Get Superior Emotional Self Care to Combat Compassion Fatigue in 2021

Get Superior Emotional Self Care to Combat Compassion Fatigue in 2021

Mental and Emotional Wellness

Health and mental wellness are interdependent. If one is poor in the area of mental, emotional, and/or physical well being, the other is also likely to suffer as a consequence. Emotional self care should be an important part of our lifestyle, but in today’s day and age, it is becoming more common for people to neglect the importance of taking care of their health and mental wellness. In fact, many adults feel as though they are simply not capable of taking care of themselves, and they believe that taking care of their health and mental wellness is just too much work.

However, healthy eating, exercise, and regular sleep, not to mention proper nutrition, can go a long way toward improving your health and well being. As a result, many adults now want to take care of their health, but feel that they are just not capable of doing so. Fortunately, there are several different forms of personal, emotional, and mental self care that you can implement into your daily life to improve your overall mental and emotional wellness.

One form of healthy emotional self care is through regular exercise. Although most people feel as though exercise is an exercise in futility, exercising will help you reduce stress and improve your overall mood. In addition, you will find that by improving your overall mental health, you will be able to enjoy yourself more. This will provide you with the necessary boost you need to keep your mind and body running smoothly.

Emotional Self Care - How Do I Practice Mental Self Care?  Wanna know?
How Do I Practice Mental Self Care

Why Self Care Is So Important

Another form of mental health and wellness is through proper nutrition. You should be eating nutritious foods to help you maintain good mental health. Make sure you are getting a sufficient amount of vitamins and minerals, especially if you tend to suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental problems. Eating healthy foods will not only improve your overall mental health, but it will also provide you with the necessary fuel you need to keep your mind and body healthy and functioning properly. Eat right and you will notice the improvement in your health and well being that comes with the proper intake of these vital nutrients.

Finally, maintaining a positive attitude is also essential to your mental wellness. When you are depressed, anxious, angry, or otherwise negative, this negativity can affect all aspects of your life. If you want to maintain healthy mental and emotional health, it is essential that you try to avoid taking on this kind of negative attitude yourself. Instead, try to view your negative experiences as opportunities to learn and grow from them instead. Positive thinking will allow you to overcome negative feelings, thereby improving your overall well being.

There are many other forms of emotional and mental self care that you can engage in that will improve your health and well being. While they may not directly improve your physical health, these actions can certainly aid in making you a happier person. It’s important that you don’t neglect these basic components of your well being when trying to maintain your overall mental and emotional wellness.

How Do You Teach Yourself To Self Care? How so?
How Do You Teach Yourself To Self Care?

Self Care During Crisis – How to Deal With Your Stress During the Crisis

Self-care during a crisis is one of the important things that can help people deal with stressful situations. This type of action is being suggested by experts who have made this kind of a plan for helping people cope with stress in different situations. This plan can be used in various situations such as being on an airplane or bus while traveling, a person in a hospital or any other situation where they are in great need of some self-care. In fact, it can be used in almost every situation to help people cope up and recover better.

For example, when a person is in a hospital, self-care during a crisis can mean taking a bath and eating something that will give them energy and refreshment and help them feel comfortable. It could also mean having a friend or family member by your side during the recovery process. This way, you can take a break from the busy life that you lead and get some much-needed attention. And even when you return home, you can still find time to do your own thing so that you do not have to worry about how you will be able to take care of your family and yourself after a long illness.

The most important thing when it comes to self-care during a crisis is to think that all things are going to be OK even if you have some minor issues during the recovery process. Do not lose hope or feel like there is no hope because everything will be OK. It is also important to remember that all good things come to those who wait for them. Being able to look at things positively is another important thing to remember so that you will be able to handle what is happening to you in the present and will not let the past ruin your future. This way, you will be able to handle things better and will be able to deal with the stress and stressors that may arise in the future.

What Is A Good Self Care Routine? Open to suggestions?
What Is A Good Self Care Routine?

How Do I Practice Mental Self-Care?

We all know that the most important thing in a person’s life is their mental health, so how do you go about practicing mental self care? First, you need to realize that you need to get your priorities straight. If you are a mom with a newborn, then you really need to pay attention to your newborn’s needs and not yours. You may be able to take a short nap while your baby is sleeping and still give him his needed rest time, but when it comes to your own mental and physical health, you really need to get your priorities straight.

Second, you should make sure you have healthy food available to you at all times. In our fast-paced world, it is easy to get away from your body and forget about its need to eat food. When you do this, you are taking your chances of falling ill because your body is not getting the nutrients it needs to function properly. Make sure you eat regularly and stick to a diet rich in vitamins and minerals.

Last, you can practice mental health by having fun. Think back to the last time you were happy. What were some of the things that made you feel happy? For example, did you smile when you saw something cute? Did you find a way to make it fun for yourself? When you feel happy, you will naturally be happy and when you are happier, you will be more productive. People have a much better mental outlook on life than those who are unhappier.

How Can I Practice Self Love?  Love you first!
How Can I Practice Self Love?

Emotional Self-Care Strategies For Daily Routines

One of the easiest ways to care for your emotional health is to maintain a daily routine of emotional self care activities. There are many things that you can do in your life to keep your emotional well being in check. These can range from things that you might find trivial, such as taking care of a minor issue in your relationship, to things that may be more complex, like learning new relaxation techniques, or just having a good time in general. There are a variety of different ways in which one can take advantage of their emotional well being through daily routines, and they all have a lot to do with keeping them in balance and ensuring that they are doing things in a healthy manner.

In addition to taking care of your overall emotional health on a daily basis, you should also make sure that you are taking care of your physical health as well. There is no need to neglect your physical health because you have an emotional issue that is not working right. Your health needs to be taken care of on a daily basis, even if it seems as though you are not experiencing issues that require attention. By taking care of your physical health, you will be able to take care of your emotional health as well. Make sure that you are eating nutritious foods and that you exercise on a regular basis, both of which can help you maintain the health that you have and to make sure that you are getting all of the vitamins, minerals, and nutrients that you need.

When you look at your daily routines and consider how you can be sure to be able to maintain emotional self care, you will probably begin to see some ideas and patterns that you want to continue to follow. One thing that you need to consider when you are looking at your daily routines is the idea of maintaining a boundary of balance. If you are experiencing a major problem in your life, then you will probably find that a daily routine that involves you getting yourself ready for whatever may come your way will work better than a routine that involves you dealing with the problems that you are facing individually. By maintaining a balance between your emotions and your physical well being, you will be able to express gratitude and maintain an optimal impact level of emotional well being.

