Wise Sayings About Life Lessons – Golf Round of Your Life

Video Transcript

welcome to intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective podcast where we meet experts from all walks of life to learn their intrinsic motivations so that they can share it with the world what do we have in store today stay tuned to find out more [Music] okay good morning good evening good afternoon everybody out there in podcast land you are in tune to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeless perspective this is Hamza and agnate and today really excited to speak with our guests it is football Sunday and for most people that are interested in football Sunday we like to keep score we like to see you know who’s winning who’s losing the win column the lost column and many people that watch sports kind of do that in life as well what is the win column the lost column and today our guest is the author of the round of life he’s talking about three reasons to give your life a scorecard and so we’re going to look at how our guest talks about how we can keep score is that a good thing is that a bad thing should be a combination of sorts without further adue like to welcome Andre who to the podcast welcome Andre oh hi guys pleasure to be here yes thanks again absolutely thanks for being here on a Sunday we’ve already established that the candle burns on both ends when they can and so we try to make the time to speak with our guests anytime possible so glad you can make it hey you guys make the time for me I’m really excited to be here sure so you know when we talk about sports and I’m a big sports fan David’s a big sports fan and it is Sunday the day after a championship Saturday so for those that watch college sports no it was a bunch of scores that determine if people are going to move on to the to the to the playoff or not or their particular Bowl so you know here in the States there are a lot of times that we keep score and I wanted to talk a little bit about your background and what gave you the impetus to even write a book about keeping a scorecard yeah my background is actually a physical therapist worked for about 20 years in that industry got a little burnt out and it was during that same period where I was playing around with golf with my buddies and one of those days where I just made a decision to to just focus on in laying around and I was more observant of how my plane partners were handling their round and the adversities they were facing and that thought just occurred to me of you know the metaphor to life you know we come upon all sorts of hazards and adversities and challenges in our lives and how do we each respond to that and as I saw them go from bunker to bunker and struggling just to get in the fairway get off the tee box you know the thought just occurred to me hate the we all keep score we’re so focused on our score okay that is that a good thing or a bad thing and that thought just solid eventually into the thought of writing my book my life story because I’ve been through quite an eventful life and it was something I wanted to share the licence and insights that I’ve gained from it and also for my children to leave a legacy behind for them the lessons that I wanted to put down a paper for them that I may not be able to later so it just involved it through the two passions for me Golf and parenting and just in life and just pursue my passion of always wanted to write a book for myself and get published and so I combine all those three into one concept and a lot of the concept at the round of your life came about it’s basically a story of my life using golf as a metaphor to share it I love it I love it and as a self-professed capital S and as in slicer this is I will say that it is really funny a word before the park had started I was talking about when I was in the corporate world we had to take a lot of clients out and you know you do dinner you do a lot of golfing and I went early on I learned the hard way of keeping score where I was so competitive that I actually beat some plants and our best was negatively affected before that time yes it was a and I blame it on Will Ferrel because he said if not first or last it has a grito so for the all the type aides out there obviously I’m bringing publicity but I thought I’d share that with CCA I can probably relate to being a spy so too though I do want to ask you because you know with golf there is a thing and we did I did learn that more so in the business world that you find you really know more about a person by the way that they play golf because like you said it is an individual sport you see how they’re handling the challenges and the triumphs and the headaches and so I’d like for you to talk a little bit about were you able to look into maybe friends colleagues business partners by playing golf with them oh sure yeah there’s a quote I think by P G Wodehouse it’s in my book is called the saying goes to find a man through character play golf with him and there’s been times where you know I’ve seen playing partners use the foot wedge quite liberally and and and you can it you can kind of just gain a sense that if they’re doing that on the golf course they’re going to do that in life as well and it’s just something about that just makes you kind of just lose a little bit of sense of trust for this lack of integrity there now if it’s something you all agree to ahead of time hey you know just like a free drop there and y’all agree to this that’s not a big deal but in a true golf environment and you see a guy cutting corners and cheating breaking the rules like that then you just know it’s a guy that you might not be able to trust in real life and also just just searching their demeanor you know if they take the game so seriously then you wonder how other aspects of their lives they might be affected by just issues that aren’t revealed there that that’s affecting the aspect of their life and so yeah you can definitely tell a lot by a man’s character by playing golf with him for sure I do want to begrudgingly give a shout out to the older men and women out there because young when I was younger and you know strapping young man if you will and I had a terrible I used to play baseball a lot so I had a terrible golf swing because it was a baseball swing and there were