Jane Jenkins Herlong – Comedian & Funny Motivational Speaker

Jane Jenkins Herlong – Comedian & Funny Motivational Speaker
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good morning good evening good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land you are in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I am David today really excited because we’re always looking at the positive David and I always talk about your God winks and all and a lot of people through the years have been talking about marketing lists and I have a bucket list and I got to check these things off or our guest is actually going to give us a different approach to that she’s saying that you should replace your bucket list with a trash it list so are we going to defeat we’re going to get trashy this hour I’m not sure hands from C was growing up in rural South Carolina and she had learned how to trash negative thoughts and overcoming adversity to become a successful woman so we make it trashy but I’m sure we’re gonna have some nuggets in there as well without further ado to the author of rhinestones on my flip flops I like to welcome Jane jinkins her long to the podcast local Jane oh thank you I’m very honored to be here yes indeed thanks for being here and we were talking about you are in a small town in rural South Carolina like for you to talk about your upbringing and I like for you to talk a little bit about what was it like growing up in your small town and what what it used to be like when you were hearing trashy statements from people the negative statements and how you were able to turn that around well I was reared on a Lowcountry South Carolina tomato farm my daddy was a hard worker great guy tenth grade educated but he he really knew how to grow tomatoes and then I was such a tomboy and when I would go to school a dress like a boy act like a boy everybody called me names and I had really big lips and got teased and but you know what I love them now man I love these lips I grew into them quote from my mother and so it was tough though because when you’re little and that little sticks and stones break my bones but words don’t hurt oh they do and so I just decided that I was just going to have let that be a motivation to be better and I’m the this little farm girl daddy we were raised in a tenant house and you know didn’t have a whole lot of assets and I remember the day when the high school girls came over to pick the cutest little girls out of course I got snickered at but I got it determined too because I went to that little beauty pageant Little Miss Merry Christmas and I my brother said we needed a fishbowl and I remember staring at that fishbowl and the girls using it for questions to be retrieved out of and I was so fascinated with it because I realized something that I might not have all the qualities to be recognized and my little friend that got picked over me with her little stick out dress and jacked up to Jesus hair I call him but I realized that little fishbowl with a contribution towards the next step so if you can take those opportunities to go and move up a notch and let that be a inspiration you know what I just need to be better to myself so I can have more wonderful things unfold and that’s where the trashy list comes in even as a little girl I started thrashing things that were not the positive things to help me go and step up does that make sense y’all it totally makes sense and I was I had just watched a couple weeks ago beautiful people did you see that movie I did not but that’s one right down absolutely they’re in there in South Carolina looks like a very rural town and it was one of those you know you can’t wait to leave and people are quote-unquote stuck there and it does have some of the paranormal stuff in there because that that’s what I’m attracted to so but anyway but they have a slant on overcoming how people look at you oh that’s that’s huge and and you know we are so Facebook savvy and social media savvy and we compare everything and it it really is hard on these kids I think and more than anything they’ve got to learn that when you know it used to be in my day and age you pick up a magazine and go oh she’s perfect I’m not was she there brush too girlfriend you know and so so you just got to realize that you have talents and gifts and you got to find them and I do a whole speech call don’t go tomatoes at my field of dreams and it’s funny because I’m a southern humorous but it talks about finding your shine getting rid of or culling the bad stuff and that would be the trash apart or either know when to plow up or plow through and I think those three little nuggets are great to look into for your own personal success journey now have a question so you’re talking about don’t throw tomatoes and plow through and you have a lot of this farming lingo are you saying that women are going back to the farming industry well you know women in agriculture pretty big anymore in fact I’m speaking in Louisiana at a conference called women in Ag and boy you’d be surprised and there’s a speaker out there and instead of farm or she’s farm her because she’s growing her own vegetables and talking about nutrition so you know that’s a big thing anymore about like what you put into your brain because it’s going to show up somewhere else you know what that bet is so huge and so kind of like the tomatoes when you say is that a regular tomato or has that been pumped with all types of who knows what and so you’re saying that there’s a resurgence going into the agricultural industry being led by women maybe yes and it’s it’s amazing I mean I used to work for an agricultural company allis-chalmers out of Wisconsin and they’ve merged several times but I started seeing back then in like if you go to any FFA Future Farmers of America I spoke at their national conference and I mean they all wear blue jackets and they’re great kids but boy the women so that’s really cool it’s exciting to see women doing things historically or male-dominated professions yeah I think that’s the theme of what you’re saying you’re saying that you know if you find your lane if you find in the marketing parody find your niche you’re not going to make everyone happy but if you find something that you’re really interested in doing disguised to win it completely and that’s that’s the challenge is you’ve got to here I go plow through the negative and you know a lot of people love to encourage as long as you don’t pass them by and then all of a sudden you’re not their best friend anymore and they get in jealousy and all of that is a really bad thing and then that’s where the coaling process goes you know you gotta call people and it’s sad you you may have to