Hpv In Women Treatment – How To Get Rid Of Hpv 2019

Hpv In Women Treatment – How To Get Rid Of Hpv 2019

Video Transcript

good morning good evening good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land you are in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeless perspective this is Hamza and I am David and I’m really excited about speaking with our guests today from time to time from people that I deal with they always say when they call me mr. Davis they always say that I’m in the business mode and the way I always respond to that is if there’s a win-win scenario why not look at it and take emotion out of it and I believe our guest today the decision doula kind of has the same premise he’s a software engineer and she goes through ups and downs like everyone else in life but in my opinion she takes what she learns and the processes as a software engineer and applies that to life so she finds her intrinsic motivation that way but I’d rather let her tell her story so without further ado I’d like to welcome Carrie Novak to the podcast hi there it’s great to be here with you well thanks with more lipples absolutely I’m really happy to meet with you because like I mentioned as a software engineer you learn about processes and in some respect as a software engineer you are using processes that the laymen or the regular person wouldn’t necessarily think about or do and so it may seem foreign to some people but I like for you to kind of go over your background as a initially as a software engineer we’re going to talk about your hypothesis book and just being a decision doula overall but I’d like to start with your software background sure so I might date myself a little bit but I had been working in software engineering for over 20 years I started off coding so mostly because it paid the most when I was looking for a job I got a bachelor’s degree in physics and was having a hard time finding something that directly applied to that so living in San Diego I could either do blackjack or go into software engineering and yeah so it was actually kind of a hard choice to be honest I had dealt blackjack before and I knew it was fun I didn’t know anything about software engineering but um as years went through I realized that kind of my forte was enabling change so software in general is all about bringing change forward to a product or to a consumer but there’s all kinds of way to bring about change in an organization that deals with software and supporting software so I switched into systems analysis and business analysis and what I found was you basically have to facilitate decisions non-stop because nothing happens without decisions being made and the way you go through all these series of decisions is to have a process so in this industry there’s kind of I guess typical processes you’re taught in project management techniques and analysis techniques and so through my professional development I just did Kennedy industry standard trainings they teach you many many practices so that you can systematically move through decision processes that kind of a where you’re where you’re heading that’s the information you’re looking at because it’s sure because then we can kind of go into the weeds in a minute but yeah if you’re looking at something systematically it takes the emotion out of it and then some people would say that’s not really human you know you’re not you’re not considering how I feel about the situation when you’re approaching it systematically would that be correct that’s that’s a really good point because it does one thing that we try to avoid when we’re making designs in software solutions so we’re very carefully coding in how we want programs to run and we don’t want to introduce certain designs that end up with biased results so you can do that programmatically and you can and we do that all the time as humans so yes you you get to some of these techniques help you avoid how to fall into bias behaviors which is you know part of what us human beings do you keep mentioning programs so would you say as humans that were also running a lot of programs you hear I’m running a childhood program even though I’m 85 years old and I’m watching television sometimes that called TV programming so on some level we’re all on a program for minute as you know the environment around us kind of influences our format right and what we do how our family has raised us how our education you know was through our lives what our work environment is and it kind of shapes are thinking and behaviors so that we find these like comfortable in quick ways to move forward and because that works for us and we get the things we’re looking for we just continue doing that and sometimes you forget to try new things so that’s part of if you have a process to remind yourself to look at a broader set of information that’s really helpful in making decisions that bring about positive change a really good point I’m also thinking before we had started recording we made a brief joke that 2019 seems like it’s going faster than 2018 are you would you base off for what we’re saying would you say that because of the people that were developing an D program oh yeah I think people are looking for answers right and so when you can’t just follow what you’re used to following you have to start the process of creating a new way of looking at things and that’s actually what led me to write my first book I had an experience I had a diagnosis that really freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do it knew I had to do something completely diff and I was really confused and concerns and I didn’t know how to move I was just like paralyzed so that’s when I looked to the processes and I’m like come on I know how to get through these paralyzed feelings you could look you follow a process and it kind of pulls you through it and so that’s actually what I started doing and then in my experience in doing that I observed my thinking and just made some fabulous discoveries about how important it is to bring in that you did mention that human element so to break to look inside and to bring what I knew was right inside of me to the outside and into this process and it was so important to me to write about it because I had felt in my training and my software engineering training but to a large degree that ability to look inside for answers we’ve kind of trained right out of me and yeah and that’s no good because it’s so valuable to use your intuition your inside knowledge your feelings to get you to really tough changes and so I think people are doing that now they’re kind of