a ton of people that were in my age group and we could never understand why the older people were doing so well and may it wasn’t really a strength thing so it really was a trigger for me when you said that and joining around you got more out of your golf game for sure um the wheat was I guess it ties back to the consequence kicking score what you mentioned earlier I do qualified in the intro part of my book that the only reason why anyone should keep score the perspective of their own potential and not use it as something to compare themselves to how other people were doing because if you do that you’re just setting yourself up for four endless misery you know because there’s always going to be people better than you and there’s always gonna be someone that you’re better than so let me get to really the true reason to keep scores to really compare yourself to your own potential in life and so I do qualify that in the early part of my book and back to what you’re saying about the three reasons why a person might want to keep score it’s because you not keeping score you kind of don’t get the proper perspective sometimes you might play a full round of golf and at the end you think you did really really poorly but then you look back in and you look they score and it was better than what you thought because you might have had a better day cutting than you realized or you know you had a lot of saves off the green so that helps to get perspective if I keeping score so that’s one of the main reasons life I share by to keep score absolutely let’s play with some metaphors here of life with sports and keeping score so again this is going to be another begrudging acknowledgement but as in as a gator blood breathing everything fan I do have to acknowledge and give a shout-out to the quarterback of the Alabama elephant yesterday where I think the metaphor of keeping score is a perfect metaphor for his life in that he was the head quarterback he he’s gotten SEC alkyl AIDS in his earlier career and then he was replaced you know by another one like as you said you said some people are better and some people are not and he actually sat on the bench for the whole year and a lot of the experts felt you know with his with his skill set that he would have left and you know truck you know like LeBron take his talents to elsewhere to Miami what have you and he did not and it is a total story of how he you know rose from the ashes to actually beat Georgia yesterday I’d like to get your take on that well you know my wife went to Alabama and so yeah I know right and I went to Ole Miss so you know once a year we always weekend work no work we’re not talking to each other but for the for the most part every other game I do find myself trying trying really hard to pull for her team but you know regarding that Alabama quarterback Jalen Hurd’s I mean I’m just so impressed by him and just his calm cool demeanor and how he just never gave up and he just hung in there and just stayed with the team when he could have transferred and gotten out and it was just so ironic just the way things unfolded there where he pretty much who paid the favor you know last year who’s struggling and and the other chromatic person program came in and saved the championship for him and this year the other guy was the incident came in and save pretty much a chance for them to go to the championship playoffs so you know I’ve got just his demeanor and just away he was able to kind of I think he punch it a step back and got perspective of things and that’s what helped him through this whole trial here was the whole season in and being a good teammate and just so impressed with him and even after the victory it wasn’t all about him if he can see by his his reaction it was pretty much about his team and his teammates and even the other quarterback came up in and and congratulated him so it showed real nice class between the two good sportsmanship and I was so impressed by that but so yes it’s kind of hard to bring up an Alabama win but well well let’s say that since I mean I do we I do live here in Georgia I like living here and all that good stuff will extend a little olive branch in that for the past two years they were ahead of Alabama right like if you’re in king of the mountain of course everyone wants to beat Alabama but in Ryan each instance for the past two years Georgia was ahead and they couldn’t sustain that lead so I’m sure if we’re continuing with the metaphor that they’re keeping score what would you suggest to those guys that were so close to kissing the Sun and got burned well that’s a great question you know as far as keeping score on a full forcing for a single what I would say toes you know keep this work for a single game versus give keeping score for overall round of life you know lots of times you have a bad hole where you quadruple word or worst score on on a hole but lots of people will get let one bad hole take them down for the day or for the rest of I mean just for an extended period of time and the same thing there with the Georgia game you know they they had they came so close and they lost the game but if they don’t they lose perspectives that pays it’s a long journey and it’s just not not just one game then it might affect them into the next game for example because I don’t think they’re still fully out of the playoff the way they played and so that’s the metaphor that I would apply to the foreground lots of times you wake up and for me let’s say my kids are having a rough time getting out of bed and it’s just a rough ring and I can allow those little moments to affect the rest of my day and say oh man I got off to a bogey start you know and just continue to spiral my round down down here and let let that bad start affect the rest of my day but if I keep perspectives I hate it’s a long round I have 18 holes to play itself long day I have lots of opportunities left to turn it around and not just let one bad start affect that then I can get proper perspective and really termite it around and then just refocus and I think that’s the same metaphor in response to your question about how they can apply that helped overcome this defeat and is it as a gut-wrenching defeat for sure but unless you really keep focus of the overall big picture perspective that hey they’re still