call family but if they’re going to be energy vampires and not help you reach your best version of you and if you can’t laugh your way through it then you can have a problem really finding what you I caught the law of the harvest you know you look in the Bible and it says so was a man so as he will reap that’s that’s the most solid principle whether you’re a Bible person or not but I mean I look at my brother I have a wonderful brother but he made the bad decision to use drugs and now he’s addicted to crack and I was talking to my husband and I said you know I think my brother’s finally turning around and he said well it’s sad at his age because now his fields are smaller so that was a lot of wisdom in that so and you can start sowing good seed earlier you’re going to have a tremendous harvest as you age very true just a little topical thing I know what we’re talking about Facebook and Sutton a always had those good feel-good stories and I think it was a week no about two weeks ago it was raining really hard and it was cold in South Carolina and the Girl Scouts are out I’m sure they’re out all over the country shot up to the Girl Scouts and it was cold and they were out there you know pushing their their cookies and this guy comes along and like girls he does you need to go inside I’m going to pay for all your cookies and it was like five hundred forty dollars and everybody’s like feel good and then a week later he was busted on like a big drug ring don’t see that rest of the story oh I saw the other one about the hey girls let me help you out here my god yes I’m just talking about heart if I get to go both ways because the perspective he lot you know it he got he got infamous office oh that’s funny I shouldn’t laugh at that but day that’s pretty good because you’re I do it on the side I will be but you’re a comedian and observable your backyard so I do want to go back for a second because you’re talking about wall the hardest and you know another saying is that people are in your life for seasons you know for a day at night or a lifetime and so how are you determining this law the harvest because you know I mentioned beautiful people and I love movies and you can yell at the screen all you want but people don’t hear you so how are you are there dirt certain signs and symbols that you’re seeing in relationships where you have to reevaluate before it’s too late oh yeah I saw I reposted something on my social media site and it said I wish people came with a trailer before I decide if I wanted to be my friend or not so but you know my good friend Larry Wayne gets a great speaker and comedian and he said everybody has a comma after their name and you better like what people say when they pause and talk about you and I think that’s huge that’s like your branding and yeah there are signs I can tell you and really my mother always said the longer you live the more things will surprise you I mean I can you can think you can know somebody and you see how they handle something and it really makes you retract a little bit like you know what I just I’ll have to enjoy that person from a distance you know and you have to you have to I mean I think we should love people but we don’t have to like people when I like you that is so good and I’m picky I think the older you get that the smaller your circle is and it should be it should be I put in my last book you should only have six friends real friends three on each side of the casket and I really I really think that you really need to be careful who you let into your life and people if they don’t fix their trash it moment they could be the worst drainers on your soul and time I’m telling you you can never get back and so you’ve got invest wisely you know you can help people with their trash it lists but if they don’t truly take advantage of the fact that maybe you know let’s help you get to the next step I’m washing my hands I’m done I’m not gonna spend my time and I’ve heard people say you can spend your whole life trying to help someone who really doesn’t want your help and ruin your life in the mean time and I think he will helps you trash things too yeah definitely so let me ask you James so you you said that you know you grew up in South Carolina working in the tomato fields but I imagine you probably couldn’t have imagined where you would be today or the delight that you have at that time so with what growing up what did you want to be when you were growing up you know I just felt like God had his hand on me to be honest and I just felt like there was something that was going to happen I always felt like there was some calling and when you know I was I’ve been very honored I you know was in the Miss America pageant when swimsuits were cool and and that was a big moment for me it wasn’t anything about skin and hello look at me it was like wow I got rid of these fat thighs to walk across the stage in front of a million people I was like a personal win for me but I just kept striving to be better and to do better and truly I mean the Miss America pageant and the standards and that’s what everybody says a pageant pageants but here’s the thing the Miss America system teaches you how to communicate now I can do that and I learned it there I mean I think I had a natural gab before and then it teaches you how to take care of yourself and we call that swimsuit but I call it but what’s my lifestyle and what’s my fitness and then the branding statement of who you are we would call I would call that you know evening gown but how you present yourself your style your Carriger your poise your posture that’s huge for people see you and they say wow that’s a confident person and then talent talent is whatever you do well I mean we were just at church and I was looking at our little fellowship hall and you would not think someone who could bake a caramel cake would would be a person that’s a person with a talent but that great-aunt of mine won the National Grange competition if y’all remember you know I’m first time I heard the word Grange was Little House on the Prairie but she won us a building so any talent can be a big talent it’s just how you use it Oh well said so do you remember your very first no yes it was sitting in that broken chair watching those girls and those big old beehive hairdos and those swishy dresses and I kept falling out of that seat but I was so passionate it’s like I connected and little did I know with my daddy struggling and living in a tenant house and no money and me and my corduroy pants and my flannel shirt and my penny loafers would end up being 17 years later walking across the stage of Miss America and then I academically struggled I was diagnosed as being dyslexic and I