. Take good care. Be safe.

The Power Of Positive Thoughts

We all know what change is, but how does one go about changing their own life? Many people just do not realize that there is a power to change your life to change your thoughts. If they are spoken to with strong conviction at times, their behavior, thoughts, and beliefs can change dramatically. If used in the right way, they will help you work towards your successes.

The first thing you will need to do is to find a method that will use positive affirmations and visualization techniques. This gets you out of your comfort zone and changes your thinking. These methods have proved to be effective and can give you wisdom and encouraging results.

A powerful tool is known as positive thinking and the way it works is that you use positive statements to replace negative ones and overall mindset. It doesn’t matter what it is that you are saying, it just has to sound positive.

Can Changing Your Thoughts Change Your Life?

One of the most powerful ways to use positive words is to visualize moments of something positive happening. It can be anything from losing weight to getting a new job. Once you do this, you will begin to notice the positive things in your life.

To visualize the things that are important to you, take a walk in nature, or take a trip around your city. It is important to be able to look and see yourself reaching your goals with confidence. This simple visualization will get the mind into the right frame of mind to believe the positive things that you want to see in everything.

These spiritual mental images are also called affirmations. You can start visualizing your goals in your mind and then write them down. Creative visualization will keep you in situations where you are motivated to work towards your goals. Once you get a good grasp on your goal, you can move onto the next step.

How Can I Change My Thought Process?

Affirmations can be written down anywhere, in the form of a sentence or a phrase. This helps to focus your mind when you are writing the words down. Your mind will become more aware of your goals and you will begin to see how much you are progressing towards your goals.

Once you have started to apply these techniques to your life you will find that using these techniques gives you the power to change your own life. You can easily do so. Just remember to use positive thinking techniques to get you to your goals.

The first step is to think of something that you want to change and the second is to think of a way to achieve that goal. Now that you know your goal, start thinking about how you can change it. Your goal will not be reached overnight, but you can have a very positive effect on your life.

Once you begin to think positively, you will notice how your thoughts will become more positive, and then you think. You will be able to visualize your goals much easier than before. As a result, you will begin to feel much more positive about the situation.

Don’t give up if you don’t think you can accomplish your goal immediately. It may take a while for you to get used to the idea of thinking positively and believe in your abilities. Take some time to learn all of the tools available and practice the techniques over again.

The thing to remember is to always believe in the power of positive thoughts, they can turn your negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Positive thinking is the key to success in many aspects of life.

To change your life, use positive thinking and positive thoughts. This will lead to a new and better you.

Positive Psychology – What Is It?

Positive psychology may be dismissed as mere happy talk. However, many psychotherapists say that their techniques offer an essential balance to the traditional focus on illness and trauma as primary components of the medical picture. The term "positive" is wide, covering a spectrum of methods that promote individuals to explore and understand their own personal positive emotions, feelings, and traits.

In short, they are a comprehensive approach to treatment that incorporates both psychological and physiological treatments to help individuals overcome negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

While it’s difficult to quantify and scientifically validate the positive psychologists, there’s ample anecdotal evidence that they are indeed providing valuable assistance to patients who have been unable to overcome depression and other psychological difficulties. The majority of these professionals are trained in the mental health field and can be found throughout the country.

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your World

Several sites offer reviews, ratings, and ratings of individual practitioners as well as overall positive psychology. Most of these review sites are maintained by individuals who have had positive experiences with a particular practitioner.

Many people assume that being a positive psychologist means that someone has to be highly motivated, optimistic, and patient. These aren’t the only characteristics that constitute a successful practitioner, though. Psychologists who practice positive psychology recognize that not everyone will respond to therapy in the same way and that some individuals will benefit from therapy more than others.

Positive psychologists recognize that they have to understand the unique needs of their clients to ensure that they are offering them the most beneficial therapies possible.

Change Your Mind Change Your Thinking

For instance, while many people might assume that positive psychology simply means encouraging patients to smile and take pride in their appearances, positive psychology also includes a greater commitment to understanding. Negative behaviors may stem from poor self-image, negative beliefs about themselves, and/or low self-esteem. While it’s important to address these issues, it’s also important to acknowledge and recognize that there are underlying emotional issues that often go hand-in-hand with them.

A positive psychologist may also work to understand the patient’s problems at an emotional level, which allows the therapist to better respond to the patient and give effective therapy. While it may be true that a patient should expect to be treated as a whole, a therapist should also treat the patient as a whole.

For those interested in positive psychology, it’s worth noting that although it has been around for quite some time, there are still no standardized criteria for diagnosing positive disorders or illnesses. When positive psychology first started to catch on, it was viewed with some skepticism and controversy.

How To Change The Way You Think And Act

However, over the years, many psychiatrists and psychotherapists have realized that the practice is not just a quirk of one group or another and that patients can exhibit all of the characteristics of this disorder even if they don’t have a mental illness.

Future studies will likely provide concrete evidence that positive psychology has helped thousands of people overcome all types of mental disorders and ailments. While no one factor has been found to be responsible for the success rate of positive psychology, some researchers agree that the combination of therapies offered by positive psychologists has been shown to help those suffering from depression, anxiety, phobias, panic disorders, substance abuse, and other related conditions.

Positive psychologists have begun to open up a new era in mental health care, as they have begun to recognize that not every case of depression, anxiety, phobias, or addiction is caused by a mental disorder and that other factors could be the cause of their problems.

What Is Self-Care?