not out of it yet they played well sure they made mistakes but I think hopefully they’ll get another opportunity you know so that’s that’s how I would encourage those guys to apply that metaphor to that game sure and the other game afterwards and I’m a big fan of Ohio State just because their coach was was the Gators Coates before he went to Ohio State and earlier my Urban Meyer and when you’re keeping score you know they lost one game and they they’ve won back-to-back championship conference games just like Alabama so in the argument is should they be considered and they’re obviously keeping score of you know we should still be at the dance I mean that quarterback I mean if he doesn’t win the Heisman Trophy after last night’s game 500 points five hundred yards and passing you know all these are scores that I guess listen especially as men that we use to merit work yeah that’s a great point too is that you can really use the scorecard to your advantage or disadvantage based on your perspective and that’s one of the points in my book where you know if I apply the scorn concept of around my life of the metaphor I am right now forty seven years old so I am in the early parts of my 11 whole but I saw what my book is I break down a person’s life span that current average life span in the United which is about 80 years old so the first 40 years I break into the front nine and the last 40 years I’m breaking it up into the back nine and based on that system I can finish my tempo I’m on my 11th hole and for most people they can look at it as a midlife crisis as you know if they have a negative perspective person say wow my life is more than half over if take that 80 year old eighty years as an average lifespan and they get into a in a panic if you will and say wow what have I done with my life and it’s almost over and all these negatives midlife crisis and do some thoughts but on the flip side if you take it with a more optimistic perspective and say wow you know I still have almost half a round left or more to do something and turn things around and not left front nine you find me and Who I am on my scorecard and so just the attitude if you will in the fact that you use to either empower you or limit you can really make a big difference on how you perform for the rest of you around and that’s one of the main reasons I encourage people to keep a score because number one it gives them proper perspective in and in insight unless you go through each and every hole and give yourself a scorecard you really don’t know how well or how poorly you’ve done and if you don’t know where you’re where you’ve been and how you performed it’s hard to form a game plan moving forward and say hey what have I done well what’s gone right what bitch would have I made so I can continue to make more of those good choices versus hey what what have I done wrong what bad decisions that I made and if they’re a common theme that I keep that keeps returning the same type of bad choices bad decisions in life so I can avoid making more of those decisions and bad choices for the remaining part of my round and so that’s one of the helpful things will keep on a scar try to gives that kind of 40,000 sky view a perspective of your life and year-round and once you can break it down in that manner hole by hole again you can kind of see where your strengths and weaknesses are and look back and getting some personal lessons for yourself that you can apply and say hey this is a lesson I learned so I don’t make the same mistake again or this is no less learned that fate is what I need to continue doing keep focusing on to really to make the most of my remaining round so the third thing the third reason why you want to keep it scorecards it by applying the first two steps there that I just mentioned it gives you a chance to come up with a strategy to really make the most of your the rest of your round so that’s that’s a powerful way to really be your life if you will used in a scorecard method in straight out that that I proposed in my book and since you are a golfer I mean we’d be remiss if we didn’t talk about the greatest comeback this year with Tiger winning a major and yes after many years of being counted out it fits into your three reasons as to you know you had your glory you had your pinnacle you had your valley and now you’re back in the pinnacle again what would you say as far I want to get their take on the whole Tiger situation but the other part of that is how are you able to get out of that bunker when you know you’re using all your strokes and you just can’t get out of that bunker of life um a great question my view on tiger you know I know that Tigers a very polarizing figure you either really hate him or you really like him this you know I haven’t met many people that are in between but regardless of where they stand on on the tiger issue I think one thing that you cannot deny is his resilience and in his history his mental strength and overcoming all sorts of adversities in the lobby in his life and as someone you know that I describe him in my book as someone that’s overcome so many personal obstacles and adversities in my life as well I can totally relate and appreciate what Tigers been through and moreover with my background as a physical therapist and dealing with patients that’s gone through back surgeries much less you know one battle back surgery was less 203 that Tigers been through you know I wrote a person wrote him out wrote moss and I said he’s done his career is done there’s no way because I’ve seen patients just struggle just to get out of bed and just struggle to walk much less swing the golf golf club and for him to not just swing but swing at a high level enough to compete and not just compete but to win it’s just the most impressive thing that’s ever seen in my life from a physical and mental combination standpoint and so that’s that’s why I said on Tiger I just really appreciate the journey that he’s been through and the struggle that he’s and your struggles that you faced and still be able to come out on top I don’t think many people can really appreciate and understand what it’s like to live in such a public domain like that what every little aspect of your life is open to the public and scrutinized and analyzed and in deaths I can’t relate to what