Not Happy In Marriage – Why Not Happy After Marriage? – Jim Ryan

Video Transcript

welcome to intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective podcast where we meet experts from all walks of life to learn their intrinsic motivation so that they can share it with the world what do we have in store today stay tuned to find out more good morning good evening good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land you are in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Honda and I am David and we are in the middle of holiday season so it’s the season to be jolly fa-la-la-la-la and all of that good stuff that’s my extent of singing we actually have a professional singer so hopefully at some point we may put him on the stage but in addition to that it’s the holiday season so you know there’s a lot of land mines out there if you think about it for the young couples just getting together they past Thanksgiving and now they’re like how we’re going to maneuver through Christmas all the way to Valentine’s Day and then there’s others that have been together for a period of time and they may not even want to be bothered with family members work and all this other stuff and there are other instances where there’s one party that is really excited and there’s another that’s grumpy and the guests that we have today is going to talk about how we can get the grumpy person to turn that frown upside down he’s a professional speaker he’s done workshops on happiness all over the country he’s also written a book simple happiness 52 Wood easy ways to lighten up and he’s going to help us out in the next 45 minutes to an hour to talk about how we can use different tricks and techniques to lighten up ourselves and people around us without further adieu I like to welcome Jim Ryan to the podcast welcome Jim thank you I’m happy to be here yes absolutely yeah thanks for being here and it was that a correct summation for the holiday season or am i way off track here no you’re pretty much that’s pretty much it you know runs the whole gamut some people wait all year to you know just you know enjoy the happiness of the season and some people kind of don’t think about it and then as their as the season have this Christmas holiday season approaches they dread starts to treat creep into their into their lives so there’s a whole gamut of experiences and expectations and as a result a whole gambit of experiences so now let’s see what we can do absolutely and before we get into it I’m just thinking everyone here at least in the States we have what’s called a banner blindness I’m more on the technological advertising aspect and a lot of people usually for this conversation hear Christmas music right after Halloween the day after you kind of drown it out and then at some point you kind of get enveloped into the season and I was just wondering went is there a certain time that people are really starting to pay attention where you know the strepa Dacian happens or the all-encompassing you know everybody is different you know that’s that’s kind of a platitude but everybody’s different but I mean personally manof to start hearing these Christmas songs so early you know like what are you doing you know let’s let’s live our lives and let things come as they come I mean Christmas and Hanukkah are in middle to the end of December you know we we know they’re coming and it’s just the you know the music tends to you know just take it it tends to emphasize the commercial aspect of the of the whole season the holiday season and which which you know it’s okay but some people lose the focus of what’s going on and and lose the the enthusiasm and it becomes a chore you know oh now I got to do the shopping oh now I got to buy a tree oh now I got a deck and it becomes a chore rather than you know a happy time for many people yeah it just may be me I’m not sure I’ve been living under a rock but for the past couple of years I’m I am familiar with Black Friday I am familiar with Cyber Monday but I was unfamiliar with Green Monday with all the ads I was getting this week about hey you should continue to shop even if you thought you were finished you are not get back out there yeah we’re all called to do our part to keep the economy rolling and one-year rolls into the next and these the economy depends on more holiday sales this year than last year and it’s it’s it turns into a you know a race that we’re forced to run it since you’re a musician and we’ll get into your musical talents there was a time where we just focus commercially on the 12 days before Christmas and so that was enough but apparently that was a long time ago and I’m showing my age with that yes indeed [Laughter] so you sound like we can tell I mean from from people that we’ve spoken with and just are a brief interaction that you and I have had Jim you sound like an upbeat person to me so it’s hard to imagine a counterpart of yours that maybe considered not as jovial as yourself it happens you know so often couples of explain are not always in the same you know singing the same song they’re often there is you know opposites attract as they say and sometimes there’s one happy person and one and one grumpy person so it’s a challenge for the happy person to not to become overbearing but to encourage and a cajole the the grumpy person to lighten up a little bit on this at this time of year and not not only at this time of year but hopefully things that might be instituted this time of year could carry over into you know into perpetuity because its depth it’s difficult living with a grumpy person now that reminds me of the 90s cult classic called the office for those that haven’t seen it listen to the cuz you’d do yourself a favor to watch it it’s highly enjoyable and there’s one annoying part where the guy he’s super happy and I think it was Jennifer Aniston comes in the work she obviously didn’t you know it’s one