Most people hear their internal voices in their heads; it may not be out of habit, but at least it is their thoughts that form a mental conversation with themselves. The most effective form of the internal dialog is one that supports the positive characteristics of lives. This is where balanced thinking comes into play.

The importance of internal dialogue is that it allows your thinking habits to create, develop yourself, and get peace of mind. It helps you gain control of yourself so you have a better understanding of who you are and how you can benefit from being yourself. When you have a strong mental attitude and the way the mind works, you have better control over your life.

This also limits self-sabotaging behavior. You can use your thinking to take control of your was with destiny, which is good for you and everyone else around you.

When You Change The Way You Think

The second part of self-care is self-care for your body. You don’t have to wait until you get sick, because there are ways of handling this on your own. For example, exercise. There are several forms of exercise to fit every lifestyle. Yoga has been shown to help reduce stress levels and helps the body to release chemicals that help you relax and stay calm. Yoga also has been shown to help with stress management and physical balance.

When you start doing some type of exercise, it makes your life more enjoyable and you feel better overall. There is research that shows that if you exercise regularly, then you will stay healthier and have a better chance of living a longer and better life. By exercising regularly, you will keep your body’s weight in check, which is a factor that helps you with depression and other health problems. Most physicians recommend exercise as one of the best things that you can do for your mental health.

The final aspect of self-care is making sure that your mental and physical needs are met. It is important that when you are stressed out by external factors or feeling unbalanced, you take care of yourself physically as well. Having a healthy diet and drinking plenty of water is a good way to begin.

Having an adequate amount of sleep and getting enough rest is also another way to keep your body healthy and strong. It is also important that you make sure that you have enough time to yourself to enjoy the things that make you happy so that you can continue to take care of others as well.

Getting good self-care is something that can help you do many things and help make a big difference in your life. It is a matter of making choices that will allow you to take control of your mind and your life. It is also a matter of setting goals that will keep you focused on what matters most to you. Make sure that your self-care includes all three elements. By taking care of yourself mentally and physically, you will have a better chance of becoming a high achiever in life.

How to Use Affirmations to Change Your Life? – CEOWORLD magazine (ceoworld.biz)

Summary:

  • Positive affirmations are statements that change your thought process positively.
  • Life becomes truly great when we can think positively and contribute constructively to make a difference in the lives of others.
  • When you want to grow as a leader, you must create a positive and healthy thought process to build your confidence.
  • To build your confidence, you must be equipped with positive affirmations.
  • Hence, follow the tips, tools, and techniques to acquire, equip, and apply positive affirmations effectively to grow as a leader and achieve greatness in the world.

00:03

Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land, you are in tune to another episode of Intrinsic Motivation from a Homie’s Perspective. This is Hamza and I’m really excited about speaking with our guests today. She is the author of River to Ocean: Living in the Flow of Wakefulness, what does that mean? Let me give you a little history. So at 16 she was with our author was suicidal and weighing almost 200 pounds. She was far from feeling or living expansively. The journey of waking up for her began with her suicide attempt and a long hard passage between despair and hope. After healing from the inside out, she shares her message, meaning from the inner world to the outer, Katherine provides insights practices and inspirational stories, as she explores nine aspects of wakefulness nine, wow, then hours gonna fly by. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome the author Katherine Jansen-Byrkit to the podcast. Welcome, Katherine.

01:09

Thank you so much for having

01:10

me. Absolutely. Living in the form of wakefulness is kind of tongue in cheek to me because we had a lot of hiccups trying to get into the flow just to get on and I’m glad that it feels like we have started the beginning of a flow.

01:27

Yeah, exactly. Such a metaphor and such as life, such as life to find the flow and the challenge and adversity of even figuring out a podcast interview.

01:41

Yeah, it’s really interesting, just the folks that I’ve spoken with over the year over this past year, or past seven months, that you know, they were living one life, and then there were a lot of adjustments. And depending on what state you’re in, it’s so interesting here in the United States, it’s not a uniform handling of what’s happening in 2020. It seems like each state has different instances of how they’re dealing with things. And in your neck of the woods. How is life in I believe you’re an Oregon?

02:17

Yeah, we are well, as of this day, and last week, kind of back in a surge, like many states, wason the lower end of the spectrum. So we’ve done a fairly good job. But I think it’s that perpetual sense of the movie Groundhog Day like we’re in what’s called state phase one. And we all you know, I’m now doing my private practice as a psychotherapist on zoom, thank you, and we’re just flattening that curve. And by summer, I’ll be seeing all my people again. And when I getting out of phase one, probably anytime soon. So it’s been this, you know, adjustment to what was temporary is not so temporary, and how to navigate that professionally for me, with my clients, how they’re working. All the different things, whether it’s like now we’re starting the school year, maybe the whole school year will be teaching my child at home kind of thing. So yeah, we’re, we’re in for the long haul, I think like everybody else, and it’s difficult without a sense of leadership, I think for many, for sure.

03:21

Now, one thing I missed, everyone’s life has been affected. And one area that was affected that I’d like to share is family reunions. And so like, many our family was going to have one. And if we didn’t, so we’re like, Okay, 2021. Well, I was speaking to a third-generation cousin. And they were scheduled to have a family reunion as well. And they didn’t. And instead of having it next year, they’re planning on having it in 2022. Because when they when we have the pandemic in 1918, are roughly lasted about two years. Do you think that it’s better to have a worst case scenario of two years versus being disappointed every month? Because we think we’re going back to a sense of normalcy?