didn’t know that I was teaching dyslexic children that’s how I knew cuz I got fired that’s pretty bad and my IQ is so low I’m going gracious I mean I saw it one time the teacher said don’t you let this is your IQ and I looked anyway and I thought lord have mercy this is not good but I read those were the negative things that I just had to say wait a minute and I even told the College Admission I could not get into colleges and I even told that guy I said you have no idea what’s inside of me you’ve got give me a chance and that’s why I remember y’all remember the movie Mulan she sings that song and says when will my reflection show Who I am inside and I would love that I made my children watch it a thousand times I just remember that because sometimes your your inside has to catch up with your outside what about the other side of that and that what I always acknowledge is contrast and so when you’re talking no the next it gave you some parameters as to where you could go right some people would say oh this is my lot in life but here like that gave you your gumption if you will but if you had a silver spoon piece in no contrast at all do you think you would be where you are today you know I wonder about that and probably I don’t think I would be as content because I think is through the journey of the whole thing we’ve heard this a million times it’s not the destination but the journey but that is really big when you start struggling through improving people and proving to yourself that’s how you prove it too I mean when you or with an alcoholic and a drug addict you don’t say oh do it for your family no you go do it for you that’s never going to work and yeah I think that that you just have to tell yourself you know encourage yourself be encouraging people you got to have encouragers and you got to have what Zig Ziglar god bless him I was privileged to know the man he would say be a good finder find good and other people and here’s a real key thing I noticed when I was growing up when I would like first grade I’d sit by a girl that it’s supposedly a little girl that got to be Mary in the Christmas play and had it all and seemed to be perfect I wouldn’t sit there and be ugly to her and throw a rock at her I’d want to get to know her and I’d want a friend her and I’d say what is it and I want to find out what is it that makes you special and it would be always be curious some people just get real internalized jealous bitter and shut down and let me tell you what they’ll take you out that’s what you call mental illness and I can I can talk about that too because my sister bless her heart she never could see her talent she always would look at my talents and she was brilliantly talented and then developed such bitterness and jealousy and five months after we lost our mother she died and I really believed she developed a mental illness for comparing herself and not appreciating what God gave her instead of wanting something that was not in her wheelhouse and about drove her crazy you know what I want to ignored you in that statement for that that actually that’s one of my god links that I needed to hear today because tomorrow is a three-year anniversary for my middle sister who at transition three years ago and I believe a lot of that was comparing herself to others and she had a lot of gifts and living you know see on the outside living the life living overseas cosmopolitan but inside that’s the inside game that ultimately matters and so I think that’s huge and I appreciate you highlighting that point well I appreciate you sharing that too because a lot of people don’t realize how torturous it can be when you keep trying to step out of what where you are and grow from where the gifts you have and it really can drive people crazy and it’s sad okay noticing a dead dude I was going to ask you do you remember the first time that you discovered the power of laughter and being funny and making people laugh I do I my mother was funny and I loved the way she saw things she would we would sit she’d get her hair done great date don’t ever miss that Wednesday morning hairdo thing you know that’s just a self-esteem day and she would sit there at these wink tip glasses on with these little rhinestones and we’d be sitting in that big ol forward fair Elaine or whatever it was and she would make up stories about people and I would love it and I thought she knew him and she didn’t know him she was just entertaining me and my grandfather was a great storyteller and I would I would laugh and I would listen to my mom and I would add to it and she’d say oh that was funny and then so she kind of nurtured the and then every every day at 10 o’clock the woman that was a part of my life a second mama we would watch I Love Lucy at 10 o’clock every morning and laugh and laugh and laugh so that was part of the nurturing of humor and it’s been developed on how I think I think humorist are wired and comedians are wired differently it’s just the way they see things and how they recall things and I see things funny and I’m glad I’m really glad and my mother to the day she died I mean she was funny and I love that about her because you know the Bible tells us a merry heart doeth good like a medicine but a lot of people don’t realize what sucked on to that is a crushed spirit drive the bones you see a lot of people down and out and they cannot pull themselves up and their bones dry up honey and it’s just done it’s over what do you think about the state of of comedy because you know with since their before like you’re saying you’re going back in time and before I go into it I want to make a correction and wasn’t beautiful people the name of the movie is beautiful creatures and there are yes okay I’m going to look that up beautiful crazier so when we were talking about Lucille Ball or others they had economist speak because you couldn’t really touch them but today you know you have access to all these comedians and or anyone it’s celebrities or what have you and so comedians are under fire I know recently Jerry Seinfeld said he doesn’t even want to do the college circuit anymore because anything that he considers like just regular humor would offend one person in that audience and then they’ll start a campaign and you know he’ll lose funding and advertising money in so what do you think about the state of comedy today well even Kevin Hart you know I mean you know with the with the Academy Awards and they went back in time and he said some things or did some things and yeah it’s very it’s very subjective and it’s very I mean I mean I wrote a funny book and it’s a kind of a biblically based uh book and it’s a preachy book but it’s that rhinestones on my flip-flops and it’s