Stess Overwhelmed Mind – How do you calm an overwhelmed mind?
Speaker 1: 00:02 Good morning. Good evening, good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land. You are now in tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homie’s perspective. This is Hamza and I am really excited about our guest today as she talks about the stress overwhelmed mind. She might address the microwave crowd out there. We’re going to talk about revolution a lot. Revolutionizing your life in 60 seconds. Can this be done? Can you revolutionize your life faster than you can cook a pop tart or maybe can you do this? Can we change our lives faster than we can make a grilled cheese sandwich? I am so excited to learn what her steps that she can lead us to the promised land of our higher skill of our best life. Without going any, any further, I’d like to welcome Peggy Caruso to the podcast. Welcome Peggy.
Speaker 2: 00:58 Yeah,
Speaker 3: 00:58 Well thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: 01:02 Absolutely. I’m glad you could make it and I’ll, you know, of course that was a tongue in cheek introduction, but you know, so people were like, give it to me now. Give it to me now and then we can peel back the onion. And I was just looking at your background and reading your background before the podcast and you have an extensive background in personal development. So I’m sure you have plenty of nuggets that you’re going to drop in this next hour or so.
Speaker 3: 01:28 Well, I hope so. I hope everyone finds it informative and interesting.
Speaker 1: 01:32 Awesome. Awesome. And we’re going to talk a lot about your new book that as far as off the press, it’s called take the first shot, strategies to fire you up and change your life is your fourth book and the Caruso’s revolutionized series. And so congratulations for getting that out. I believe you are a number one bestseller on Amazon, is that correct?
Speaker 3: 01:54 I am in five categories, so I’m very excited about that.
Speaker 1: 01:58 Awesome. Awesome. So from the five categories, that is a huge feat. And how do you feel about that? Did you, this is our fourth book. So when you were number one in one category, was that enough? And now that you have five, you’re like, man, I wish I could get six categories. How do you celebrate today?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed?
Speaker 3: 02:18 Well, I always celebrate everything. No matter how small it is, a win is a win. But I, my main focus was the work life balance and business because I’m an executive and personal development coach and I truly believe that personal and professional go hand in hand. So that is a category that was a larger category and I was really excited to get that. I’d watched it all day and I, I hung up there at number two for a while and then at 10 o’clock at night at one 10 number one. So I was very excited about that because that is something I truly believe in.
Speaker 1: 02:54 Absolutely. And it feels like it just watching the stock ticker all day where you can, Hey, I’m number two. What does it take to make number one and then you make it and then the pop champagne or how does Peggy celebrate?
Speaker 3: 03:07 I have a book launch team and there were friends near and dear to my heart. This is actually a cute story. But being that this is my fourth book, I, I understand that the industry in such a tough industry, but when I have a lot of professional people that give me guidance and they said, well, you have to have on your team people who are very savvy, you know, with technology and have a good solid base and social media. And I just looked at them and started laughing. I said, nobody on my team does social media but me. And they were like, you can’t have that as your team. But we did and it worked. And it’s because my people know people. And so to all your listeners out there, it’s not just always about technology.
Speaker 1: 03:56 Oh, I love that. And I of course we’re going to have to, to unpeel that onion for sure. Because I would ask today you know, just in your, in your bio, you’re talking about people will be becoming overwhelmed about making a change. And is there a difference today? Would you just said, it may or may not be a difference, but yesterday, yesteryear, let’s just say 20, 30 years ago we didn’t have access to all these technology tools and some would argue that because I have access, which is the first tool that I should use. And you know what? Forget about it. I’m just going to go back to my comfortable life and not do anything.
Speaker 3: 04:37 Well, it goes back to what I said. I wanted to have that work life balance because I believe every single part of our life is about balance. There are so many people who are so distraught about children and technology and bullying and the cyber bullying. And I always say that, you know, children need to advance the technology cause it’s a good thing, but they also need to be able to play in the dirt. And so if you as a parent can find that balance, it’s the key.
Speaker 1: 05:08 Are you familiar with the commercial or the social media that’s been going on this past year between Chick-fil-A and Popeye’s about that chicken sandwich? Okay. So I, the reason why I asked you that is I wanted to know your opinion as to why there aren’t any elephants on any restaurant menus. And the reason why I asked that is in reading your bio, how many times, how many bites, how do you eat an element of elephant one bite at a time. Did you hear that so much? I’m like, where are the, all these people eating elephant meat?
Speaker 3: 05:52 You would be a genius if you would call both of those themes and find any answer.
How Do I Stop overthinking?
Speaker 1: 06:04 Cause we’re not, you’re, I mean you’re talking about work life balance and a lot of people say that, but you are actually walking the walk. You know, and I liked how you talked about, you know, children have to spend time in the, you know, the play in the dirt too. Whereas I don’t, I don’t have any children, but you know, nieces and nephews and I do community service with children and they’re so scheduled and I’ve hearing this new thing that when they get to college, they’re already burned out. And I think that’s an effect of not having that work life balance that you’re talking about.
Speaker 3: 06:41 Yes. And I think that you know, it’s funny, I do these little hooks with publicity people and stuff and it’s one of the things with parents is park the bulldozer. Like stop being a bulldozer. Parents, I think the parents not all parents, but many of the parents try to keep their kids, and I understand this because we want to keep our kids busy so that they don’t get into trouble. And I totally agree with that. I think that sports are fabulous. It teaches leadership things and success and, and all of that. But you can overwhelm your children and then they are out just like technology. I said, you need to advance with it, but there are times you need to disconnect from it. I myself I have a huge client base and when I go to something personal, I leave my phone behind. It’s like, you know what? It’s okay if I’m not there. When you call it’s okay. So people just need to learn how to do that.