of those jobs when you’re young and you’re just kind of doing it to get paid and he goes it looks like you have a case of the Mondays and so she’s highly annoyed by it and usually people that are having maybe a bad day or case of the Mondays they really don’t want to be around happy people so you know how can we coexist well we have to a big part of dealing with with a lot of things in life is being prepared you know we so often we you know we work with people we live with people and we kind of understand who they are where they’re coming from you know maybe not so in the very beginning but over time we understand the the typical response that we’re going to get from our spouse or significant other or our people in the workplace so one of the one of the chapters in my book as a matter of fact is being prepared is half the battle you know why should we be up you know taken off-guard when something you know comes in out of left field because it happened last week and it happened a week before and and it will continue to happen so being prepared and that’s so important you know to be caught off guard and not know what to say not know how to think not have a not having a constructive response kind of you know defeats the purpose that you know it just kind of lends it plays into the grumpiness if we if we respond in a grumpy way to a grumpy person that just affirms that person’s view of the world so being prepared is so important it’s very very important and I have another side of that when there is usually some type of when you saying be prepared and there are times in life where we’re thrown something that we’re totally unprepared for in this case it would in my mind I’m thinking of something like a 9/11 and after that incident happened everyone for the most part we’re really happy no one was cutting people off in traffic you know there were whole doors for about a good week maybe a week and a half so there is something in us but I mean how do you continue to keep that going as far as a preparation and in the instance something that you’re unprepared for happens you know when I wrote my book I would I did a lot originally a couple years ago I did a lot of radio interviews and one of the questions that I got from the from the you know the personalities on the air was how do you what how can you deal with something that’s really nasty really awful really painful how can you be happy and that question kind of threw me for a while I didn’t really know how to answer it big but you know the reality is we can’t always be happy we can’t always be upbeat because we’re human beings and we have emotions and we we have responses to terrible events like 9/11 but might I thought about it and and my my response is what kind of a life do you want for yourself and it comes from everyday developing habits that give you the ability to deal with negatives to be resilient and it comes from starting every day with a certain routine where you feel good I wake up in the morning I throw my legs over the side of the bed and I stand up and I say thank God I can get out of bed by myself I start off with gratitude and then I go into the bathroom and I walk down and I say thank god I’ve got indoor plumbing and I have this little litany of gratitude ideas that I bring to mind on purpose and then you know and through the dead my shower thank God I got hot water thank god I’ve got nice clothes to make me look good maybe not that good but I you know I’m grateful for what I’ve got now the on the other side is the person who wakes up and keeps hitting the snooze and keeps hitting the snooze and keeps hitting this news and and wakes up and runs o know I’m under pressure I got to get going and then each of these people one who is open who has started their morning with it with gratitude and with with intention and with mindfulness versus the person who is just kind of like living by default and they both go out and their car wouldn’t start nobody likes it when they go and their car doesn’t start but the point is the person who has been focusing on gratitude focusing on living in the moment he goes out and in the car doesn’t start who is in a better position to deal with that negative event the person who has been under stress and running around and getting yelling at the kids to get the lunches ready get on the bus they’re going to go out the car doesn’t start they may jump out of the car and kick the tire and break their toe and just compound the negativity where the person who is woke up with you know focusing on gratitude is in a better position to deal with the negativity to figure out okay here I am I don’t like this situation how can i how can I deal with it you know so it’s it’s that kind of thing where being prepared that’s what I’m talking about is being prepared just living a life of peace and calm and joy as much as you can on purpose with through morning rituals is is key it makes sense it makes a lot of sense that it makes me think of I was told taught a long time ago that what you focus on expands so you can focus and you only can do it in that present moment so it you can focus on happiness or you can focus focus on the other into that spectrum it’s so true and people don’t understand that people think they’re stuck in who they are they’re stuck in their lousy job they’re stuck because they don’t have the education they thought they should get and they think they’re stuck and as a result that they’re their victims and they always they’re always looking to the outside for something to make them happy to make them feel good where if you’re if you’re really living a life of gratitude and and wonder it comes from inside and we all have the ability to to just enjoy the simple things in our life versus you know well when this happens then I’ll be happy when that happens then I’ll be happy well what about all the moments in between and that’s where life really happens