really hard to gauge what people would call a clean Christian comedy but I just try to stay in my the dimensions of the place that I know I do the best as a south I spoke in Minnesota and I made a comment and it was y’all wouldn’t believe it it was nothing and boy I had two women ream me out on the evaluations and I get what they’re saying about comedy you’ve got to be really careful and a lot of my material I’ve dropped some things I mean I used to talk about when I needed to get that goldfish bowl to go into the pageant my brother wanted I killed my goldfish well Lord that didn’t go over and I was just yeah and so I thought I’m dropping that line so you know a lot of times you’ve got to be careful but on this flip side we’ve gotten so overly sensitive to this stuff and people are afraid to open their mouth and they’re missing a lot of opportunities to loosen up and laugh and I call my business sweet tea wisdom southern-fried humor and because it’s all to me where my gift is it’s not all about laughter it’s also about wisdom within that laughter and that’s where a comedian in a humorous differ a humorous is a storyteller with comedy in it so to speak and you might not get the big burst out laughing stuff and the shock value you would just hear a really cool story that that highlights a point and you learn to fluff it up a little bit and we call it professional fabrication and so that’s the difference but I think it’s sad we’ve gotten so far out from really stuff that’s funny and people are afraid to call it what it is you know we’re the number one show on that people are watching is of the office for kids for young people office yeah would that be because it’s irreverently funny yes and they don’t get that they’re scared to death to be Michael Scott in the world you know what that wouldn’t work anyway but they love that show that is true shout out to my nieces and nephews and we can share stories now because of the office I’m like oh my god you guys watch that yeah my children I they love it I mean I’ve got two adult children they call me and they always say and my son called me yesterday he said mama you know the episode when Michael Scott blahblahblah members I said yes it that’s my French teacher that guy drives me quite a man he’ll he’ll highlight episodes and then somebody in my startling mom and member the episode of Seinfeld rue the time George was trying to be the bad guy to attract a good girl yeah my friends dating this bad guy sees that but they don’t have it’s funny how that works yeah oh and you mentioned sweet tea wisdom so I have to ask the all-important question for those of them East Coast I don’t know where the actual line is going north but I’m assuming it South Carolina you guys when you ask for tea it’s automatically sweet is it not oh my gosh and the worst thing I put something on the social media side I can’t win which one it was like the worst disappointment in the world when a southerner sips tea and realizes it has no sugar in it what’s the worst shock it is a terrible I mean I was speaking up in Vermont about a month ago and I asked 14:08 daddy Audrey and then they’ve come down here and say good great have y’all drink this stuff and somebody instead they are here you get instant diabetes let me just tell ya you appreciate because uh you know shout out to my cousin and I went to his birthday party yesterday he’s 45 and you know all his friends family come on you know fly from all over country whatever and ya have this big cake he they lighted the candles and then he blows out the candles and then they cover the cake and then at the end of the night like there was only like two cuts out of it and everybody was like you know happy to cake and everybody’s like diabetes tragic it’s awful no got used to be I mean my daughter with pigs like I’m a melville marshmallow and put sugar in it penis in chocolate and I said you just smear it all over you honey and have fun that is not going to last well I do want to kind of go back to law the harvest because you know like you’re saying it won’t last so the person that you know at 18 will not be the same person at 28 38 48 58 so when you set them out the pasture cut so to speak are you keeping a window open for them to come back in or you just kind of just write them off no I think that to me that’s where wisdom comes in and a lot of Prayer because you have to know I think you have to know when I think you always need to leave the door ajar I think it’s wrong to shut it and lock it I really do because I mean I tell my we’ve had a really bad family problem and I could be just mean and shut it then lock it and put deadbolt on it but I’m not doing that because I know one day I’m gonna I’m going to have to go back through that door and I never want to close it and because like when like you know and my brother passes away I mean I’ll be I’ll be grieving with the rest of the family but it’s hard to have that door wide open right now I mean I would entertain a relationship but it would have to be with a lot of careful with and baby steps I mean I see man we have a nice conversation and we get along but it’s not that hard commitment because of so many circumstances within the family is just and it’s just been a very hard thing and I mean a lot of people say you have to get forgive and forget well I don’t agree with that I think you have to forgive and I think forgiveness is huge but I think that you have to also remember but if remembering keeps you from forgiving then that’s the problem but I think you have to remember I think you’d be an idiot if somebody burned you financially let’s say and you said yeah you want to do that again I mean that’s your perfect silver let’s do that again yeah I love torture well I was thinking this an older book called bounce are you familiar with that book no but my friend was telling me about that cuz she actually wrote a book called bounce don’t break okay it well I haven’t read your first book and I need to I’ve written that down but with the premise of bounces a little bit about like we were talking about earlier with contrast and so it was like the harder the bounce the bigger the recovery could be and so you know sometimes people have to be flat on their back so that’s the other thing that I realized is here in America you know we’re in our little bubble and one of my sister’s is married to a German guy and when they come to the states he’s just like I love you guys Hollywood movie because there’s always a good ending apparently outside the US they have realistic endings so I always feel like you know like you said looking for the be a good finder you can always find redemption in a person’s story and I think American I love that