Scriptures On Peace And Comfort – Overcoming Cycles Of Hurt And Pain

Scriptures On Peace And Comfort – Overcoming Cycles Of Hurt And Pain
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Video Transcript

welcome to intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective podcast where we meet experts from all walks of life to learn their intrinsic motivations so that they can share it with the world what do we have in store today stay tuned to find out more you good morning good janaina everybody out there in podcast land you are tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I am Damon and today I think our audience is really going to enjoy speaking to this gentleman we’re going to talk about overcoming cycles of hurt and pain now when that said they’re like okay well hablo what’s different from the other people that we talk about that kind of cover some of that in their intrinsic motivation well this guy is a little bit younger and what we found was other people that we’ve spoken with they run into these cycles of hurt and pain or these spiritual four-by-fours in her mid to late 30s or even later and our guest today is a lot younger than that he’s the author of there is a purpose in pain and there is pain and purpose he’s going to talk about his life experiences and how that lit that fire into him and why we wanted to reach out to him to even have them on our podcast so without further ado I like to welcome from Greenville South Carolina Xavier Jones welcome to the PUC has his navier– thank you sir thank you guys so much man I’m very excited to be here this is actually my first podcast guest experience so I’m very excited oh alright oh we love it we love it yes welcome to the hunter welcome to the O me and thank you yes one thing I must say before we get started is just in our brief interchange before recording I actually like your outlook and so being from Greenville I had to ask because the rest of the country he was kind of poking holes into our president about feeding the Clemson Tigers who won the football championship and they usually can get this on their way home from practice or in the cafeteria and they go to the White House and have fast food and I loved your answer to it I’d like to get I’d like for you to share that with our audience definitely yeah it’s been all over you know social media Facebook so I’m like this you know I eat it quite a bit better you know any chance to go to the White House or if you get a chance to go to the White House that’s just pretty awesome to me so what are you eating McDonald’s or lobster and steak what you doing in the White House is pretty cool but how’s master your question is well what about the cold fries I’m like mouth and if I gotta be at least warm so it’s cool to have a big bigger picture right but we have limits so we have limits so the limits of our old products cool yeah well you’re gonna say David I said that’s where we draw the line cold price you better believe it yes sir so let me ask you some people ask us from time to time are we always to sub beat and you know what about Monday mornings or if it’s raining outside or if it’s cold you know fill in the blank and you have what I call a pretty high emotional IQ you huge EQ and people are usually known by their emotional quotient outside of their intelligence because they may not have the social wherewithal to you know have interchange with people and bond with people that may not be like them and I think some of your experiences may have have shaped that so I like for you to talk a little bit about yourself and then what made you write a book at such a young age because your minister your husband father speaker and now you’re out doing podcasts promoting your book that’s a lot for it for 24 years on this earth so give us some perspective as to how you were able to get to this point and overcoming cycles of hurt and pain definitely well as you stated up from 24 years old I’m a husband father minister but at the end of the day you know always say amongst those that the one thing that I am is human and I think the one thing of course that we all have accommodate that we’re human but there are other things is definitely the experiences that we go through you know my book until I want to tell too much I mean it’s a short read but you know even at a young age I grew up in the church my my father was actually Pasteur’s my home my home church’s pastor he was like his right-hand man such as you know what the people in the church call a a armor-bearer so to speak and my mother she worked all the time in the church so we were always in the church but at a young age I was actually sexually abused growing up in the church and for many years I had to kind of hide that because at the end of the day what little boy you know and a boy’s mind is just like well oh man something’s wrong with me because of course typically the predator is much bigger or you know they have some kind of mind control over there over the victim so it’s not much that you can do and then even with you know growing up with certain things that would fees that were planted in my life so to speak from that experience things I had to struggle with an addiction that I had to struggle with because of that being exposed to such a experience at a young age then losing my mother at 17 years old as a senior in high school and so I found myself in my in my late teenage years going on to my early twenties of which I I guess I still have in my 20s constantly asking questions as to why am I feeling like this and at some at one point I never doubted God’s existence but I was so angry because you know growing up in the church a lot of people have to know the connotation that God is just kind of like a DJ or it’s a fairy tale that everything is always going to be good and so I grew up you know believing that but everything from that point backwards was just pretty much all bad my mom was a single mother my father he had some things that he had to deal with in his life because he didn’t have a father so I never had an example of what a man should be but on top of that dealing with all the pain and everything and so I remember one night of 2014 they just all came to a head I didn’t care about life I didn’t care about my life and I just found myself crying and I asked the question why and I heard I feel like I heard God speak to me and say everything which is where I got the title of my book every pain that you go through is for a purpose but there’s purchasing your as will and so through that through that experience and through that exchange I’ve from that point on I lived my life meeting people and trying to explain to those who are hurting that there is purpose in it you just have to sign the purpose and I feel like not only my book but as a last year right now I currently work at a boy shelter and you know I think I found my purpose here because there’s 11 boys right now while I’m working and each of their story has something that matches with mine and so I realized that everything that I was going through up to