Speaker 1: 07:40 Yeah, it was actually getting the shakes. As you were talking about that, about not being tethered to your phone what was the first step that you took and how far away did you step away from your phone the first time that you decided to leave it in and live a regular life?
How can I calm my anxiety fast?
Speaker 3: 07:55 Well, that’s the key is do everything. We talk in coaching, like taking it down into manageable steps. So if, if you’re nervous about that, like just leave it for a while. Like I have my mother who I need to be able to be contacted. But if you have like my daughter, I’ll say I’m going here, I’m not taking my phone or something happens, you know, here’s the number you can reach me at. So you still can do the old fashioned way. So just do baby steps into what you’re comfortable. It’s, it’s really funny, I went to the national publicity summit where you meet a lot of the publicity people and you talk to them and kind of pitch your story and, and there was somebody I was going to pitch and he was on the phone and he, you know, I waited like, I don’t know, five, seven minutes, which is a long time.
Speaker 3: 08:44 And then when I got up there and we started talking, he said, I wish someone could teach me how to disconnect from my phone. And I’m like, yeah, yeah, because you were just on it. So I do a hook that invite yourself to dinner, meaning when you get home from work, you know, everybody disconnect from their cell phones and have an old fashioned family dinner where you sit around the table and talk about the day, talk about the good things and the bad things and you know, try to mastermind a solution to the bad things.
Speaker 1: 09:14 So are you resurrecting gene and ward Cleaver into life? I’m just laughing because there was that sense of community and of course there were some message and and a lot of the television shows that go along with advertising and such, but you do feel like you have a greater sense of what’s going on in your family. If you actually take away those electronics, I’d been out to eat and you’ll see a family and they’re all on the phone and they’re not having any conversation at all amongst themselves.
Speaker 3: 09:53 Yes, it’s horrible. Go out to dinner and watch everyone in the restaurant. There are people that I have actually watched but do not communicate at all through the whole dinner. I think that’s super sad. I think it’s really sad and I think that’s part of the problem. Like a lot of, you know, I, I just, I said I’m an executive and personal development coach. I love corporate because I am very corporate, but I do a lot of personal development and I do a lot of children and it’s super sad to see these children who are cutting and that’s because they’ve lost the ability to communicate and they hold those frustrations inside. And then they take it out on theirselves. And so right there is a perfect example of why you should disconnect at times from your technology.
Speaker 1: 10:36 I didn’t put those two together. Thank you for that Peggy. And I guess that’s why we have this podcast. Yeah. I didn’t make that connection before and I, in another life I did teach second grade and it was really interesting when I had gone back into the corporate world because I, I, I’m in sales and I put them together. Like if you can’t sell the kid as to why they should sit quietly in their chair. Right then good luck to you when you’re out in the corporate world doing it. It just helped refine things. And sometimes children get in trouble because they are fidgety and they’re not sitting still. Conversely, you’re not being yelled at as an adult in a corporate environment and they’re usually just as just as talkative and on the phone and all this at a conference, not in the present moment.
Speaker 3: 11:26 I absolutely agree with that.
Speaker 4: 11:29 [Inaudible]
Speaker 1: 11:30 So it’s like a do as I say, not as I do. Yep.
Speaker 3: 11:34 I think there’s a lot of different things that you see out there if you are on social media with little quotes or whatnot of like, you know how we tend to yell at our children in the morning and like get ready and do this and do that. But how would you feel if that’s how you were communicated with, you know, if your spouse was doing that, you’d probably for divorce, you know, so it’s good to put yourself in your child’s shoes or other, other people’s shoes to try to understand what your, how your behavior affects the situation.
Speaker 1: 12:11 [Inaudible] And again, just going back to that work life balance I do as clients and people I work with that are, you know, 24 hours a day in their business and they can’t really turn it off. And you know, sometimes the, I’ve been guilty of that in the past where I’ve called Mr. Davis not miss me and I have my, my work voice law or something like that and I’m trying to solve problems and I’m, I’m just trying to see how you bridge that gap because I’m thinking people bringing when to increase sales or there’s some other type of agenda of why you’re supposed to come in and you uncover more of a holistic approach it sounds like.
Speaker 3: 12:48 Well, I, I do and I don’t, first of all, you have to understand that, believe it or not, I’m a very visual person and I mean in the, I’m a very high energy. Let’s just get this done. You know, you give, you give me a job to do, I’m going to get it done. I’m very focused. I’m, again, I’m very, very corporate. I’ve owned eight businesses, but I’ve also learned through the years how important it is for calmness of mind to calm yourself down, to get yourself with a plan. And with Amman, I’m a huge goal setter. And like I used to make fun of people and say like, I can’t believe you do a to do list. I could never do it to do this. And now I do one. But it’s you have to prioritize what is the most important thing. And when you know, you have to the work life balance is, it is a tough thing.
Speaker 3: 13:38 It’s like people bring their home life to work and their work life to home. You have to find that disconnect. So, okay, I, I did the best I could do at work today. I pulled into it, I accomplished everything I needed to accomplish. And now when you go home, you should be 100%. And then the same thing. You might be all fighting in the morning and might be crazy. The kids are crying, mom’s angry. And if you’re a guy and you’re going to work, you have to be able on the ride to work, to disconnect and, and know that you’re going to go into your next thing 100% committed. And a lot of people can do that.
Speaker 1: 14:15 You know, I want to play devil’s advocate for one second on that. I’m here in Atlanta. There’s a traffic gridlock. I’m sure every city says that, but I mean it’s probably because I live here, it’s really bad. But just on the news they talk about some of the accidents that happen and then the people respond that they feel like they can’t turn off. Like if they get a call from work, they better answer that phone whether they’re in traffic or not or with their kids. So what do you say to that person? They may be upset and that’s why we’re talking or talking to me and I’m saying you need to talk to Peggy. But they’re reaching,
How do I stop overthinking and stressing?