and that’s where we develop these these habitual ways of thinking and dealing with things that make us feel good that that make us resilient know there’s there’s going to be times when when we’re down when we’re angry when we’re sad when we’re lonely but we don’t have to dwell on those we catch ourselves and we we move on to a thought of gratitude and and then the negatives pass now what would you say there’s a saying that happiness is contagious and misery loves company it’s true miserable people shun happy people because when they’re with a happy person it just makes them feel worse and we you know we we all have these self-fulfilling prophecies and we all tend to know birds of a feather flock together we have these these you know sayings in our language that that are based in reality and and negative people love to talk about how bad things are because they feel you know they feel they belong it’s their identity and if and and if they if they’re confronted with somebody who is the opposite you know it’s stressful it they put up their guard we know we don’t want to give in to some something else that we don’t believe is is the reality of life and and that’s where we have to you know people have you got to look at what’s your view of the world and and this is you know we got to ask ourselves questions we got to be honest with ourselves if we want if we want to have a better life something’s got to change but so many people don’t realize that they have the ability to have a better life because they’re never popping their head above the negativity that they surround themselves in happiness is contagious you know misery loves company they know that yeah it’s it’s true and it’s sad because you know people just feel they’re stuck and they feel that this is my lot well what do you want this is this is how I’ve always done it this is how I grew up and fine that but what are you going to do about it you know that that’s that’s where you are now but but so what are you going to do about you’re going to continue to live in misery are you going to try to look look above and find something that can lift you up yeah how people respond so I just have to ask Jim is the song by Bobby McFerrin don’t worry be happy that must gets got to be in your playlist that’s it well you know it’s it’s a nice uplifting song and it’s true you know it espouses but the ideas that we’re talking about you know I don’t know all the words but it always talks about a negative situation and but then seeing the positive side of it I mean there’s all you can always look at either side of a situation in negative situations see we also have a phrase in our language every every cloud has a silver lining I mean what’s the silver lining it’s the opportunity to grow Albert Einstein said in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity and what is that opportunity it’s the opportunity to grow we all have problems and if and if we see and one of it you know I give talks on happiness all over the place and one of the one of the characteristics of happy people is they have the intention to be happy and I say it’s not the circumstances of our lives that make all the difference but how we deal with it and then we get down to another characteristic and we talk about problems and I say what is the problem and the problem is nothing more than a circumstance that I’m confronted with now I have the ability to to see that problem as a problem and if I do i hunker down I get anxious I don’t feel good you know it is stressful or I could see a negative situation and have a turn in consciousness and look for the opportunity and what’s the opportunity again it’s the opportunity to grow to grow in compassion to grow in kindness to grow in forgiveness to grow in love are these good qualities to grow in I say to the audience and they all say yeah those are good qualities to grow in but if we would it’s a question of understanding that we do have options all the time we have a choice of how to respond to a situation so responding and from what I’m hearing from you Jim sounds like a lot of it is internal you know that’s the internal game that you have however I have a question as far as like group speak or group consciousness so you have some people with their arms folded and they’re like who do you think you are you’ve been hanging out with the happy people now you think you’re better than us or the other side is you know you go to you go to your one of your conferences and you get that high over the weekend and then Monday morning happens and you’re back to your regular life how do you how do you navigate those waters well that’s life that is life exactly that’s that’s why when I give a talk a lot of times I this book that I wrote simple happiness is so it’s been a real blessing having written this book because I wrote the book because I fashioned myself a motivational speaker and I felt that if I have a book I’m going to have more credibility than a speaker who doesn’t have a book but it’s turned out to be a real blessing because you know you’re right people come to one of my talks they get all excited about the possibilities and then human nature being what it is we tend to cool off and go back to our set point but having a book and and and developing the habit of reading a chapter a day or or whatever you know doing something positive every day to feed your mind yeah we it’s our job to lift ourselves up that’s another chapter in my book you got to feed your mind because otherwise we’re bombarded like you say with a groupthink and with the negativity and with with all the news where you know it’s difficult to stay positive and you know and upbeat about life I agree and I do want to spend some time here or when you’re talking about gratitude because when you mentioned the simple things like getting out of bed in the morning most people cannot I mean there are people that don’t get out of bed in