04:15

Thank you. That’s an insightful question. And I think every person needs to kind of know themselves to find them their best answer to that. You know, we a lot of times fear disappointment, not that this has not been an incredibly disappointing time. And I would go further and say, a time of grieving a time of big losses for folks and not just at a health level, but like you say, family relationships, potentially jobs, loss of just a sense of normalcy. So is it better for you to plan something in 21 and look forward to it, which then has some good juice some great energy and be willing to risk I may have to let it go. Versus do postpone that. That that That becomes pretty important for people more than they may have realized, which is connection to others. traditions, rituals, contact. And can they wait that out and do okay without waiting? So I don’t know that there’s a formula answer for so much of this, which is part of what can be difficult. It’s experimental. I’m more of a mindset, personally of like, throw it out far enough so that it’s not just a hassle factor. So monthly, no, let’s not plan it for I’m not going anywhere in January or February in terms of trying to imagine an out of the country trip by 2022 might feel pretty far off. But yes, it’s about how am I What is my greatest wellness in this emotionally? Well, I try to, at some point, imagine a life we returned to normal where we can see our people.

05:54

One thing in a recent blog post that you link to you were highlighting recent research done with astronauts and prolonged isolation. And once upon a time, there was a stronger family unit where everyone lives miles apart. And now where states apart or even countries apart, what did you find in that article where they were comparing astronauts who many of us are not related to prolonged isolation?

06:25

Well, it was nice because it was so much not about a pandemic. And it was just this idea that third-quarter isolation produces something that just is gonna, it’s just a part of the process kind of thing. So so there’s the first, the first part of it is, you know, laced with anxiety and uncertainty. Then there’s like this grieving period, which is more about depression and loss potentially. And then this third stage was about feeling deeply restless, if not rebellious, and somewhat rowdy. And also having all these ideas about things going on. From my understanding of I read the article a couple of times, between the astronauts, they were like in this, like, you’re mad at me, and this has happened to their minds, we’re just making up all these stories, which just seemed to be what are our summer and fall was starting to represent a people regardless of whether it’s wise from a public health standpoint to re-enter or re engage or push the envelope. There was this angsty feeling of like having like wild horses in a corral? So that’s what I related to in that article that this is a human phenomenon, not just a phenomenon around a pandemic.

07:42

And the other side of that is like you had mentioned every month it seemed you know, Lucy and Charlie Brown where she pulls the football up and you know, but now right we’re a week or less than a week away and before it was all for kid but I know more adults here in Georgia that celebrate Halloween and in our homeowners associations adult that net not nasty letter, but to us it was nasty because there’s no Halloween festivities, there’s no parade, there’s nothing. And so after is usually the start of holiday season. And so what does that look like now for Thanksgiving and Christmas? And all the holidays people celebrate Celebrate these last two months? What does that mean to you as far as adjustments?

08:37

Well, I‘m

08:39

optimistic in the sense that I think every difficulty and this is what I have dealt with in my human journey, personal and human journey. The opportunities within the hardship and so I think the opportunity for this holiday season is and is probably not in very much, hopefully not the permanent new reality. But what can it look like creatively that is going to be different than before, different is a loss, but but ultimately, also can be a game. And so I think if we just have to keep going into, okay, we have this restriction and kind of I’ve been saying the words, not just think outside the box, but live outside the box. So maybe we have a different educational level pot. So maybe we have a different little Halloween party, we have a Halloween party. We don’t go trick or treating. We don’t do something and mass, but keeping it safe. But using the capacity we have creatively is so important. And then the question around the holidays, I think pushes a really important but hard thing for people in families and not in families about how do we collaborate and how do we make collaborative decisions or respect We’re not always on the same page. And people have to do what they have to do. So starting with a sense of transparency, what have you been doing? What have I been doing? Would it be safe for either of us to spend these holidays together? Are we willing to do something different, some families are just like they’re canceling larger family gatherings. Others are saying, you know, let’s just quarantine for the 14 days ahead of Thanksgiving, and the Christmas holiday, whatever you celebrate in that, or take a test. So I just think there are a lot of ways to do it. So rather than just it’s on full board or canceled, but it does require communication, a lot of non-judgment because what’s good for me might not work for you. So we have to just live with that reality of my choices mean that you won’t want to see me at Thanksgiving, and still keep an eye are kind of a loving connection. around those differences. bridging differences is always tough for human beings. Personally, these days, it seems. But now this is really about having diversity of perspective, and choice, and still staying in conscious relationship with one another as family members.

11:11

Now one of the fun things I’m sure you’ve seen your share, to have all of the funny means highlighting New Year’s Eve 2019. And then the reality of 2020. And some of the conversations thus far have been some projecting, so I apologize for some of it, but woody feel as far as since we’re still in the middle of this. And it’s New Year’s Eve 2020 my favorite meme has been the watching the clock strike midnight, and then at 1201 the date becomes December 32nd. So we never leave 2020

12:01

Yeah.

12:04

Well, I guess, um, you know, again, I take an I kind of zoom in and zoom out in a way in life. And I have appreciated is those who have stated, this isn’t just this really awful year, it’s an awful year for sure. But some of these things like the social unrest, the injustices, you know, the anti racism stuff that needs to be so front burner, this is not 2020 this is, you know, pandemics have happened. So, it all came to a head certainly in the in our part of the world, the wild wildfires a month ago, really took it over the edge for people because they physically could not go outside this was this was like COVID was gonna be freedom once we could go outside and breathe because we couldn’t breathe in Portland safely. So I think of it as ultimately things are in a process of resolving and this has just been all the things at the same time, which we you know, most of us have not had the capacity for because we’ve not been in a pandemic, this kind of political, these kinds of politics. And certainly the again, the the social unrest and the important social unrest that’s happening. So

13:23

we’ll get out of the year.