Speaker 3: 14:52 They haven’t reached that boiling point yet. So what do you say to that person that still has to, they feel they have to address as soon as that phone beats, they better answer it or answer that text message. Okay. Now. That’s a very tough question and it’s a tough question to be put on the spot for because everything is circumstance or like there are times where people will interview me and say, how do you, what do you tell this kid who’s being bullied? Well, first of all, I have to know that kid because if I give him what I would give the other kid who was very outgoing, it could be detrimental. So the same thing, it depends on what your, your job is. But the very first thing I would do is be able to communicate with my superior. So if you can explain some things and here is my schedule and you know, you know, even if you are an officer, even if you know that you know, you have to be available here at, you know that ahead of time.
Speaker 3: 15:44 So those are the types of things that I say a lot of people make it worse than what it is. And they say, I have to take this phone. Nope, you don’t always have to take that call. I mean there may be, sometimes you have to, if you are being paid on call, that’s completely different. But nobody has a job that you are committed to 24 hours a day. So what you have to do is what I just told you before is manageable steps. Like find that balance into, okay here, here is my window, a personal, but communicate it to your boss. Like I’ll give you an example. When my son was young in a life threatening illness and I got a new job and I failed to tell my boss that he was in the hospital and you know, the doctor thought he was going to die. And so when I, when I just that I have to go, I didn’t communicate that with my boss. But you see what I mean? I felt like, or he felt like I needed to be on call 24 seven but if he really knew that my son had a life threatening illness and I would have communicated better, it would be different. Does that make sense?
Speaker 5: 16:49 No, it makes total sense. Which gives me about followup question and as an outsider, right, so obviously have a deep voice and so I’m a guy, right? But I’ve experienced or I’ve seen, I’ve witnessed a woman that is, they may feel that they can speak to their superior and their superior is a woman. And to someone else, maybe let’s say that a third person that works at this place, she was on the fast track to becoming a manager or owner or what have you. And then she was, you know, she was married but she was pregnant. And then as soon as the female supervisor realized that this woman was pregnant, immediately took her off the fast track with, you know, lack of communication. Again, I’m being third parties. I don’t have the full thing, but there is a thing where some women feel if they have a woman boss that they’re not you, they have to answer to everything and they don’t have that open line of communication.
Speaker 3: 17:51 I’m not quite sure. Yeah. I’m not quite sure. I mean the whole entire scenario. Cause that was a lot of information in one, you know, and but I feel like communication is key in every situation and I do feel that you can communicate with anyone in, in the right way. I mean, I, I there’s so many dynamics that people talk about is like men superiors and women’s superiors and the different dynamics. And so I feel like when people take the responsibility of accepting a position that is your door of opportunity to figure out what communication that you create with that person. And a lot of people don’t do that. They just go in for the interview, they accept a position and they start working. But I think for anyone out there who is looking for a job, I think that’s really important that you open that line of communication on personal and professional right from the get go. Yes,
Speaker 5: 18:57 Wholeheartedly agree with you there, Peggy. And I do want to ask you, because you have, you just kind of glossed over owning a businesses. First of all, you should be applauded for that. That’s huge. Being a serial entrepreneur. So hats off to you. And on the other side of that, it’s we’re going into the holiday season and most people, if the business has done well, they would get a bonus at the end of the year and many people wait to get that bonus and then at the beginning of the year or they’ve been interviewing and plan to leave that company at the beginning of the new year, but they were just waiting to get that bonus and many companies, all walks of life experience some level of that. Is there any way to circumvent that by communicating or uncovering something that someone’s not giving you even though they feel they’re communicating with you?
Why has my personality suddenly changed?
Speaker 3: 19:49 Bonuses that has been a big controversial issue on both ends. So first of all, the person who is getting the bonus shame on you if you say just to get the bonus because to me that is like an inner core value that is, is not a very nice quality at all. But a lot of the businesses and the corporations that when they come in, we talk about this and I say, don’t do it. At the end of the year. And, and I believe that if you own a business, that’s what I did do it randomly. Who says that every, every year at this time we are going to give a bonus. First of all, people forget the word what the word bonus means. It means if we’ve met our goals, it means it’s not like mandatory. You’re not going to automatically get it. But imagine if you were the employee and you weren’t expecting a bonus.
Speaker 3: 20:40 We do not get bonuses and all of a sudden somebody walks up to you one day and gives you a bonus. I can’t even tell you how grateful they are or make a bonus when they need it the most. But people tend to get stuck in that, you know, traditional thing like I was using the example that I’m the best parent in the world when it comes to holidays cause I’m the only one, I’ll say like, we don’t even have to celebrate Thanksgiving today. We can do it next week. We can do it tomorrow. I want to be the accommodating one. And so it’s, it’s the same thing in business. I’ve always said I’m not going to wait until the end of the year and give you a bonus. I’m going to give you it just sporadically and that seems to work very, very well.
Speaker 5: 21:22 Mm. Are you familiar with the book, the 12 week year? I am not. Yeah. So along the lines of of not copycats but Tim Ferris had the four hour week and then you know you have a lot of iterations but the the 12 week, what does a 12 yeah, 12 week year kind of speaks to what you’re talking about and what he, what the G the author’s talking about the name escapes and growing. Right. Right now is when you talk traditionally of getting a bonus at the end of the year, they notice with salespeople that sales are relatively flat until fourth quarter. They know they got to meet that quota. But if you put it from a quarterly standpoint, you know that in those 12 weeks they found that sales were through the roof throughout the year because there was some incentive throughout the whole year as opposed to waiting till the end of the year.
Speaker 3: 22:14 Absolutely. Absolutely. That’s what I’m trying to say that I think that bonuses, you know, it’s been a rough subject on both ends.