that point it led me here and so a lot of people they don’t have that they don’t have that knowledge and that’s why I wrote the book that there’s purpose in pain but there’s also training your purpose to let people know that everything that you go through is indeed for a purpose that you may not find out until later on in life yeah I would agree one of our first podcast we talked about God winks and so we’re of the school of thought that there are no accidents and it’s hard to kind of it sounds flippant to each individual about here that you know if you’re dead spirits and the sun shining you’ve just got a new car and won a million dollars you’re like yeah of course but if it doesn’t go that way you’re like what do you mean there’s no accident so it’s good to hear your story and how you’re actually breaking that the chain of the societal team like you’re saying an even family chain which you’re saying with your father because no and I haven’t seen it but I’m sure you’ve been asked about the whole arc telly thing and one thing that stands out is that he was abused as a child until he started abusing so there’s a saying or I want to get your opinion on the saying that hurt people hurt people um I could agree with that I think hurt people hurt people if that person who’s hurt doesn’t have a chance to express ourselves and it’s very alarming the amount of people who are hurting but they don’t know how to express themselves they think maybe possibly get help from a counselor or anything of that nature makes them especially from a man’s point of view I can only speak from a man’s point of view that it makes them less than a man but you know I definitely agreed to a certain extent that’s why it’s funny I was watching a documentary about killer elephants and I’m just weird like that but one thing that stuck out to me was in this experiment they took two male bull elephants away from their habitat and typically if you keep them in their natural habitat the male the male’s existence or the older dominant male elephant while they’re clapping Ungar elephant is going through the must seizing I think yeah the Mustang seizing that’s seized excuse me that’s pretty much where they’re going through puberty as far as equality people to their human puberty and so they let them know they they kind of like play wrestle but they the older elephant lets them know that I am more dominant and it’s almost like without the men existence if you slipped that to the humans are without another positive male role model for even not just male budding females if they’re not in the home or if they’re not even in the home but if they’re not enough positive role models that’s keeping the younger generation kind of in check to let them know that this is wrong or just kind of steering them towards the right direction then that’s when you have a society that’s kind of out of order that’s what happened with above the elephants they start killing rhinos because they never had that that mentor-mentee type experience and their habitat to let them know that hate this is not the right way to go and that I’m more dominant than you so you need to listen to these kind of things so I could definitely agree with the hurt people hurt people and it’s just a scary thought that there’s not a lot of people out there to you know recognize the problem in China corrected yeah the other side is that and I feel that this generation at the first generation that a lot of topics are you were peeling back the onion on a lot of topics that especially for the black American community really kept under wraps or didn’t talk about it at all in that you know first and it’s actually the sad part is that it’s unraveling like in front of everyone’s eyes so and you don’t you’re not really a chance to process it because it’s as soon as it happens the one person in it we’re going to the next story and it’s like can we get more gruesome or not and the example I would use is Bill Cosby and then you know before you can finish processing that now we have our Kelly happening and so my question to you is we’re talking about positive role models and we’re talking about challenging traditional positive role models because we would tend to and not just we African Americans but Americans as a whole would tend to consider entertainer a positive role model and on the other side of that our place of worship as a positive role model or a positive environment and this is the environment that you hex we went through your ordeal so is this a time to re-evaluate our our quote unquote positive role models in positive environments I would say so the reason vengers as you stated especially with the celebrities you only see what they put out there so you know that’s not kind of all the time with social media it makes it easy to see as far as the little things that they do with inst on their Instagram pages and things of that nature but you’re still not getting the essence of who that person is and even you know in the church when you have the pastor and you have other people of that nature you only see them once or twice for maybe three times out of the week depending on what’s going on so right now there’s a dire need and I see it every day with you know where I work there’s a dire need for proper mentors and positive role models in the community and the society as a whole because these this generation is as you stated going back to the cycles it’s funny that you mentioned with the r.kelly and he was abused and now you know with Bill Cosby everything has been swept under a room just a cycle itself because I didn’t find out until my mother passed that she was actually sexually abused so here here here it is again now you know I never knew that I remember when it first came out and she was very angry and of course any parent would be angry but this was like not a when I look back at it and I see her reaction it was more of a they came from a place of no deep hurt deep hidden hurt and she tried to tell her story but it was kind of swept under a rope so I can only imagine the 48 years that she had on this earth that she was trying to process this and then it happens to her child and now you know it’s just happening again so and that’s another reason but prompted me to write it because a lot of things that kids go through and it confirmed even more it might at my places work at the boys shelter and just to hear them talk if some of the same things that their parents went through so who’s going to be the person to step in and say just because that it’s been a cycle going on for so long why isn’t anyone saying anything goes wrong the flag because at the end of the day these are life precious life they’re you know society is chewing chill you know showing them up and spitting them out and we see it every day so it’s just that that cycle that somebody has to stand up and say hey enough is enough the other thing I want to think of because we’re a little older than you so that’s why we were happy to have a younger person on but I was I was talking to a younger person yesterday and she’s 19 