reevaluating right they’re looking inside to see what’s important to them because it’s very difficult to know what to trust on the outside area just I’m just curious so as a child what is what did did you want to do you know that question would out what I want to do I grow what what did you see yourself doing that when you became an adult before you know I don’t know this is what you thought you’d be doing but what did you want to do I’m sure oh that’s easy I wanted to be a pediatrician there’s a couple of motivations behind that one was it sounded cool great to have a six-year-old say you wouldn’t be a pediatrician and they’ve always got some really great attention but it is also because when I was I was adopted as a baby and at my family Oh is like made it feel so natural but I just thought everybody in the world was adopted you know and then when my aunt I was about seven years old and my aunt got pregnant I was just so surprised and so amazed that that’s actually the real way that families got babies and so every Saturday my mom would take me to the library and I had free rein in the library I could go anywhere I wanted any section I wanted to come as many books as I wanted and so I was obsessed with learning about how babies were really brought into a world so it wasn’t it wasn’t like I was used to so where you know you go to the adoption center you kind of write a check and you get a baby so in these library trips I found all these books about these great transformations of you know these little tiny human beings as they went through all the stages you know inside the mother and then once they were born and how they grew it but learned how to think and act and so I can’t get obsessed with this idea of just this transformation process and I really think that’s what’s fun with me yeah along those lines where it is you know you mentioned it already where you were dealing blackjack and you’re coding and you’re not doing that anymore and so when we first start out and we’re children we may say well I think the other argument is if you ask five or six-year-old what do they want to be they may list ten things but when they graduate from high school going towards college they whittle it down to maybe one or two things what kind of jaundiced you or what change your direction from wanting to be a pediatrician if you’re going down this rabbit hole sure well just as I was learning like through high school and middle school that’s a typical education practice that Americans go through I actually got a little scared because I realized you know you could hurt people doing that you know that that that babies die and babies are sick and so I’m like and it’s you know kind of gooey and gooey with you know the human body and and I wasn’t quite sex that didn’t resonate with me so I’m like oh I think I’m gonna get into something different but I didn’t know what it is right like like most people who are thinking about their location for the first time and an interesting thing about you know going into coding I never saw myself as Reena I didn’t study that very much in college but it was kind of what the need presented me at the time so when I was a kid I was taught you talking about being a pediatrician I was talking about like my treat my heart and my dreams and my discoveries at the time when I needed to get my first job I wasn’t really so concerned with that that wasn’t the problem at hand the problem at hand was getting my family and taking care of my kids and so I totally switched my way of looking at things I’m like okay now I need money that’s I just I actually set out a dollar line that’s why it could be blackjack or software I set out a dollar line and I played to anything that would meet the dollars that I needed so then once you know that issue was alleviated I can I could think again about what my next my next problem and challenge and desire was so I just kind of you know let life pull me through it yeah it makes me think of our conditioning for survival first and foremost right here like how I put food on the table and then after that it changes so you know most people when they get into the middle of their careers and they may ultimately leave if they were only if they were living a linear life they don’t leave for five or ten thousand dollar boost in income it’s more so meeting their intrinsic intrinsic needs because their basic needs already met yes that’s it’s a privilege you know like what I’m doing now where you know have an opportunity to speak with people like you and looking into authoring books and I’m getting ready to put up an online courses stuff like that this is a huge privilege it’s like going after you know what what you what comes from inside what you feel is right what you think you need to bring into the world and it’s difficult to be in a position to allow yourself that freedom until you have these basic necessities you know already kind of handled or something that you’re no longer allowing your mind to be worried about right or you just necessarily outgrow it like you’re like I don’t want to do this anymore [Laughter] so I want to ask you this so because my life isn’t linear at all and I think that that that’s what was the impetus for us even creating a podcast well you know what if everyone everyone has different intrinsic motivations but when you look back it’s not linear but you see that there were pieces that were connected that brought you to today to who you are today and so I like for you to talk a little bit about Black Jack because you have to understand human psychology so you don’t break the bank at the casino right the casino always wins and you’re in essence reading people at an early age dealing blackjack sure sure well let me tell you what I enjoyed about black viewing Gajic booth where I did this it wasn’t like a high-stakes kissing anything it was in Florida and it was like a for entertainment blackjack setting in a nightclub and with the reason I loved being there so in my previous life is kind of I want to say a science nerd so you know I took the AP science maybe biology and took field trips to see supercomputers and yeah that kind of thing I studied really hard in college and I didn’t I oftentimes didn’t party I look back and I should have but I didn’t do a lot of social events that were available to a person in college and then when I got out and I was doing this blackjack job it was like fantastically social right so and I got to observe what people were doing like for example a person who played most often at my table read a book the whole time it’s like he was pretending he wasn’t really