Speaker 5: 22:28 Thanks for that. And, and we’re going to go back to the business part cause I, you know, that’s a sweet spot for me that I love and we’re talking about personal development. You did mention a little bit briefly that you had the, make sure that you spend time for your mom and a lot of us in a lot of the audience are in that sandwich generation now or you may have kids on the one hand and then you have an aging family member on the other and that’s kind of overwhelming. What, what do we do if our loved ones are going to a new phase of life? How do we make positive changes in that area? And what kind of suggestions would you make to get started in that arena?
How do you relieve mental stress?
Speaker 3: 23:05 Well, I have a whole chapter on that in my new book and, and the reason being is that is a very, very touchy situation in today’s society. And I think that people need to reintroduce herself to their family members. Everybody needs to communicate and find their role. Just because one family member has more money doesn’t mean they need to take on all the financial responsibility. Just because another family member doesn’t work in the other one do doesn’t mean that every burden should fall on them. There are so many things that you can do, like in this book, it’s, it’s a hundred strategies to give you, I mean, you, you and I both know that you cannot turn a major situation around in less than a minute, but you can begin by taking a step. And the first step in elderly care is, like I said, reintroduce yourself to your family.
Speaker 3: 23:54 It’s a, it’s a new dynamic. I have had so many clients come in that is tore their family apart. Mine included for whatever reasons. But if you don’t find the way to communicate with your family it’s just that more detrimental for the parents. It’s a, it’s a scary situation. So a scary situation for them. For us, we get frustrated. You have to be patient and you also have to understand everybody’s role. You need to work together, but people don’t, they get selfish. They feel that everybody needs to do exactly the same. That’s not true. So I think you need to take a step back, evaluate where your family is, who has a, who can do this, who can do this and, and give you that communicate.
Speaker 5: 24:44 Yeah, because I’m thinking it’s appropriate just for the time of year. I mean next, next week here in the States, we celebrate Thanksgiving and generations ago, everyone kind of grew up in the same area. Now everyone’s spread out across the country, if not the world. And the holidays is a time when they come back. So when people come back then it’s like, Oh, something’s up with mom or dad. And we just because we haven’t seen them all year and it’s noticeable during the holidays. So I’m sure this will be a conversation with, with many families over the coming weeks.
Speaker 3: 25:19 Absolutely. And there again, it’s all about communication. If everybody, you know, there are like in my situation there are a couple of family members that live right beside my man. You know, I’m an hour away now. That’s not a lot, but it, it’s easier for them to understand every single day what’s happening to her. So you need to communicate
Speaker 5: 25:43 The other thing as you a cook that made me think about that. You were, we were talking earlier about the kids following their parents and if their parents are always on the phone, the kids are always on the phone. And this could be teachable moments for the holiday. When we talk about sandwich generation how you’re treating your parents ultimately may be how your children treat you because they’re like, well, this is what you did to grandma or granddad. And you’re like, wow, this is a boomerang 360 degrees back at me.
Speaker 3: 26:13 Yeah. Own own what you need to change. That is something that I teach. Everyone is own it and outline it. So I tell people all the time, like I’m far from perfect. I have all these tools at the ready but I work on myself every day. I’m far from perfect. And I will say, Oh I recognize when I do something wrong and I will say that. Or I will say like, mom and dad did this and you know what, I, I’m going to do it differently because that wasn’t right. And you know, not that I mean they did the best they do with what they had. But sometimes you know, as you, as you grow, I have little kids that’ll come in my office and say my mom or dad’s donuts, I don’t know if I do that. And then I’m like communicate that. So if you recognize that as a child and they do, cause I have a lot of children, then you see what I mean? You can recognize it about your own self and your own parents and you can make positive changes at any time in your life. I don’t care how old you are, but you, you don’t have to do, I don’t like the traditional thing. You don’t have to do traditional, you can change it. It’s okay. New things are sometimes better than old things.
Speaker 5: 27:23 Yeah. And it’s from that least lucky source. Cause I’m thinking, I’m not actually sitting at the table per se, but I’m sitting at the kitty table and people may still listen to what I have to say. Right. Children say the darndest things, but maybe everyone else was thinking.
Speaker 3: 27:40 Yeah. So Laura Lang Meyer, are you familiar with her?
Speaker 4: 27:43 Okay.
Speaker 5: 27:43 No. What’s her name again?
Speaker 3: 27:45 Laurel Langmire. She’s a self made millionaire and she always talks about Laurel good table because she couldn’t stand sitting at the little kids table, you know, throughout the holidays and now everybody can come to the big table. So that’s her thing. I mean she, she talks about that all the time. And I agree with that. Like just because that’s the way it was. Do you remember like you know in the, in the old days when when parents would say, you know do as I say not as I do and all those different, you know, affirmation things that they did say. So you don’t have to follow those things. Those were just things that people did generation after generation. But you can break that cycle at any time.
Speaker 5: 28:30 And that’s an excellent segue to my next question because you know, I’m only doing what I know or I’m only doing what I’ve seen and I really can’t think outside that box. And one of the beautiful things in my opinion is the pop up when you go to your site and it’s changed your life with the answers to these five questions. I like to unpack some of those cause I thought they, they stretch the imagination for someone that’s looking to make a change in any area of their life. The first question is what areas of your life are affected by communication? And I want you to talk a little bit about, you talked a little bit about communication, but why is that the first question?
