Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon, everybody out there in podcast land. You are tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homie’s perspective. This is Hamza. And before we get started, I guess I should say a little moment of silence for all of those college students that are kicking and screaming they thought they can run away in the in the virus wouldn’t follow them, and now they got to come back home. What the do I know what we can do? We can have an author on here today. Her latest book is Tiger’s love bubble bath and obsession perfume. Who knew and why does that apply to our college students? Well, I think you will, it would definitely behoove you to listen to this podcast because we’re going to talk about having a hobby or two is good advice for living a happier life. And it could also Be life saving. And it may lead you to your next phase in life that you do not know about. And how do I know so much about this? I think that I could be living proof. But I think our author is living proof as well. Before the podcast started, there were a lot of similarities that we established. And I think you’re going to definitely enjoy her for the next hour. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome Mary Saverese to the podcast. Welcome, Mary.
Thank you so much. It is truly my pleasure to be here and what a wonderful introduction. Thank you so much.
Absolutely. And did that resonate like? You know, me for my personal story, I’ve been in the I was in the Big Brother Big Sister program for 10 years. And my little graduated from high school early because of Corona this year and went away to school. And now he’s kicking and screaming like both of the college Students around the country because they got to come back home. And we find ourselves I guess the biggest joke that I learned was if you want to make plans, you want to make God laugh, make plans. And I think they’re falling into that. And I think that you have some similarities in your timeline as well.
As Yes, I do. And I know perfect timing for these college students. On the other side of the coin is the parents perspective, which is what I had experienced several years ago when my youngest, was ready to graduate but she wasn’t at the point of graduating yet. She was at the point of beginning her senior year. And where I say a hobby could save your life. I as the parent was going through Some very deep emotional times in my life then, because I was becoming that empty nester, and I’m going to throw something shocking out there. What I learned from my own personal experience and it was truly a journey Hamza. I can look back today and say I’m so happy I took this journey, but at the time, it wasn’t that easy. So what I’m going to throw out there to your audiences, as you become an empty nester, what I want you to think about is to sooner than later to accept the fact that your family unit is dead. Did everybody hear that? Your family unit is dead. Now let me explain what I mean by that. We tend to think of our children as Possibly still those toddlers, those babies, those teenagers, right. And at that point in their life, they are young adults and they are ready to fly the coop, but we’re not ready to let them go yet. And subconsciously, I had not arrived at that point yet in letting you know, my child go and I still looked at her as my baby. And I think because of that I experienced, so it was a very, very difficult time. And during that time, it was, at the time I was doing a substantial amount of writing but I had not been published as an author yet. So you can still call it a hobby. You want to think of yourself as an author, and my writing really helped save my life.
I want to ask you about when you explain that empty nester. And I want to ask you about, I want to ask you about whoopsies. Because there is a phenomena of whoopsies wound in when you do the timeline, you find out that their older sibling is about to graduate from high school. And so the parents are like, we don’t want to be empty nesters and whoops, we’re pregnant again. What do you think of that phenomenon?
Why do I think about that? Well, I I have to think of it wow, you know, things happen for a reason. And I’m just going to look at that
thing happen sometimes, maybe it’s planned, who knows? But yes, there are there are results that really they they just may not want to let go of that feeling of just having the children at home, but you do get to a point. And you realize it’s a great thing. You’ve got to let them go. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think the parents are, it’s going to be a challenge for 2020. I mean, everyone we speak with has some form of challenge. And so I can only imagine or I want to get your take, right? If you can only imagine going through the anxiety of your child leaving, and then 2020 happens. And so they go away, but then three weeks later, they’re back like, is that from a parent’s perspective? Is that a good thing?
It depends who the parent is. And I’ve been speaking to some of my friends, and some of them are extremely happy to have them back home, whereas the other parent is like, Are you kidding me? Not a good thing because basically, you Do want them to leave and to grow up? You know, that is the bottom line to have their own experiences, not to have our experiences. But but ya know, there were some parents that enjoy having them back. And I’m not just talking about maybe college bound children. I’m talking older than that, who have to come back home.