the morning but the part I want to talk about with gratitude is you know you took some time ago back in 2000 to start volunteering with the local prison system and how did that come about uh that changed my life Hamzah I I used to be a teacher I taught in the junior high school I taught French and Italian and I was a guidance counselor and I got into business I was a financial adviser for 20-some years but I’ve always been interested in personal development I’ve always read a lot going to seminars and so on and back in the year 2000 I just realized I had all of this stuff in my head from reading and you know that was my interest and I said to myself what’s the point of having it in my head I got to get it out of my head so I spoke to some friends and I was directed to the jail out here on Long Island out in eastern Long Island and I I go there every Monday morning I’ve been them have gone there every morning for the last 18 years I teach a class in personal development two men I started off with men who were locked up for multiple DWI convictions and more recently you know they change the the configuration of the housing of the criminals and now I also teach the women who are locked up for multiple DWIs and I’ll tell you it’s a program that I made up as I went along I just kind of I saw an opportunity and I said yes to it see that is so important to say yes to an opportunity can so often we we you know because it’s a 45-minute drive from my house and I said I know it’s a 45-minute Drive I got my family to feed I got my business to run I don’t know who these people are but unfortunately I said yes and I put together this 12-week course and you know that at the end of each session they thanked me they they shake my hand and it just fills me up to go they’re 18 years it’s one of the best things I ever did and three years into that experience I said you know these folks like it maybe people on the outside would like the message so I put together a program and I started giving talks in libraries here on Long Island about how to be happy and one talk led to another and you know I got good feedback and I then I wrote my book and I’ve traveled all over the country giving talks on how to be happy how to be at your best every day and it’s something that people crave you know it’s it’s it’s education it’s opening people’s eyes to the possibilities of having a better life so many people as I said feel stuck and I’m just so blessed to have said yes to this and you know it’s unbelievable doors have opened that I never even knew existed that’s what Joseph Campbell said years ago when you follow your bliss doors will open that you didn’t even know existed I mean I would never be on the oh I’m doing a podcast with you had I not go into that jail 18 years ago it’s amazing how how turns in life make a difference well first of all I have to say the teacher me definitely acknowledges the teacher in you you did middle school I did second grade so yeah it is something it’s definitely big motivation for sure teaching is a gift you know and not everybody can teach and I’m not criticizing people who can’t teach but because people can do things that I can’t come close to doing but tip now being having this teacher in me has been a blessing you know because I found one night I came home from talk in one of the libraries and I said to my wife you know I finally found out what I’m really good at and it was just an aha moment where I said this is where I’m supposed to be because of the feedback that I get from from you know my programs and people crave it and it’s just important to be open you know to take advantage of the opportunities now we both were you know in the scholastic endeavors but then we both transition to the business world so I have to ask you what is your take of the age-old statement those that don’t know teach oh that’s a good well you know that it it’s I don’t think it makes any sense I mean if certain people are good teachers and some people you know go to teaching because they’ve tried to pursue a career in a specific field whether it be you know who knows whether it be astrophysics or whether it be you know professional sports or whether it be professional musician and you know the the success rate at the highest level in certain areas is very very low and certainly you know a person who is good at sports but not good enough to maybe play in college or play in the pros but they’ve got certain abilities you know teaching is a wonderful secondary career and it doesn’t even that it a lot of times it doesn’t even turn into secondary it turns out to be a blessing because the person finds that they’re able to communicate to people who are interested in in his or her interest and it’s very fulfilling very fulfilling when you can help people along in their in their endeavors whether they be you know literary or athletic or musical or political or whatever it is you know teaching a lot of times that look down upon because they didn’t succeed in their original endeavor but I don’t look at it that way I look at it as as a byproduct of living and not making it to the top of the level which hardly anybody does it also made me think of when you were dealing with the people in the prison system and you were given them this this personal development course and made thank you for and it makes me wonder what percentage didn’t get that type of interaction during our formative years you know so it’s like if they did engage in childhood they’re going to get you when they’re in a confined situation well you know I talked about one of the one of the things that I talked about it I have a couple of signature talks and one of them is managing thought and so much of our life it is based on the thoughts that we hang on to and I talked about you know there’s been a lot of studies in psychology since since right around the time I got involved in this this fellow named Martin