Speaker 3: 29:12 Because as I previously stated, that communication is key in every aspect of do you know how many times in your life? Close your eyes, everybody out there listening, just close your eyes and think about how many conversations you’ve had in your life or someone took you’re wrong. Maybe the way that you said something, I mean people have done it to me. Like what did you, I’m so upset that you said that to me yesterday. Like what do you mean? Or texting people read it the way they want to read it. Like well I you saying you didn’t wave to me or Hey, I saw you yesterday and I, you know, you didn’t wait to meet like almost like you didn’t see me. So it’s how you communicate and most of it is a lack of communication. Sometimes your children are afraid to like, Oh, I know, I don’t know what they’re going to say.
Speaker 3: 29:57 Right. So open the door to let people know it’s okay. As an employer I always said my door is open. I might not like what you say and you may not like what I say. But at least we can talk about it. We can come to a resolution. Communication is absolutely key. You’re your spouse. Think about that. I have a whole chapter in there on relationships and it’s really ironic. I had someone who reached out to me who bought my book and I don’t know them and never heard the name. They come from a different state and said that their marriage was falling apart. They were ready for divorce. And somebody gave them this book and they opened it up and said, Oh my gosh. It was like, maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I didn’t communicate that with my husband. Maybe I need to give it one more try. That made me feel really good. And so sometimes you have to realize lack of communication can cause you so much heartache down the road.
Speaker 5: 30:57 [Inaudible] And when you talk about communication, are you identifying communication styles the way people communicate? Because two parties may think they’re getting a message across. And that’s why we have situation comedies,
Speaker 3: 31:12 All of it. And a lot of it is a nonverbal communication. Your body language. I mean I’ve had corporate people that come in and say that you know, nobody on the, the like in a big plan toward an organization, the workers think that, I mean they, you know, but look how you’re walking through that playing out. You know, your hands in your pockets, your heads down. I mean you have to think like that. It’s not just about how did you communicate? Did you look them in the eye? Did you smile when you talk? Did you have your hands in your pocket? There’s so many forms of communication.
Speaker 5: 31:50 When you talk in 80, what is it? 80 or 80 plus percent is non verbal. Do you go into a, just remember in my own journey reading books in the past or videos and they point out one thing and they point out if their arms are crossed or if they didn’t look at you in the eye. Do you look at one particular thing or are you looking at a combination of, of body language? They, they cross their arms, but then they did give me eye contact. Does that mean something versus someone crossing their arms and giving you eye contact?
Speaker 3: 32:24 It’s absolutely a combination. It’s so funny when I got my pictures taken from my bio pig, one of the ones is me with my arms crossed. You may have seen it on my website and it’s kind of like a Southie look, but I’m smiling. You look at that and my arms are crossed, but I don’t look like, you know that you couldn’t approach me. But if you have your arms crossed and you have them in front of you and you’re more of a, you know, your eyes are, you know, very serious squinting and you know, you, your shoulders are in it, it looks more scary. So even children see that. Like I know even with my own father, like he had a look and it’s like, Oh, kind of moves in because of his body language. He may have been in a really good mood, but I may have, my perception, which is a mental muscle may have perceived that he was in a bad mood. There are times people will look at me and go, Oh my gosh, I was really grouchy. I’m like, no, this isn’t my thinking. Look, you know, cause I don’t have my glasses on and I am thinking. And so when you make a joke like that and you, you can lighten that load, you can lighten that mood as to say, so it’s communication. I just verbalized to you that, Hey, I am approachable. Or Hey, I’m just sassy today. Or Hey, I’m really grouchy today and maybe you can bring me out of that.
Speaker 1: 33:46 Oh, so are you saying that if a woman’s arms are crossed and a guy asked what’s wrong and she says nothing, that’s what she actually means.
Speaker 3: 33:57 Well, not knocking. He’s come with me. You can say that. I just feel kind of Southie today, but see, you didn’t even know me before this interview and you know that I’m just having fun. And so I’m communicating that with you. I’m not saying like, Oh my gosh, you asked me a question, I don’t know the answer or you’re making me go uncomfortable. I’m telling you like, no, this is just the way it is. And that’s what I tell people all the time when I talk about communication is you can say the wrong thing or you can not know the answer and it’s okay. There are times where I go into an interview and I’m like, you know what, I don’t even have any answer for that because I’m honest and no one’s going to think badly of me. And if they do, that’s okay too.
Speaker 1: 34:49 Yeah, I think that’s what I think you’re pointing out past present future and not knowing how things may pan out and on the surface it may not have turned out communication wise, but in the bigger picture, it turned out to be the best situation because of how that maybe an awkward moment or awkward silence or whatever it was at that moment.
Speaker 3: 35:09 Do you see how people read too much into it and make it a horrible thing? Do you ever see like of course have you have on the news where they take something someone said and they blow it completely out of proportion. So why don’t, what if they said something wrong? So what if they tripped? So what if this happened? Like people need to stop being so hard on their selves and on each other to err is human.
Speaker 1: 35:36 And he, I, he’s a
Speaker 3: 35:38 Fan favorite. I, I’ve actually bought him a drink I felt really happy about that is curb your enthusiasm and Larry David, I mean, that’s what that wholesale is about. You’re reading, you’re not reading into something, you are reading into something, you know, and they kind of go back and forth. I think it’s hilarious. Yeah. So people are just, like I said, too hard on herself. [inaudible]
Speaker 1: 36:00 Absolutely. So number two, change your life with answers to these five questions. And number two is how does teaching entitlement, charity and finance issues affect your child’s future? What? Well, let’s go into that a little bit.
Speaker 3: 36:15 Oh, my favorite. I feel like I teach success principles to children and the reason I started writing these books was to start an orphanage. I want to do part of the proceeds to do that because I see that, that I have children who don’t have their biological parents and you can teach success principles. But in of that, I think it’s extremely important to teach children about finance at a young age. I love it. I love the kid preneur idea. I’ve helped children start a business. I helped a young person go through a skillset and figure out what she’s passionate about and it was, they thought it was animals, but it was a being an artist and I bought her a car, how to become a cartoonist and she started building business at 12 I think that’s phenomenal. The three yeses they spend in chair. I think it’s extremely important that we teach our children that you, here’s the money you get. You get to save a portion, you get to spend a portion and you get to share a portion because I believe that you are put here to make a difference in the world. Not just retire and just go have fun, but you should be able to do something to make a difference. And if we instill these things in our children when they’re young, they will be successful adults.