That’s a really good point that you say that I’m in the process right now of doing an extensive project for our family reunion that was canceled this year. So for next year, right, right, right. But what happens what I’m seeing what I’m finding is that they were that like you were saying, fly the coop. And if there’s no accidents when that child is like, later on in life, they they ultimate We may come back just because of the support network if the wife is going to have kids, and it’s important for the kids to see that family unit, and it seems like we had to go, I mean before of since we’re both in the northeast, there was a time where people kind of lived there their whole lives. And then there was a stretch where people were spread out across the country, it seemed Do you think that we’re going to come back to having a stronger family unit because of what’s happening globally?
I think this virus is bringing families closer together, more so than what we expected. And again, you can you can look at it one way or another, you can look at it as a blessing. And you can look at it again and I’m going back to a friend of mine, who spent the spring with two of her adult daughters who were working out of the house with them. And, I mean, they hadn’t done that since they were together as a family in high school. So, yeah, I mean, but again, you’re dealing with another adult. But I think when we look back and you still there will be a lot of memories, and I’m staying positive. And I’m going to say I think they will be wonderful memories. We may be on top of one another. But with family, as you said, the last decade or longer, everybody’s just been spread around the whole country. This virus has brought us back together one way or another.
Now, being from New York, I have asked this question also, and I always give a shout out to the What is it? 936 the march 2002 babies because the March and April babies because 2002 what happened in 911? Everyone’s like oh my goodness is so Major, and we’re going to change lives right and oh my goodness, I’m before I was too busy to have kids now we’re going to do it, right. But like the middle of 2002, everybody went back to their regular scheduled program. So while we’re making strides, and 2020 is the proclivity to go back to what you’re used to once once this is over.
I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to anything, anything you write as everything is changing weddings, family get togethers, putting aside things for you know, till next year. You know, sometimes you don’t know it’s really one day at a time, that’s the way you’ve got to look at it. And just try to stay happy and focus. And if you are dealing with what I was dealing with several years ago, and you You have something like as a hobby that brings you joy, that is part of your soul. I think it’s a big help to you in moving forward in your own journey.
I want to I want to chew on this for for a second, because it was brought to my attention when I was doing some family research over the weekend. And so I was speaking with a distant relative that, you know, like a third degree, if you will, from us. And so they had a separate family reunion, and theirs was also cancelled. And I was like, Well, you know, we’re putting information together for 2021. They said they weren’t having there until 2022. Because in 1918, the pandemic lasted two years. So why, say and I actually say it out loud. And I know Governor Cuomo And others across the country. We’re like, it’s gonna be over in two weeks. It’ll be over by the summer, you know, how do you even factor in? I know you said day to day, but if someone shares with you, it would be two years. How do you respond to that?
I understand. I’ll share something with your audience. My oldest son just became engaged. And he said, two years mom, and you know what? I sent him stuff. I said, wonderful. I think it’s becoming second nature to us, you know, were wonderful in adjusting to whatever’s thrown at us. And at this point, I’m thinking two years it’s, it’s far away, but it’s not that far.
Yeah, good point. You did mention that a friend of yours. They have their grown daughters in the house. And there’s been articles of different dynamics, right? They’re no longer the kids. And even in even with spouses since everyone’s working at home, we’re seeing different sides of people, our loved ones that we’ve never seen. Right? Are they really tough at work? And that comes across you like, Who is this person? Are you are you seeing any changes of dynamics in your immediate circle?
Um, no, I hear I do hear complaints. And I do hear wonderful stories. So yeah, because, again, we’re not dealing with that baby or that toddler or that teenager, where you said both, you know, we’re doing it this way. You’re living under my roof. That whole dynamic has changed. You have to have a give and take and respectful relationship at this point because you are all adults. So it’s interesting the circumstances we are finding ourselves in 2020. But again, it’s all a journey. And I it’s a learning experience. And we will look back at this. And we’re going to say, You know what? It was okay.
I agree. And it’s interesting when you said we get, I was taught that it was a spiritual four by four, right? So the universe usually whispers to you, and the more you don’t pay attention than a big bam, right and so, you are an author or author on paper, but it was actually your daughter leaving that kind of push the envelope for you. And for this year, when this first when the pandemic first happened, people were like, oh, we’re gonna be in the house together. Okay, you watched everything on Netflix. Now I don’t have any hobbies like what do I have? How do I speak to this person next to me? So I’m guessing I’m asking how to have a hobby or two. What was it that actually pushed you to like, Oh my goodness, this is really something.