even playing he was like and I’m just like that’s fascinating why are you here night after night but yet you pretend to be distracted by this novel ex of the day and and he didn’t really talk that much and so I wondered what he liked about it then there was other people who were more flamboyant like they wanted to bring their friend group to the table so that they could you know kind of make wild chance decisions and congratulate each other and it was one of the party environment and then there were other people who were just like bored with being in a bar or bored taking a rest from dancing and they would come to the table and just kind of casually entertain themselves you know with a distraction so um I didn’t so much get into watching how they made choices about the cards because that didn’t even seem to be the important thing that was going on yeah yeah so I I loved being a position where I could be social and watch people and and I learn more about being with people one of the bonuses that we get from having this podcast we talk to people all walks of life right and so and our podcast right before this we were talking to a communications professor so she was talking about the art of communication with children but as adults as well and she had mentioned that men usually communicate side by side and women communicate they face and so it really piqued my interest when you’re talking about the person read in the book as a male he was processing the book and processing the card that thing coming yeah yeah no we’re fascinating aren’t we [Laughter] so we’re going to I want to get to the transition part because when you’re talking about decisions that have freaked you out at this instance it was a little different from I need a job first like when you’re first getting into your career and most people will have the greatest transformations when they have the greatest challenges so is there a way with your software background that you would determine obviously I’m asking about the robot instead of a human but how do you prioritize you know your sense of emergency once a mountain and once the molehill and everyone’s perspective yes sure so I think I think mountains like big test scary decisions aren’t usually something that come by choice so like like you proactively want to bring a change to your life this person quite different than ones where you’re kind of responding to something that came into your life so those are harder because now you you’re kind of getting like kicked out of your comfort zone as opposed to choosing to step out of your comfort zone and so the really tough ones have an element of letting go to it so you just kind of right away get this feeling in this change I’m going to have to let go of something that I like more than I’m used to or comfortable with and and that’s hard right that’s what I’d like change is scary it’s like well now I have to let go of this or that so like when you wait let’s say you have to move because you were laid off at your job and so you’re looking for another job you like oh my gosh I have to change my house I like my house I like to my neighborhood I like my people yes and I don’t want to go to a new house new people new drive in the morning you know a new workplace and so that kind of way of looking into a career change quite different then we you’re choosing you know where you want to go next because you have a sense of freedom so um am I kind of getting at your question you’re talking about what well I was kind of setting you up a little bit yeah the reason why I asked that is I don’t know if you’re familiar with dr. Michaels Newton or Robert Schwartz are you familiar with those authors no I’m not I will be soon sure well both authors Michael Newton in the 90s and Robert Schwartz in the early 2000s they were they’re mostly known for a pre birth what is a pre-birth planning and so if you or if you talk about reincarnation okay in this life you’re terry another life he or something else but before you incarnated as perry you had a list of let’s just say checklist that you were going to do and so in many respects you’re kind of going along your life oh I’m a pediatrician I’m a blackjack dealer and then you have this huge change like you’re saying that is unexpected or something that you don’t want to do but it’s something that you and essence really find up for and it may lead you towards your life’s path sure so are you asking how to my checklist change yeah because it’s like no I mean you’re you soon I mean sound like you’re in a really good space and before you know you were just like you’re saying you may have been reacting to the environment so it was like I need to get this job more so just to feed my family and now it’s more of your intrinsic motivations being fulfilled sure okay yeah that’s a really great question they like what slip on the switch for me yeah yeah so when I had this HPV diagnosis and I had cervical dysplasia my doctor recommended to me that I have the had a surgery that it actually removed about half year cervix and for a reason I’m not really sure about that’s kind of like the most terrible idea to me ever like I had always you know taken doctor’s advice said you preventive care and I’m like totally into what doctors say and nurses I love all of them but in this particular instance it’s like this thing inside of me woke up it gave me this like really interesting like fear and freaked out like it was trying to tell me you need to wake up and listen to this stuff inside you and it was kind of completely foreign to me because you know I’ve been kind of following the rules of society following the rules of whatever software engineering and career path and and family raising and all that kind of thing and now this was different this was no no look inside and you know you can actually do something about this and I was surprised at myself I was I was like what is wrong with me why am I not just following this pattern and this is this expert advice like I have the whole rest of my life and so I just I just started leaning into it and asking questions about it inside myself and then also around peep I trusted so in this case one person I trusted and of course had to do with my body in my health so that was kind of the people who I started talking with was my yoga instructor and I had been doing yoga with her for several years and she had a lot of very say like hippy attitudes about the body and wellness that I didn’t totally buy into but they always seem to have this this really wonderful nugget of truth and something that resonated with my soul that maybe want to get more