Speaker 1: 37:39 Yeah. It’s kind of a a selfish high, like whenever you have that charity and you’re doing something that’s so dope, that’s feeling that intrinsic feeling, that intrinsic motivation and pun intended. It’s just, I mean it can’t really be measured and to teach that to children, that sense of young age, I mean hats off to you for that initiative.
Speaker 3: 37:57 Thank you. I’m, I take pride in teaching children that
Speaker 1: 38:02 [Inaudible] and so, Hmm, that 12 year old, did they go into number three, what issues can arise from imbalance in your professional and personal life that 12 year old now has this new business and now she doesn’t have time for girl Scouts. So how are you teaching what issues arise from that balance?
Speaker 3: 38:22 She does. She understand that there is a time to make money and to be focused on success and business, but there’s also a time for fun. I don’t care who I have that walks through that, whether it’s a six year old or a 20 year old or a 40 year old and they’re in corporate, whatever business they’re in. The very first thing I make very clear is that you have to have me time. Everybody needs me time, everybody. I think that’s super important and that’s part of that balance.
Speaker 1: 38:56 And number four question is, and mind you, people listening, you can go to life coaching and beyond.com and still pop up and please sign up to her email list. He can give you a ton of information so you can get in touch with her. We’ll give you your, her details at the end of the podcast. But number five is why is time and stress so important?
Speaker 3: 39:20 Because time and stress can be the biggest detriment to you. People don’t realize the importance of stress and what that does or time. And I give many, many, many free things. Talking about how to manage your time better. My, my how to revolution revolutionize your corporate life. There is an entire chapter on time and stress and teaching actually giving you ideas on how to make your day better. How to do things at night that you know, free up time in the morning, what to do when you get to work so that you’re not bombarded with coworkers. All of those things are about time. The stay at home mom and how to do those things, but yet how to have me time and not have to allow stress. I, I ran wide open. I mean one of my businesses was a restaurant and I worked seven days a week, six years straight, three 30 in the morning till 11 o’clock at night.
Speaker 3: 40:21 Never missing a day of work and raising two kids. It was a very difficult time and I realized how detrimental at that that I didn’t even know. I thought, mom, invincible, I can multitask, I can do anything. But later in life, I mean I’m super healthy and I just woke up one day and couldn’t walk. And long story short, it was because my body couldn’t understand why I’m not running at the speed I was back then and the stress almost killed me, but I, I fixed myself. I’m not quite there yet. But through calmness and meditation and gratitude and positive affirmations and all of those types of things, so time and stress is absolutely imperative that you understand it, where it comes from, how to identify it and how to fix it.
Speaker 1: 41:10 Do you feel, you mentioned the meditation and affirmations and you’re saying that it’s important to have that me time. Are you, are you finding in your, in your experience that taking that time to meditate, that you’re actually able to bend time where it doesn’t seem like 60 seconds is a minute and so forth?
Speaker 3: 41:29 Yes. People don’t understand meditation and they think it’s like, Oh, I don’t have time for that. You don’t have time not to. It’s not about anything but clearing and calming your mind. Let some breathing techniques calm yourself down. Like I said, I’m extremely successful person. I’m, I’m happy in my, in my personal life and I could never do it without that calmness. I always say that just as you build a house, you build a foundation, right? You put the bricks and mortar and then you, you put the wood structure on top and it holds, that has to be strong enough to hold the house. Well, mental foundation, that’s meditation, positive affirmation, gratitude and journaling. Those are your mental stats, your month mental foundation. But we’re selfish society. We can’t touch it, feel it, so we don’t want to believe in it or take the time. I am living proof that you need to take the time.
Speaker 5: 42:27 Are you familiar with the book by Louise hay called you can heal your life?
Speaker 3: 42:32 I am familiar with it. I have not read it, but I am familiar with it.
Speaker 5: 42:36 It’s not necessarily a read, there’s different iterations, but it’s, it’s kind of like what you just said. You were, you thinking you’re invincible and then your body will give you a wake up.
Speaker 3: 42:46 Okay.
Speaker 5: 42:47 Or hit us spiritual two by four and it’s in, there’s the associated like spiritual meanings behind it. So with not walking or I can’t talk today or I have laryngitis or whatever, there’s usually a spiritual aspect. So when you said that, that’s what made me think of that book.
Speaker 3: 43:05 Oh good. I’m glad you associated with me with our,
Speaker 5: 43:11 Well, I was also thinking about Steve jobs and I was thinking of others in Silicon Valley where it’s funny, they’re, they’re in technology companies, but they’re, they’re kids are going to school where they don’t have that technology like on purpose. They want to give them that time to meditate or go out and play in the dirt and such because they’re able to bend time and expand their mind to think bigger and greater things as opposed to just wrote basic training that the regular regular children go through at school. So I wanted to get your take on that.
Speaker 3: 43:49 Say that again. I you are heading out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Speaker 5: 43:53 Nope, no problem. It’s really interesting to me. And I wanted to get your take on these technology companies and it’s not new. I’ve heard even heard Steve jobs, like he didn’t want his kids to have iPhones just because of the dopamine drips. And so I wanted to get your take on how the technology companies, they’re kind of do as I say, not as I do or maybe the other way around where their children or they don’t even have they’re not tethered to their technology like others are, even though they created it.