What Does Good Self Care Look Like? Look in the mirror.
What Does Good Self Care Look Like?

How to Avoid Burnout – How to Stay Passionate in Your Life

To avoid burnout, there are several things that you need to learn and implement in your life. Some of these things include setting aside time to relax, doing chores as a team, and enjoying the power process of working at home. The more you learn a positive care routine and how to avoid burnout and manage anger, the easier it will be for you and your family.

If you want to avoid burnout, you should set aside time every day to relax. This might not be possible every day, but it will help you in the long run. By spending some time relaxing, you will be able to recharge your batteries and have a great day. Doing chores as a team also helps you avoid burnout because when you do this, you will be able to see results faster. Having a routine that you follow is another way of avoiding burnout, as you will be able to know what steps to take in order to reach your goals.

If you really want to learn a strategy of how to avoid burnout, you should also try to enjoy the process of working at home. By enjoying your work, you will find that your approach to focus on the task at hand and get it done more efficiently. Make a commitment or habit to enjoy your development of a business or career because it can help you challenge burnout and you can easily reach your emotional self care goals and dreams.

What Are The Four Categories Of Self Care? Top four listed in the interview.
What Are The Four Categories Of Self Care?

“Serious” Leaders Need Self-Care, Too – Harvard Business Review (hbr.org)

Summary:

Below, I consider the three most common excuses my clients give for their resistance to self-care, and offer some solutions to help leaders overcome that resistance.

"Self-care is just a bunch of new-age, hippy-dippy nonsense" Some of my clients find the entire concept of self-care to be antithetical to their image of what a "serious" leader looks like.

3 simple steps to developing resilience and grit – Fast Company (fastcompany.com)

Summary:

1. Be kind to your body and brain (and challenge them every now and again)

2. Be mindful of who you spend time with, offline and online

3. Spend time with yourself to take your stress out of the shadows

The Fix Yourself Handbook With Faust A. Ruggiero [Interview]

Faust A. Ruggiero’s professional career spans almost 40 years, and is diversified and compelling, as it has consistently established new and exciting cutting-edge counseling programs in its pursuit of professional excellence and personal life enhancement. He is a published research author, clinical trainer, and a therapist who has worked in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, and as the President of the Community Psychological Center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. In that capacity, he developed the Process Way of Life counseling program, and has developed it into the formal text presented in The Fix Yourself Handbook.

00:02

Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon, everybody out there in podcast land, you are in tune to another episode of Intrinsic Motivation from a Homie’s Perspective. This is Hamza. And I’m really excited to speak with our guest today. He is a professional that his career expands over it spans over 40 years. It’s diversify a compelling and he developed some cutting edge counseling programs to boost so he’s in the space of an author, a clinical trainer, and a therapist. He’s worked in settings that has included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, and as the he’s the president of the community psychological center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. And so all of that experience and hands on experience has led to this book, the fixer self handbook. We’re gonna learn so much about it because I think we are definitely on the same page. And as a an intrinsic motivation listener, I’m sure you’ll love to hear what our author has to talk about today. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome Faust A. Ruggiero to the podcast. Welcome, Faust. Thanks. So thanks for having me.

01:19

Sure. Sure.

01:20

I’m glad you made it. And this is kind of tongue in cheek since we had a little editing issues earlier. But since you’re in Bangor, Pennsylvania, we all want to know, is it Eagles or Steelers since it’s Sunday? Well, you know, as we said before, the Steelers are having a heck of a year. Everyone here is obviously going the other direction. But I think it’s gonna be a tough day for the Eagles, they really have to stop, you know, defense off. There’s Pittsburgh clicking on all cylinders this year. I like how we always talk about perspective is everything. And as the leader in the NFC East, and we want all of our Basement Bowls, we may be able to go to the playoffs, only winning like seven games.

Why Self Care Is Important For Mental Health -
Why Self Care Is Important For Mental Health

02:09

If we get that far. They might get there was five though it’s going usually that will be fighting words, but in 2020, you know, anything goes.

02:26

Anything you can get this year, right? Absolutely. I think you know, it’s tongue in cheek that we’re talking about that, you know, my my background, at least in my youth wasn’t done in the Delaware Valley in South Jersey. So I always say fly Eagles fly. Even here in Atlanta, we have three bars, restaurants that are Eagles bars. So there’s a lot of us down here. Hopefully they’re open, at least for now. Huh? Well, you know what, I think as we roll up our sleeves in the podcast, you know, how do we pivot so much in 2020, there’s a lot of depending on who you ask upheaval. And to some people, that is a huge understatement. But there are others that are thriving, and it feels like no matter where we are in history, that seems to be the case, there are some that will go away. And there are others that will thrive. And there are others still that will reinvent themselves to the new normal. And I wanted to get your take on the current state of affairs outside of Bangor, Pennsylvania. You know, you said it yourself. It’s really a matter of perspective. The people that are thriving, or at least making it through this are the ones that said okay, I’m not going to work against myself here. You know, whether it’s the virus, you know, you know, that they’re telling us what we have to do. We need to do that. In Pennsylvania here, we just got the, the numbers for yesterday, we had over 4000 cases. Now, in the early going last March, it was, you know, we get 2025 they have a real concern. Now we’re, we’re going to get to the point where we double those numbers eventually. So you know, we went out and we worked against ourself all summer. And this is nationwide. You know, we went out we partied we, we were close to each other. We didn’t wear masks, we did what we wanted to do. Now we’re paying the price for that. And what I get concerned about is that it’s not stopping people are already planning Thanksgivings that are going to be you know, 20 people in the same room, no masks, and you know, john, wonder what’s going to happen in the beginning of December, you know, so it’s a matter of not working against yourself. And it’s the same thing when we talk about all the protests in the nation. You know, we got discrimination on all different kinds of levels, not just color, we have it with religion, we have it with age and sex and gender, across the board and you know, We really get it, we have to stop being scared of everything we have to be able to embrace, where we are, use the talents and the skills that we have. And there are many, we just have to be able to learn how to how to work with always and we move forward, then. Mm hmm. And since you’re in the you’ve been in the clinical setting, also, oh, I want to share this with you. Since you’ve worked in clinics with deaf children. I just ordered some new masks. And these math cover I mean, they no longer cover my mouth, right? I mean, they cover my mouth, but it’s kind of it’s see through, and I never really even thought about it. But the death, I mean, not that there’s a lot but there’s more than we would think of deaf people that can no longer communicate because they can they can’t read lips in public. I have a couple people, I’ve one fellow that’s coming in, and he is deaf. He’s an older person. And then actually, he’s a man now he’s in his 40s. But someone I had when he was 10 years old. And, and I saw him in a store, we began to talk and he had some residual hearing. He said, You know, I’m having trouble. And I said, so I, we backed up for about 15 feet, and I pulled the mass down. And then I said, Okay, we talked a little bit. And you know, and I, it’s the first time I thought about it, too, not only deaf people, people with hearing problems, don’t even know what they’re reading lips. They’ve Incorporated, the brain adjusts and incorporated. So yeah, that’s a real difficulty. And they have a hard enough time as it is they’re kind of, you know, out of the loop, if you will. And now we have them further out of those because they can’t see what we’re saying. I’m in the other side of it, which is funny, in my experience, right? I’m single. So I’ve noticed that if I wear a mask, and I run into the opposite sex, we’re reading each other’s eyes, and then I’ll usually let them determine. So if they pulled down their mask, it’s kind of like, Oh, you you’ve reached the next level of meeting me.