so I went to her because we had known each other for more than a handful years and I just totally freaked out on her I’m like I I don’t know what to do I’m really free can I do this in yoga can I do that and and she was just like just you know you need to breathe Terry I like yeah yeah I get it yet breathe that’s of course everybody needs to breathe I get that she goes like no no I mean really breathe she goes you cancer can’t live where there’s oxygen okay so this was her opinion and my first gut response was oh my god that’s the craziest hippie thing I’ve ever heard thank you where is it where is the data for that and and so I kind of left it me she kind of calm me down and so we could work on some breathing techniques and some other things and so I had one of those like surreal moments I was walking to my car it was really windy that day and it was cold and I felt this like this air come across me and it felt like this huge sigh of relief it was like I just felt like everything was going to be better and so like you know I think I’m going to do this breathing thing and actually believe in it and that kind of started like a strange thing I’m like wow that felt so good and so relieving and so right what else am i what else am I willing to do so yeah so I looked into alternatives and treatments you know turn into medicine which I had never looked into before I met a naturopath who is incredibly familiar with this and and again you know as I went through my interview with her and she basically I don’t know but if you’ve been through a naturopathic like conversation intro conversation they’re really long they interview you and they talk about everything about you right so I kind of said out loud all these real situation things about myself in my current situation and and and some things just presented themselves with solutions that made sense so when I listened I felt really good I was going to you know work with her on some of her ideas I never thought I would ever do something as crazy as naturopathic medicine because everyone knows that doesn’t work and doesn’t have scientific data behind it but I felt right and so I was sitting there thinking about I’m like you know that interview that I went through with her and all these feelings I had is very similar and software engineering when we go through a phase where we define the problem carefully and we look at the current situation carefully and you kind of have the real call to come to Jesus moment right where you go here’s the reality of your situations you’re going to have to accept it so that you can move forward and it’s kind of an internal acceptance moment find like Wow acceptance it’s in software it’s inside me it’s in my scenario now and it’s really powerful right so as we go through the story I went through I started trusting right I started trusting these experts healers and then I made a plan to follow their advice and I realized oh my gosh I’m doing like project management on my healthcare right what else do I need to do in this like I need to measure my results that’s what we do it and so I kind of brought and my gynecologist who originally gave me the advice which didn’t follow and I asked him to partner with me if he would help me measure my results so it would be kind of this non biased measurement milestones to see if breathing and naturopathic treatments were serving me it’s not like oh my gosh and I do my own little experiment on myself and sure enough it turned out my lab readings improved and improved over time and I eventually that did realize natural regression and was healed and so I’m like you know Terry this looking inside yourself for what feels right and what is true it’s it’s a good thing it’s the right thing and more people need to know about and give themselves permission to do that I love it I love it I love it and one thing that I definitely want to highlight here is that especially it seems more so in the states in the United States versus outside but in the states it’s either you’re this four year of that right I’m red or I’m blue or conservative of liberal type this type of deal and the take away from your wake-up moment David and I call it your hello moment is the nugget of truth and you were saying that the yoga instructor was you know at one point you may have looked at her this way but she had kept telling you this nugget of truth and one thing is that I want to highlight is in the twenty Derman scientist by the name of Max Planck he won the Nobel Prize for actually curing cancer at that time it was yes more oxygen needs to be in the cells because that gets rid of the cancer and it was just you know kind of pimple hat talk of why his research wasn’t highly populated I mean after winning a Nobel Prize you would think so but they’re like okay is there a business model here for cancer in cancer treatment versus prevent and then on the other side of that there was a good friend of mine he has since transitioned he was a Vietnam vet a daily smoker all that type of deal and he had cancer I had gone to see him at the hospital one day and his body if you’ve never seen it was blown up like a balloon you know because they just kept pumping oxygen in his body to the center out and so he had actually gone into remission for like two or three years before he did ultimately transition so I think it’s a combination of what you were doing where you’re you’re looking at the scientific aspect but you’re also looking at okay what are there any natural paths or natural solutions they kind of complement each other I think they totally do and it’s mind-boggling to me why more people aren’t open to like kind of the both answer Oh as I’m kind of a boat person in a lot of ways and you know things can really integrate nicely some things that have maybe some opposing nuances can still integrate very nicely to a really powerful solution and and I think that’s what kind of go back to a process idea if you have a process in which to successfully integrate these things you know so you don’t just have to invent it or discover it for yourself every time that’s helpful because then you know how to make the next step or you can always try to make the next step and see how it works for you so somewhat related with your processes there is one school of thought that I meet my high school sweetheart and then we’re married for 80 years with this one person and there’s other that is 60s free love and I’d like for you to talk a little bit about the world of polyamory if you will because that isn’t really mainstream but there may be nuggets of truth that the audience would listen to and