I’m what, what pushed me to, to bring my writing to fruition? Yes, that. Basically, it was a publisher coming back to me, after many, many years of rejections and saying, Mary, we’re interested in your mystery romance with a spiritual twist. And at that point, my hobby which got me through a difficult points in my life, and I’ll explain why because one of the things you deal with when you’re going through a difficult point in your life, you could be dealing with a tremendous amount of anxiety and when you Have this anxiety, you seem to just be concentrating on yourself. One of the benefits of having a soulful hobby, something that makes you want to get up in the morning and just get to that hobby, it will take your mind off of you and your issues. It frees you. And that hobby will then just take wings. And that’s that. It was just a wonderful, Lucky streak at that point. But it took me many years to get there. It didn’t happen overnight, Tom says so my point that I’m trying to make is the hobby of writing for me. And my goal to become a published author really helped me through the difficult time because it took the points of interest of myself away from me, and I could just concentrate on something else that I love to do.
Absolutely. And you did bring up something or you brought up a couple of things, but one of which was an older paradigm of actually waiting for a publisher. And so was it always? Was there always the intention to go the traditional route versus today where there’s so many self published books?
Well, yes, I was hoping and praying for the traditional route to go. And after many, many years of rejections, I just said, Okay, I’m going to try again, I’m going to try and you as an author, you get used to rejection, and you just hopeful for the next for the next one. But I had the book that was published with actually my fourth manuscript. So as I would deal with one rejection after another, I would push that manuscript aside and go to my next idea, but yeah, it’s You are trying the traditional route. And it’s taken many, many years. Absolutely. Now with a self publishing has taken on its own, you know, life force. And there are many successful self publishing authors out there today.
One thing that you that I really liked is that you get used to rejection. And, you know, I guess there is a thing that if it comes too easy, you don’t appreciate it as much. And so if you’re getting a hobby, or establishing one or two are there are they’re not matrices, but are there like landmarks that you have to say as far as goal setting like I need to get this published at six months or a year, and if it’s not like What kept you going by receiving, because when you reach out on your own, you’re going out of your comfort zone, and so You don’t know what the market leaving wanting yet. So what happens in 2020? Or I would say, in my opinion, the last decade or so like, like, since 2008 people are out of their comfort zone and they were used to, you know, go to work, go home workout, go to bed, do the same thing. And now I’m doing something I love, but how did it sounds like different gears emotionally physically? are you dealing with all that as well?
Yeah, um, one of the things that kept me going, is that it riding for me, was part of my soul. I have all these ideas I would keep in my journal and I would say okay, I’d love to start with a title. As you can see my quirky title. For me the quirkier the better. And the joy of just getting up every day and these ideas coming to me and having the hobby doesn’t mean you have to be a writer. If you know what makes you happy. I mean, you can have a hobby being a gardener, you can have a hobby, volunteering. There’s something that gives you this intrinsic joy that just makes you want to get up every day and continue. And sometimes these wonderful hobbies can become a career change for you. And, you know, it’s just I always say it’s written in the stars. So may not be happening today, but it may tomorrow.
One thing that I think is, but I think it’s good too, and I want to get your take on it. You said that you wake up in the morning like just excited. Do you ever go like a nowhere human? But sometimes I think it’s sad that we have to sleep like you’re like although I don’t want to go to sleep. I got so much more Are you going through that sign off? Oh,
well Oh, absolutely. As the published author, there’s I, I would just love to sit and write all day. But in today’s world, you have to be on social media, you have to do tremendous smart amount of marketing. So there’s quite a bit of work involved in in pursuing my hobby. But what I love the most is to come up with a new creative idea and start watching it come to fruition in a manuscript, a novel, and I write fiction. So that’s where my joy lies is where it will take me and what happens when you sit down at my I sit down at my laptop, I’ll write a sentence and you know, the sentence will become a paragraph a paragraph will become a page Then you go on, and before you know it, you may have 30 pages, but your initial idea may be changing along the way, which is exciting, too. So
there’s so many questions I want to ask you about that. The first, first of which I want to ask you an author slash artist, slash entertainer question. And so when you usually see these celebrated authors fill in the blank at later at the end of their careers, right? They you said, your fourth manuscript was the one that was picked up. And so one pushback that I hear from from that ilk in the entertainment industry, is they loved the very beginning because that was their true selves. But once that one book, one song, one movie made it, that’s all that you know, their publisher, their people around them wanted to do, they wanted to rubber stamp it and they weren’t allowed to be as creative. And so I wanted to know are you dealing like we want another Tigers love bubble baths book? Are you getting any of that?