Seligman was a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and he became president of the American Psychological Association and he saw this a gust group of psychologists who were dealing mostly almost exclusively with people who had problems whether it was neurosis or you know a depression or anxiety and they weren’t paying any attention to 95% of the people who were doing okay so he came up with this idea of positive psychology and since 2000 they’ve done tons of studies on happiness which was relatively rare before he came on to the scene and the prevailing wisdom is that out of a hundred percent of our happiness quotient 50% is genetic meaning we’re born of parents and we have tendencies if my parents were you know shy and withdrawn chances are I’ve inherited some of those tendencies if my parents were the life of the party chances are I have a more outgoing personality that’s 50% in its tendencies it’s not so much stuck it’s a tendency 10% the studies show is our circumstance did I grow up in a safe neighborhood or was a dangerous to go out at night did I go to a good school or a mess and you know what the other 40% is what we do with what we have so I kind of throw it throw it right back into people’s laps I said okay everybody is not you know born with a silver spoon everyone it didn’t have all the advantages have grown up but what are you going to do about it are you going to mope are you going to sit and complain or are you going to you know pull up your bootstraps and make the best of it and I and I do a dramatic you know a little drama of sitting in three different chairs where I tell myself my life story see self talk is so important and we tell ourselves a story about our life and that becomes our life and you know these guys in the jail they’ve told themselves a lousy story you know be they have you know some of them have had some disadvantages but some of them just made mistakes and they you know they were drinking and then and they got you know went out on the road and it but again we that’s the story we tell ourselves becomes our life and in once people start to know that and that it we do it to ourselves you know people successful people are successful because they believe in themselves you know losers are losers because they think they’re losers and we got it we got to give people the idea that that’s not the case we are who we are we’ve come to this point in our lives by you know our circumstance and our choices but that doesn’t mean that we have to continue to make those choices and it’s it’s powerful because people start to think you know I’m doing this to me and we can we can start to make little changes in our lives and and once we start to make little changes on purpose not by luck we start to make a choice and that choice brings us happiness brings us satisfaction brings us fulfillment we’re going to want to do that again because that feels good and it builds on itself but you got to start somewhere it’s good no I was just going to ask Jim why do you think situations like where someone is you know has been presented a message for you know the 99th time but it wasn’t until the hundredth time that everything clicked and the light bulb went off and then they go off into another direction sometimes I imagine someone can hear maybe something you sayin or another speaker but it’s not those six years later till it’s like BAM oh and then you know they’re they’re hearing it and then then it’s making an impact in their life how do you think it is well there’s this I I’m not sure I think it was Buddha who said it when the student is ready the teacher will appear see we’re constantly experiencing things and if and if we’re looking to improve our lives and we’re searching for a better life these things little by little start to happen but you know and sometimes it’s just one little one little light bulb will go on when somebody hears them maybe it’s a song maybe he said a movie maybe it’s you know they run into an old friend who knows what the catalyst is but but sometimes they’re not ready to make it make a change and sometimes they’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired and they’re ready to make you know some positive changes in their life so you have to be ready and that readiness it really is it depends on on the person ready to make a change ready to you know to move ahead so yes sometimes it is that 99 time they hear it still doesn’t click boom the hundreds maybe it comes from you you guys maybe it’s listening to the podcast all of a sudden they hear with a different perspective with a different tone of voice not talking down encouraging who knows but but that’s it you got to be ready and that the readiness is a hard thing to quantify yeah it makes when you’re talking it you’re talking about positive self-talk and monitoring your thoughts and made me think of an old episode of Family Guy where you know there was a social situation and they asked Peter would he think about it and he said I don’t know I didn’t watch the news yet so when you’re monitoring thoughts how do you determine how much is how much is yours versus what you’re just being fed via popular media well again you know it’s that’s the groupthink that we’re so subject to today I mean we all want to be we see we want to identify with with something that’s positive in our life and so often today you know we see the dissolution of the family we see the dissolution of the of the workplace where people are cut throat you know back and forth trying to outdo the other person the religion has you know does you know there’s been a decline in participation in going to church and these are thin family you know families used to live together in the same neighborhood and they would be together all the time you’d know your cousins like you knew your brothers now families are all over the place and living separately and busy and soccer practice