underdog you’re always rooting for them so you know what would you say about that person that your brother whomever else they’re down on their luck you’re going to keep them at arm’s length but how would you handle and hope and cheer for them when they keeps their pitiful well I think my good friend Willy jolly is a wonderful minister or a friend speaker and he wrote a book called a setback is a setup for a comeback and I think the process of coming back is huge because when you see consistency in someone’s behavior and you see someone like I have another friend that I’m I love dearly but she has entered into alcoholism and I’ve been to a counselor on this and the consistency of the pattern of fighting back as with my brother is really what you’re looking for and I know with it with a crack addict it’s a three year journey and I can see consistency of three years and I know people make mistakes and I understand that but you’ve got to continue which is just like this my brother went to rehab for like the 18th time and the people said how many times he’d been to rehab and he said can they said well you know what to do yours not doing it and I know they say it’s a disease and blah blah blah I get that but I do think when the doctor gives you a prescription and you don’t take it at your fault and I think that’s where personal accountability comes in and you can’t blame people I mean my brother wrote me a letter from rehab and he it was a beautiful letter until the very last line and it was like Benham and I thought why don’t we ain’t ready yet are we sweetie so I mean I’m Jennie 73 you always know spring check when you get to be 73 number one how are you still above ground I don’t mean to be flippant but seriously and the other thing is you know dang it you know because I remember my mother the way she handled that she called me one time and she said you know your brother’s married again it was like wedding number five and ice and she said you know her name I went no he said oh it’s Cleopatra that’s what he said yeah Cleopatra she’s the queen of denial we walked right into that one David is that funny or what but see that was how she handled things she couldn’t fix and that is pivotal could see a lot of people they just carried that’s the trash it’s tough it’s like I can’t fix my brother I can’t fix one of my best friends I gotta fix how I handle when they disappoint themselves in me and I’m sad about that I just got to handle me and I think that’s where people don’t have life skills and and that’s what I’m really passionate about and I think that’s what people start to blame and be stupid and then they just stay on their wheel of misfortune you know that’s a good point right now there’s a lot of finger-pointing I guess because of social media you can get your message out regardless and there seems to be overwhelmed the good thing is that the algorithm always changes and so if you’re always having a pity party then algorithm will give you more of that and I believe when some level life does that to if you’re having that pity party the universe is like oh and that’s what you’re focusing on will give you more of that well yeah my good friend says a pity party is so much fun and only one guest yeah but you know I mean in my one of my spin my speech I also when I when I do this particular speech I talk about the coal principle and I tell a story about my husband and myself going into a perk trip that he won with New York life and this woman came up to him and we were like jaw drop because she said many many words we were like or what and then my husband the way he handled it was so different from the way I handled it and then at the conclusion of the story I say you know I realized right then life is truly like the bumper sticker I read what if the hokey-pokey really is what it’s all about and if you think about because you dissect it you put your right foot in now the analogy is do the right thing and then right foot out right foot in the next thing what you shake it off you shake it all about you got to shake it off you do the Hokey Pokey and then you turn yourself around you look at it from another angle and then you’ll have peace but if you don’t do the right thing you can’t shake it off and turn it around yeah that’s great it’s fun are the things I hope people keep here with us all about so trees yeah and I make people stand up in my audience and do it oh yeah I say we’re gonna do it right now Wow you’re right about shaking and off there on the internet the other day it was in salute to you International Women’s Day the other day so chat up all the women out there and your self included Jane thank you normal women okay with let’s make that distinction but when you’re talking about shaking it off this one woman said she was at the airport and you know you’re there reporter you’re always people watching if you’re not running for your plane and so she had saw this couple they were kind of going at it back and forth and then she’s the movie Captain Marvel had just come out so whole woman’s empowerment what have you and the woman had called her spouse husband boyfriend whatever captain complainy pants I’ve got to write that down right now my husband just walked out of the office and so people were like I want a divorce right now or I want to marry her right now because obviously it seems like shake it off buddy you know it is and so I said I think you know what when you say that other to other people they may not know that they’re not shaking it off so they are compact captain complaining pants because they’re not really learning to shake it off yes you know a lot of people and women are perfect with this I mean honey we get on fun and we relive it with just three of the girlfriends I got to call the other three and then we got to dissect that figure it out and it’s just pathetic we spend more time just trying to figure something out when we just need to go whatever you know one of my favorite word’s just get over it and I have a very wise friend who’s president of High Point University in North Carolina and he always says get over it and get over it fast that’s how you deal with stuff I mean there are things you have to grieve and go through I mean when you have horrible things happen and you know sadness and death and illness and all of that but you do you have to grieve that’s a tremendous part of life as Lauren the group is good for you and we can grieve over the loss of all of a job a car I mean grieve is everywhere but you got to go through it to get through it a lot of things you can’t go under or around you got to go through but I tell you when you get on the other side of it you do feel like a hero to yourself one big takeaway