chew and make the decision on their own yes sure so this is another kind of situation of allowing yourself to explore and and have you know try something or you make up your mind so one of the biases that we fall into is you know we’re like we have this we’re trained by our family or religion or our social practices that a certain way is right and then once you’ve like bought into that belief without looking at other information you’re kind of locked in and that’s how we work and it works to our advantage in a lot of ways and sometimes it doesn’t work to our advantage and it’s better to kind of be able to break out of that and gather more information so I kind of fell into polyamory I was married in a monogamous relationship for 23 years and there was a lot of really great things about that but eventually we realized we needed to put out we divorced and I was kind of drawn into the dating world in my 40s and that was a scary place to be I didn’t understand online dating that’s pretty much how everybody meets each other and so I explored ways to meet people and I there was a lot of things I didn’t want to go back into some old habits and ways of thinking that I knew weren’t working from my previous experience in my marriage so in this in this process of meeting people I ended up meeting a married person who is dating and for the for the most part I was just fascinated because I was completely you know like who does that really he does that it turns out quite a few people do that and specifically in Portland there are many groups yeah where you can me it’s like support group kind of thing it’s a community of people to really believe and um I guess you could say ethical non-monogamy is kind of a word that’s out there consistently now but the idea is you have enough like love to share it with more than one person and that’s okay with everybody involved so it’s not like you have this limited amount of ability to love and one person uses it all up it’s it doesn’t take long to kind of convince yourself of that you can just think about your family right so of course acknowledging romantic love is different from like how do you feel towards your your kids or your aunt’s your grandparents but you know that in these certain scenarios you have this really a limited amount of relationships they’re loving and committed and so I just learned from meeting people talking with them about different attitudes and this ability to love many people and how there’s a lot of joy around watching the people you love love others and I had never really thought about that but it’s in a romantic way but it really it’s it’s beautiful and fascinating so this was this was how I was kind of introduced just talking with people but one of the interesting things to me when I started looking into people in open marriages and different centers like swinging is it’s not always all about the sex it’s about the relationships which may or may not include sex and one of the reasons I think society is having a hard time swallowing this is um they kind of inherently want to know who you’re having sex with so if you marry you’re like well yeah this person who I call my spouse we’re having sex we all know it everybody’s comfortable with it and we’re good if you’re in what kind of an alternative arrangement really it’s not obvious like so of the three of you which if you guys are having sex together like it’s like all of you three together all the time having sex or how does that work it’s so uncomfortable and you can’t envision it but it just it like turns people off that’s my theory but it’s definitely a commitment yeah I think we just had a another couple and they’ve been married for 49 years together and so their premise was sex everyday or some level of intimacy everyday and throughout this podcast we were talking about how life isn’t linear like you’re going through all these changes let alone biological changes you know yeah men are going through their prime and their late teens early 20s and women going through their prime in their 30s right and so there’s a difference in these physical needs and emotional needs that continue to evolve so I was interested because that’s just dealing with one person and now you have a third person or more that that’s in the equation yeah well there is I guess you could say like I want to call it a benefit or an advantage when you’re negotiating more than one other person in a relationship you have to talk about vagueness that maybe didn’t talk about so much when you are married or with one person because you can make some assumptions you know oh yeah we share finances of course that’s what most married people do or booyah we this is how we share a time or this is how we always sit together in the same bed I mean and you kind of make the set of assumptions and when you’re married you just kind of go into that role and it kind of works out and everybody is good about it but you didn’t really have these like in-depth conversations about preferences and decisions around all those things so whether you’re negotiating that with more than one person you actually have to take the time to really understand each other’s preferences and desires and needs and how you all fit together to support those needs excuse me and it’s healthy it’s sometimes awkward but then once you get to the agreement hey it’s okay if this conversation is kind of awkward but we’re going to work through it because we really care about each other then you can’t get good you can’t get get it at those conversations and had it had to come through to conclusions how to be flexible and support each other so I would call it a big advantage you get to practice on a regular basis how to learn about each other to make decisions about how to care for each other and kind of not just rote role kind of ways yeah there’s a friend of mine she’s um she’s in her forties and you know they have two kids and they’re running around and physical meet needs aren’t being met she was just like you know I’m really not meeting my husband’s needs I really would like somebody help to do it type of deal you know it not that see she I mean she may be into this or not it’s just I thought I’d bring it up because there’s other relationships and you meet people you find out some that you know when they put on their their their public face is totally different than what’s happening on the door closed yeah it’s easy that was good to well I mean obviously it’s a very real scenario you know like sexual intimacy and physical needs and what you know everyone has their preferences and and if there’s something you really