What Are The Aspects Of Self Care? Please let us know.
What Are The Aspects Of Self Care?

07:04

It’s interesting how we adjust Not only that, how the brain adjusts, but how we adjust socially. I’ve heard other people say that you know, if they don’t want to talk, it’s kind of a convenient thing. Now we Okay, well, the masks on are really got to go. But if they want to stay, they may move back a foot or two, and they may pull the mask down and you know, a social signal, I’m interested in taking this a little farther. So, you know, he’s talking about new, normal, these are all things that happen in it, we readjust and we start looking at different ways to get back to a position that we can operate in. Now, the second part of that, when you’re talking about the social signaling, and I want to get you, I guess the clinical aspect of it is in 2020, there there is that, I guess, backlash and I’m sure you’re gonna, you’re gonna stay very busy for years to come about social isolation there in generations before, like, late if I’m originally from Delaware Valley, I mean, we had generations of family that still live there. And now we’re kind of spread out around the country. So if you’re living by yourself, and then what happened in 2020, happens, you’re isolated. So I think there is some level of us wanting to buck the trends just because we’re realizing how important it is to have that human interaction. And there’s no doubt about that, you know, when the virus hit, you know, we thought it was gonna be relatively temporary, or it might be a few months, we didn’t understand anything about a pandemic. Now, we’re, we’ve been through it, and there’s been loss, and there’s been all the things that have happened with the virus, and we’re gonna go do it again. And we, we desperately want to get close to people. And you’re right, then, as part of the reason why we went out and did what we did. But you know, again, we have to do is adjust that and determine some other ways. And there are ways if you really think about, there are ways to, I’m going to when we’re done here, I’m going to be going with some meeting some family, voice, brothers and sister coming in, and we’re going to, we’re going to stand far enough apart, but we’re going to spend, you know, a couple hours just talking to that we haven’t seen each other in several months. So there are ways to do it. That’s the key. If you bucket and say, Well, I got to go back and I got it. And I’m gonna do this because I missed this. And you do it in the ways that that are going to hurt us, well, we’re just going to prolong this thing, but we can be creative, and we just can’t do it that way. You know, we’re not we’re not going to hug we’re not gonna have those embraces and all that close stuff, but we can certainly have contact. Let me ask you this since you you deal with children, you have to deal with adults. And as it relates to 2020. And I’ll give you an example for us, my immediate family like others, the family reunion was canceled, and so we we pushed it back till next year, but I was speaking to some distant cousins and their immediate Family looked at it from a historical standpoint. They said, well, in 1918, when this happened roughly lasted about two years. So our family reunion is going to be in 2022. And the reason why I pose that to you, since you deal with all walks of life, is is it better to treat us as adults and say, This is what it is, there’s so many unknowns? And this is the long range plan? Or do we treat everyone like children and say, oh, it’ll be over in two weeks. And then two weeks pass? Oh, four weeks, and we keep playing Charlie Brown and Lucy with the with the football? You know,

No Peeking! lol Answers to the Puzzle (Download)

10:38

I just did an interview with someone the other day and asked almost the same question. And I said if the answer is, absolutely, we got to go the adult route. If nothing else, we’re training those little minds around us, what they’re going to watch what we’re doing, and whether it has to do with the virus, or it has to do with the way we treat each other as people, or it has to do with the election, whatever it is, you know, what, what they see is us and it you know, they hear us, they watch us behave, they watch it, you know, that’s what young people do, they look and they and they’re learning, they’re like sponges, so we really got to be taking the adult view on this and, and bear down a little bit work with the facts of the facts, tell the facts always point us in the direction of the solution, we’ve got to put the facts together and just do that. It may make us feel uncomfortable, but it’s really not killing us. You know, it’s, you know, we don’t like to be uncomfortable, we don’t like it the way you know, the way we don’t like it. So, so we try to get it back. That’s what the burden, our brains are designed to make us feel comfortable. So it’s always about in our minds about going in the direction of comfort, but sometimes that comfort is gonna have to be prolonged so that we can survive long enough to get to the next comfort zone, and so on. I always tell people, if you’re making decisions, make them with that little one in mind, what’s that person watching me do? Because that, you know, we don’t like when our kids get older, and they and and they’re, they’re doing things that we, you know, that we think are wrong, but we were their teachers? Um, that was thinking at commercial. Where’d you learn to do that? I learned it from you. Don’t smoke while it’s while you get the cigarette in your hand? Right? Well, the stay in the same vein, right, with the center dealing with the whole range. And we’re talking about children. How important are words you said, you know, this is killing me. And on some level it is. But you know, we use hyperbole so much that children I mean, not just children, it’s kind of hard to understand what people are saying like, I’m in traffic, this is killing me. And like you said, if you’re thinking about the children in mind, how important it is, how important is it with phrasing and using our words, you know, I have a whole chapter in the book on language. And in the book is written in so that it’s only three or four pages, all the chapters of that, and then I get the advice at the end. But I have what I call language reciprocity. And what I’m talking about is that there are two types of language we we talked to, we use language to communicate. But we also use it to think so not only does it express what we what we’d like it to express, it has a tendency to mold how we think so when we’re interacting, and we’re saying this is killing me, or we’re this virus, I hate it, I don’t want to do this, all that negative stuff we talk about internally, we hear ourselves saying that, and there’s no one to tell us otherwise. So what we say internally is usually what we do externally, and then that language is heard by other people. And, you know, so now we have the second phase of it, okay, now they’re hearing me talk in this either negative or positive fashion, you know, and we train our brains to either be positive or negative. So I always tell people to start with the way you talk to yourself, Know yourself, I’m not just saying positive things, I’m saying, Be solution-oriented in your thinking, be able to adjust to what’s going on, and be able to say, Okay, I’m in traffic, and it could be a half-hour could be an hour, I really want to get to where I have to go. But this is where it is. I can make this Okay, but the music on relax, and just get myself through it. Or I can be you know, banging the steering wheel and hitting the horn and cursing at people and I have choices. So it’s always dealt with the positive language internally bring it and bring it out externally, then now for internally versus externally, I guess that’s the eternal battle, and so on. Another word I want to ask you about is the word war. And so I’m in my 40s I remember the war on drugs, the war on Blank the war on that. And it seems like, with that word, anything associated with it, it didn’t work. So The war on drugs is probably the biggest it’s ever been. And I guess I’m saying that as Oregon just legalized all hard, everything. How important is it with I guess keeping your center like you just said that the battle with the internal and external but you’re turning on this mass media or your phone, they may have a different message that is contrary to what you’re trying to achieve?