13:26

I promise like,

13:29

find your feet, find your feet, those solid ground. Yeah, one way or another. You know, that’s been the journey for a lot of people is they can’t depend on the things they have been used to depending upon to feel well to feel good to have hope. And so that doesn’t mean this is easy, but we have to go to maybe even more core and foundational pieces of life or parts of life in existence, to remain buoyant. And to and again, to feel kind of our own feet in a year like this in a whirlwind like we’ve been in.

14:07

Sure in we were the biggest I mean, for everyone that’s watched everything on streaming platforms, Amazon, Netflix, there’s a lot of documentaries recently just talking about the cons and the downfall of social media. And but one thing that I find that’s interesting, and I want to ask you with someone that’s I guess, quote boots on the ground. There’s there seems to be like these corridors are just like two blocks, three blocks of where there may be some social unrest. But from a national standpoint, you would think that the whole city was on fire and burning and leading and what have you. And we’ve seen that in Portland and then people responding like, no, this is me walking my dog and you know, here that little duckies by the pond, it’s over there on the other side. other towns? So what’s it like to be important in his or other news? They are they giving us fake news by an agenda of fear and disarray?

15:14

Yeah, I would lean way more toward that. I’m, you know, personally fairly liberal, but have been concerned and saddened by the destruction and you know, just a city that I really choose, I feel like I always choose in where I live and, and, and all parts of my wife and it’s, it’s such a special city. So it’s sad to see it getting a kind of reputation that’s amplified to exaggeration, because that, so so both are true. It’s kind of that duality of Yes, there’s been destruction, there have been protests that have turned into riots, and it is not felt safe in those places. And there’s a whole bigger city. That has been Portland and all the other ways that Portland is cool and weird. And we had a show named after us. And we’re not just on a debate stage. So yeah, it’s, it’s been a, you know, a walk to, to be a Portland er right now and have that, that fame, that notoriety. Question from some friends of like, are you? Are you okay? to ask Canada, if you can come live with us here?

16:31

Say thank you.

16:34

I go outside. I can go downtown. Yeah, yeah, me for asking that question. Because it’s such a special city, and we need to reclaim it for all of it. Oh, that it is?

16:46

Absolutely. That brings me to my second part of the question. It was tongue in cheek about your friend asking about Canada. But we are seeing these migrations happen this year in the state of California, in New York, in droves. And so I was just wondering if there was that feeling in the state of Oregon? Is it nowhere in Atlanta, as we say that there’s Atlanta, and then there’s Georgia? So in Oregon, is it Portland? And then Oregon? Are you all together? How does that work?

17:20

Oh, it’s a pretty conservative state in the rural areas, but it’s a liberal-leaning in other ways. So yeah, it’s we’re definitely a mixed bag. And I would never go as far as to speak for even other Portlanders at this point. Because there is, I think, assumptions. That’s what I’ve learned in 2020. I can’t make even some of the assumptions. I thought I was pretty grounded in. But yeah, I would say those that contrast of well Oregonians and and some of those mindsets and, and urban areas, in particular, Portland puts us some say La, and Eugene. But yeah, yeah. Similar to what you described for sure. I don’t know that people are leaving. I haven’t heard that statistic I have for California and New York. In Oregon, I think some people are like, I would never want to be anyplace else. And others are like, this is not what I’m interested in. And so I think there’s movement, I was telling you before this interview and a little pre chat, that my editor and good friend decided to live in Costa Rica. And I’m not going to move there permanently. But I’m kind of thinking because of zoom and I can take my practice on the road, be kind of cool the life in another country three to four months a year, just to do something different. And if I’m not happy with the state of affairs in my home country, so I think we’re all thinking again, and maybe even gonna live a little bit outside the box and that that’s a good thing.

18:54

That’s not a bad thing. Interestingly, you know, I think this is a growing conversation. And I was watching a video recently on the Robert Kiyosaki channel. And they were having the same conversation of you know, whether we spend half of the year or you know, it gets worse. And I love the pyramid of folks I’ve personally served from what have you. And I know that it’s overrun with people from the states in Costa Rica, Mao’s Panama

19:31

cousin, or something. I think it also is this fantasy of like, there is a place where and you know, certainly there’s a place though it goes where it goes, no military and a third of the country is my understanding as a preserve, and I’m an environmentalist. So I love that. And I’m sure they have dynamics and difficulties. And you know, I think I remember somebody said to me, it was as, as kind of an Eastern spiritual person, it was like, I gotta get to India because that’s, that’s the place, you know, that’s the that’s the end game. And somebody says, like, you know, go, but you know, India is inside of us, it’s around us. It’s about just the wildness. And certainly I’ve been to India that exists at some, in some form there that I’m sure I would love to see an experience. But that that idea that there’s another place rather than let’s be here. And then that’s the premise of my book, let’s be in my life, finding the wakefulness within it and myself, rather than I have to move away from what’s happening to be okay to be happy, to be free.

20:46

Wherever you go, that’s where you

20:48

are. There you are.