that you said was you felt that God had his hand on you yeah what you’re talking about get over it get over fast one have you do you feel that it was your your sense of a greater power that showed you that these are smaller things if I kind of give it up to the higher power Oh completely you know when we had a family lawsuit and it was devastating and I could not get through to my sister just could not and I felt so strongly about going to her and asking forgiveness again and my friend said god you’re crazy to do that you’ve already done that and I said no I really feel like I need to do it again so we were at an event and sure enough she was there and I said Lord this is your your show and then it was like the sea parted and there she was I couldn’t believe it and I went up to her and I said I’m so sorry if I’ve hurt you and she said okay like that and she died almost one year from that day now who was that for that was from me and I just had to be obedient to what I felt in my heart I needed to do so I I just feel like it was a god thing definitely I love you remember that time you had to your first experience with public speaking and how did that go I’ve loved it see I when I was Miss South Carolina they would say oh you got to speak to the Rotary Club I could bring it on honey I just talked away big miss I loved it and so see that was Charleston and then Thomas and I met he was actually dating Miss America so I broke them up and any other type it sounds like so eita and I knew this Old Town and I thought what am I going to do here so I just started speaking and I did school programs because I really based it on my brother and how and it was during the time when they just say no was really big and so I did this little musical program so I loved it because I could see the kids were would come up to me and talk to me and you know and a lot of would share really some tell you what y’all these kids stay woo they got some stories and I love doing that and that kind of went into a professional organization the National Speakers Association and so they taught me how to find those groups that really match what I do so I really loved it and I feel a calling to that I really do I mean it’s a nice living but if the truth were known I’d pay somebody to let me do it wow I’m just you know I guess that book that last book I wrote the rhyme says on my flip flops I took all these iconic women but biblical women but it’s not preachy like I called Eve deceived Eve because she didn’t think she had a nice home and she messed up and then all of a sudden she’s in the wilderness and looks back and goes dang gum and I had it all I lost it all the men didn’t think I had it all and then you’ve got the other woman who tried to make everything so perfect she’s domestic diva Martha and she missed the visit and Mary got so mad at her sisters I mean when have you had Jesus would you yell at her for me so she just missed the whole thing and then you’ve got salty misses lot who did not want to miss forward with her new life she liked her old life and I’ve got friends that are widowed and it’s sad you know my older friends that have lost their spouses and they’re just hanging on to nothing and so they’ve got to move so that’s the premise of the book it’s like for every decade of a woman’s life there’s some advice that I have a flip-flop moment in a sparkle and shine moment you know I think it’s a good little book it’s on my veins on myself yeah how do you really feel Dave my mama said every frog praises its own pond [Laughter] well shout out the Wayne Dyer translation a couple years ago and you’re talking about get over it get over it fast and you’re talking about you know widowed or somebody that had gotten a divorce and he was quoted as saying that the easiest way to get over somebody is to get under someone else oh so true oh my gosh it’s just like I would come up to this little town my mom is gone my sister’s gone I’m starting to have the pity party with only one guest and I would go straight to the nursing home and I say I am NOT going to let myself get like this I will ruin what God gave me and I would go see those people and just hold her hand and though I go see my good friend Virginia Honeycutt funny wonderful person we’d sit there and chat and I mean that’s the best way to lift your spirits you are so right get under someone who can bring you up even if it’s someone who just needs a helping hand or hold her hold your hand type thing I love that you know he was a great inspiration I actually heard a woman a mock away and I cannot pronounce her last name but she wrote the book left to tell about the Rwandan Holocaust you know Massacre and she was in a bathroom for like 90 days and people her best friends were trying to kill her and she went to see Wayne Dyer and she he looked in her face and said you have a story didn’t even know her and he got her with his publisher and the rest is history you should read those books left to tell ya he was a she was on Oprah I remember Oprah had her on as a guest and that was an incredible story yeah oh man let me tell you and all these people that talk about how to how to work a stage and how to you know go up here and go back there hooey she held on to some rosary beads and stood in one spot and we were mesmerized by her message because it was powerful yeah yeah so I think people also need to start you know breathe read books like that anything that can be encouraging and get out of your own mess you know make your mess your message and I like that because I mean we’ve all been through stuff use it to help somebody else I don’t care if you’re flying somewhere and sit by somebody who’s just going down and having a down-and-out moment just be able to share only only when you have conclusion only you have to have conclusion because people want conclusion when you share with them they want to know how’d you get through that how’d you handle it and if you better not open your mouth unless you are on the other side of it does that make sense absolutely I just got this real quick I want to dissention that woman immaculee she also wrote a book called the the boy who made Jesus so if you ever get a chance to read that one that’s a great one too I am going to write that down y’all got all kind of notes for me here that you’re helping me yeah um she was phenomenal yeah I mean do y’all know the guy Nick vilage ik I don’t know you should google him I mean he has a torso that is his body I mean course head a torso and he and I were on a program together and it was they had him repeat three times because they wanted all 60,000 people to hear him and I and I was it was the FFA convention I mentioned but you talk about a story I mean