and we were cheap you know she’s always talking about you you always you know obviously like younger people say yeah older people I talk about the good old days and so since this is a homey podcast I was talking about some different rap lyrics and in the 80s there was a song I really don’t want to talk about these guys I give him too much light but they were very popular and in one of the songs the guy was rapping about picking up his girlfriend which sounds ok but in the song and you listen to it he’s definitely out of high school he’s graduated and he’s a high school student and so there was a time where and I’ve even made jokes that and even in high school or college there was part of the culture that younger girls dated older men and it wasn’t necessarily celebrated but it was something that wasn’t talked about either and I think that’s something else that’s coming out now that people are talking about and everyone has different opinions because you know well this is what we were used to once upon a time in the 2019 that doesn’t fly right yeah it’s funny you say that too but in a while just a couple hours ago there was a it was I think it was a biggy song of course you know biggie was in his mid-20s when he was at the height of his career and I forget the name of the song but he it was a lyric that he said that he would make Raven Symone scream you know like call out date grape or something of that nature you know at the time of the early nineties Raven Symone was only like 6 or 7 years old that’s right on the Cosby Show and I’m like oh my goodness I can’t believe that that was a lyric that has just been kind of overlooked but um yeah I think you know at a certain time there was things that were said and/or done that was I don’t I don’t know if it was slipped under the world or maybe people just weren’t pens it and I’m not sure but definitely in this generation I think the rock had an interview the other day and he said this generation is looking for a reason to be offended which I could agree to a certain extent but there’s a lot of things that I do like about the generation that I’m in that I grew up in is that there’s a lot of questions as to why this is happening and and there’s a lot of people blowing horns but yeah I it’s funny you say that because I hadn’t literally just said that a couple hours ago I think I’m not sure if it’s just an old norm I don’t know but yeah it was definitely definitely some things that were taking place that people are now sharing lights on so it’s interesting to see things come to light that’s that’s been going on for the past 20 25 years or so yeah and I think it’s it’s you know even past that time you know you could say generations all right so I think what’s really interesting about today is that there isn’t like one you know generations ago there may have been like one not one necessarily one leader but there was people that you could point to so like if it was a Martin Luther King or someone else you’re like well this well how do you feel about this and how do you feel about that subject matter and today that doesn’t really exist there’s you know there’s some people that may they’re starting to grow there different groups but there’s not like I think that’s the other fear as well I want to get your opinion on that because you can say well what’s the way what’s the best path forward should boys and boys wear suits and girls wear gowns because there was a time where that was an argument it was saying that different communities were saying well if these girls aren’t wearing these clothes or if the guys aren’t you know out like that you know they’re it’s triggered when you’re younger and it’s happening which could be an excuse but today if you say that it’s like well I still have my rights and I can do whatever I want right so how do you feel about so many different conflicting directions that you can go for any subject matter it is because I mean you even if you go I went back to the Bible times at each particular time when there were things going on there was always one voice you know you had your Joseph your Moses Abraham’s Davis and then you know of course New Testament there was Jesus and yet Apostle Paul so I mean in this day and time there are so many avenues for people seemingly and that’s another thing I really I legitimately think that it comes from a place of hurt to where people are scared to speak up for themselves but if they find something that oh that’s kind of like what I went through so I’m gonna you know voice my opinion not really voicing it but they’re letting somebody else speak for them and I think that’s one of the main issues because there’s not one voice I’m not sure if it’s because of the fear because whenever there was one voice and you were speaking against the norms typically bad things happened to that person you can look at your markings your your Malcolm X’s and your Marcus Garvey’s and everything of that nature so I don’t know if it’s a fear aspect but there is something definitely sinister at work I believe and not not necessarily in the physical room but in the spiritual realm that is that is invoking of fear of one person stepping stepping out and standing out saying that you know again like I was like I said it enough is enough and this is not right I grew up going to your effect of you know they would want the clear cut an argument of boys should look like this and girls just look like that I went to Bob Jones when they of course they have elementary schools as well as the University but I went there first in seventh grade and you know boys couldn’t wear their hair of course me being an african-american middle my hair wasn’t long anyway but the Caucasians that you know mostly made up that school boys can wear their hair past their ears girls had to slowly be in dresses so now that I see that times are changing and people are you know saying that they have their own rights I don’t think it’s anything that has to be a clear-cut as to say boys should look like this girl should look like that but I do think what’s missing is some voice just that stands up and saying hey this is wrong not just according to what I believe but and this time I just generally think that we need a good voice not anything voicing religion or Christianity itself but as far as being a believer as far as in my opinion what Jesus stated and what the Apostle said because a lot of times Christian and religious and reserved religion has been so indoctrinated with what people think but it’s not with real truth and so when there’s a voice that is speaking real truth I just believe that change has to take place but against something more sinister I believe in the spiritual realm is invoking of fear that say that saying if I speak up then something bad is going to happen to me or to my family or to whatever because again when there has been just one voice either going back to the Bible days typically it doesn’t it doesn’t end well that’s here today but let me ask you this you mentioned that when you were you know you were young you experienced