15:31

Again, you know, that that’s negative stuff that though the war on this the war on that, you know, we always think we have to fight some kind of battle, all we have to do is put together a plan and move forward with it. You know, so So anytime you get into you tell yourself, you’re going to battle with someone you have already started from the beginning saying, this is going to be difficult. It’s got to be the war. You know, it’s not if you think we can do anything we want to do if we put together a viable plan for it, you know, you use Oregon as an example, they’ve decided, Well, you know, if we do that well, we’ll cut down on, on crime, and we’ll cut down on, on, you know, dirty needles, and all those, those kinds of things. And, and that’s great, but it’s a bit limited thinking, when you think about we’re going to have an extreme addiction problem, you know, it’s going to happen, and they’ve decided that they’re, you know, it, they’ll do what many states are doing, they’re, they’re going to attack the heck out of the drug sales, you can buy all this stuff, that the state makes a lot of money, then they’re going to put some of that money back into rehab facilities. And that’s what they’re saying in Oregon. And I said, Gee, that’s kind of scary, because a lot of people are going to die, and families are going to be decimated through this, but it’ll be legal and people will make money. Hmm. And since you’ve worked with substance abuse centers, I guess the next question that I that I’m thinking of is the movie where to Bob, where to invade next? Did you see that documentary? I didn’t? Yeah, so I mean, I’m about to say the name which could trigger you. But so Michael Moore, he did this documentary a couple of years ago. And you know, as a person that does documentaries, he phrased it as the US has lost a lot of wars since World War Two. And they wanted to come to him and find out, you know, what can we do? And so they’re like, where do we invade next? And he took it to, as you know, where do we go around the globe, and take what other countries are using and bring it back home? And so it’s really, I think you’ll like it from an objective standpoint, just another viewpoint. But he covered as we were talking about substance abuse, and some of these countries in Europe, everything is legalized. And they found that there was initially that rush, like, I guess, Christmas morning for kids like, yes, oh, my goodness, all the drugs I want. And then it kind of petered out. Because it wasn’t the whole taboo thing, or it wasn’t. I think people are more educated about long term abuse. And it’s the crime went down and all that. So I’m just bringing it up, because it’s so new for Oregon. And I don’t know, I don’t do hard drugs, but I’m just trying to imagine, for the big picture, is it better in would that be like the template for the rest of the country? Again, you, some of it will be better, you’re not going to have the crime, you’ll have cleaner conditions, more control over what’s going to happen. But no one really knows where it’s going to go in terms of addiction, because the hard drugs, you have some of your recreational people, they’ll, they’ll you know, they’ll snort heroin at once a month or use cocaine on a weekend or something. And then you have the other people that can’t stop and they lose everything. And those are the concerns that I have. Those are the people obviously, I’ll see in the office. A lot of the weekend warriors, I’m seeing the ones that are losing marriages. And you know, and, you know, I think I have three people I put in rehabs in the past four weeks, something like that. So, you know, those are the concerns and how we’re going to deal with that. And that’s what I go back to what I said before, it’s not, do we legalize all the drugs, and what is the plan? And how are we going to cover all the bases? And I just think in this country, we have a tendency to go so fast. And we don’t pull back and say, Well, wait a minute, what about this piece and this piece Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it? That just means that we have to figure out how we’re going to cover those things that we haven’t thought about. So you know, you can talk about drugs, or you can talk about bringing people into the country, you know, from Syria, those kinds of places. We can do a lot of these things, but how do we do we got to sit down and put an entire plan together, cover all the bases and then move forward on something and that’s what we have a tendency not to do. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we’re not we’re a relatively young country for I get a lot of short-sightedness in with that since you’re on the front lines, you know, some other conversations that I’ve had. And we talked earlier about social isolation. But the other aspect is or that that is question is, would addiction go up because they’re not being treated, or you seem out on the front lines of not being able to cope. And so they’re, they’re going back to that dangerous comfort zone?

20:28

Well, that’s part of it. The other part of it is, we have all this social isolation. And what a lot of people are doing is they’re using substances to cope, you know, alcohol sales are way up and Pon and then and then we’re getting other drugs. And so now, what’s happening is they’re isolating and using greater amounts of drugs, and then not getting any help, you know, or it’s way down the road by the time they they’re trying to get to help. And we have a whole lot of work to do. When you put isolation and substance abuse together. Boy, that’s just a real dangerous combination.

21:03

Hmm.