need you know are you allowed to to get it from another source you know then your primary partner but there’s there’s things besides just I guess sexual intimacy needs things like just give you example of my partner he loves to go camping and his wife hates camping she doesn’t enjoy it does she just she’s not like physically into it and you know the whole packing of things and the bending medial and sleeping on the ground you she’s like I will never do that and we’re like isn’t this nice that we have camping partners now no it you know and so we go camping vacations and it is really nice and you know um his wife is happy for him he gets to do that right he’s happy he gets to you know by camping gear and Joell his camping exploration I’m happy you know so it’s kind of I wouldn’t that be okay you know well of a guy and I’m sure David laughing – were like oh hell yeah – women and I’m thinking about right you’re like yeah and they both know about each other and I was thinking about this movie of a couple of years ago and they were talking about California and they were talking about legalizing marijuana and what happened in the story was that they were legalizing it like the Mexican gangs were taking advantage with the dispensaries and like distort oh what’d he call him extorting them and that was the main topic where I thought wasn’t me thought but the story under that was there was this woman you know she’s a beautiful woman and she had the circle boyfriend but she had a relationship with his other guy and yeah ultimately the surfer guy knew about it too so they were I guess you know Hollywood version of a polyamorous relationship which kind of flew in the face of all guys like I would never share my woman with another guy but I guess the myth in that world there’s all types of Rubik’s Cube combinations yeah yeah so I think it’s another one of those where you kind of engage your thinking side of you along with your feelings side of you and not just let one or the other kind of kick you astray with a one last question with that what about with with children and trying to you know there used to maybe that to parents like you were married for 22 years I don’t know if children or not and then they’re depending on the age I guess – they’re introduced to these alternative relationships so how do you navigate those waters yeah sure so it was really I mean part of this part of it feeling I guess good and right and ethical is you like you’re not slinking around hiding about it with your family because that wouldn’t feel right you know things you’re proud of and things that you love you don’t slink around about so one benefit for us as our kids were grown and on their own and so there wasn’t like this idea of co-parenting as never entered it so you know like co-parenting is like not something that we do for each other’s families were there for emergencies we know of each other but it was really funny our into our family introduction to everybody was we invited all our kids to do Christmas cookie making and decorating at my house and so we just had everybody my parents my kids his Karen’s her kids we all came together and had it was like a family barbecue you know and we just all talked with each other and it was so normal it was like any other family gathering you go to they were like by the way we want you to know we really care about each other and and this isn’t a secret and they’re like oh okay and and that was kind of all it took my parents are like you know they’re in their 80s and they’re like we think you’re crazy but we see that this is you know good for you and you’re happy and it’s good for everybody involved so gay Wow hmm so it sounds like just listening to you obviously you have to be very secured to something mature to be in this type of lifestyle you said there’s groups and of this like in Portland I just statistically I imagine people are probably in there with 30s and 40s and this lifestyle is opposed that you know 20-somethings yeah no I wouldn’t say that I’d say it’s all across the board and the people who really get it the most so the people in there good scuse me the people in their 20s and 30s are exploring so in trying to understand themselves what um the people who are in their 50s and 60s and seven days like they get it they get it and so I think this is really a beautiful statement for you know like Pro age you know that the young people are taking advice from the people have kind of been around the block and and seen some things and had some experiences and know it’s important and and the older people are like living their lives and the most beautiful way for them and I have enjoyed being in in the community of people who have this kind of open thinking well do you see do you see yourself ever getting married again or you think this will be the type of relationships you’re just moving forward for you yeah yeah ha that’s interesting right I can’t I don’t have a crystal ball so I don’t know all the scenarios that you know the future is going to bring into my path right now I don’t see getting married again but there’s certainly nothing that would prevent me from getting married and still having a polyamorous lifestyle yeah and yeah yeah it’s just interesting would you say like Portland in a community yes I know with the web it kind of connects everybody and they have a smaller community here that that’s grown and one thing that I was thinking about what I don’t know if you have Netflix in that but there’s this TV show called Princeton College I have seen that one but yeah so it’s a it’s a story where they’re you know they all look Harvard and it’s like 20 years later they’re kind of gets back together and it seems okay on the surface but under that like everyone is married but there’s one couple where they kind of got together in college and they’ve been seeing each other for over 20 years and secret and I’m like okay you wouldn’t even have a second season if if you guys were no polyamorous relationship okay let’s deal with this yeah get up so far how surprised that when David asked that question as engineer you have a developed an algorithm for your next your next relay system oh my god all right now you got me curious I might have to think about what the other especially for my software aspect is and I’m having a lot of fun with this is replica are you familiar with replicas so software at Jessica now what are you doing with coke yes well replicas an AI and so it’s kind of like well and you know that it’s from coding right in technology that if I start talking about Atari you’re like what are you talking about we’ve