some abuse but you never stopped believing in God but up to the point in time before you had as you said you know God spoke to you you believe God spoke to you did you go through a period of time where you were angry at God even you said you still believe in God but did you get angry because of some of the things that you’re experiencing oh definitely but of course when I when I went through the sexual abuse you know I mean it’s me bit I’m a very transparent guy I was addicted to pornography for a long time and you know go that time I was see I was still in the house with my mom so I couldn’t stop going to church but um I was 17 when she passed though in society’s eyes I was a couple months or a year away from being a grown man of course I don’t think your person is grown until you know certain experiences but in societies as I was growing so at that point I had a choice to stop going and I did stop going for a long time because I was definitely I’m upset I never forget what people call the spirit of prophecy or whatever is right around the time when my mother first got sick and there was a preacher who came and told her that you know she was going to be here that she was going to touch you know thousands of different people you know through her ministry or whatever and then I look up and you know two years later you know my mom was gone literally and so I’m thinking to myself all of this kind of goes back to what I said that people you know indoctrinating and religion has been so misconstrued as for as far as with what real truth is you’ve got a lot of people doing it for whatever the reason that that they’re doing it and here it is that my family’s suffering my mom passed and I meant I’m a senior in high school that she always said um that she ever wanted to see me do was graduate graduate high school to go off to college and do different things and she never got to see that and so oh yes that was definitely a time when that will appear when I stopped going to church I didn’t want to have anything to do or hear anything about God or Jesus or whatever but the reason why I know because in this generation you know there’s a lot of courses Esther if Jesus is real if God is real or whatever but I know for a fact that he is because he preached you know he reached and grabbed me at a time when I wasn’t even trying to hear anything from him but you know I April 29th of 2014 do you know it changed my life forever and I wasn’t even searching for him but just the fact that he was looking for me for whatever reason that you know whatever purpose that he wants me to serve in this life that’s how I know that you know he is real and he he would definitely reach out and grab you you know even while you’re going through whatever it is that you’re going through would you say a lot of people have had experiences like that and a lot time’s director Louis point without for you and that April when you say April 29 without your lowest point it was my lowest point because right after I graduated graduate high school in 2012 and right after that my she’s not my wife’s wasn’t my wife then but my wife now we actually she got pregnant with my son my oldest son he’ll be six in March and so you know here it is I’m going through that but I now I’m scared because I have a life that’s literally coming and I feel like at that point I’m not even at a point to raise him and at that point April 29 2014 he had just turned 1 years old and one year old and so we’re still not married you know many people and my family kind of shunned me based on that because they said I had a bright future as far as college goes they didn’t really see me hurting you know and so I’m very I’m at a lowest point I’m really not caring about my life and I just remember that night I’m crying a song came on on Pandora and I wasn’t even listening to a gospel radio station but a gospel song came on for some strange reason and you know I just started to cry and I and I heard him say to me that you know if you follow me there’s a tank there’s there’s purpose and every pain that you’ve gone through but there’s also a pain in your purpose and so ever since that day I’m like man I really see why he allowed me to go through some of the things that he allowed me to go through but yeah that was definitely my lowest point in life yes sir from a biblical standpoint Xavier in the Bible he meant there’s a point where he’s like God what why house well forsaken II and what does that run to you uh what that means even when Jesus said that I think even though he was all God I think at the same point he in the in the reality that he was in he was still all man at the same time so what that means to me as what it means to me even when you when he was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane he said removed cup from me if it BG but he end up saying not my will but let your will be done I think that’s the part that we miss a lot of times that you know we’re going through and when we’re afraid or when we’re hurting that even though we’re saying that I don’t want to go through this but at the same time Jesus still had the wherewithal even in his even in his his physical man part of himself because he had to go through that reality he still said not my will but it sure will be done so a lot of times we miss it because we thought we get caught up in the pains that we go through or that we that we’re having to endure the fear of the pain that we’re having to endure based on certain situations that we don’t allow him to meet us we kind of run into roadblocks ourselves because we try to play God in our own life instead of that in the Holy Spirit or laying God lead us in certain areas and so that’s another reason why so many people get stuck in that cycle of fame because we try to get out of it ourselves that we try to look for other means to do certain things when God is really just trying to get our attention and say let me lead you so I can show you the reason as to why you’re going through this so that can be so you can birth your purpose yeah you would say that they have a the creator has a lot of patience when you say definitely to create a creator accrete our creation excuse me that that has the option to totally disregard you and you know go about this life like he doesn’t exist and you know some people they I don’t some people legitimately believe that he doesn’t exist but I you know I think that comes from another source of pain as well but he definitely has a great deal of patience how long once she had that experience how long was it after that that you got the idea that she wanted to to write a book um that was April 29th 2014 I originally wrote my book cuts between October and December of 2015 we didn’t get posts until 2018 but I originally wrote it so it was about it was almost 2 years I’m almost two years but when I said you know that I just wanted to write down some things at the time I didn’t even know it was a book I was really just kind of expressing my feelings and then one night I never forget it it was in right around October I had