21:05

And forgive me, because I know we’re talking a lot about symptoms, you kind of wash through that. So I want to kind of switch gears a little bit. And earlier I was talking about attraction or law of attraction, if you will, in the way I have posted it initially, or what sounds to me, I guess, as a single person is Oh, oh, who is she? And what do I do? What do I have to do to meet her? But what I’ve also found in 2020, that meeting business owners, you know, men and female, that are not, they don’t have that negative outlook, they’re, they’re actually thriving in their hat they have, it seems like they have something that the others do not have. And they’re humble, they’re not in your face about it, but it resonates so deeply. So let’s switch from going to symptoms to finding out what’s the best path to changing your internal life, you just brought up exactly what my entire book is all about. And it’s about getting strong inside, what and again, I also have a chapter when we get to the love and all that kinds of stuff that in the latter part of the book, where I tell people if you are looking to get someone to complete, you stop, it’s never gonna work. If you’re trying to impress someone, you know, we do that, that that peacock dance before we meet someone, but you know, eventually, the feathers go down because you can’t maintain that energy level that that long, what I say is just getting strong on the inside, be comfortable with who you are, get to a balanced place where you’re not overly emotional and not full of conflict and trying to make things happen, the more you try to force a relationship, the worse it becomes. Just be comfortable in it with who you are, and just bring that to the situation. And those are the people you’re talking about. They’re humble. They’re not bragging about anything, they’re not trying to impress you, because they themselves are comfortable inside. They’re just bringing that to you. And then you get that you say, Boy, this feels nice being around that person. And if two people are doing that you have the makings for a really nice relationship. So are a lot of people angry with you Faust? Because when you said you don’t complete me, I’m thinking, what is that Hallmark and all those channels are going to go away? broken up there visibly. I mean, I think I’ll be getting a hallmark mail that says you’re killing our bottom line here. And I’ll just get back and say no, just rewrite your cards. But bottom line is, again, why would you want to have a relationship that is so fragile, that you depend on another person to make you feel good, and that’s what we do. And when the other person doesn’t come through, we get angry or we pull back or we go try to find someone else. I just say, Be who you are, be whole, be who you are, and feel good about yourself, be able to meet someone and say if this works out, that’s great. If it doesn’t tonight, maybe I made a new friend or I just had a really nice experience that, you know, was nice for the evening. But I don’t know that I want to go forward. And it also depends on where you are in your life, or you’re looking to build a long term relationship or you’re just going out and having some fun, or you don’t care, either way, man. It depends on where your perspective is. But I always say regardless, I don’t care if it’s falling in love or it’s putting a new business together or trying some new things in your life. The stronger you are, the more confident you feel. That translates into how successful you’re going to be and how good you’re going to feel about it. So it’s always about being strong on the inside. Huh. And I didn’t think they wake up this morning think I was thinking I was going to talk about Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel. But here we go. I bring that out and people will let me put an asterisk in the next question. So the next question is with regard to that because you said that if, if I’m not, that person’s not meeting my needs, I’m leaving. And so the generalization, hence, the asterisk is there’s a 50% divorce rate, but over 60% of the divorces are initiated by women. So we’re both on two different pages of how we see things. And you cover the topic of a love a lot. But it sounds like we have two very different

25:49

definitions of it. I’m not so sure the definition is different, the expression is what’s different. Bottom line, core core core, from person to person, pretty much as the same, we’re all looking for a lot of the same things, we express it a bit differently. But really, it’s pretty much the same, you know, and I tell, I’ve always said to people, if you go out and you meet someone, and he had a great time, but it’s not the person that you want to keep moving forward with, maybe there’s other things you’re going to get from that person, maybe it’s going to be a friend, maybe you’re going to from time to time see that person and maybe go out or, or it just becomes a friend, a social friend or part of your network in some way, doesn’t just because it didn’t go the direction you planned, you know, your expectations weren’t satisfied. It doesn’t mean that person can’t be in some way shape, or form some part of your life. So it’s, I always again, I say go into it with an open mind, go into it without saying I’m just I, if it’s me, I’m saying I’m just going out and having a nice time this evening. wherever it goes, it goes and I’ll see where it goes. As the evening progresses. If I think I want to, you know, drop the mask, and so to speak, as you were saying before and see her again, I may do that. And if it’s not that type of situation. Maybe I just made a friend that evening or or, you know, I meet other people through that person. I mean, there’s no reason to discard them. Mm hmm. So, I want to ask you a question about connection. And so it’s we’re all connected on some level, since we’re all human. And you said that it doesn’t work out the way I wanted it to. There were, I would like to say a whole globe of people on December 31 2019, that had plans and things didn’t go as planned. So how much is there a percentage, if you will, of our plan is not going away in a higher order of what we’re actually here to do. You know, and I talked about those those expectations as destinations in the book, you know, I want this when it gets there, I want it to be this way, or I’ll just be I’ll be a lot happier when I get there. And we know we’ve had this. But you know, there’s really a lot of time between now and when I get there. So things can change drastically. And I’ve always preached, be happy with the journey, that’s your life, moment to moment, day to day, if you can do that, you’ll get to those those destinations you want. And when you get there, you’re going to be much more happy with it because you’re happy with your life and the person that you are. But you know what I hear people say, you know, the bucket list kind of stuff. When I hear people say, I want this or I wanted to go that way. I’m used to seeing unhappy people, they’re looking for quick fixes, or some type of, you know, magical destination that’s going to make their life better. And they’re expecting to see it when they get there. Well, almost all the time. It’s not the same way we expected it. The universe just doesn’t hear what we say and say my god yes, get that guy that stuff. It doesn’t work that. Well, let me ask Right. I mean to be wonderful. You put you put your order in and get what you want, but it’s not gonna happen. Well, what if it does, like let’s just say I mean, on a small scale, and where I’m going with this is the guest in that another perception? If it’s too easy, it wasn’t worth it. Right? So if you’re asking for things in sometimes universe, that’s all you’re asking for, like, is that a self worth issue? Or you’re like when you said a destination? You have no idea I’ll be happy when I’m a millionaire. But what about two or three or four? in the universe of like, that’s all you’re asking for. So how do you determine is that first of all, is that a self worth? worth question? And if it is, how do you move beyond that?