I listen, I’m not at the point where you’re talking about these major, major stars. But I have so many ideas. Yeah. And the Tigers love bubble baths. I mean, as I said, I love to begin with a quirky title. And I have so many manuscripts in me that I’m looking forward to actually getting getting more manuscripts accomplished. Will they be like you don’t know, until you put yourself out there. And I mean, these. When you talk about these very successful people, most of them it didn’t happen overnight. You know, and when it finally does happen to them, it is wonderful, but then they’re on a whole new journey and they have different issues they have to deal with. I’m not there yet. I’m sure Driving for the asset not there yet.
So Mary, are you saying that we’re having this conversation in the future?
I would love to Yes.
No, we’re having it right now in the future.
We’re talking to your future self. And that that brings me to this next question. How much of your book writing is you? And how much is it? You co creating with spirit that’s giving you the inspiration?
How much is with me? Well, what happens when I start developing my characters? And I also have a blog that I started recently, it’s an inspirational journey for writers. It’s called the two minute author. And I’m just at the point I just started a couple weeks ago, character development and what I have learned character development is so very variable. Once you become part of the character, you live the character, but sometimes as they become these characters, you have to go into the mode of how they would act in a situation. So yeah, there were some characters that may have some of my qualities, but they all can’t be that because I may be dull in certain areas exciting and others so you really have to embellish and create and so part of it.
I love that and when you said it’s part of you, do you find again this is probably pre Corona, but did you find that you’re kind of a voyer like when you’re out in at a coffee shop or at the park, that you get inspiration just by what’s around you.
Boy, you hit the nail right on the head Hamza paws, writers and authors. We are Like, I can probably say I’m an introvert and that not that I’m spying on you. But I if I do see something that interests me, I write it in my journal. And I always begin with a title like my title Tigers love bubble baths and obsession perfume. Who knew? It began by me visiting wild reserved in St. Augustine and it’s an old it’s a home for old cat. A big cats, not little cats. We’re talking lions, tigers jaguars that were part of maybe TV shows movies, and they’ve outlived their usefulness and they were brought to this Wilds reserved and it’s they only have a handful of people come through during the week, and the last exhibit was a 600 pound Siberian tiger. girl walking across a plank and jumping into that 16 feet wide by four feet tall of bubbles. It was a bubble bath. This Tiger jumped right in, sat up as though he was looking for drink. And the Templar sprayed obsession, perfume on his tongue. And I stood there in awe. And I went, Oh, my goodness, that is the title of my next manuscript. I have to develop a story around that. So, yeah, we’re always looking and we’re getting ideas. And that’s, that’s really yeah, that’s
it’s funny. I mean, yeah, we get inspiration from everywhere. You know that I think that’s the beauty of life if you have that perception, and I just learned that I mean, prior to us recording I was saying how those in the tri state northeast usually retire in Florida. And I didn’t know the animal kingdom was doing the same thing.
Yeah, well, Florida is obviously this place, the place because this is the reserve in St. Augustine and yet also for the big cast.
So I mean, I mean, this could kind of go all over the place, right? It could be a when I initially read the title, I thought, you know, before knowing about your daughter graduating school, or it could have been she’s graduating school and you remember her when she was little like, she’d love to have the tiger when she took a bubble bath. And she liked the spray of her mom’s perfume. And so that could be a tangent. But how do you go from the inspiration from the title to getting the character development with Tigers love bubble bags.
That point I said, What can I do because As my other manuscripts were in the genre of young adult fantasy adventures, called crossovers, because they would go from younger adults to, you know, crossover into adults. And this was really an adult fiction. So I love the idea of taking something with intrigue, and murder. And I said, I’ve got to work this into this title. And what’s the title actually is, is a metaphor. And for beginning it’s a metaphor for where a captive Tiger was tossed aside before and is now reinventing itself in a bathtub bubbles and my protagonists. Really, I reinvented her life after being tossed aside like an old shoe After being married for 25 years, she begins a new journey in life. And she’s surrounded by one murder after another, and poor thing, guess who becomes the suspect? So, it was wonderful to be writing about murderers and the intrigue and one twist after another. So and really when you finish writing that manuscript, it’s like you birthed it something, you know, I began with this and you’re actually sad. It’s like I lost another child at the end
with that, as well.