just left a banking job because I was I was going from job to job trying to figure out what my purpose was and every job that I was trying to get that I thought was gonna be good I just I was like no this is not it so I had just lifted it one night announced through him I saw that advertising commercial for Christmas tree publishing which is the publishing company that my book is through and you know something told me to just try to send it in and I had no idea that it was gonna get accepted because my book is legitimately only 35 to 40 pages long you know what she put it in book form and even the lady had to publish because she was like yeah who’s gonna get accepted because we don’t usually expect things that are just small but when she sent it to the editors and they accepted it that I knew then that yeah you know God had a purpose for me writing that and you know he alighted to be accepted so it was about a year and a half almost two years okay yes I say there’s no accident and so not at all happens when it’s supposed to let me ask you are you familiar with his Hassan Campbell so Hassan Campbell is he has a growing YouTube channel and he was actually molested by Azkaban bhatta over so Azkaban wada for those that don’t know you know he’s one of the fathers of hip-hop he’s on this pillar you know and here he’s molesting little boys and so he’s a grown man he’s married he has some children he has a YouTube channel that’s pretty popular I want to say 80 90 thousand subscribers now but his his role is to you know tell the young kids that they don’t go through the same circumstances heated and so he had gone to jail you know and some of these other things and he was around these entertainers where they took advantage of them so I like to ask you are there certain signs that we can be aware of when we’re talking to our our you know the little boys in the neighborhood from you know family or just a little you know the little kitten around the block that you can see that something’s wrong because you know one day this person smiling and then that you know now they’re closed off but are there certain signs or things that people can be aware of right you know even in my job you know we’ve we caseworkers and sometimes you know they ask us questions because you know there may be accusations and the answers do we see anything I’m it really just depends I’m I know with myself my sexual abuse you know it lasted for two and a half almost three years before I even said anything that nobody ever would have thought you know even when it came out there’s a lot of people know that max it happened but you know if you did so it’s our science go I mean it differs from person to person you know I know several several children sometimes they show signs with a you know they get scared when they’re around older people older men or it’s even older women but sometimes a little kid may not show any signs you know it could just be that they’re hiding it so well because they have that fear of because even with our killer situation going back to that most of his victims you know a lot of them are kind of brainwashed so it’s very eye-opening to see how some of the predators can brainwash them to make them think that hey this is low but this is you know whatever the case is so a lot of times it just it just goes back to having conversations with your children but always being aware who they are around but as far as the size goes it just depends on you know from person to person now okay thank you for that and the other side I want to ask is if it’s opposite sex so you know the other thing that’s been coming out now got our guy saying you think it’s only been guys taking advantage of a girl there’s been a lot of older women taking advantage of boys and you know the stereotype is yeah I wish my teacher would have done that when I was a little kid but under law they’re still going through sexual abuse right so there are differentiation or would you guys when you speak with the boys do you are they aware of the differentiation if there are is any right they do and it’s funny when we first laughed first started here that conversation was kind of minut as far as that you know even after running I had that conversation before and they haven’t I guess the stigma is different with guys because I for whatever reason but this as you stated it’s the same exact thing as you know with the man taking advantage of the younger girl so we do have that conversation to let the boys know a if this is happening this is wrong even though in your mind hey you know that could be brownie points which which your homies at school or whatever the case is but at the same token is still wrong and that could still cause a cycle of hurt and pain down the line or a cycle of other things that so a child shouldn’t have to deal with or anybody for that matter so no in my there is no difference Society has made it thing that it is you know but it really isn’t it’s the same exact thing and you were this happened to you for I mean it’s you don’t know one wishes this happens to anyone but it happened to you for three years and we’re here in Atlanta so a couple years ago before he transitioned there you know that big upheaval was Eddie Long who was who had run a church here and some boys had come out and we’re talking about sexual abuse but then you had other boys that were saying well no this is a romantic relationship so it kind of goes into what you’re saying with that brainwashing work where do you think there was a line in the sand of hate this person’s ultimately I mean ultimately sexually abusing me versus this person really loves me and now I may have changed my sex 0 orientation because of it right if I’m not mistaken I don’t know if all of them but I know a few of those guys they didn’t have a father in the whole and so I know for myself I considered my home pastor with a it wasn’t the whole pastor who was sexually abused it was actually a teenage a teenager a teenage God that was then I went to the same church as well but I just remember that I viewed him as kind of like a father figure so I’m viewing a person as a father figure and they’re looking at me to abused me then it’s easier for them to have that relationship with you at first and to make it and to make you feel comfortable and to be nice and to buy you things of that nature it’s kind of like you know even in regular relationships where a guy or female could attempt to buy a person’s little so and but in this regard is more like they’re buying their trust so that they can have that open door to do whatever it is that they want with him so you know I don’t think that even the proverbial line I think the line was crossed when even had you know the function to do these to be teenage boys period but you know I just think that that’s that’s the mind games that they play to make a person who has who’s very vulnerable who may not have a father figure in their life or any other figure in their life to let them know what genuine love is from another guy or in the females the females version that