that is like but I can just understand it just appreciate how tough that must be just you know I’ve golfers go out on the tee box and just standing in front of three of our partners how much pressure and how difficult that can be just to get that first swing off the tee box and hit the fairway with that much less the whole gallery of people much less millions of people on TV watching and my show has you know all sorts of commentators ready to just jump on you you know to beat you down and break down your swing and criticize you so that’s just so impressed with Tiger as far short the second part of your question with when you’re going from bunker to bunker and how to get out of it one thing that I’ve learned is just focus on the next step you know there was this story that that I came across recently about this guy who really had almost like no arms and no legs I forgot his name but he was able to climb Mount Everest and that is just so impressive in the story of how he did it you know when he was close to top and he was ready to give up he just changed his focus and just focus on hey can I take the next step and once he took that next step he’d focus on bait okay can I kick the next up after that you know just focus on the stuff that’s immediately in front of you and so recently you know I got back into I hate running but you know as part of this program that I’m going through I resumed running and at the end of my run when I was about ready to give up some and that’s all I can do I give up I just thought about that guy’s story I wish I remembered his name but the sidewalk that I was running on it had you know is that it had little segments of squares you know and so I just focused on the next square of concrete okay surely I have enough energy and strength and endurance it to run that next square and once I made that mess where I focus on the next square and then the next square and then the next square instead of looking so far ahead and you see where I was overwhelming I still got like another mile to go to reach my goal it’s overwhelming but if I just focus on just that next square then I can do it so same thing with a bunker you don’t don’t worry so much about the overall score and what house is damaging to your scorecard if you focus on that then lose sight of what you need to do to execute that machs shot so when you’re in the bunker just focus on hey okay what do I need to do head down keep stable you know get through the sand and just get that ball up and get the ball up on there and then just focus on that next shot that you gotta execute so that would be my advice so you’re struggling with going through a whole bunch of adversities in your life I would just say hey what’s the next thing that I got to do to just keep going you know whether that next meal I have to prepare the next assignment I have to finish or simply hey I just got to get out of bed and then after that hey let’s just finish brushing my teeth and then next let’s just take a shower let’s just get dressed just focus on that task at hand one step at a time and before you know you’ll have a series of executive wins that can build momentum and help get you to turn your whole world a whole round whole life around pretty much if you just take that mindset that’s why I encourage people now my second part of that question is is some levity because I think it’s a national campaign so I’d like to talk about the dr. pepper commercial and that you know the guy he injured his wrist and he can no longer grill and so the codes tell them you got a you got to pick a new career you can’t grill anymore he’s like but I’ve grilled my whole life what do I do in many you know of course the levity but a lot of people are in those situations linearly where they may be studied to be a doctor their whole I said now they’re at these crossroads because yeah I understand taking that next step but that next step was going to lead me to being a doctor and now that’s off the table I can’t be a doctor anymore in this example so what would you say to someone going through something like that that’s a great question I would say always be flexible as well you know if if let’s say just that same example where where a guy has set all his goals and all his dreams on being a doctor and it and it turns out that he did or high enough on his MCAT or doesn’t have the grades or the other parts of his resume to be competitive to get into medical school you know to to be flexible and realize that hey things happen for a reason it might be a blessing in disguise and most times more often than not I found that to be the case so the worst things that can happen to you can be the best thing to happen to you in your life for me personally one of the worst things that ever happen to me in my life that affected me was being abused by my stepfather I mean it just did a lot of damage to me growing up just killed my self esteem self worse significance I just draw unimportant but now looking back that turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life because you know now having three young children who are currently age of six seven and nine you know one of my biggest passions in life is to be the best parent I can be to them and I know four was founded out in my heart that I would not be the type of parent I am to them today because I’m so proud of connection in the relationship I have with them because I’ve been so passionate moving up and acquiring as many parenting skills and tools that I can to be the best parent I can be I would not be that type of parent and would not have had that type of Drive where for the abuse that I endured and suffered when I was young and so that’s what I would say to to to people who going through that that times when your dreams and goals or side tractors it may seem like the most damaging crushing thing to happen to you at that time but but you just really have to trust it lots of times in life those type of moments can be a blessing in disguise they can really lead to gifts later on if you just allow yourself to to step back take a big perspective of things and again that’s where keep a scorecard can help mmm Andre let me ask you this so everything you just said how much and I read some of the story of you know your family and and the circumstances when that you know leaving