So if you come to terms with that, I know on the other side of that, some authors because a book is so popular, I guess it goes back to that rubber stamping, right. They want different versions of it. And so there’s always going to be human frailties. So there’s going to be murdered on To be intrigued, so the tiger always gonna be busy.
Always, always, always busy. I mean, they are such incredible Beautiful Creatures as well. So
I wanted to ask you with usually when you find your passion, right, if you’re by yourself it’s a it’s a journey, but if you’re with others, it’s also a journey. So I wanted to ask you about balance right? So if you had the healer family and you had these other roles, how do people treat you now that you you’ve you’ve thrown yourself into the author world, the literary world and people are like, well, I’ve missed the old you. How do you deal with that? Oh,
well, my I have to tell you, well, my immediate family, my kids, my husband knew my my passion, my hobby and where I wanted to take it, but I did not tell any anyone outside of the family or my friends that I have this hobby of writing, and someday I would love to be a published author. So they were shocked when they heard have I changed? No, I haven’t changed. I’m still the same person that was before. You know, I have now they can see my goals in life. And some of them look at me and I actually had a friend who at one point said, you’re writing books. I didn’t even think you even read a book,
though, because I do like to read but I, my head was always into my laptop to craning. Mm hmm.
But I think your what you just uncovered was a spiritual principle. So I want to get your take on that because there’s one school of thought of you know, this is Your baby, keep it to yourself. And you don’t care what other people think. And then there’s others as I want to tell the whole world and it’s not ready. So then it may take longer because of the yea and nay or naysayers.
Yeah, you you’re going to have family and friends that are going to be very supportive of you others that are going to be jealous of you, and others that are going to say, Don’t even bother. And you know what, listen to your heart. Listen to yourself. And it’s so important, do not give up. I mean, it took me a decade of writing before I was finally published, and always was helped me through that because I knew I had more ideas and I just kept writing because it gave me such joy. But if there’s something that is such a part of you and you think you want to bring it to a different point in your life, golf for it, Don’t listen to anybody. And you. Listen, you’re going to stumble, you’re going to fall, you’re going to have rejection after rejection. But if it’s if it’s your dream, don’t give up on it.
So earlier today, I was watching said guru. Are you familiar with him? No.
He’s great. He’s a guru out of India. And it’s kind of like it feels like a resurgence of the 60s, where, you know, there was this openness. And so this guy, he’s jet setting with Silicon Valley types, Wall Street types in Middle America, like everyone, and in the video today as it relates because there’s no accidents. I’m like, why am I watching this today? Oh, it’s for Mary’s interview later. And he was talking about sin. And the greatest sin that can happen to a human is is to have this joy, this hobby that you love doing. And the universe is going to respond. So when the universe responds and gives you those avenues, and then you don’t take it, that’s the sin. So how do you feel about or I want to get your take on? Everyone has a book inside of them. Everyone has a hobby, everyone has their life path. But when that path is presented to you, and you don’t take it, what’s your take on it?
Oh, I love the point that you hit. Yeah.
Gosh, if it’s, if it’s right in one of you, I have to say, if that path, I mean, it was just thrown at us. I don’t feel that we have to work so hard for everything in our life. Right. So it’s, my gosh, if something would be thrown in front of me. I mean, take you You know, and run with it. But I think most of us have to work so hard to get anywhere to be successful. Right? I mean, how many people is that thrown out? Right?
Mm hmm. Yeah. And it’s, you know that that’s another thing that you were saying about 2020 being great. I hold that same opinion when you look back on it right when we’re going through it, yeah. And, and, and I and I can only I got punched in the stomach. Once when I had my my appendix had burst. And I said it was the male version of I said it was the male version of pregnancy. And so I got punched in the stomach for that. And so, the other punch I would get for what I’m about to say is, when you’re going through labor, you don’t like that point at that time. But when the baby’s born, you really you know, it was worth it. So we’re in that state now. And that’s why I was talking about that sin because I believe self sabotage is a thing. And there there are people that are, I guess the best example is you think of an idea. And then you don’t do anything with it. And six months later, or a year later, you see a commercial about it. What I thought of I thought of that. And so what’s your take on on the universe being abundant, and it’s up for grabs for those that want it?