coming from a maybe a woman and so they trust them and then once they have that open door then honestly sadly they can you know do what they want to do unfortunately so that’s just why it’s important to have that conversation now the other other side of that especially what the internet in YouTube is we get access to everything now so one of the scariest episodes of Diff’rent Strokes I don’t know if you’ve been at the song but you know what I’m talking about where they they had that man who was ya the bike shot that he was going to attempt to mow and he was going to take naked photos so that’s child pornography and then he was awfully going to sexually abuse him now both Arnold’s had a father and so did Dudley he had a father so you I don’t wanted to say a lot of them are just because you don’t have a father figure you can still have a father in the picture and it would happen that’s very true it’s very true so you know that that was a very just to even watch it even though a little the TV show I’m glad you’ve seen it though yeah yeah I definitely a yes sir yeah I think I went motherfucker I ran across it on YouTube I think you might have shared it on Facebook but I did tender standard on YouTube yes sir and it’s one of those well your kids are too young but it’s like you know at what point do you talk to your kids that a no you can’t going back to the episode you can’t have this bike and then the guys the bike shops I’ll let you ride it and here’s some candy and then you know there’s levels that this happens it doesn’t just that they just attacked you potentially right it’s usually levels where it’s it’s safe to do this and how far can I go how to puddle which one I think oh when your child gets to the age of where they can understand words clearly and effectively in there around people when they’re out of your missus for example school you know my son he’ll be six in March he’s in k5 so he goes to school so you know me and my wife we had that conversation and we still have that conversation we ask questions you know and it’s sad because what you don’t want to do is kind of build walls around your child to make them mistrust people with that same token you want to mix it to their safe so you know we always say hey don’t accept anything from strangers you know stay within the realm of an adult make sure that nobody is touching you in any regard you know if you’re in the restaurant things of that nature so we do have those talks with them and I don’t think it’s never too early it just depends on the child if they’re outside of your realm and once they get to a level of understanding words and what exactly that you’re what you’re saying to them and once they go to school and daycares are that things I think it’s definitely important because unfortunately you know there have been several times in which it’s happened in the daycare that has happened in school so you definitely want to make sure that you having that conversation with the other thing I’d like to talk about is what was cool is no longer cool so this is probably more for my generation but the younger generation kind of is still getting swept up because I think of ultimately what we’re talking about is lack of communication I’m sort of lack communication amongst the community amongst family and what-have-you so a generation ago it was really cool even though legal to partake in in the activities of a street pharmacist and so when you look at some of these like a DJ Vlad he has a YouTube channel if you don’t know him when he’s interviewing all these drug kingpins that were big in the 82 90s and they’ve been jail for like 20 30 years and one thing that they kind of hint at there’s a lot of sexual abuse that goes on and they’re not prepared for it and you had the a bunch of young people like you’re saying they may not have the means and that’s the way to actually do it it’d be cool to have a gold chain but you’re going to get locked up not only for that crime but you may also get also get sexually abused in there right so there’s a lot of people that aren’t talking about the abuse that’s happening behind the prison wall either exactly and you know it is just I mean because even you know it’s think it’s all things that we know it’s just especially now there are so many things that keep us distracted just going back you know to the original conversation with the Donald Trump things you know last week the hot topic was artillery now that’s kind of bitter right everybody’s talking about burgers at the White House so it’s like meeting how quickly we forget because we I’m pretty sure at least everyone knows of someone or knows them directly they have been in prison and hear the stories that you know that those type of things happen it’s just I don’t know I’m not sure so at what society you know how we wired to think the way that we do is there’s so many distractions out there and we just don’t talk about we get caught up with the hot story then and we forget about you know people who are suffering every day so here absolutely correct one thing I do want to take a bit of a turn because I want to get is where there we have someone so young it be great to kind of talk to you the years but right we have you today so I don’t think advantage of that so one thing that we learned and in a school because I actually got my masters in early childhood and so I went to a Clark Atlanta so a historically black college and we were taught that at fourth grade that through either through the census records or through your report card that because I’m highlighting on what you’re talking about something going on spiritually evil spirits happening and there’s statistics that if these boys that you’re dealing with these quote-unquote troubled kids if they don’t graduate fourth grade if they’re left behind they are guaranteed not to graduate from high school and they are guaranteed a cot in the prison prison yes sir so if you did and I’m glad you’re kind of shaking your head in confirmation that at least you’re sharing that message with the younger kids because they may look at help me obviously but you like you’re too old and you don’t know what you’re talking about no not at all yeah we definitely had that conversation we even there was an article and you know you can’t take everything it you know now you should know if it’s true or not even with things such as adderall you know giving them the ADHD medication and you know once they stop taking it because sometimes even that when they age out of the system or even they go back home and it main medicine may not be you know proper or or it might not be a priority should I say they don’t know how to function and so they do things when they’re you know out with their friends or whatever that gets them you know ultimately locked up so I mean even the the link between medication and you know a cot in jail and even the statistics of where they are based on humidity like you stay at the quote-unquote rebel kids you know if they don’t do certain things that automatically lands them in jail or in prison you know