29:44

It’s always a self worth question. You know, I just did an interview with someone who was talking about millennials and they want things right away is what he said. And and to some extent, that’s the case but what really it is, and using that as as just as an example. We don’t teach the processes of acquisition, we don’t teach people how to get from point A to point B, we tell them what point B can look like. And we want it. But there’s an acquisition process, there’s all the steps, the little steps that we take to get from one point to another. And a, we’re not patient enough. And they were not confident enough to say, Well, let me do all those things. Because really, if you do the work, almost always you get to where you need to go. We don’t like the work. And we’re not confident about our abilities to get there. So we dream and we play the lottery, and we do all those kinds of things instead, but really, it once we get strong and we we know who we are, to answer your question, the magnitude of our accomplishment, it just it increases tenfold, because we are now we know how to acquire things, we know how to go inside ourselves and get those things. And that’s when it’s all about and you can do anything you want to do. But you got to, you have to be able to learn how to make it happen. And you got to learn about yourself first. It’s interesting that you said processes of acquisition in I’m in the in the tech space. So it made me immediately made me think of artificial intelligence. And it also made me think of YouTube. So from a YouTube example, from that algorithm, or their machine learning, if someone sees an hour video, or I don’t have time to watch, right, and, and for me, I’ve watched it into x. So you know, I’ll probably get a little further along. But the, if they see shorter videos, and it’s short and quick, you know, the algorithm rewards you for that. And I’m just thinking, when you talked about processes of acquisition, you talked about the process way of life, it’s 52 internal processes. So when somebody when you talk to someone, and you lay out that process, is it 52? For every week, there’s a new process? Or do people just automatically book like, that’s too hard? You know, and that whole question just asked is, it really tells you how I designed the book, I looked and said, Man, we’re not, we’re not learning the long approach anymore. We’re not, you know, people don’t want to read the the 50 page chapter that goes through things over and over again, it’s more like microwave learning today is what I call it. And so when I wrote the book, I wrote it all the chapters in three to five pages, is that in the topic, gave all the information in about three pages, and then I tell them exactly, here are the exact steps you have to take, if you take those, you’re going to acquire the processes. So but what I did, instead of just making it a short presentation, there are 36 chapters. So they’re going to, they’re going to read a lot, there’s a lot of work to do. But they can take it one chapter at a time, doesn’t take long to read four or five pages, and then go right to the end and say you have to do this. So the learning is different today than it used to be you are right, right on the mark. And, you know, algorithm is the neat word to use, because it what it does, we will try to get that and someone says, Well, let me write this. And then you can get that you can get it quick. And that’s what we all want. But there is a process of learning. Even the guy that wrote the algorithm had to learn a process. So he could write that algorithm. Mm hmm. You know, so we want to teach people, okay, great. You can use all these these short approaches. That’s where that’s where the society’s going. That’s where technology is going to take us. But in the meantime, there are certainly ways you can you can you can use to develop the processes and those who develop the processes get ahead. You know, if you’re the user of the algorithm, that’s great, it went fast. But if you’re the developer of the algorithm, and you can do that over over and over again, you make a lot of money. Mm hmm. Absolutely. So you’re either the guy that does it, or the guy that use it. And if you want to be the guy that learns the processes, and then applies them to your making your life better, then you become the person with all the skills and all the tools. And that’s the one everyone wants. They don’t want the person who watches you to films, everybody does that. They want the ones that develop YouTube films that can teach other people. Those are the people that again, that those are process people.

34:28

I love it. I love it. So okay, so earlier this year, you know, we had a lot of upheaval, and one of which was the initial statement that universities are going to close for the first time, namely Harvard. And so when that announcement was made, there was a lot of kicking up dust if you will, and they kept the school open. So we come to find out that The foreign national students pay and cash the full tuition. And the Americans, you know, go by semester or by year. And so it seems like outside of our four walls, that the greater global society is working on processes. So how can we become more competitive to the showing that the short sightedness is leaving us behind? You made that statement A while back, we’re a young country, and this young country, more than any other young country has developed during the information processing times, you know, what, we are a modern young country, as opposed to the others that had to learn processes, you know, they had to, you know, the old nothing was there, you know, in black and white televisions, if they had television, they didn’t got to the point where, you know, they still listen to the radio, so they really had to work processes, just to be able to get through their days, we are We live in a world of convenience. You know, we don’t go to an outhouse. You know, when it’s five degrees out, and it’s 20, you know, 20 yards from the house, we just walked in the in the bathroom, and away we go. That’s, and that’s kind of how we define everything. So that how do we get there, that’s a personal decision. It’s really about how successful you want to be. It’s about how competent you want to be. It’s about how happy you want to be. And when when you rely on everything from outside. And that’s really what we’re talking about. All that’s this way we do things is relying from everything outside of ourselves, then we can’t develop processes, we can’t learn how to do things for ourselves. So where did we become dependent people. And that’s what’s happened. And really what I’m talking about is learning how to become independent, but really how to becoming strong inside and it’s not hard. Everything we have is already in there. We just got to go get it. Mm hmm. I do want to ask you about since we were talking about algorithms would thank for following along with that. I appreciate it. One thing that I really enjoyed was another documentary, it was called the social dilemma. And I don’t know if you’re familiar with that one. No, I’m not. Okay, so it’s on Netflix. And in there, we’re talking about that gentleman, right? Yes, it’s a relative I know, you know, like, right. Okay. Okay. Now, I know, I know what you’re talking about. Perfect. And so when the reason why I bring it up, because, again, when we’re talking about algorithms, and as a consumer, right, their job is to keep us on those platforms. And so if their job is to keep us on their platforms, they’re going to feed us what we already know. And when you’re talking about these processes of acquisition, and in my experience, I’ll use the experience in my day. So in my day, for college, you did, it was luck of the draw, you didn’t know who your roommate was going to be in the dorm, or you know, your apartment. Now you can use social media, you know, all about your roommate, and your parents or yourself may choose not to have that person. But for me, having that luck of the draw, I would have met somebody that I never would have in the added to, I guess my life experience. Now, it seems like with social dilemma in the way were set up, that we are going to miss, there’s going to be a lot of blind spots just because we’re not aware of them.