20:51

That’s it. Since you’re environmentalists, I do want to get your take. Since you did mention India. Earlier this year, I want to say it was around to my attention. late March, early April with again, a ton of means and videos, and specifically for this conversation India, which it has, which has a ton of bad pollution you can’t see in front of you. But in late March, early April, it was clear as day, and there have been tons of videos of animals coming back out. And I want to get your take as a human because it seems like they tolerate us. And if we can’t get our stuff together, they’ll still be around.

21:33

That’s Yes. And you know, I want to be so respectful of those who have been affected, or impacted or affected directly by COVID. Or even indirectly. And afterward self-involved wake-up, call that so dramatically, Italy, you could see in Venice, you could you could see the water. You can like challenge, like that’s not fake, like those are pictures, hopefully, you know, we can trust those at some at some point, we have to decide there is something to trust, that how dramatically can change how quickly and so because a lot of people with higher mentalism and the climate crisis feel so hopeless, like no matter what we do, it’s just now you know, kind of a lost cause. So I think when there can be dramatic and visual, visceral kind of impact of change, of course, we didn’t want to stop traveling, we didn’t want to have to do life differently, because of COVID. Hopefully, it’s inspirational about how we can, you know, protect the environment coming back online, as a species, in different relationship to the planet. In a way, it’s funny, because I live on the rivers, you may know if you’ve read any of the book. And so in the summer, the animals go away, because all the people are out on the river. And I try to set every day if it’s not too cold, or rainy on my deck, looking at the river, and then when the people go away, then the animals come out. There’s eagles, and there’s a sea lion that hangs out getting salmon even though it’s you know, miles from the ocean, and it’s this dance almost. Yeah, we need to be good dancers, with the nature and in the animal world.

23:23

What’s the best way to improve that relationship with the animal kingdom? In your opinion, because I’m immediately sent back to I think it was Thailand, where they had the monsoon, and all those people died. And so afterwards, there was the conversation of the humans like, Oh, this is so peculiar, the water keeps going farther and farther out into the oceans not coming back. And at the same time, all the animals were seeking higher ground. And there was a time where we were all in tune, the animals go to higher ground, and we’d go to higher ground. And that’s not the case today. So how can we fix that relationship?

24:04

Well, I that’s not always a question I get on a podcast. So I appreciate that. You know, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of AI now. So I think until we understand ourselves, and that’s kind of the spiritual premise in the book, is we are that the we? The intelligence is even that we’re finding in the animal kingdom, there’s a new movie. My octopus teacher, I don’t know if you’ve heard of that one. I believe we scratched the surface of really understanding the intelligence and wisdom, the penguin movie that came out like eight years ago or something where I think those penguins take better care of their babies than some humans do. We have a lot to learn, but we don’t we come from a hierarchical superiority kind of place. So I allow is not only Are we equal, but I am you and you are me. We are sourced by the same waters, which is the energy of life, when we have that relationship rather than just like, Oh, that’s a pretty sunset, or I’m going to go to Zion, and what a great national park to appreciate nature. But still, I am its master. It changes everything. Because when we love something, and when it’s equal to us, we protect it. We do. There’s just a natural living in a harmony kind of of like, Oh, you need this great. And I need this and how can we figure out working together? So to me, it’s not just about like giving, you know, funding, you know, environmentalists cost us great, or trying to recycle and doing your part to protect the environment. It is relational. And it’s a fundamental shift in how we experience nature. So my the title of that aspect is nature as you and then as soon as we identify as part of nature, not superior to it, then we’re so self involved, almost taking care of it in a different way. So that’s, that’s what I would offer.

26:07

Sure. And the times that you just mentioned, you’re on your, on your deck, and you’re just absorbing nature, and really appreciating that moment, you had to get to that moment. And so it seems like on earth or third dimension is nothing but contrast. And traditionally, we would all think that our best years are in high school or college, but at 16. That wasn’t the case for you, was it?

26:36

Um, no, actually, a therapist told me something so helpful. It was he said, you’re just having a midlife crisis now. And it was such a big reframe, not that 40 years old, felt close, like 40 years old, I can relate to human being at that. But at 16 it was one of several pieces that gave me a leg up to go, this too shall pass. And, you know, I I’m always saddened by I had a father in law, who’s passed his, like best days were in the war. And he obviously experienced something really profound, through I think, ultimately, male intimacy that felt safe for him as a heterosexual male, that he could just be so connected and be so purposeful. But what does that mean if our Boston happiest times are behind us? But that question of how do I find my deep joy and contentment and fulfillment in life is dynamic. So what, you know, made me happier 25, or what was right for me at 35 is going to be different at 57. So not lowering that bar that like, as long as you know, just as it’s just okay enough now, but man was a great then I couldn’t live under that paradigm myself. I’m married, I’m married 30 years. And when I say that about marriage, like yeah, oh, yeah, we’re gonna keep getting better. There’s no like, Okay, that was great. Like, that doesn’t mean that, you know, there’s not contentment, and just relaxing into 30 years, and we have six children, a blended family, we feel really proud of what we’ve done. But I don’t really ever lower the bar.

28:20

And it works.

28:23

No, that was great. Especially you bring up a really good point about this year. I mean, there’s a lot that we reflect on, I guess that’s why it’s called 2020. Right? perfect vision. And one of which is the traditional or the standard relationships. So there are marriages that are going to be stronger because of this. And then there’s others that, you know, this is where I draw that line in the sand. And so as a blended family of six and 30 plus years, where there are principles that you got you to hold together that makes the marriage stronger, that can go through anything, even a pandemic.