we have those conversations quite a bit and so we try to what we try to do is incorporate for one a group every night to let them know of course about Jesus and God while work is actually a ministry as well because if as you stated you know there’s something I believe this more sinister at work going on and I think you know what what’s that work is really coming after this generation because of the different things that Biblical prophecy that’s going on and as well this generation if there was one voice going back to that one voice that could plant those seeds and that can tell them hey this is missus this is not necessarily the right way to go this is the right way this is wrong but here decisive on what’s right and what’s wrong and what’s good and was not so good this generation could really turn the world upside down because this is really the strongest generation when you’re talking about technology and how it doubles and triples almost every other day or almost every day so yeah there’s definitely something more sinister at working you know that it has to be that voice or right now right there even though voice there has to be some voices that’s kind of echoing what’s really going on in the world today one thing you’re talking about was technology and your I wholeheartedly agree with you I just want to put one bug in your ear that you might want to share with the groups too is that there are a lot of a portion of the global population that is getting college grants and scholarships for being African American and what that means is that they’re from Africa and they’re living in America in their South African so they’re actually if they lived in the United States they would be considered Caucasian and so yeah you’re just learning I’m just saying that because there’s ways that there’s always ways to get funding and to get to go to school because I think right if people had the opportunity they would do it but they may feel it’s too expensive and so I can’t do it and so with these kids I definitely wish I had greater access to the technology that you guys to or these guys take advantage can take advantage of I’m currently working with I’m in the Big Brother Big Sister program so I’m working with my little on that and just access that you guys have as long as they can do their Google’s you know they’re doing it for the videos and maybe what is that worldstar they could spend some more time well hey it balanced yeah that’s awesome I’ll definitely not attract well once we once we wrap up dinner and everything tonight I definitely that’ll be something that we share in the group tonight about you know learning how to get Google scholarships and different things that they have at their fingertips that they may not know about so definitely thank you for that absolutely pass it on that’s all so yeah thought they would do the same thing let’s do like you’re saying you’re you’re you’re transforming that pain and so we’re talking breaking cycles so right you’re breaking cycles so that you so your underlings won’t experience the abuse you did you’re working with the voiceover so they won’t experience abuse and you’re hoping that transcends to the neck and continues with the next generation yes sir so we haven’t posted it yet but we just had a podcast with a one percenter and so are you familiar with one percenters I am yes sir okay and so what his our major takeaway from that interview was generational wealth and so that you’re able to pass that on and continue for generations the way the guy was talking it wasn’t he wasn’t really bothered with the current political climate and such just like we can withstand that or we’ve done it generationally and that needs to be a conversation in our community right definitely I do want to ask you another question I want to ask you about I think it was the movie do the right thing and in the movie they had the guy who was playing a lot radio raheem and he had rings on you remember this radio right here okay yes so he he had he had he had two rings right he had love and then he I hate right and so for four boys for a long time like love is like you know you mom don’t kiss me anymore and things like that but then also in the urban communities it’s more of that’s a sign of weakness so or yeah it’s a weakness or you’re not masculine enough and how is there any ways that you guys even approach the subject of love versus hate because in my experience my experience the violence comes where they feel they’re not loved right so nobody learns me I can do whatever I want I just want to get your take on it definitely it is and I I try to be as transparent as possible I believe I’m a believer in as parents sometimes reduces your recklessness i firm believer in that and I try to approach it you know from my son’s point of view even going back to myself he was still dealing with the cycle because growing up in a single mother home she had to be the mother and she also had to be the father so whenever I could I had the monster of a crybaby growing up that’s what everybody used to call me and so I was told that you know when you cried or when I showed my emotion hey you’re acting like a girl and so when I grew up as I’m growing up you know I always thought if I crime acting like a girl so that ended up causing me to have different issues with knowing how to express my emotion or express how I feel and I had anger issues because I thought I got to keep it here so art when all that things when all those things bubbled up it would just explode and it would come out as an anger so I mean just with that you know just showing love I you know I try to use that example with my son as well because he kind of had the same thing that’s why you’re not talking with my wife a lot of times about you know versus us telling him that you know boys don’t cry I mean that’s to me that ludicrous you know as if American expresses emotion that makes them that much greater of a man in my eyes but you know showing love versus hate I think a lot of the hate comes from undealt with emotion not knowing how to express even if you’re disagreeing with someone or if you don’t like what a person does doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to hate them you have to love yourself and even love other people well enough to say hey I disagree with you so let’s talk it out let’s fear while we you know disagree doesn’t even have to be the best of friends that same token you showing your emotion even if it’s through tears or or whatever the case is it does not make you you know list of a man especially this as you’re standing in the urban community but you know we’re a lot it doesn’t make you less of a man when you’re showing love or you’re showing your emotion that period I’m a friend I’m not going to shout out her name but I want to share it with you so this guy probably didn’t have that balance and he lost her she was used to holding hands in public things like that and he wasn’t used to showing love publicly and he ultimately wound up losing his girl because of it fiscal you know it’s one of