Speaker 3: 44:28 Yes. I think it’s not just about technology. I think it’s about any job that you’re in with your children is let your children do what they want to do. Let them be who they want to be. And if you’re in a position and like the technology and you don’t want your children to be in it if there’s a reason, like, you know, you talked about Steve jobs, I’ve read a lot of articles about how the same thing, like, you know, his thoughts on the iPhone and whatnot is to communicate those things to your children in any job. Like I have a lot of clients who come in and say like, I’m devastated and my child wants to drop out of college. Well college isn’t for everyone. And then they look at me really strange or they don’t want to be a doctor. Well maybe they don’t. Maybe they saw something and how it affected you and, and your family life. So it just, it just depends.
Speaker 5: 45:25 The other thing I wanted to ask you on the other side of that there is this movement of the first things you do when you wake up in the morning, maybe that first hour. And in those circles there are people that they are untethered, where they won’t even pick up the phone, the checkup email. And in many cases, as soon as people wake up, they’re checking their phones before they even brush their teeth. But I wanted to know from an expert personal development person, what’s the first hour of your day like?
Speaker 3: 45:55 Well, there, there, the first part of your day is the most important and the end part of your day is most important. So talk about the part of your day first. I don’t even get out of bed without saying five things I’m grateful for every day and they’re different every single day. Do yourself a gratitude challenge and try this every day. It’s on different and you can’t use your family. We all know you’re, you’re grateful for your loved one, but the reason being it’s five. It makes like there are some people come and go pay you high. I don’t even know what to say and I’m like, what? Because for me it’s so easy. I could sit here and rattle off a thousand things at any point in the day I’m thankful for. But it’s something that that is part of a, like a, the helps you build your mental muscle and when you’re grateful, like you’re going to feel differently, you’re actually going to feel differently and act differently.
Speaker 3: 46:44 A perfect example, when have you ever heard someone say, Hey, there’s 50% chance of sunshine today? No. Wherever you go, they say that 50% into the rain. You know why? Because negative is a dominant emotion and you have to work way harder to make it positive. So pound those five things out every day that you’re grateful for. When I don’t, my facility for my office, I have my lights on a timer. So when I walk in, they top in as you walk into the room. And I love that because it makes me like, Oh so grateful for electricity. No one walks around saying that, but they, they complain if the electric goes out. Same thing with water. Like be grateful. It’s a huge, huge thing. Yeah. I think
Speaker 5: 47:30 I’d be remiss if we didn’t add wifi to that list. Okay. Well even on planes, people lose it if the wifi goes out. So
Speaker 3: 47:49 It’s good. Think about that on a plane when they say like, you know, turn your phones off. Turn your life. Nobody does. They just kinda keep rolling with it. And I’m thinking, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 5: 48:01 Yeah. It was one of those where you’re like, Oh, will the plane go down? And so many people kept trying, and I guess I live with Alice Darden, I said a turned that white buy off.
Speaker 5: 48:19 So let me, let me ask you this, cause you’re, you’re talking about a muscle, right? You’re talking about a gratitude challenge. And thanks for that. You said five and the first day I did it, I can only think of one, right? And say now I’m at day 30 and I could, you know, I could do five at ease. And so that goes to number five on your site. How do you stay motive motivated when those around you are not? Because like you said, you’re changing but the people around you are not and now they think you’re weird. How do you respond to that?
Speaker 3: 48:51 They don’t think you’re weird. They don’t know what to do with you. And as you change and they change it’s so funny for how many people are around me. And when I began to change and be calm cause I wasn’t and be, you know, more grateful and B, they always call me now the positivity queen. But people will, you may lose people in your life when you change. People may not understand it, but the people who are near and dear to your heart, they will make positive changes as you are. It’s so funny how many people say to me like, I know I just can’t be positive like you, but I love being around you. Who wouldn’t? Like being around upbeat, happy, motivated, positive. People try it. People just don’t try it. They say like, Oh yeah, I try to be positive today. It didn’t work. You know? Yes it does work. It does work.
Speaker 5: 49:46 So I have a move of movie trivia question. So your people are happy and I just hate it. Okay. So here’s the 90s. This is a cult classic. And you said people like being around you so much cause they’re always happy. And does that mean that you’d never have a case of the Mondays?
Speaker 3: 50:11 Well, there’s an interesting challenge. The Monday challenge. I’ve tried it a ton of times in my life and normally have failed until now, but it’s, it’s my outlook on Mondays and it’s everyone. What’s really is when I go to bed on a Sunday night, I still feel that feeling that I used to have all my life, but then I do this mind thing and positive affirmations where I do my gratitude. I’m really grateful for what happened on the weekend and I look forward, what can I be grateful for today? Like your children, what you need to do. Everybody’s grads. You on Mondays, get your children out of bed and say, listen, let’s do a challenge today. Go to school and try to find something fun when you come home. Let’s talk about what you found and they go to school looking for funds, not negative, not, Oh my gosh, and do the same thing at work. Go to work and think, okay, what happened today? That was positive, but everybody focuses on, Ugh, it’s Monday. There have been studies where people have tried to do newspapers and articles and TV shows to try to get people motivated for Mondays. It really isn’t hard.
Speaker 1: 51:28 Yeah. For business. Yeah. I’d like to get your take too. I think the most productive day is Tuesday or Wednesday just because Monday is over.
Speaker 3: 51:38 But it’s your mindset. You’re, you’re going into Monday thinking it’s Monday, don’t,
Speaker 1: 51:47 Hmm. So you’re what you’re saying or what you’ve done, Peggy, in essence, is you’ve actually stretched a rubber band. You’ve broken out of how I should feel and you’re talking a collective thing because I’m supposed to fill this way on Monday. I’m supposed to feel this way on Easter and we’re supposed to feel this way on Valentine’s day and fill in the blank. But you’re saying you can make up your own rules as to how you’re supposed to feel.