this child tried to drown himself when he realized he could not function just what a teen was born genetically just you know he just didn’t have arms and legs and he said that the reason he did not drown himself is because he could not bear knowing how much he would hurt his parents because they raised him in love and acceptance and he’s a phenomenal individual and he’s had I mean when I when I met Nick he had one child and it’s risky for them to have children and he has like three or four now he’s just incredible guy he’s from Australia and he moved to California is very busy speak it should be people need to hear his story mm-hmm written that was a good deal yeah you that we were talking about with the FFA that there’s a resurgence with women in agriculture like farm her and so on and it seems like in the cycle of life we kind of go back to the basics did you leave you know your humble beginnings in world South Carolina travel the world and then figure that your best influence would be back home completely yeah that’s where the best influence came from because in those formative years you know I realize that Daddy worked so hard and I saw what he did and he he was like I said he was not an educated man but he was educated in what he needed to do and I think about that experience of me working in the field and I only did that in the summer and but what I learned was just so valuable I had no idea that all those little life principles and I you know of customer service of rejection and I mean that’s funny though it’s a simple thing but I would go to the person that was the best in Charleston County with tomatoes and that was Leroy the produce manager at Piggly Wiggly and I’d say Leroy let me see you tomatoes and so you have to study people that know their stuff and then I would end up instead of just dumping the dirty tomatoes in a bucket and saying here there’s dirty pounds I clean them off and pull the stems out and get the fertilizer off and go to the packing shed and get wax boxes and pack the tomatoes and and I made them look great and I realized you know what I’m doing I’m doing a corporate life lesson whatever you want to call it just personal or anything in business I was going the extra mile and didn’t even know it I just thought this will be more attractive and I always sold everyone and I like to tell about this gentleman on highway 17 he never smiled he was rough and he never and you always dump out my box of tomatoes and if they weren’t consistent he wouldn’t buy them and I realized he wanted to see what the last tomato look like and that was a life lesson because to me you have to be consistent in your life and that’s what people want to see is consistency those are the most successful people and finally I just had the most beautiful tomatoes on the bottom and he finally grinned and I realized why he never smiled in depth dang teeth in his mouth but he was funny but he bought but he he was a hard he was a hard person to sell to if I could sell that mr. Yates on highway 17 I could do anything so you felt like Wonder Woman so will you see how simple that is it is so simple but it’s very profound as you get older and go back to your roots and say wait a minute that really kind of made me who I am today I usually asked women for you know dating what have you where they’re from because ultimately they want to go back home I don’t think they know it subconsciously but you know I think it’s on some level of taking your life lessons and bringing them back home you know what I wrote that is so funny you say that because I just wrote another article and although I’m funny this one one it was called going back to dysfunction because I felt like leaving that environment I became functional but when my parents got older and the dysfunction was still there which meant they were not going to get the attention and care because it was dysfunctional I had to go back and be functional for them and give them some peace and security especially my mother and let me tell you that’s when the tomatoes come and not the squishy ones either they’re the hard ones and people just say they think that you’re going to come in just for your own benefit I was lied about I was lied to they tried some one time they was false accusation from a police report I mean it was the nastiest trashiest stuff and I just had to persevere and hold my head up because I knew I was doing the right thing but you do have to take your function and go back many times to your dysfunction and be the only functional person but you’re going to be the bullseye target and it it hurts yeah I think you know and you said your your six real friends they the people that never left may have some sort of resent who do you think you are you think you’re better than us someone have you and it’s unwanted attention tip that you bring yourself you know you are so right and I’ve had that said to me and that’s the sad part because they are going to have one year of experience 20 times if you know what I mean right they’re gonna stay right there in that in that mud pit and they’re not gonna get out it’s like that when jesus healed the man and he was in the you know couldn’t get in the pool he said get up and get in the pool you know you want to get well get in the pool and so that’s what you have to do you’ve got to get up I mean a lot of people say stuff like Oh bless their hearts you don’t sound yeah yeah yeah that’s just a big old cut that’s what it is bless your heart they just they’re just you know they got blood Libby baby and I’m thinking you’re an adult deal with it please just because you’re mad at one person don’t take it out on the rest of the world and that’s what people do you know that you can see them all over the place they’re just you get in road rage and they’re mad at somebody else I say you know dig it up fix it resolve it may have conclusion buried that puppy and have a better life how many brothers assisted did he have one brother and my sister is deceased is it okay yep it was just the three of us and I love my daddy but he enabled both of my siblings and I didn’t realize how bad it was until a year before he died and I thought oh brother I knew it was coming and you know what this is the neat part daddy trusted me as I think it goes back to that tomato field because I worked hard and I chose a good life with a very good husband and I’m proud of my children one still in college he’s thirty god bless him but he’ll get there but um you know I chose a better life and daddy was proud of me because I never came back to him after I was married and I really think when I think about that the law of the harvest I sowed good seed into the family and he trusted me and that’s why