and choir and then you know extra help and all these things tend to tend to isolate families and isolate people and we’re losing the connections that were so important to making us feel good about ourselves and because you know these the you know these these things are happening people are still looking for a connection and now what’s happened in at least in my opinion is the political atmosphere has people see now the political atmosphere as a way to identify to be a part of to be my tribe and it’s not you know they find out that it’s really not as productive as as being you know a member of a family a member of religious organization of a member of an Alumni Association a member of a neighborhood and we’re losing those those close connections that give us strength and we’re going to these other things that are shallow and it you know it’s a it’s a it’s a tough thing as people think that they they got to think like everybody else and they can’t you know Democrats and Republicans it break up girlfriend-boyfriend break up families stop talking because of political differences it’s nuts and losing complete focus on what we’re here for it’s funny this is the first time that this has really happened and I was I was I listened to the freakanomics podcast I don’t know if you listened to that do you listen to that podcast no I don’t okay are you familiar with freakanomics at all the name is familiar I couldn’t tell you what it you know what the the tenets are okay perfect perfect perfect okay so two parts just based off of what you just said about you know families breaking up baseball ideologies and such and one of their recent podcast they were talking about duopoly z– and when you think of doo-wop leaves you would think you know once upon a time maybe Ford and General Motors you would think obviously Coke and Pepsi things like that and so they pondered what if we looked at the political parties like a business that there are two to separate businesses and they said it is employees all the things that businesses have where there’s a high barrier to entry like if you think of all the fringe groups or independents and such they really can’t make a dent to the two-party system and just like all the way down the line if it’s not even really political from from this aspect you look at it as a business so you could see how they divide people and it’s not even to your benefit like they’re still benefiting but you’re you’re in fighting and you’re like what’s it all for so that’s right on the outside you know you’re really just lost you know traveling around in an orbit that’s not really connected yeah the other side I want to talk about your state of New York they did what Freakonomics they’ve been around for a long time and when their document first documentary had come out in 2006 they were talking about happiness in a way they were talking about crime in New York City and they were saying in the late 80s it had dropped and they said well they there’s two up there’s two people there’s an economist and then there’s a psychologist so they look at it from those two aspects and so was it happy that was it the the new mayor in the 80s and so the extra police force and all this they were like no when they look back they said well let’s look at the birthrate and me they pondered with safe sex and using prophylactics back in the 70s it when when that was introduced more more people were having safe sex and so you had kids that were wanted whereas before before Trojans and what-have-you there were larger families and some of those kids didn’t feel wanted right and so you’re saying this inner game that they’re like well why am I even he wanted verses oh I am my family really wanted me because they didn’t have to have me and they were from a economic standpoint they saw that if you were happy and you didn’t you felt like you’re wanted you didn’t go into a life of crime and all these other things very highly controversial but I just wanted to bring that to your awareness if you’re unaware of it yeah well there’s always two sides to it and and there’s always you know people have vested interest in improving what they want to prove I mean it it and that’s just the way things are – I mean I have a vested interest in what I’m doing and well you know there’s always two sides and and it’s never simple and there’s always yeah they both make sense you know both sides make sense but to me again you know that the happiness comes from of self-worth however you can get you know feel good about yourself whether you know that’s the key well however it comes to you but feeling good is the key you know people who are committing crimes are obviously looking you know they gravitate to gangs because there’s no family that supports them or their friends that support them and it’s feeling good about yourself and feeling and understanding your place in the world that you know we’re here to you know we’re all in this together we’re not you know we’re not individuals trying to cut throat cut over each other’s throats we’re here to survive and and help each other thrive and if people could see that I know that it’s a it’s I think that would be a you know a utopia where people are doing the best they can and you know but I’m not I’m you know it’s difficult for me to you know those things make sense they’re interesting but I have a hard time to say yeah this one’s right no that one’s right three is they’re both right you know in a lot of ways I’m a big movie guy so I always use a ton of movie references and I wanted to know if you’ve if you’ve seen the movie yes man no I’m sorry oh no no worry though I would if my teacher almost came out like if you want a homework assignment check out yes man it just so just the premise it’s a it’s a Jim Carrey movie it came out maybe 10 years ago what have you and there’s something that happened he was a guy that was listed for for this podcast he was