Yeah, I think it’s, it’s it is hard. You know, why? Because we are afraid of failure. You know, when that can be it many times, you know, you have to take such a risk, maybe with this idea that that you said and you’ll see it six months down the road. But you’ve got to sometimes, you know, what, what I look back and the things that I’ve jumped in head First and not thinking or what is what does it not take first? Right, but head first, sometimes those are the things that have actually worked out for you. Because I mean, I have to think you know what, it’s already been written in stars. So that universe is helping to get you there. Maybe one way or another and you’ll make it there, you’re going to have difficulty you’re going to have joys with it, you know, but usually what keeps us from doing something is your your fear of failure. So if you can just rise to that and maybe start small, you know, take a chance, something small, don’t give up your day job.
Now, one thing that we were talking about before we started, and I said I was a big fan of Louise Hay, and for those from both for unfamiliar With her story is her really big PR big, big, big break the Oprah effect. I think she was like 55 or 57 years old. And so one of your credos is, it’s never too late to start over. So what do you say to the person listening like, well, that’s Mary’s story. I’m filling the blank 7080 6030 somebody at 25 may say it’s too late for me to start. So what do you say to that person of all age groups that have hold that opinion?
Do it, do it, it listen. The key to it is what is going to make you do it your love of this idea, or this hobby, no matter what age you are, jump into it and you know what’s gonna happen if you’re older, you’re going to feel like you’re 30 if you’re 30, you know, start small or whatever, and you know, the joy you’re going to get from accomplishing something. I mean, it truly is unbelievable. When we are handed something, you don’t appreciate it. But when you’ve earned it, boy, does that make a difference. And you’re never too old. I’d love to hear stories about somebody who’s in their 90s and getting their college degree or doing this life is the journey, and you need to live it,
you know? Mm hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely. And for you, you you one thing on your site, you’re talking about what’s God got to do with it and taking a little time with the divine. What does that mean? CLAY?
What does that mean exactly? I believe that each of us and you’ve probably heard this before, so I’m not the first person saying he has the plan for each of us. And I think that plan is to really Something that will give us joy, a life filled with joy. And I truly believe that is what the divine has in store for each one of us. So, if you can rise every day and just, you know, try the the hardest thing and especially at this point in time and you know, people will say what are you kidding with everything that’s going on, you know, if you can find a little positive, you know, you will get your children you know that their innocence, they just blow with that beautiful love and innocence and I think, you know, as we age, we tend to become possibly chromogen you know, and, and we forget that joy, that wonder that all that children have and you know, and I think that the with the divine you’ll have You’ll have helped to I truly believe, you know, in your life’s journey.
Yeah, it’s so the two takeaways that I got from that was, was expressing gratitude. And when you express gratitude, it continues to grow. And so it reminds us of how so much that we have that others may not have like waking up that morning. Right? So there’s countless people that don’t even wake up the next day.
And that’s a great point, Tom. So what you just said, gratitude, gratitude, that’ll make your insight shine out. Yes.
And the other one with the it’s never too late to start over. I mean, it’s kind of a Hollywood cliche now, where there’s an elderly person, and they get this life ending disease, and they have six weeks to live and then they wind up doing their life journey in one Living 20 to 30 years later. Yeah. So it’s like, maybe
that’s all I can say is maybe that was God’s original plan. So,
wow. So you’re saying that’s a four by four moment. That’s that spiritual four by four. Because the other divine story that I love hearing or relaying is a number. I learned about it after. I mean, I’m sure it’s as old as time. But it really resonated with me with Katrina. And when Katrina happened there, you know, all the flooding and stuff in New Orleans. And this guy’s house was flooded and he was on his roof, and a boat came by and they were like, come on, we’ll come and help you and he’s like, no, God’s got me.
You know, you know the rest right? He gets to have it in garland like you Yeah. So
That was a good one. That was a good one.
So I guess my next question is, how do you determine the whispers? So you don’t have to have the spiritual four by four.