Vietnam and got it’s just hard to imagine especially living here in the United States where we’re you know we’re cusp or not kind of we are just spoiled with everything but and you were Wed three years old when three yeah yeah you do remember any of that the the leaving and being at sea for ten days and all that the most that time period that starts in that time period or from my mother you know missing turrent in recording her stores I did an interview with her about three Christmases ago when she was in the hospital and just really asked her about that time period because I was too young to recall and I encourage people to do that too if you have if you’re lucky enough to have a parent who’s still alive sit down and just make time to interview them about their life their counsel and maybe the time period when you are so young that you don’t have enough memories maybe they’ll tell you stories about you and other family members that you know siblings that that you might have not ever gotten a chance to to to to you hear from them unless you really make an effort to sit down and just record it all so it’s because that’s a gift that you can share for where your children lay and the reason why I bring that up is my mother just passed away last week we buried her last week and it made me appreciate so much more the fact that I did do this because now I have something I can go back on and just play that interview that I had with her and just listen to her stories it’s just something that’s trips so priceless it’s so invaluable if something that I can share with my children later on as well and so again if you are fortunate enough to have a parent still alive you know be sure to do that and just get it take with them a camcorder or phone and just record that interview with them if I take a few minutes for them to just settle down and get comfortable once they get going the story will start start coming out and you’ll get really priceless memories from that I’m not sure if I answered your question on that I got on the end of it yeah yeah I don’t know it’s great and I was kind of leading to I just imagine your life just thinking about what you’re you know your mom I went through and sure the relatives in that decision to to get in you know in a little boat and shrimping boat whatever and you know even in the middle of the night and not knowing what was going to happen I imagine in your lifetime that kind of fueled you in ways or like look I’m not going to complain about this or that this is the strength they had to be able to do this with so much uncertainty I mean how many people just kind of go out and just you know get into a boat onto the ocean and you just have no idea what’s going to week at all just perish maybe it works out I mean I can’t even imagine those some kind of circumstances and the strength to say you know what this is what we got to do and we just got to do it I appreciate you guys giving us about now that there’s a license especially of my mother because you know but if people read my book they’ll see don’t and how much I went through personally but as rough my life has been my mother’s life has probably been that thousand has a rougher I mean it but yet you know here’s a lady that like you said you know she struggling the minute she has been tired from about ten years old on living in a third-world country in Vietnam their war-torn had to leave their their their part of their hometown there in North Vietnam at that time because you know the Communists were taken over and so their whole family picked up and move south to get away from from from the regime of the communist and then when the war escalated you know she lost her first husband which was my father and so that time third enough is can be traumatic on a person and like you said to pick up again after that a few years later and leave the whole country behind in and put all your hopes and dreams into a new country that you don’t even know the language you can’t speak English and you don’t have any vocational skills even to to to make a living for yourself and so to go from that and remarrying another man who ended up being so abusive to her and to me and to her children and then on top of that they eventually put all the this is not in the book but they put all their savings into a shrimp boat only to lose it in a in a storm because they didn’t have the funds to to buy insurance on it and so they locked all their life savings on that and then a few years later working so hard I mean look this is a proud 115-pound lady who was lifting undertown boxes of shrimp you know when they were when they open up their secret store in Alabama there and she worked so hard and then they built rebuilt their life back up and they were able to be successful with their seafood business only to lose it all again and when when their their home was invaded by an intruder shot myself and paralyze her for life and you know just imagine going through all that but that’s only half the story the other half that lost a daughter across the street when she was 12 and got hit and killed by car she had to take her off life support you know fictitious brain dead because branded by the doctors and lose another daughter through when a drunk driver hit and killed her her daughter there and then losing it all again in Hurricane Katrina I mean she’s been through enough to last several lifetimes but yet she always had an optimistic outlook on life and if I can share it real quick the three things that I really stopped helped her endure all those events and tragedies and in her life and still have such a positive outlook and you never saw her complaining about her fate in life but you know the first was her fate she has such a strong faith in God that she the more difficult her life that the more she turned to God for her answers the second was hope she never lost hope even when she was paralyzed five 10 15 years later she still had hope that she could one day walk again he possibilities of going for any type of treatment whether it be acupuncture or chiropractic or you know revisit some sort of new therapy we always supported her on that because she never lost hope and we’d never wanted to take that Hope away from her so that hope kept her going in the third is love I mean she has so much tougher God so