the grumpy person he would always no no no no no and someone posited that he should say yes to other opportunities and he had to say yes to everything for like 30 days I did yes it was a big thing about his relationship with his son right uh no I don’t know this time is a different movie well they I mean there’s probably ten other movies just like it but I wanted to bring it up because you were saying that you know all the different doors open that you couldn’t imagine and I just wanted to spend some time because one of our first podcast we talked about god winks a lot and they happen to everyone if you’re aware of it and so sometimes when we watched a movie we tell that person don’t go down that dark hallway or if we tell them oh this God winked happened but they’re not in that space they would never recognize it so I’d like for you to talk maybe one or two instances where you had this happiness gene going on and it just took you in areas you couldn’t expect there was there was a situation where I was trying to get into a do a talk at Canon which is a major corporation a Japanese company but they’re big in America with cameras and lenses and all this stuff and let’s see there was a in my neighborhood there was a couple that walk and I would I would walk in the morning and they would be on the other side of the street and I’d wave to them and then you know I got to know the guys name was Joe and he worked at Cannon and in the paper was you know they have these you know new jobs and it turned out the guy’s name was Joe and he dyes his face and he works at Cannon and I did a little research and I found out what his last name was and then um I gave him uh somehow I gave him a copy of my book and then a couple weeks later walking down we always would see each other like 6 o’clock in the morning barely light and then one day I went for a walk at two o’clock in the afternoon which I never did and who as I walked down my driveway who was walking down this but Joe and his wife Monique and it was like like it was a god wink and here I’m meeting this guy when I want I’ve been trying to get a hold of him in a friendly non you know an intrusive way and boom there I just walked into him so it turned out that you know this conversation turned into something good for for me and that to me was a god wink it just boom there had happened and it was and I was aware of it I know because I’m conscious of these things I’m looking for them all the time and it’s amazing when when you’re when your antennas are up you know you see things that that you would in order ordinarily see I love God wings that was that’s a great book – oh yeah did you know do you have both versions the one early 2000s and then there was the second part that had come out maybe a couple years ago no I just read the first one yeah yeah really really good and I liked your story because you know the there’s an argument of of doing extra work or working extra hard and you may be running in circles and you’re running in space a running in place and there were others where you just this naturally happened because you’re in a in a higher space if you will what’s your take on that well I was preparing myself I was I was getting ready for that for that interaction and who’d just happened to occur at a time when I didn’t expected them to occur that was to me the wink but I was looking to meet this guy at a favorable basis and and have a nice conversation so you know you everything we do gets us ready for the next thing you know so we always we can’t look at our life is boring you know again we can but but if you look at your life as you’re always getting ready for the next opportunity for the next opportunity you’re getting ready you’re growing you’re you’re expanding your your awareness and your life is exciting life is fun when you start to see things from a different perspective you know and you know just keeping your head down but I wake up in the morning again I say I wonder what good is going to come my way today I say that to myself every day because I’m looking for good things to happen it’s you know it life starts to become fun when you live a conscious life of intention you know I really if I could make a pitch for my book I I think it’s on Amazon and you won’t go wrong I mean I I’m I have a there I have a holiday special and for people who want to buy the book you can call me at that can I give a phone numbers that oh absolutely go for it go for it my phone number is 6 3 1 7 5 4 7 6 3 6 the book normally costs $14 with the tax I’m giving them $10 if you buy more than one free shipping it’s a great stocking stuffer I had a guy today stop by and by 7 I had another guy stop by and by you know 10 last week and you know it’s just again it’s a blessing people the guy the guy today who bought seven bought my book in a florist shop you know and it’s he bought it and gee this is something that he came by about seven more today and I also I give you my website if I could it’s Jim Ryan talks dot-com every Wednesday I send out a little aha moment a little uplifting thought they’re free so you can go to the website and there’s a little portal you can put in your your email address and you know it’s just I’m doing what I can to you know to make a change in the world and to lift people up know has playing the guitar and singing has that always been a component when you’re relating with you know the crowds and the people you know yeah at all my talks I play the guitar and I’ve even usually sing a song from the Eagles a peaceful easy feeling I say this is how I hope we end today’s program and I’ve been doing it a lot and you know sometimes you want to challenge yourself so instead of singing you know the regular song I would take the words actually I did a talk down in the Philadelphia area for a group of the the Dental Society of Delaware County they’re having an awards dinner and I was they hired me to