29:03

Yes, and I think that we have those resources, I do probably have my practice as couples work and I do couples retreats. And this is certainly been what I would call a time of reckoning and lifting of the veil. So for those couples that hadn’t done a lot of work around how, you know, just you know, they, they, you know, one can get overconfident if it’s like you have a solid relationship, you feel in love, you’re attracted, you’ve got 10 years behind you, and not even know that you’re going to need resources. My husband, I happen to be a really intense people. So there we are passionately and have always been in love with some depth so that we had to reckon with. We also were pretty unconscious. So from the gecko, we before long before I became a therapist, because this is a second career. We really had to have resources of how to communicate, and I have a temper so I had to learn really learn to regulate my anger, how to repair injuries with each other how to collaborate. And those practices became tools I use, and we teach now. So I, you know, there is no one thing, although communication, solid communication conscious communication would probably be if there’s one thing or repair those two things together. Again, thank goodness, we had that front loaded going into this time, so the pandemic was not a threat to us. And having extra time together and how to figure out, we weren’t raising children. So we didn’t have to do the I mean, they’re grown, so we didn’t have to deal with the homeschooling part. But that’s what is happening. But you know, is it the Is it the pandemic? Or is it the circumstance that lifts the veil, where we can start seeing the truth of a situation that we no longer are compatible, this has been not any longer of right relationship, which doesn’t mean it’s a failure, or it’s time to really have a next iteration of this relationship manifest through some hard work to undo some of what we’re seeing,

31:10

you’re talking about, at a certain period of time being pretty unconscious. And what I’ve also found over the years is that when we when couples get together, myself included, I’m not on the cloud at all. But you know, we’re on the same page, but over time, right, like, especially from our conscious, unconscious standpoint, we grow at different paces. And so how do you how does it how do you? Or how does one, reach back? And that might be judgment? But how do you keep that flame going where you guys were on two separate pages?

31:49

Well, that’s that’s also a really insightful question. Because the part of the conscious relationship is it does not kind of organically or neatly feel threatened by change. But of course, and I’m his third marriage, the second marriage was about there was so much autonomy and support of differentiating from each other, that they literally grew apart, it’s that thing of growing apart. So it’s kind of this wonderful, but important way to know how to have enough autonomy and a sense of growth and bringing, always bringing our most to date, authentic self to the table, but also practices of togetherness and boundedness. So that that attachment stays strong. And so I you know, for example, I think I really dropped into some long meditation practice, like, you know, 10 day silent retreats. And I really wanted Gary to do that with me. And what I actually really wanted was just to make sure he was on the same path of dropping into living from more, you know, just experiencing being present and calm. And, and then if we want to call it that, that was actually what I wanted less a, you have to go to this retreat with me and you have to be comfortable sitting for seven hours or 10 hours in silence, like that just wasn’t his thing. To the extent it was mine. So I think it’s really important to get clear on Is it the activity? Or is it not wanting to be alone? Or are there even other forms on the same path that I might meditate, but you might decide to experience something through, maybe it’s an a passionate activity, like surfing or something where you just get into a zone, that is your zone, that would be the same for me on a meditation mat. So you know, the the path to sustaining and loveliness which is can be a fairy tale and a smart romanticism. People will ask me, is that really real? It’s like what wasn’t real for me because I almost had an affair. 15 years and and that was a wake up call for me. I wasn’t in love anymore. So doing the things that keep us connected and excited about each other. And I would use the word inspired things like staying curious with one another. Which is almost like I wish the guy had put Gary Chapman that is a love language, because that’s often why people stray. It’s that we start acting very interested in each other, much less sometimes acting like we don’t like each other. And I think those are, sadly slippery slopes that all of a sudden we find ourselves like, really not in a great place. So inspiration, curiosity, making sure there’s autonomy, but making sure there’s enough togetherness kind of my long answer to your great question.

34:48

No, I like it in the timeliness is great. Just the other day I was watching the bill maher show and they had Matthew McConaughey on and he mentioned that he and his wife Both of them their parents were married three times. And it’s a reminder to me of you know, long ago, I heard Abraham saying that, from a Hollywood standpoint, we ride off into the sunset for eight year marriages. And that’s okay. That’s one paradigm. But there’s others where we learn from each person. And from a 2020 hindsight standpoint, you’re like, Okay, that relationship built me up, or prepared me for my new relationship. So it’s not like I’m living in the past of Oh, yeah, those were the good my golden days.

35:35

Exactly, exactly. And if we have ideas of what we want out of a relationship, to me, premarital counseling is not about now you guys have a good financial plan? If you figured out your sexual health? Are you okay? If you’re politically different? To me, the real question is, well, you and will your partner do the work when the work shows up? Whether it’s a personal piece, like for me, it was about my temper, or for him, it was maybe about a relational way of kind of being collaborative and kind of working with his defenses such that we could communicate differently, like, Is somebody willing to do the work now you and I might have different ideas about what that means. But that’s, that’s the determinant to me. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen five minutes from now, much less five years from now how dynamic life can be or what things will impact us as at an individual level. But if we’re willing to do the work, and if we have certain standards by which we want an invite relationship to occur, as long as your partner is on that same page, things like conscious communication, emotional and physical intimacy, Authenticity, repair, just some basic foundational pieces. I think that that carries the ball, it really does, for at least for some of us, like my parents were divorced. So I was very surprised that I’m able to be mean to maintain a marriage for, you know, 25 years in a relationship for for close to 30. Like, wow, it can really I really, I at the 25 year mark, there was a, I guess a part of me really, really wondering, even I work so hard at it, that this is truly something with a lot of high standards can be sustained over decades. So so far, so good.