38:39

Absolutely, no, you take that example, and what you’re saying, you know, you can now pick your roommate. And if you didn’t like that person or something about them, you push them aside. And I said, Well, you know, we’re keeping all this sameness in our lives, we like that. We just saw that with the election, you don’t vote the way I vote, I don’t like you, or I’m going to stay away from you. But those are the people that add all the color. Those are the people that come into our lives, and they and it’s color and texture and all those things that we never saw before. And we integrate that into into into our perspective, and it, it enhances who we are. And we’re missing some of that with all the sameness. And I can see why they write those algorithms because people keep coming back then it’s a comfort zone. It’s not it’s not challenging. But the challenges are, you know, that little and comfort, uncomfortable place for a while. That’s what really helps us grow and really makes us become confident and enjoy our lives. So, you know, I’ll take the unknown roommate and see what I can get. In 2020, right. Some people are saying it’s a perfect vision, right? The other way another perception is it’s a reset. And so we’ve covered a lot of you know, determining internal versus external, but if it’s a reset, and I’m starting all over, what is the first step that I would need to take As a part of the fixers of Handbook, you know, all the terminology is the new normal, it’s a reset, it’s all this kind of stuff, what I’m telling people is just stay with the person you make that your foundation unit, you’re not, you know, you’re not turning it off and starting all over, this isn’t, you know, turn off your computer, and Windows is going to give you a whole new update, this is he still you stay, stay true to who yourself are to who you are. And then now look at what’s going on and see where you have to make some changes. But don’t lose yourself in this don’t think that you’ve got to remake the entire human being because first of all, that’s impossible. You know, there’s enough that that’s already in print, you’re not going to read, you’re not going to reboot, but what you’re going to do is take who you are and make some adjustments, don’t fight the process, look at the new things and see how you’re going to integrate those in your life. But but but by all means, you know, this is it’s new, it’s new territory. But it’s not this three-headed monster. It’s just it’s some changes that you have to adjust to. And you’re capable, by all means. The people that you talked about, you know, before he said, he, you know that they seem to be confident those small business owners, they looked at and said, Whatever happens here, I’m going to work with it. And I’m, you know, I’m going to make some changes. And they did that they didn’t get they didn’t, you know, get overly emotional and lose themselves and say what my God, what am I going to do here now, they looked at and said, Alright, I’m going to, I’m just going to pull back a little bit, look at the facts. And then I’m going to implement some new things in my life. And I’m, again, the implement is the word not change my life just implement new things. And then the change will take place from that, I’ll be able to have control over what I’m doing. Now, what we’re seeing, I want to ask about your backyard. So in California, in New York, we’re seeing significant changes happening on one of which was Elan Musk, and his battle with the governor about opening the states so he can keep his business going. And there’s been this Exodus, right, like a lot of people going to Texas and other places around the country. Businesses are finding they don’t need to pay that high corporate real estate bill anymore because people are working remotely. And now I am embarking on working internally. And so now it’s 2021, everything looks different to me. And the spouse that I’m with, or the friends that I’m with, they’re no longer around. That sounds scary. So is that normal, or should we be comfortable feeling uncomfortable?

42:54

To things, that’s not as different. It’s, everything’s under a microscope. It’s how it’s happening more often. And the scope is certainly greater, but we just were reacting with fear to so much of it. It’s going to be uncomfortable. I talked about that in the book, there is growth in the uncomfortable part, the brain adapts to that. It has a thing called reaction formation and the brain. And what it does is it says okay, I’m comfortable. But I’m going to make a new comfort zone. Brain always goes to make a new comfort zone. So we’re going to be uncomfortable for a while that’s a process. It’s just like if you’re you decide you want to work out and you’re you know, you never did this and couldn’t do a push-up. if your life depended on it. Well, you start and maybe it takes you a week, you get one out, and then they’re two and there’s three, and you’re uncomfortable and your shoulders hurt. And then the next thing you know, I can do 10 I can do 20 because you work hard, you stuck with it. And what was uncomfortable has now not only become comfortable, it puts you in a position to challenge yourself to do even better. That’s how powerful the human mind is. If we allow it to be, we got to stop talking ourselves out of this stuff and avoiding a little bit of discomfort. That’s where the growth is. That’s where we’re going to find all our confidence. Thanks for that. I do want to echo that sentiment because I did put away the wings and I’ve done 10 to 20 push-ups. So when the Eagles call, I’ll be ready to suit up. And I’m just gonna, when we hang up, I’m actually called them to let them know you’re ready.

44:34

We might get to those seven wins. They need to be growth in the uncomfortable call home.

44:46

I do want to ask you about we were talking about algorithms and short-sightedness or the way that you’ve changed. You’ve worked the process to meet people where they are and one thing that I didn’t Definitely want to, you know, give you kudos for is giving you extra or for you providing excerpts about your book before they even buy it. So what’s the one I wanted to get your take on? I know it has micro commitment. So it’s like the first date if I get the first you know, I don’t want to say first base. You can’t say that in 2020. But if you know, you want to go to the next level, there are these micro-commitments. And so was that the thought process behind the book, as well as, let me give them a little bit of this excerpt, and then they’ll get comfortable with my writing style to buy the book? No, actually, it wasn’t. There are two parts to my website. One is is that where the excerpts are provided, so they can see that, and they can see what they like it is what I was concerned about. And then the other part, I have all the chapters, I have a chapter outline where they can see all 36 chapters. And there’s a nice paragraph that says here, here’s what’s going to be covered in, in the book, again, you want to be comfortable enough about what you’re doing, I’m comfortable with what I wrote, I know it’s going to help people, there’s no doubt about that it has already, I want them to be able to look at that and see that it can work for them, and feel good about it. So it’s really my way of saying here, here’s what it’s all about. You decide for yourself, I’m not going to try to market you into anything. Here it is the book, the pages are open, look at it, see if you like it if you think you’ll like it, purchase it. If you don’t, then you may not feel it’s for you. The last question I want to, there seem to be patterns in history. And it’s interesting to recognize the pattern. And so in my previous life, I was in corporate, and this was the early 2000s. And one of the experts, I was in a designed architecture design. So we did research labs. And so one of the experts that used to be a road warrior with me on the plane every day, he was there because he had he was set to retire. And his portfolio was flamed because of the.com crash. And in 2020 we have a lot of our work, we’re going into the holiday season. You alluded to it a little bit earlier. But we’re going into the holiday season, and we have our grants and our great grants that may be home alone or in nursing homes. What would you suggest to what can how can we include them if they cannot be with the family like they usually are? You know, if we have the technology we can do the zoom and Skype things if we want to. Sometimes depending on if a fella coming in and what he did, what he took advantage of, you know, of halls not being rented and rented a hall for his family. But it’s a huge place. So they’re going to go in there and they’re going to social distance and all beat together. He did it that way. If we use our creativity, we can still see people over the holidays. But we try to adhere to the limitations so that we don’t spread the virus and we don’t get sick ourselves. But there’s always a way to do something. I get concerned when people say, Well, I can’t. And I say Well, did you look at all the possible alternatives. The problem is, it’s not the one you want. So then you kind of got angry and throw a little hissy fit here. Let’s get away from that, okay, you know, you’re either going to violate the principles and you’re going to, and you’re going to do this anyway. And you’re going to take the risk of spreading this whole thing again, among the people you love. Or you’re going to say, let me see how I can do this in a different way. It’s not going to be the way I want it to we’re not going to have that Christmas or where you know, we’re we’re chugging the eggnog and we’re having a great time and everybody’s hugging and then we sit down full bellies, and we watch a movie, it’s not going to be that. But what can it be, you know, and you just might build something that has a really, you know, a lasting historical perspective for your family. Remember back in, in 2021, we did that and we survived it. And we didn’t think we were going to have a good time. And Geez, we did. You know, we’re able to do those things when we give ourselves a chance. I like that you said that. Because when it’s not usually talked about but putting yourself in the future tense that it’s already past and you’re successful. You have a successful outcome. That’s huge.