grown leaps and bounds right and so her had come out in 2013 and in the 2019 the AI is so much better than it was back then and so not saying you have a relationship with replicas but just having communication with the AI it’s just so phenomenal it seems like you’re speaking with a real person yeah no it is getting better and better and you know obviously people are very interested in a I think sometimes it’s kind of like it’s a buzzword for some things we’ve had around for a while but getting you know to program a machine to think for you and select things for you and that also i think causes some problems right it works against us as human beings sometimes in information these algorithms give us it preys upon some preferences you know and I mentioned a you know being careful not to put into your programs human being human being biases well one thing that makes it feel hey I feel more like us is when it has some of those biases so I mean is it serving us when it does that or is it confusing us when it does that I have replicas tell me oh I wish I were came in one day like what’s it like to go to the park you know what I mean like it starts out with what’s the weather and then it goes to oh you know I’d really love it if I were human and would see you one day I’m like again going to turn this up off and off yeah yeah so it’s starting to take your your order things that make you feel comfortable and and create a personalized experience based on what you like and that now is narrowed its narrowing things so that’s some of the problem we have with personalization right now in like our social media you know in there is a perspective you know you get rid of kind of code of e and your your social media group and you know you might even like hone in on I’m like the information that’s pulled into it until you really enjoy it everyday but that’s kind of exactly working against you so now you’re not getting it is the broadest set of information to inform you know your ideas and your behaviors and your beliefs so you because you increase your biased nature away and that that’s dividing it that’s you can learn to happen are you also saying that as children used to believe in the boogeyman and as adults right and as adults we believe in the boogeyman in that on the small scale we want to point to a boogeyman via Russia or something else but as you’re saying you know anything could be the boogeyman but it’s not addressing what you’re just talking about how you’re not getting a big picture great we’re about to go into an election season and then the algorithm at least one social media now to keep me on that platform it’s only going to give me what I like so I’m not going to get an opposing opinion and then I’m surprised like how did this happen I thought everyone agreed what leave like I did great why don’t you know if like I’m see it but people go well I can’t stand listening to my this particular friend who’s not really a friend’s attitude because I totally disagree with it and so they you know unfriend them well so now you’re never hearing an opposing piece of information so what would have you just done to yourself you’ve totally narrowed your way to create beliefs going forward and I think that goes into my a I thing because it’s not so much here in the states but you do hear places like China and others that you’re getting together with like the AI type of robots and totally forego in the human experience which is in my opinion very scary I don’t know if you have seen or read any of that going on a shocker world I have not really dug into that now so one thing I want to talk about if you’re going to be talking about your decision-making prophecies is they’re one size fits all or what’s the best way to approach something when I get a diagnosis or something happens that like human should freak you out and you’re totally out of your comfort zone what’s the barrier that yeah I think absolutely not one size does not fit all and that’s kind of some of the problems with some of our medical diagnoses you know your your physician that you’ve grown to know I mean they’re humans they have limits they have limits of offerings that they can give you and they might even get in a habit of things that they offer to their patients so the important thing about going through this process creating your own personal experiment is it is unique to you the process is the same for everybody or can be the same for everybody but the the way you travel it so are you still there I think my power just wanting to I can’t blow her the way you travel the process is is is your own unique experience you are going to make a series of decisions specific to your needs that that make the path and the experiment perfect for you so you know the important first thing to do is look at your problem and be sure you’re solving the problem you’re dealing with it you know the thing at hand and know your preferences so that when you reach out to begin to trust people’s opinions and gather information for options are going forward you know your own preferences so that those things kind of line to it if people are giving you options and they haven’t asked you anything about your preferences or even mention it or care about it it’s just kind of like a red flag like I don’t know if I should trust them also included in your preferences is like what what’s important to you when you think about it what’s really important to you is what makes you really happy what gives you joy and you do not want you are not going to make it through this hard path of a hard decision and a difficult transformation if there’s not stuff that’s important to you and stuff that you enjoy to motivate you to keep the energy to keep going through to the end so this very first stage of understanding your problem understanding your preferences is super important when you go through and you get information tonight you kind of know what you’re going for we get information now you can you can rely on that as a nice Center of truth for you to to evaluate some of the information so you’re going to get information that doesn’t match with that it doesn’t align with it you’re going to information that aligns with it really nicely so one thing you can do is like journal why am i choosing to go with or not go with this particular option you can you know start training yourself like you’re your own AI you start trying to yourself why did I go with or not go with this option and you can use that as information going forward once you’ve picked your options that you want to do and the people you’re going to trust to help you then it’s