37:27

I’m so confused right now, Katherine, you’re saying that we don’t have to repeat our characters of our parents.

37:34

Let me help you with that confusion. You can leave and that’s not to you, you can stay. And it’s not just a fairy tale, and white knuckled.

37:48

Now, you you glossed over it. So I do want to go back for a second because we have a place here a retreat here where you can do those silent retreats. And there’s couples. And usually there’s the steps to it. So you can do like a three day weekend by yourself or with your significant other, and then build up to seven and then build up to 10. And you kept talking about lifting the veil. I wanted to get your take on lifting the veil with regards to silence. because on one hand, when everything’s everything’s in upheaval of this year, you could get a lot of insight through meditation or through silence. But there was an initial generalization, but the tendency is to fill up that space. If it’s quiet like a deafening silence is a phrase that most people are familiar with. So how do you get to that Zen to just casually throw out a 10 day Silent Retreat?

38:54

Well, I did build up to it. I think that’s actually a neurological reality, because it’s really hellish the first few days for most of us in the beginning,

39:05

the second day.

39:13

Now, I think if we have so even like, I mean, I’m kind of old school in certain ways of the idea of delaying gratification and patience as a virtue like, we can slow down. But we’ve a little bit forgotten how life is moving ever more quickly enough kind of reality of the world. But we don’t have to be on that treadmill. We get to decide what speed that treadmill goes or doesn’t go. But we forget that it takes no development to create and over time, and yet our brain without plasticity responds pretty quickly. So it wasn’t like I’d wait 10 years to be able to attend a Silent Retreat. I did a three day and then I did a session. One day, and then I could do and want it to do that was what was transformative for me, it was like, it wasn’t just like, Oh, this is gonna be good. And then I’ll just be so much calmer and so much happier in my life like, I didn’t want to leave. And I would never have thought that could happen in the beginning, because my mind was so restless, and my body was so restless. So it’s training ourselves to in the slowing down. So I have a little mindfulness practice I do before each session, and I close my eyes with a client, I just kind of we do breathing, deep breathing, and then I drop them into the present moment, just let the mind rest in this moment, there’s no past, there’s no future, turn towards yourself. That’s really different for people like not with an agenda, just experience yourself right now, inside as loving company. And then I wait. And I say whenever you’re ready, go ahead and open your eyes. And we’ll begin and it’s two to three minutes, that you should see there’s, I can’t see it because I’m on zoom, but the the shift for somebody, and they changed nothing in their circumstance, we have not even done our counseling our that’s how powerful it is. And that’s how immediate is and that’s a taste of I mean, my gosh, what it when you can drop into deep silence, which is amazing as an experience of love and calm and insight and and truly transformation. For some of us some of the healing of our trauma, at least partially is deeply served by being with our pain, and then finding the love within us. And I don’t mean this in a woowoo way, in a really direct way, is so much available to us because we’re not in distraction to heal that pain.

41:51

So it’s not an advertising phrase that silence is golden.

41:58

No, but you have to get to the golden, it’s kind of like really rough at first, but temporarily for sure. And that’s an interesting. So going back to what when I say to couples, or any dyad this could be any two people is golden, it means you got to be direct and talk about stuff that’s going on. So if you and I in friendship, silence is golden, the nine year to trust that you’re not mad at me for something for any of us that run anxious and I tend to have run that run anxious in my life and think people are mad when they’re not silence as golden between two people is a an incredible reality because in my whole system can relax. But that means I need to be approachable, if something bothers you that you will actually approach and that I’m not going to be reactive, I can be open and receptive when you do approach me. So silence as a meditator is golden silence between two people is golden. But it isn’t as simple as that just that sentiment, or that mantra, got to do the work.

43:03

Absolutely. Which kind of leads me back to River to the ocean living in the flow of wakefulness. During your journey, you established nine aspects of wakefulness. So I like for you to talk a little bit about what you uncovered. And did you uncover that during your silence?

43:24

You know, it’s through both massages, which are silent moments, because you’re, you’re, you know, silent for an hour or two hours and meditation retreat. This book came to me 10 years ago, just like this new on I’m 20 years into this profession, but I was 39 when it was like Oh, it was in public health. And I literally got the call from the universe year to be a therapist. So the book came in that same way. And it already I knew the framework I knew it was it was basically it’s not a memoir, but it was wanting to help those I serve and also actually my children because obviously I can’t be their therapist, I wanted to give what I been given along the way through a lot of teachers and and and sages and therapists and such animal direct experience, I really wanted to lay that out the groundwork. But I really had to start with what are the initial steps the first aspect is relationship to self that includes intrinsic worth and self love, and working with the ego. People don’t understand the ego. The second is freedom from the mind because the hardest thing like sitting in 10 days silence is about the mind and that if I believe my thoughts, and they are in true, I am at the mercy of the content of my thoughts. So I have meditation in there as well as kind of a practice of challenging thought. And then it’s cherishing the body, practicing mindfulness, embracing death and dying because that’s another thing that our culture really avoids. And then that becomes over time. A source of anxiety though it’s pretty under under surface we don’t know that’s there. So making peace with that doesn’t mean I’m going to die soon, it means I’m going to live differently. And then I pivot to the outer world, which is nature’s you, which is this connection to the outer world conscious relationship, finding our way in a troubled world, which is interesting, I had no idea 2020 was going to happen when I wrote that. And then finding your own spiritual path, because so many of us aren’t really identified with organized religion, but feel called to have our own spiritual path as part of our wakefulness.