much love for her family so much love for others even strangers that she kept praying for who were going through tough times I think those three things that really helped her overcome all these obstacles in her life and she’s a role model for me she is someone I look to and whenever I have a bad day you know I just say hey if my mom can be in the wheelchair and still be happy and still find a way to just have a full physical life and a positive outlook an attitude then there’s no reason why I can’t overcome whatever issues I’m having for that day as well so I encourage every single person out there to keep that in mind she’s just an inspiration for me you know we’ll say Louise you sorry for your loss too you know know what yeah appreciate but you know when when she died pretty suddenly of an aneurysm last week and it was a blessing in that she didn’t have to suffer and it’s a blessing in that she was prepared she was ready to go she she told us for years hey if the Lord really take me I’m ready to go at any time and so knowing how much pain is suffering that she’s been through I was at peace on that day she no longer has to suffer even though she never complained about it but I see deep inside that meal it was still crushing for her to overcome all those deaths and all those losses in her life and still be confined to wheelchair but yet more power to fight and be independent in her life and still make the most of it by tisk sharing and spreading love to all those around her and that’s just so inspirational so I was at peace yes I was that peaceful for death and I know she’s in a better place so I’m sure it’s a blessing really absolutely yeah you never know we’re going to cover an intrinsic motivation from a homies perspective and you guys have an amazing podcast I’ve listened some of yours I appreciate it so yeah I appreciate this opportunity as well so I appreciate you guys sure as if just a few more questions were not done yet but I do want to ask I want to get your opinion on there’s this TV show with a he’s a comedian subject-to entertainer it’s called the neighbors and in the neighbors or the neighborhood or something you know they grew up this is the neighborhood that they knew and then they have these new people move in and they’re making light hearted about the subject of gentrification where your identity changes or the identity a community changes and I want to get your opinion of you you didn’t know it but speaking with your mom and knowing about the mother country in Vietnam and then fast forward to 2018 where it’s more of a vacation it’s the destination for tourism and so it’s totally different today but maybe the the identity of the mother country isn’t the same as it once was I wanted to take on that well I had a chance I’ve had a chance to go back twice first time was shortly after high school and to visit my grandmother the second time was a few years later too after she died so no of course I don’t have any memories of the country when I was young but first time I went back it was such a contrast because going to my grandmother’s village you know you can still see a lot of it was kind of like a third world type of environment not much electricity there were no working flushable toilet if you will of course my grandmother was blessed enough to have some my aunt uncle actually built a home that did have some of those things but for the most part the rest of the her neighbors did not have that luxury and then you walk only about a mile down the road and here’s this luxurious Golf Resort monster hotel and it’s such a contrast yeah I hadn’t picked up golf at the time but I still appreciate this that just a luxurious greenness of the course and and in the high-rise hotels and the palm trees and then it’s such a beautiful country and they know it is a positive you know all the tourism aspects of it are being developed there so to really bring out the natural beauty of the country but at the same time you know you walk them all down and just see the contrast of the third-world country and in and that’s one of the things that I would struggle with probably if I were to go back there and play an actual round on a course there because a lot of the caddies there are female caddies and these are Terry’s pride making gosh I don’t even know how much bigger goes nothing you know compared to to other people but they might make maybe a hundred dollars a month total if you will and and these are caddies that you are required to use on the course and so here you are paying $100 around people who are making $100 on much and there these are girls carrying small girls most abilities that nice girls are petite like barely hundred pounds and they’re carrying your heavy soft bags around and and I would struggle playing around on a luxurious course like that that’s something nicer I can do I don’t know I’m sure you have to look at the exploitation and you’re like whoa if that’s an outsider they they don’t even understand how the situation is which kind of leads me to my next question I don’t know if you’re familiar with the podcast family ghosts I know now okay so it’s a really cold podcast on on on iTunes or your other podcast directories I’m sorry you can find it and and it’s more this is a question more so – keeping score so in the family goes there’s you know number of episodes but the one that comes to mind and speaking with you there’s this lady or young I’m gonna season in the late 20s early 30s she’s Vietnamese she’s speaking with her mother and they it was kind of we were talking about contract and she was raised here I think he was even born here in the States and the mother as far as keeping score you know she wanted to have a better life for her in the States but her daughter didn’t have she didn’t have any ties to her ancestry or you know her mother was trying to get her to you know experience going to the mall and things like that that we take for granted here but also have some reverence for a home and so there’s something about second-generation people that come here immigrants second-generation immigrants where they no longer have any ties to their ancestry and with keeping score I wanted to get a take with with you for that subject matter as far as with your kids 6 7 & 9 if they’re out reached – of course yeah these are the