How do you determine the whispers? Oh, we all have those whispers. I think again, it’s something that pushes you and may not let you rest. There’s something that is, it’s like a monkey on your back. I need to do this, or I need to do that. And that’s why I think I had said sometimes like anxiety may become your friend in this psych. It’s not when we sing you until you figure it out. And that may just be that whisper within you.
Mm hmm. So let me ask you from a parent’s perspective, you’ve gone through this, right? You’ve gone through this, you have a great story to tell you’re on, you know, the bestsellers list, and you’ve been, you’ve done countless podcasts and you’re a household name. And all this is great. But five years from now, your daughter, or your son is going to drop everything that they were doing because they have this burning desire. How do you support them as a parent, knowing what you’ve gone through, but you want the best for them?
Yeah, you know what I spend my kids. Listen,
go for it.
Go for it. I’ll help you as much as I can. But if you have this dream, I think one of the hardest things you may face As you age, if you don’t go for that dream, you won’t regret it. So I am very, very supportive of them. You have a dream
golf for it.
Absolutely. Thanks for sharing that. Because I think it needs to be. It’s understood. And I think parents, like would think it was understood, but sometimes they’re like, well, I don’t want to I don’t want to let my parents down. Right. And as you said, time flies. And the next thing you know, you’re 95, wishing that you had taken those steps. Right. So I do want to ask him since you know, I love movies, and unfortunately, the movie theaters have been closed. And I’m not going back tomorrow. Because I think tomorrow AMC is charging like 15 cents when they first started. And I’m just like, No, I’m going to wait. But one thing when the trailers start, they only say that silences Golden and I’ve always loved that term. And to some people silence is deadly. So you got to fill that dead air. What’s your take on turning off all of the electrical attachments and just enjoying the silence?
Yeah, well, Hamza I’m sure you know yourself and the society we live in. It is hard to turn off your iPhone and with social media and everything else, but I’ll tell you something. A couple of weeks ago, I was able to turn everything off because where I live, we had the tropical storm that came through and it brought down trees on power wires. So for four days we were born to was that a blessing or what we were not sab TV. Or you know, and you couldn’t charge anything you know in the because of coated. So I would be driving around in my car trying to get a little charge on my phone. So was it great? Yeah, it was a little nerve wracking because you’re wondering, what am I missing? What am I? You need a balance, you need a balance just like everything else in your life. You need to figure out what balance works best for you.
Mm hmm. Absolutely. And I remember in in here in Georgia, we have like, it’s kind of laughable, but we have these snow days where it snows for like one or two inches in the city sets down
in the trees.
everybody laughs and I just had that picture where everyone’s in their driveway with the cars running so they can charge their phones.
Sitting in our cars at the foot of the driveway charging or
here’s the big question. Yes, I think that you’ve come to this conclusion too. But so what did you really miss?
Yeah, you’re right. What did I miss? I missed some TV. You know? Honestly, nothing as long as I knew my kit, everybody was good. And we were fine, new new things. We’re just gonna come back to normal and I guess that’s kind of what we’re dealing with in 2020. You know, everybody scared, you know, you take it day by day, but you’re going to be fine. You know, have faith in yourself, have faith in God, you know, say a little prayer. Everybody will be fine. We we were going to bounce back, you know, and we will have gone on this journey together and I believe we will have learned a lot and hopefully many of us You know, the family will become that much stronger.
Mm hmm. Yeah. The the thing that it read that resonates is the important thing, like you just said. And sometimes I guess that could be that four by four too. Because even though we’re talking about it, just like on pins and needles, trying to imagine another four days off with electricity or anything.
Exactly, it was a good thing that we had sunlight for, you know, 15 hours in the day, but yeah. Again, again, you have to adjust and what are we best? We adjust now.
And from an education standpoint, I guess I always look at it as like a teaching. Like if you had younger kids, you had 15 hours of sunlight, like people didn’t always have laptops or televisions and they went The bed when the sun went down, it’s just kind of to express gratitude again of how life has continued to grow. And it makes you appreciate what you currently have. So yeah, that’s my next question with with with the book out at this time. And usually they’re speaking engagements and flying all over the place like What’s life now? What’s life like now for Mary? Dee are you doing a lot of video chat? I mean, zoom,
just like it is for everybody else. Life is upside down, right? zoom. A lot of book groups. If there’s anything that’s continued, everything is zoom, library group zoom, which is wonderful. You know, it’s a whole new realm, right? My there is. There’s nothing face to face except the unseasonably You’re doing it on zoom. But yeah. Yeah.