give a talk at the at the dinner and I got there early and the waitress somebody bring my guitar in and she said oh you’re gonna play a guitar I said yeah and what are going to sing and I told her she said why don’t you sing a dental song and I said what and I said what a great idea so I went out to my car I was there early and in about a half an hour I took the music to peaceful easy feeling and I changed the words to make it apropos to dentists and they loved it and I said I’m onto something here so so often I’ll you know create a new song for my audience I’ve done it for teachers I’ve done it for internal auditors you know it doesn’t always work but my attitude is they’re either going to like it and like me because of it are they going to feel so sorry for me that I made a fool out of myself that they’re going to like me anyway so it’s a great way to break the ice it’s been a lot of fun do you know the Jack Canfield story for that with Chicken Soup for the Soul what stats I know a lot about Jack Canfield what’s that story yeah so the story was you know Chicken Soup for the Soul every a lot of people know about it but a lot of people don’t and so if I if I’m a avid golfer in I don’t know who Jack Canfield is I’m not in a personal development space but I want to improve my golf swing he had chicken soup for the golfer Chicken Soup for the teenager he did just like you did so if you’re not there may be some monetization there for you well you know buy my book simple happiness thinking about doing a series like you know like like that but anyway there’s a lot of so many possibilities that better always present themselves to me so it’s a lot of fun I think you were going to say something David no I was going to ask you ask there’s nothing you do billionaire but it’s just kind of a person you have a favorite guitarist go ahead yeah I love I mean I love all guitars I mean guitar music whether it’s you know acid rock or folk music or classical I like it all but Tommy Emmanuel is a guy from Australia that I watch on YouTube who is a magician I mean this is a Glen Campbell who was known for his you know singing he passed away he had Alzheimer’s but what a virtuoso he was I so I just I appreciate guitar players and I’m not I mean I peaked a long time ago but I I can still fool people they think I’m good but I’m good enough you know that that’s what it is it’s good enough sure sq before we head out I need your help from the happiness perspective so I am from the Greater Philadelphia area and there are people like me this time of year fortunately or unfortunately our Eagles will not make the playoffs and it’s going to ruling a lot of holidays so I don’t know if you’re a Giants fan go for it I was at a book signing this past weekend and it was a holiday Expo and I took a table here in Long Island and any you know the Jets and the Giants are job like the perennial disappoint so sometimes the guy would walk by with a Jets sweatshirt and I’d say come over here I got something for you read this book simple happiness the minute before the game ends because that you know they’re going to lose but this is something to counteract your negative emotions so now it’s part of I’m a Mets fan but see I the way I look at it the myths often start off like a house on fire then by you know May the beginning of May they’re like they’ve bottom doubt so that just gives me a lot of free time to do something to do other things so it’s all perspective you know that that’s the thing you know it’s disappointing but you can ride the disappointment and ruin your day and ruin your family’s day and maybe that grump or you can help hey you could focus on they won the Super Bowl last year didn’t they that’s right yeah so come on they can they’ve done it before you know they’re not perennial losses it’s disappointing but hey you know what nobody’s life is perfect so they’re trying– yeah that just you know not that good so we can’t be desperate no I’m just kissed you yeah well you definitely pick me up I definitely appreciate that and it was a pleasure but I want to give you one more chance to highlight your website how they could sign up for your newsletter and where to pick up your books yeah it’s my book is on Amazon it’s available as a softcover book and it also is an e-book on Kindle go to Amazon it’s right there simple happiness it’s a yellow cover very attractive book it’s easy to read to this 52 short chapters each one gives you an idea about how to make your life a little happier you know people you read it every chapter may not resonate but there’s enough there that can help you you know be happier you know be a little less you know a little less angry a little less disappointed in and that’s that’s the whole point and you can also go to my website Jim Ryan talks calm there’s a lot of information there there’s videos of me there’s television appearances and you know browse around and you know it there’s good stuff there and and on the front page there’s a place for your email address put it in there and every Wednesday you’ll hear from me getting a little aha moment so and feel free to respond back anyway it’s it’s been a pleasure to talk to you guys I mean you’re giving me the floor giving me good questions you’ve given me an opportunity to gasp like crazy but I do appreciate it absolutely absolutely well you have just been in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I’m David Jim it was a pleasure let’s stay in touch for sure so we can hear that guitar music you got it you got okay so you have my email as info at Jim Ryan talks comm so you can send me those emails Hamza so I could get access to this podcast fantastic absolutely thanks for your time Jim appreciate that’s good luck to you guys keep up the good work thank you thanks again for checking out another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective podcast please check us out on our website