great things here in Houston in the United States but you should also know about your history yes and then and I do notice that trend as well that a lot of the younger generation children who are born here don’t have that same level of appreciation for what their parents went through and the sacrifices that they made to give them the opportunities that they have in this great country that we live in and that’s something that I’ve put great pride to and so some of the things that I did growing up you know for my children when they were young was to make sure that we hire a nanny that’s folk only bitna me so that they can learn and become more fluent in our you know in Vietnamese and in our mind native tongue if you will and one of the things that we’re continuing to do is in fact my wife and three children are there right now as we speak every Sunday from 9:00 to 12:00 they drive almost a half hour way to go to a Vietnamese school so that they can retain the language how to read write and speak the language you know even though they were exposed to learn when they were younger with our nanny and this are my parents and my mom and her parents are coming to visit and staying with us frequently hooked so that they can speak and interact in Vietnamese it’s still hard for them to get naturally because English for some reason is an easier language to communicate in in fact my wife and I killing when we communicate is mostly in English even though we’re both living in Vietnamese but we can convey our thought a lot easier more more clarity in English and Vietnamese for some reason but we struggle that ourselves so we understand but at the same time we really making a conscious effort has helped our children retain parts of our culture that we feel are very important to retain that the nine-year-old daughter does struggle that what she doesn’t enjoy going to the school in the class as much as a younger two so we try to find extrinsic ways to motivate her to go right but that that is certainly a struggle for a lot of the parents my age who are having attitude that were born here we do plan a trip to go back to the country in Vietnam depart within the next year or two and I think that will help but I’m not sure I have the perfect answer to that I just know that having a family environment we exposed them to am close grandparents who speak the language and have the food and celebrate the cultural traditions like the Chinese New Year you know and all the rhythm to traditional the traditions that that are unique to your culture I think that’s important as well for them to take pride in that and that’s one way to help retain that I think but at the same time also help them to celebrate and embrace that a business part of your identity as well is American culture that you know being American in an American not to embrace all the wonderful unique strengths and benefits that great century has to offer as well that something to celebrate and embrace and be proud of as well so to have that balance is as I think it was a li a source of strength if you will the round of your life you know it’s a tenth on how it how you choose to look at things and the twists that you put on it whether you see it as a strength or weakness and we try to focus and make it a positive embrace both parts of your culture for both have positive benefits that can really enrich your life so that’s the message that we try to get to our kids Andre is your is your wife is she from Vietnam – she is she’s from Vietnam she came to me when she was seven so a little bit later than I did so she had a little bit of memory back back then but still not much so but yes she is so good it means a descent as well okay so that’s something we have in common you know we can we we share the same coach for same language we throw the same food that’s a big one is the correct pronunciation is it flow or far yes in fact that’s what planning for lunch for today you can never go wrong with having far oh my goodness that’s right that’s right especially cold day right once the fell absolutely it’s like Benny Hill food absolutely yeah a to the Vietnamese girl and we did a reflexology and then after that we’d have four so it was like a perfect day that’s not like a pretty pretty cool idea stay there yeah let me ask you this what I was good actually what the are you what because this Texas five years right there’s one at no matter where they go which restaurants the minute they’re both the hospital the fog comes out they’re grabbing the poison sauce and this eruption that porn it on and then this is right under where you’re going with this I think if I’d be the kind of where I’m at where hey I just taste the broth first and yeah if it’s perfect and it’s you know you then then I don’t need to add anything else to it and I just savor it and just enjoy as if I Corinne of the woody caught a one-in and Heinz 57 on on a steak right people are saying hurry I said you shouldn’t do that right but you’re taking your labor for the steak so that’s I which one are you I’m more of a broth person first so yeah I’ve gone through the newbie where I’m like just try to throw everything on there and I didn’t graduate as much see you’ve got a little bit more refined expressive the eating pot to now then right yes yes awesome that’s awesome yeah I have a technology question for you as far as keeping score and I’m kind of pausing how I asked this question because technology changes so quickly so ten years ago we didn’t have the issues we had today but and I’m thinking with your kids six seven two nine ten years from now it may be a totally different conversation but when you’re looking at keeping score usually with teenagers but you see some adults that are keeping score with social media and so they’re they’re they’re usually influenced by depression if they’re not getting enough interaction like shares or they feel elated so it’s kind of that dopamine and adrenaline is is a superficial and wanted to get your take on people that are are tethered to their to their technology as far as keeping score and how healthy or unhealthy that is yeah I approach to my children as far as social media knows well I go by to put up with time for a child love on time T IME and how I make time to actively engage with them in ways that don’t involve technology