Speaker 3: 52:11 Well, absolutely. Can. Your mind is the most powerful tool that you have. It’s given to you absolutely free and you’re not utilizing it. You can train your mind to do anything. That’s my best thing. I can tell you keep soul searching. You can do it. I don’t care if you have to change your calendar date and look and go, Ooh, Tuesday. So, you know,
Speaker 6: 52:35 [Inaudible]
Speaker 1: 52:36 And let me ask you, because you’re definitely living that, and you mentioned that eight businesses were in there are not all related. It doesn’t sound like, and on as an out, an outsider may say, or they may think this is my one shot and they do that one business and it doesn’t work. You’ve had eight iterations, ms serial entrepreneur. So what, can you talk a little bit about that and mindset and keeping it going?
Speaker 3: 53:02 It wasn’t always easy. People will look at me and say, Oh yeah, what do you know? Because you’re very successful. I wasn’t always, those businesses were tough. Three of them were restaurants, which is the toughest business, you know? It, it, it wasn’t easy. I raised two kids by myself and no child support. You know, I’ve had people, my life savings. I’ve my sister killed herself. My dad died a horrible death, tore my family apart. And there was a time where I made minimum wage and walked into a store, do toothpaste. You’re on, which one do you get? So I never give up. I always knew that this was my dream. I’m all about vision boards and visualization and imagination and what, what you want is what you place on the screen in your mind and don’t ever stop and don’t ever give up. [inaudible]
Speaker 1: 53:57 And you said you sound a lot like a friend of mine and I always, she always lasts because I told her that she, she’s proven that Hollywood doesn’t exist. And the reason why I say that, long story short is she had run a business or she inherited a business and they grew the business, they sold the business, had the pile of money. Yet she said the seven o’clock breakfast meeting with me in a a group meeting and I’m like, why are you here? Like you made the bag of money. I thought you were going to ride off to the sunset. And she was like, no, this is what I love to do. That’s why I’m here. And I’m feeling that same sentiment with you.
Speaker 3: 54:33 Yeah. Don’t stop. Find your dream. Find your goal. It doesn’t mean you have to own multiple businesses. You even have to own a business, but you have to have a dream. You have to have a goal. Don’t ever, ever give up on your goal. It can happen. You may not know what you need, but you need resources. And if you don’t have them, go to somebody who does, you know, people and people know. People don’t ever give up on your dream.
Speaker 1: 55:00 Yeah. I think that the biggest takeaway is people know people and you have no idea who they know. And that I think that’s it makes me think of two documentaries. I don’t know. You wouldn’t have balance from work life balance. So two I’d like to recommend to you, if you haven’t seen them, are the men who built America. Have you seen that? I have not. The, both of these are on Amazon. It’s about the after, it’s during reconstruction. So the men who built America is talking about Rockefeller and Carnegie and those guys. And then the second one is the food that built America. And it’s a little bit later, but they talk about Heinz and dr Kellogg and Coca-Cola and how they started. And a lot of those stories are just like you said we deal with everything day to day. We’re taking these small steps and most people only see the, the, the end story where the businesses have success. They don’t see all of the the faith that’s needed to keep those things afloat. So I think you’ll like both of those.
Speaker 3: 56:07 Well, thank you.
Speaker 1: 56:08 Absolutely. Absolutely. And so it doesn’t sound like, I know this just came out and I’m sure people do that. It’s kinda like the the Superbowl. Once you win the super bowl, what are you going to do next to win? The next thing we’re balling. You’re like, I just won the Superbowl. So are you going to, are you going to go out on the road to promote the book or are you working on a fifth book? Like what’s currently going on in the wheelhouse?
Speaker 3: 56:33 I always have something going on. I absolutely am booked for some speaking engagements and things of that sort. But I just like staying low key and I love my clients. I love what I do and I love my life.
Speaker 1: 56:48 Awesome. Awesome. And for corporate, is that corporate just in your neck of the woods, that national, do you have a preference for just corporate or do you balance that with one-on-one for people that may want to get in touch with you listening to this?
Speaker 3: 57:02 I do both. So I do travel for corporate. I have the retreat center here in Pennsylvania and I do a lot of one-on-one and I can, I Skype people from around the world. So if people, you know, don’t have to come to me, you can always do it by Skype.
Speaker 1: 57:23 Awesome. And you said Pennsylvania. So does that mean Steelers or Eagles?
Speaker 3: 57:30 Oh, you had to bring up boards, didn’t you?
Speaker 1: 57:35 Okay.
Speaker 3: 57:37 Okay.
Speaker 1: 57:37 Oh, how did that happen?
Speaker 3: 57:40 I know, but I, I love all of the other, like I love the huge penguins fan and a pirate fan. I’m just going to Cowboys football.
Speaker 1: 57:49 Gotcha, gotcha. I’m originally from South Jersey, so I bleed green. That’s what I was asking. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: 58:01 Between the feelers and Eagles. I picked the Eagles though.
Speaker 1: 58:04 There you go. Now we’re talking, now we’re talking and I can’t believe it. This always happens, but we are at the top of the hour and we didn’t give out your website. We’ll talk again about take the first shot, strategies to fire you up and change your life. But where can they get those? You’re it’s the fourth book in your series. So where can they get all of your books and how can they get in touch with you to get additional information?
Speaker 3: 58:28 Well, of course, Amazon for sure, and there are many online bookstores but life coaching and beyond.com is my website and all the information is there and there’s a lot of free free information on there.
Speaker 1: 58:43 Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Well, you have just been attuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective. This is Hamza and Peggy. It was a pleasure speaking with you. Let’s stay in touch.
Speaker 3: 58:57 Absolutely. It was fun. Thank you so much.