he told me things before he died but I was not happy with what I knew was coming it was like here comes the tidal wave it was a little bit ways off but I knew it was Creston oh my gosh I mean my mother had to sue my sister to get her estate back where it was supposed to be it was awful so but you know what it’s given me a real passion for people that their emotions control them and they don’t control their emotions so out of the three what number are you I’m the baby oh and I know babies aren’t supposed to do this stuff where baby but I had to be I had to take over I didn’t want to but I couldn’t rely on the others I could not it just was not my mother’s best interest but you know and I could have been really ugly about things when I remember right before my mother passed away we didn’t know she was going to die but she sent me a beautiful birthday card I mean it was all kinds of stuff and she put a little hundred-dollar bill in it and she looked at me and said you know I gave your sister the same card now I’m telling you I could have said have you lost your mind does she do one thing for you but why would I do that and I looked at her and I said mama you are the most sweet you are the most kind giving and forgiving person I said I’m so proud of you but see I had to be mature in me and it was like a god moment there because I could have really thrown some tomatoes yeah why would I do that that was a very sweet thing for my mother to do and I wanted her to know how dear that was but see I could have flipped it around but I didn’t I wanted her to know how special that was and how hard it was are you a fan Eckhart Tolle because I know that he talks about living in the now and being present and so when you do that and that situation dries then you can’t think back of all the transgressions your sister may have done yes and the thing that I remember the good things I’m reading a book is oh gosh he’s such a great our last name is Archer is it David Archer and it’s called the happiness advantage and I read a chapter this morning and it says the the power of three good things and he said how much your business and your life will improve if you just are grateful and you find things to be happy about and thankful about and he said that if money is happiness why there’s so many miserable millionaires and billionaires he said it comes from you will get the business if you have a positive attitude know what you’re doing that’s for sure that’s number one but that’s a great little book the happiness advantage yeah we’re in a meditation group in in part of the meditation we have to highlight gratitude and I know that before going to bed if I can’t go to sleep I’ll remember oh my goodness I didn’t highlight in my mind what I was thankful for that day so I wholeheartedly believe in that happiness advantage oh for sure and it also if the studies they have done I mean I was on the program with a woman who dealt with school children in the book she’s written is called teaching your children to succeed by letting them fail and they had two control groups I mean half the book is research which is so cool that is documented but one group the smart kids they said here’s a hard test we are so proud of you because you’re smart and then the other group they said that weren’t as gifted they said you know what we are so proud of you because you are such a hard worker now y’all tell me which group do you think did the best this is a test so do you think the first group did that were smart we’re proud of you because you’re smart or we’re proud of you because you’re hard workers oh that’s what happened the hard worker group excelled better than the group that said we you know you’re smart and we’re proud of you because then they started to cheat hmm because their self-esteem in their in their comma so this big was because they’re smart what about we’re proud of you because you work hard now I’m ten that’s a life lesson for parents right there yes I think cuz we’re close to the top of our one thing that I want to highlight I think the whole hour we’ve been talking about perspective and one of your questions is are you looking for life in all the wrong places it reminds me of an accident right if a car accident happens the police take your statement right then Americans and all these changes and so two different people can see that situation but interpret it differently and so they’re looking for life in the wrong place what is a did you give an example of someone that is looking at life in the wrong place and how they could turn it around well I mean I think our minister had really good story today he talked about a little fisherman and another guy said wow you know you know how to fish you should buy these great big boats and he lived in a small fishing village in Mexico and then he said really said yeah they can go to New York and they can make all this money and then you can sell it off and he said well what would I do if they said oh man you could be in a small fishing village in Mexico what was it you know so why you know I think you need to examine your priorities and you need to see are you content are you doing all you can are you the best version of you give a good sense of humor do you handle things well do they handle you and I think you have to ask yourself honest and I mean you’re good friends your go-to people so you know do you think that you think I’m handling this properly thank God I have older friends in my life and let me tell you something there is no filter on these people they will flat-out tell you and I’m glad I loved it I think more people should have and so people that’ll tell it like it is I believe you’re one of those people and if you can tell it like it is and tell us your website and where to get your books and sure our audience would appreciate that as well well the books are available in most bookstores which I’m very thankful the last book especially around stones on my flip-flops and a lot of people go to Amazon of course and my website is Jane her long h er L Ong comm and I’ve got a lot of fun little videos on there I’m all about women’s health because my sister had breast cancer so I like to see people live well and just have their own sweet tea wisdom and southern-fried humor and I think all of that helps people grow and be better and then the world gets to be a little bit better too absolutely well you have just been obtained to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeless perspective this is Hamza and I’m David Jane it was a pleasure I will have some sweet tea in your honor today just watch out for those diabetes yeah let’s stay in touch Kade Oh sounds good thank you so much I appreciate it thank you you you