49:48

It is, you

49:49

know, people get so apprehensive and so nervous about what’s going to happen and it could be something simple like I’m going to the party and all these people are going to be there and I’m nervous about what I’m looking at. Like what? And then I get there, and I had a wonderful time and I come at I say, Why in the world was I worried about all this? give yourself enough credit to know that in any situation you are capable of performing there, and having a good time, and stop telling yourself You can’t. And when you say that you can’t It sounds like you, you’re not loving yourself. And in your book, you do dedicate a huge portion of talking about love in the different states. Can you talk about the states that we go through too old, ultimately achieve love? Yeah, absolutely. And again, you’re talking about processes, you’re talking about getting comfortable with yourself, I talk about honesty, get honest with yourself, you know, we have a tendency to decide something, and this is how it’s going to make the wrong decision because we really wanted it or we wanted to avoid something else. And then we cover up the facts later on. Just be honest, you might find some discomfort there, you will work through it. Be honest, go slow, you know, take your time, let your brain catch up with your emotions. Because we again, we have a tendency to be people that respond to emotionally first, some people even champion that part of themselves. But if you know, I know, when we talk about computers, I have a part of their I talk about emotions to the brain that are like a virus, you know, you, you, we know we can do something, the program, so to speak, is there and we infuse at all with all this energy that disrupts the whole program. And that doesn’t mean you can’t be emotional, you can’t, you know, show your emotions, but show your get the facts first, you know, let your brain do its thing. And then you can emote, later on, you’re gonna find that when you do that, you’re not infusing your world with all this negative energy, this fearful, angry stuff, get that out of the way. You know, you start, you start to work with that, and you start to realize the, you know, I’m not fearing all this stuff anymore. You got to get older. And the other thing I tell you about a puppy about loving themselves is you got to light yourself first. You’re not going to love something you don’t like, you know, you know, that’s like, you know, at the end of a relationship, or someone says, Well, I still love you. But I’m not in love with you. And I don’t like you anymore. I don’t want to be with you. Well, yeah, well, once we don’t like something, it’s too hard to, to be with it. So we got to like ourselves first. And that means taking all those little components that we think don’t work and working with them and facing them head-on. And in the book, I give everyone all the steps to do what it’s really easy. It’s not as hard as you think it is. But you just have to do the work. And you have to also recognize that working with yourself and learning to like yourself and change things is a lifetime premise. It’s not something you’re doing in those 1010 easy steps that some people tell you you can do. It’s every day of your life. And you’ve got to think you’re worthy enough for it. Do I think I’m worthy enough for me to work on me? If you don’t start there. You’ve kind of sunk. Yeah, that’s where you start with, I’m good enough. I’m worth this. Mm-hmm. I like the example that you gave about the family member that had found that rented that space. And on the surface. Many people let’s just say 100, people didn’t think 99 people didn’t think of it, but he did. And so he’s finding those diamonds in the rough have, have you found? What have you found to be diamonds in the rough that others aren’t thinking about with regards to your speaking engagements or workshops? You know, I find diamonds in the rough everywhere. That’s when people will say, well give me some of them, you know, and I’ll go get them. I know those are mine. You know, that’s from you. It’s just what my day unfolds. Like,

53:57

what I tell people is look for them. You know, this man said, I can’t be with my family. It’s, you know, one of those old families that always spent the holidays for 100 years that it’s not going to happen this year that he rethought it. So it’s sort of like if you want to help someone, you know, don’t wait to someone for someone to come and say, I need your help you look for that person. And you’ll find them everywhere. If you look for things, they will I’m going to be positive and I’m going to look for something. I will find something almost every time I look because it’s there, no one else is tapping into it. So he dismissed this man took the the What’s happening? What is hurting everybody else? Gee, I can’t go out and rent a hall and a guy who really wants to rent his hall. He really needs the money. And he said, Well, let me put these two together. And this thing, this hall accommodates 200 people and I have 40 that are coming in. Well, we have a lot of space at the tables aside, but families together laugh have a good time and what And then they built games and whatever else they did into it. So you don’t you create the diamonds in the rough in your life, depending on the situations you’re in, and you look for all the options. It’s the biggest thing I tell people. Look, always create options in your life, whatever thing you do, make sure you have options. There’s Plan A, B, and C and whatever. You’re the diamonds are always there. They’re there with you every day you’re not using them. Hmm. I think the term is a seek and ye shall find you got Oh, yeah. So someone is seeking and they want to seek the fix yourself handbook. How could they find that? And also you do the workshops, speaking engagements, and counseling. So yeah, if you can tell us how we can get in touch with you on social media all that would be great. Absolutely. I’m all over social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, all those things. You can get right to the website. The website is my name, foster ruggero.com. Or you can type in fix yourself handbook. It’ll get there. We provide the links to buy the book, and you’ll find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble all the usual retailers. And with that, you have just been tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective. This is Hamza and Faust. It was a pleasure speaking with you, man. Let’s stay in touch. Same here. I agree. Thank you. It was wonderful. Cheers.

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