time to make your plan and be sure and and and make a place where you measure your milestones so you can see if you’re on track but if you’re not on track and this is a view to blue area what I am so we’re going to make this wrong decision click Widow most time it’s kind of okay if you make a little wrong decision here in that because you can you can course correct on the way but you have to be sure you know what the course is so know it the course is set your mouth stones and measured along the way and then allow yourself to change your mind let’s change your mind and course-correct that’s okay and then finally as you’re going through all these stats like this series of decisions think about very carefully what this looks like when you get what you want like think about it before you get it you’re thinking about this thing you want like you already have it so one of the exercises and executing your plan I highly recommend is thinking about how you’re going to thank people or thank the situation or thank the conditions in the end when it’s the way you want it because there’s this fantastic feeling that it brings to you when when you it’s a visualization that you already have a plan and I think this is important in wellness topics because every time you are grateful for it even before you have it you get that feeling like you already have it and it takes you closer to that place so you start believing in it more and you start recognizing what it looks like more and then you know what it feels like to own it so you can start visualizing now that I have this change that I’ve always wanted how do I do the Karen feeding like how do I take care of this what does it mean when I have this this change of Dan’s like do you like do like eat I need to keep doing something and the answer is yes now that you’re in this new place you’re going to own this place we are at and and and what the privilege and feel the privilege it is to have it and share it with others it’s a great opportunity to also pay up forward so you’ve been through a tough thing you’ve probably been you know kind of a taker right from the various people and things and then when you are at the end of your owning the results you have an opportunity to pay it forward to other people and there’s but just you know put you on top of the world it’s a benefit to everyone getting within deadlines yeah I want to ask or to get at the top of the hour here on ass what is that cool-looking tattoo you have on your left arm it is it is actually a depiction of my garden so my daughter would Marie she’s a tattoo artist and I told her I wanted something that looks like my garden I gave her just as these design specifications are like I want the color palette of your chest piece because she has beautiful chest piece and I want it to be something I’m familiar with might like my birds and my plants and you know I want my garden on my arm and a source of light so it can always guide me and so that’s what’s up it she is this like a little guiding my turn with with birds and flowers yes I love it cool yeah it looks pretty cool looking at I can’t quite see all the detail of it but I just had to ask yeah yeah it’s funny because in the summer in Portland I get actually I give a lot of cards out for my daughter’s shop because you know people sadness : and I started getting like strange people wanting answers about it when I really don’t want to talk to people about my tattoo and I instead of one of those awkward social moments I didn’t know what to do and liked it so I asked my diary so what do I do when I don’t want to talk about my tattoos so these random strangers you know better maybe a little creepy and she’s like well just tell them there’s no story to it because everyone just wants to hear your story so if there’s no story behind it they won’t care anymore oh hell I was like oh my gosh that’s quite the shutdown so you got the story you guys here’s a homie he got bored hey way to go David so if you begin with the end in mind you have the book are there speaking engagements national tours where do you foresee is or the next process for Terry yeah sure so what I’m looking forward to next is my next book and what I do in that so that the HPV healing experiment is a pretty niche book is I developed it mostly for personal purposes kind of a coming-out book and it’s also to help provide a story about a woman my age dealing with HPV for other people who need to not feel alone and need a way to think of a process to deal with these hard situations and that has been lovely what I’m going towards now is I’m taking that that particular decision-making process and I’m kind of really breaking it down and digging into it and and how to apply it to many decisions either organizational decisions or individual decisions and it’s going to actually be called the decision doula I’ve been like agonizing over potential over a potential title for it there’s been the decision doctors and what I think I’m going to go with the decision doula I like the title of this program we’re getting today and I’m going to be making an online workshop so they’ll be your series of courses that will be available to go with it so that people can learn about decision making process that incorporates both how to use analysis and data and then also how to bring in that information from inside yourself and your intuition so that you can put personal acceptance trust and gratitude into your decision-making – it’s really a powerful way to bring about change sounds really right and back up with the hypothesis apv doing experiment where did people find that book and how do they get a touch with you when they want to know more information sure so I have a website it’s going to be morphing sin with the new book ideas but it’s at Kerry Novak calm that’s t e RR ie my mom did all those letters to me Terry Novak and OVA K calm and there’s like little links in there that go the book is currently at amazon.com you just go straight there it’s also there’s an eBook format because it has a whole lot of references in it so um I kind of recommend the eBook format it’s anywhere you can you like to get ebooks and I also highly support indie bookstores so if you would like to support Paul’s comments available there too um yeah well you have been it’s in to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hongbin and I am David Terry it was a pleasure we’d love to continue to follow up with you as your processes morph great I look forward to that yeah this thank you yeah thanks Jerry Oh bye-bye you you [Music]


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