45:32

So very nice. Thank you for that. And yeah, you’re welcome. I do want to ask you another marriage question. Since this was my old world as to public health, we my old world where we design a lot of public health labs around the country. And usually, as you were mentioning, your nine aspects that they’re outside of those nine, there’s a lot of segmentation or siloing, where we isolate things, and they’re not holistic. And so my marriage question to you, especially in 2020, since we are dealing with a public health issue, how are you able to bridge those two worlds? Or marry those two worlds? from the traditional science of public health? To the inner work?

46:23

That’s a good question. I would say that we are not one thing. And to your point, I, I am deeply committed to public health practices and, and the sense of community that we all have that mindset of the collective. And I also understand that that’s not the only priority is our health. The suicide rate is up the addiction rate as our marriages are struggling children are struggling. So I just think the idea of middle path is one that’s very real, how do how can we chew gum and walk at the same time and attend to this priority? While we creatively imagine how we can also attend to the others, we get so black and white, it’s this or that? And I just find that to be unnecessary and a lack of creativity? And I know that can sound simplistic, but I don’t actually think it is. And so that’s how I marry those things. And it kind of goes back to the question you asked a while ago, do we make plans and then cancel them? Or do we just wait till 2022, the inner world is where we have our navigation tool, our you know, the captain of the ship of our well being, our inner guide is going to let us know, if we listen deeply and understand how we are cued toward our own personal best practices, it will tell us what’s best for Katherine or best for you. So it’s about having a relationship to the inner world, as we are in this outer circumstance. And so the idea of self awareness is actually pretty huge. Because I can, I can try to do what you do, or you do what I do. But if it’s not really gonna be right for us, we’re probably not going to be able to sustain that you won’t like, you know, those disappointments, you know, and I won’t like waiting until 2022 to four, you know, family events. So I think bridging again, we do this, like, it’s one or the other, a lot of people live in a very external way about just what’s happening in the world. Some people just, you know, huddle up, and they’re all about the inner world. But the marriage between the both is how we are, I mean, we’re really have capacity to do this. And maybe we’ll have, we have to push the capacity on one side or the other depending upon what we bring to this year. But our capacity is huge. Our capacities.

48:48

And I

48:49

did in my second part of it kind of goes back to your Silent Retreat. And it’s a relationship question with the inner self. Because on that first day, there’s a lot of back and forth. But I found that the relationship is they don’t force anything on you. And usually if you’re out of water so loud, like we’ve been trying to get in touch with you. And sometimes we get that spiritual four by four, which seems a lot like 2020. Like it was a time to actually sit back and reflect because there’s too much noise.

49:24

So well, and that’s absolutely you know, what if everybody came out of this with a different relationship to the news with having a pace that’s different and maybe different work life balance like that, we we will not be the same and that’s a good thing. And so that’s what we have to harvest right now. Well, we also have to sustain losses, some sense of uncertainty and just the patience it’s going to take to continue to try to flatten the next curve and come together as a whole and so Yeah, I think that what one can learn from this time and the fact that it just there was nowhere to go. And again, especially with the forest fires, we even couldn’t leave our house like, it just turns you toward maybe something you’ve been avoiding for far too long. And this is kind of the case where I plug get a therapist, if it becomes too much, if you’ve never really sat with your pain, if you have never contended with your mind, because you’re always just active, you know, thinking and doing and not really understanding that part of your existence. Get help with that if you need, we don’t have to do this stuff alone.

50:42

That’s the biggest takeaway that we are not alone. And if I want to learn more about River to the ocean, living in the flow wakefulness, and you have a private practice, how could people get their hands on the book? And how can they get in touch with you for your professional services?

51:02

Well, harbor glow holistic is the overall website where my husband and I have had a number of different practices. So energy counseling, is my private practice. harbor glow publishing is where people can learn more about the book and get it from me directly. If they want it just from me, or an autographed copy with a little note inside. I’m happy to do that. But the book itself is also on all the major it’s on Amazon, it’s on Barnes and Noble. It’s on new leaf, which is a more New Age distributing company. And it’s ebook, audible and print book. We just did the audible a month ago with a woman named Leslie Howard and she’s a phenomenal narrator. And it was cool to hear my own words, Leslie’s voice and was very trippy at the same time. And to realize she was able to do take take over the ocean to even another level, I think of just like really letting the word sink in. And you know, the book is about ideas. But I was so about neuroplasticity, and making sure people had the, you know, self-worth intrinsic worth. But how can I get that there’s no pill you can take so we have to put things into practice. And then I really wanted people through stories, not just my own to be inspired that regular people experience wakefulness and transformation. So with every section, there’s a story about somebody who has experienced that thing in their own 

52:34

So no,

52:36

that’s great. And all of my show, audio files are so happy that you’re on Audible. So

52:45

yes, yes.

52:47

Yes, indeed. And so with that, it’s been a pleasure. And we’d love to have you on again as time goes on. And you reach out from your livers to other oceans, for sure.

53:01

And I would be happy to come back. Awesome. And with that,

53:04

you’ve been in tune with another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective. This is Hamza and Katherine Jansen Byrkit.

53:13

Let’s stay in touch. It was a pleasure. Thank you. Take good care. Be safe.

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