those I’m too cool to hold my girl fan in public that younger kids think about and then even crying and not meeting exactly so yeah you know this is something that we we just have to share we have to I think rally not just in the community is definitely important in the community you know to be that change we have to be it but you know worldwide we just have to rally around I don’t know what it’s going to take what how we’re going to do it but you gotta rally around this generation in to teach them the things not necessarily give them the things that we didn’t have but teach them what we didn’t know or teach them what work was that wouldn’t talk to us so yeah that’s one of my goals so that’s why I’m just trying to slowly but surely even you know figuring out what my purpose is past this point in my life just to help you know one person at a time you know if one person can be affected by anything that I can say you know that makes it all worthwhile absolutely let me let me ask you a good addiction question so usually when someone writes a book they get addicted to wow that was really good I actually did it do you have the addiction bug and are you going to write some additional books I I am my next one that I actually just kind of corrected can always you know how to be at it’s not the title of it but it’s just the basis of the book you know how to be a good father without having a good father you know that’s kind of what I’m going with that so I think I have it you know I think I just like expressing because I’ve had a good a good response to my to my book from people that I know and some things I don’t even know so that that just makes it all worthwhile to know that you know people actually reading this and they’re getting a good giving a good response to it so yeah I think I am I have two or three in mind that I want to hopefully do within the next couple years I will say when we said with the last guest they were on the on the fence as far as creating an audio version of the book and I am one of the audio files and I’m sure people listen to this right while they’re in the car so please keep and keep us in mind when those come out to have an audio version as well most definitely yes sir did I keep hearing you talk about the beat bit over there you know how you your thinking my thoughts the question that you just asked him was the one I was going to ask that he have any more books did he get the writing bug and then you have any more plans for books so ask yeah sure in the other one less thing because we’re almost at the top of the hour I do want to ask you when feelings of hopelessness you know I think everyone who are in their lives maybe multiple times may go through it but when you’re speaking to someone that’s going through it they may watch you off as you don’t understand my pain or my hopelessness is different from yours how would you address someone that would come with you come to you with that type of output outlook um I guess my approach is a little different just knowing that you know I’ve had multiple services feeling hopeless is and really at that moment when you’re at there’s a height of feeling that way there’s really nothing anyone can say that can make you feel better but there is something that people can do that lets them know any kind of Garner’s that trust with them so when they do so that where they can open up and that’s just to let them know that you love them and let them know that you are there and not just saying it but showing it even after the fact you know checking on them when they’re not feeling hopeless and they’re having a great day just you know saying hey I love you or I’m just checking I hope that she’s doing good or whatever it is that they’re going through you know I’m just big on showing love because I just just strongly believe that love can overcome anything as long as a person feels that you know sure that they are loved and that you’re checking on them and letting them know that I’m here for you if you need you know just a shoulder to cry on or someone to predict – I’m here for you and I do want to when you’re saying that a lot of stuff resonated with me because today’s mices one of my sister’s birthday and she had transitioned February or April will be three years and you think that they’re always going to be around and you know she’s not so you know as a popular saying it today send them the roses why they can still smell them and like to give you a salutation for your mom as well yes sir time thank you sir sorry to hear that a salutation to you as well thank you so we are at the top of the hour and I really enjoyed it hopefully we can have you back and I like for you to talk about that’s that’s good great great and we didn’t scare you off and you got through your first one pain free so I would say yeah I’m a fan actually I was listening to one of your part when you guys podcast this morning about you know sex and marriage and things of that nature what the Bible says about it so I’m saying so and I definitely be tuning in to listen to you guys yeah and we we promise not to serve you cold fries either oh great I’m a keeper for sure there’s no there’s no so one last time Xavier if you could give us the title of your book where they can find your book and how they can get in touch with you if they want to know more information or maybe they want to thinking of their on the fence of being a part of giving back to the community and they want to reach their boy shelter what’s a good way to get in touch with you and connect with you as a resource certainly name of my book is there is purpose and pain and there’s pain in purpose it’s available on all media outlets to Barnes & Noble Amazon again my name is Xavier Jones you can purchase it through iBooks as well as any other digital outlet as well you can reach me the best way to reach me is through email I am on Facebook so you can also Facebook me Xavier Jones there’s not too many people with that names up I will be easy to find my email is X as an x-ray Jones at miracle Hill org that is my business email so I’m always checking that when it comes right to my phone or you can Facebook me again Xavier Jones so yeah if you guys have any questions for me definitely feel free to reach out to me and I’ll do my best to answer them back fantastic well you have just been in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective this is Hamza and I am David Xavier was definitely a pleasure let’s stay in touch man yes sir pleasures all mine I would love that thank you guys so much yeah thanks for being with us yes sir thank you listen to intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective on radio public it’s a free easy-to-use app that helps listeners like you find and support shows like ours when you listen to our show on radio public we receive direct financial support every time you hear in episode experience our show and radio public today by listening to the show link in our episode notes and thank you for listening you [Music]



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