Let me ask you the other side of that, because, as I as we compare, right, that’s all we can do. So in 2020, we’re trying to compare to 100 years ago or, you know, so in that same vein, I’m thinking 2008 2009 when the economy was going through its correction. A lot of people didn’t travel and I was a heavy business traveler, and then we found that we save so much money by not traveling. And I know we’re, we’re still human. And we need that human interaction. But are you finding that life is more efficient for me for you because you’re not stuck in an airport and missing your layover.
And so I find that life is more efficient for me. I don’t know it’s, it’s like, it’s certainly not the way it was. I do miss things the way they were. You know where you can Just get on a plane and just fly to a different state and not have to worry about whether you’ll be allowed back in, you know, those are the things that I think we’re finding difficult technology, look how technology has made things have has improved our lives in the sense that where we had to maybe be there physically. Now we can do it via zoom or, you know, on the laptop or Skype or whatever. So, we’re learning this is a learning curve for every one of us comes. Right. And, you know, I don’t give a strength.
Oh, hmm. That’s my last not my last question. But it’s just made me think of turning into a pillar of salt. So how important is it to keep our eyes on the prize and keep moving forward versus Oh, well in the olden days, three months ago, in the olden days, how the So survival of the fittest, it sounds like right now as far as mind state mindset. So is that the best way? Or will the people that that, you know, they miss, they are constantly thinking of the days of yonder? Will they be left in the dust?
Sorry, I missed that. Well, hope you left. If you if you don’t move forward, you mean,
right? Yes, if you don’t move forward.
I think everybody’s everybody’s dealing with this in their way. So I really think in depending on who you are, we’re moving forward, the best way we can, you know, at this point in time.
Yeah. So, I mean, I think that’s the biggest takeaway. You take it one day at a time and like I said before, if it’s written in the stars, then that should keep your, your faith going for sure. So as far as The agenda for next with you have the Tigers love bubble bath and obsession perfume Who knew? Where can we get that and what’s on what’s next for Mary?
Thank you so much. Yeah, please visit my author website which is www dot Mary Kay safmarine.com and that can lead you to where the book is sold in many different venues. You know, I’m in local bookstores and Kindle Hardcover, softcover. And where’s my journey taking me? My journey is taking me to a trilogy,
a young with Dell
trilogy, which is a fantasy adventure called a crossover. So that’s my next adventure. My next journey is to have Have that come to fruition with my publisher.
And that I thought that was my last question. But my other question is with publishers, I know that there is a big push for the young adult niche. And so you seem so comfortable in it is that was it Kismet it? Was that the serendipity that they align perfectly for you?
my I, you know, I’ve always had ideas, always put it on the back burner where you say, you know, don’t wait too long. What was the Kismet for me? putting it on the back burner. I’m going to write a novel. I’m going to write this I’m going to write the novel. And it was the youngest child that years ago that decade ago, when we walked into a bookstore, and she went toward this new category of books titled The genre, the young adult And I kind of walked away, did my thing and came back and I said, Well, what are you reading there? And she looked at me and I knew it wasn’t good. And at that point, I said, Honey, this is not a book for you. Now, younger self spans many ages, okay, you can be looking at 12 to 30 is considered young adult. So at that point, I said, that was the Kismet. I said, I have that idea. And it within a year, I wrote my first manuscript. So that was the spark that got me started and just helps me through life’s journey.
As my I love that point.
I love it. I love it. I think that there’s about three alarm fire right now that everyone should be on alert. There’s so many so many nuggets, right that are around us, and it’s just for us to kind of be aware of And you definitely took it took it by horns and the hobby became a whole new lifestyle for you. So, hats off to you for that.
Thank you when it’s within each one of us, it truly truly is.
And with that you have just been tuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective. This is Hamza Mary’s every It was a pleasure. Let’s definitely stay in touch.
Absolutely, Hamza, this was so enjoyable and I truly truly mean that. Just such a wonderful time you are your wonderful what you do. So it’s definitely you have the gift.
Thank you. Thank you, and maybe we’ll we’ll see each other in St. Augustine at some point.
That would be wonderful.
Take care of Mary.
Thank you. You too. Thank you Hamza.