as much as possible we’re playing board games all the time we’re out survive riding our bikes playing on the playground and just lots lots of different ways to interact with them where it doesn’t involve social media now the two young partner Facebook and other things but this cool assignments Lassiter school designers do require them to get on some of the apps in gear assignments that probably the extent of what they do how much device term that they do have there are a couple of games that they like so the difference likely and we’re very careful to screen make sure that is then I think included violence and and those other here you’re breaking up Android both are gonna yeah so we try to make sure that there’s things that’s not inappropriate for their age level there and so we always balance that with reading time they earn device time by without with their reading time and we use a star chart to where hey if they do themes that are lovely on what the normal cars are I can redeem those stars for the state interest in the subject next time and so we learn it like that and that’s how we kind of take that balance between technology and one-on-one interaction personal interaction with them but I would say 90% of my interaction with them are her more face-to-face in person it doesn’t any type of technology at all and I’m very proud about yeah good deal good deal and so with your book art did that create a new life for you as far as becoming more of a golf coach or more of a motivational coach or where where has the the creation of the book has it led you in directions you haven’t imagined that you know one of my goals in life is to make as much positive impact on as many people as I can and when I was working karissa physical therapist you know the different sizes make was limited to that patient that one patient that was in front of me at that time whereas with my pull here I can spread my message out far and wise an unlimited number of people at any one given moment and so my my next book that I’ve got coming out is is a children’s book it’s actually a fun book not very serious at all but it’s a fun book for parents to sit down and read to their kids at nine good bonding time with them and so that was what my goals for writing it is just you know it I was inspired by my children I do intend on as they get older I want to write books or at that age level so that I can connect it with them and then I can write a book that will allow other parents who have children that same age they connect with their children along that level and I’ve also had the wonderful opportunity to make appearances inscribe to read my book to children from kindergarten through fourth grade is the H Double R fifth grader sorry and so I see the smiles and the laughter coming out from these kids and that was my heart that one exercise really adds fuel to not try to create and write and inspire and my first book thing of the route of your life the book that were talking about I had a high school principal buy that book at one of my first book signings and a few weeks later he called me up and asked me to do a speech for his teacher’s office FasTrak year before the school season started and I embraced that and it was a wonderful opportunity to do a public speaking engagement and spread the message of you know to the positive message to the teachers and to motivate inspire them to teach with passion with the message cut because my book now I mentioned I made references to how several teachers that I named in there made it such a huge difference in my life at a time when I really needed it so you never know what type of impact you can make on a kid so if you teacher out there listening to this podcast and you see kids in school you never know what they might have that kid might might have been through the night before for me you know my sister nine we were kicked out by my stepfather into the cold freezing night almost half naked walking a mile down the road to my uncle’s house for a refuge you know in the next morning just remember and going to school and acting trying to act normal like nothing happened and so you never know what that person has been through the night before yeah you know if you’re a teacher and the difference if you can make in their life just showing up and being present and just supporting and encourage them and just telling them that hey did you can come true they just work hard and it’s very hard and so that’s that’s the next phase of my life and the type of impact that I’d like to make to people so if they get a chance so my books website is soft brown you’re like calm and all my media appearances are on there all my past interviews and radio interviews and hopefully some excellent to me kind of you know I can add that links into your show on there too oh absolutely yeah it was I think that’s a good way to end it in that not just for teachers just for people listening you never know what anyone’s going through and you have interaction with them so keep that in mind and think of Andre story and think of others that you heard as far as intrinsic motivation because you we are impacting people that you may have never even imagined so it was definitely a pleasure listening to you Andre and talking sports and all that good stuff and keeping score so let’s definitely stay in touch it was a pleasure yes I’m meddling with of yours triple night now I’m catching such a wide variety of topics in issues and it was just a little enacting sona is so cool fantastic well you’ve just been attuned to another episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeless perspective this is Hamza and I’m David I’m Jay let’s stay in touch man that’s SEC here’s got to stick together man for sure here’s thanks again for checking out episode of intrinsic motivation from a homeless perspective podcast please check us out on our website at intrinsic motivation dot life where you can click on the speak pipe button and leave any suggestions for a future podcast that you like us to cover also check us out on our social media sites we have a YouTube channel Facebook page iTunes podcast in addition to stitcher and Google Play all under intrinsic motivation from a homeys perspective check you out next time have a great day

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